Stress in Chosing Bridal Party!!!

[NYCgrl81]

Hi Everyone!

This is my 1st post on PS but I'm hoping for some advice or reassurance!!!

I'm recently engaged, and my fiance and I are in the process of setting up our wedding party. My fiance has LOTS of close friends that he's know most of his life, and wanted to include 7 of his best guy friends as groomsmen. I have a few close friends, but nothing that totals anywhere close to 7

However, my fiance has very close female friends that fall into the same social circle as the 7 guys, and suggested including a few of them in my bridal party. I agreed that this might be a cool idea to even things up, and kick the fun factor up a notch.

My fiance called his entire group of friends this weekend, and everyone seems really excited to be a part of our big day. However, I have secret reservations about this because:

1) I do not know 2 of the 4 bridesmaids very well.

2) I wish I didn't need to have my fiance fill my bridal party...

3) We are having a large wedding (300-ish people) and I would have felt most uncomfortable with extreme uneven-ness.

Asking my fiance to reduce his guys was not an option - It has to be all of them, or just a best man. He wouldn't have been happy with just a best man, although he would have gone along with it if I'd pushed for it.

Anyway, I'm worried that I've made a big mistake including my fiance's female friends - mainly because I worry how others perceive this... Is this a normal occurance? I've heard of including fiance's relatives, but not friends...

A part of me thinks this will be a great opportunity to get to know my fiance's close friends better, but another part of me can't get past the self-pity..

Never thought wedding planning would be so stressful...

 

[jaz464]

For me, the wedding party should be made up of the most important people in your life. I would never choose people just to have them fill an empty spot. It takes away from the specialness for the people that really are important to you by giving the part to people you don''t know or like well. I would feel kind of bad if my best friend honored me by asking me to be a BM and then asked some other girl she barely knew and gave her the same role as me.

 

[NYCgrl81]

I completely agree.

However, these girls are close to my fiance which adds to the confusion on what's appropriate and what's not. We all hang together a lot, and my fiance thinks I'm crazy for over-thinking this but I'm a worrier and over-analyzer to the extreme.

 

[jaz464]

If they are close to him, they should be on his side not yours.

 

[Fancy605]

I don''t think it''s too odd to ask your fiance''s friends to be your bridesmaids. I was in a wedding once because one of my dear male cousins got married, and his wife asked me to be b/c it was important to him--and I get along really well with her anyway.

The only thing that could make it a bad decision is if you aren''t comfortable with them being there with you for the entire day.

 

[mia15]

Sometimes, it''s a group dynamics thing as well. You could have a group of close friends who don''t necessarily interact that festively with each other, especially with a number as large as seven.

Do you live in the same town? Do you think that your girlfriends would mesh well with some of his?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Can you have some of his GMs ushers instead? Don''t feel the need to "even" up the sides. There was a similar thread on here about that recently. If you feel uncomfortable its not okay. This is your wedding so you need to do what both you and your FI want. That being said I don''t think there is anything wrong with using some of his female friends because they are important to him. Is there a way to get to know them before before the wedding?

 

[NYCgrl81]

Thanks for the feedback!

My fiance and I both feel comfortable with our choices, but I tend to second guess every major decision so far with the wedding. A lot of the problem is that our parents are tightly controlling the wedding, and are more concerned with the appearance of the wedding rather than our feelings. I'm a nervous wreck, and my fiance just can't care anymore. The pressure to have everything the way it SHOULD be is overwhelming.

I'm not worried about the attendant dynamics at all - my closest friends are wonderful, friendly, and agreeable. My MOH especially is truely the most awesome, great friend I could ever ask for, and I'm sure she'll do a great job helping me pull everyone together. My fiance's friends are the same - in this sense we are lucky because we've seen a lot of other wedding "friendships" fall apart during the wedding planning phase. (Not to mention bridesmaids secretly bad-mouthing the bride and other bridesmaids in the bathroom during a wedding last year.)

I hate to view his friends as "fillers" because they are in the same tight (yet LARGE) group as my fiance, and they would have been included in the ceremony in one way or another if not bridesmaids. My fiance keeps emphasizing how happy they are that we chose to include them, and how excited they are to be a part of our big day.

I was going back and forth in my mind debating including two other of my technically "close" friends, but I decided that I didn't want them there whether room or not. There was a lot of bad behavior on their part right after I got engaged, and I don't want to bring that into my wedding. This is especially painful because I always envisioned my wedding with them in it.

Tacori - we are actually making our male cousins ushers - his side will then have 10 guys in total (including GM and ushers), 11 including the ring bearer. (We thought this would be a great idea too.) "My" side will be 7, plus 2 flower girls to make 9. To me, this is a LOT of people, but it's what my fiance has envisioned so I'm coming along for the ride.

 

[moremoremore]

I think it''s all good...when my girlfriend got married, her best friend was male. She insisted that he be a groomsman....it wasn''t strange at all...

A good way to "fix" this is to have a dinner/get together with all of you guys so you can get to know the girls more....!

 

[ephemery1]

NYC, I think you made a great decision to include your fiance''s female friends in your bridal party. It sounds like it helps even things out logistically, as well as include some people he cares about. Nothing wrong with that! My bridesmaids are made up of 3 close friends from high school, my cousin, and my fiance''s cousin. I have college and post-college friends I could have included rather than one of the HS friends, but logistically I thought it would make for a better dynamic to just keep it simple and do all HS friends (who are all friends with each other), plus relatives. And I''m thrilled that''s the decision we made! I don''t think it needs to be a big deal at all... just as long as you''re having fun and not stressed out on your wedding day, that''s what''s most important. And it sounds like including those people is going to help with both those aspects. So good decision!

 

[VRBeauty]

I agree with Ephemery -- you and your fiance have come up with a good solution, plus you'll get a head start on getting to know friends a bit better.

 

[kanne]

Ultimately it is all about you two. I think many couples are choosing to alter traditional wedding practices to suit their personalities and lifestyles. Think of it this way - with 14 attendants you will be surrounded by love and maybe even make some new friends!

If you don''t feel 100% comfy with this... maybe your husband 2b could narrow his choices down to 3 and then have the rest of the people do special readings.

 

[fabcrab]

Oh honey, don''t worry so much. I think you should use this time to get closer to your fiance''s female friends.