Stressed: need opinions on Cigar Section at my wedding!

[galvana]

Hi All
Ok, I need to post this because im getting very stressed out. FI and I is a huge cigar enthusiast, Its his hobby, he LOVES them. We have a humidor in our condo bigger than your kitchen fridge, he runs a cigar board with over 200 members and its his passion. He does not smoke that often (MAYBE 1 per weekend) but lately its only been 2 per month.

Now our reception is in a HUGE white tent, holds 400 people. We are having 160 so there is a lot of room. It will be in July and hot so we are going to have all the sides/walls up so there is a good cross breeze, we are also getting 3 industrial size fans for 3 corners to keep the air flowing and people from overheating.

Now since day 1, FI has said he wants a Cigar Smoking section right out side the tent, like right there just not inside the tent, the hotel has agreed to section off with ropes - a small section right outside one corner of the tent - it will have chairs, small tables and ashtrays for him and his buddies to smoke BUT will literally be right outside the tent, so if i am standing in the tent at the edge, i can touch them with my hand.

I am very very worried about our guests and the cigar smoke. FI has a handful of friends that are avid smokers like him. He wants the Cigar section to be open at the start of cocktail hour. Im so worried about this. My grandmother, my guests, his guests and elderly relatives.

What I want is:
1) cigar section to be set up AFTER dinner
2) for the hotel to put the wall/ down of the tent "JUST" at the small area where the cigar section is, so the smoke is not pouring directly into the tent.

FI does not like this and says "he only wants ONE thing for this wedding" - "he only asked to have ONE thing his way since day one and this is it and now im changing it or trying to change it"
He has agreed to change it to do the 2 things i noted above but has said that he is "sacraficing what he wants, the ONLY ONE thing he wants"
He is making me feel terribly guilty about this and i dont know if i am wrong or not???

He says its HIS wedding and he wants this one thing and the guests should be ok. But i know how the majortiy of people hate cigar smoke and i just dont think its right to have it pouring in, even before dinner! AHHHHHHHHHHHH please give me your opinions. im so stressed on this.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

well i am right there with you on this one...

i personally HATE the smell of smoke and without even going into the whole health issue of it, i would be incrediblly annoyed to attend a wedding where i had just spent a decent amount of money on my outfit, hair and makeup only to have it all stinking of smoke before the reception had even started!

I feel that it would be more appropriate to have it later in the evening, after the meal etc, (isn''t that when you are supposed to smoke a cigar?) as i think it could put other guests off of their meals etc.

Perhaps let him have it where he wants it... personally i think it should 100 meters away from the tent, but i think the timing of it is far more pertinent at this point.

 

[neatfreak]

I also hate the smell of smoke-but there must be some middle ground here if it''s something that is really important to your FI. If you will have fans blowing in the tent can''t you face them all towards the cigar section so the smoke is blown away from the tent? That doesn''t seem like it would be too hard to accomplish.

 

[sba771]

I love cigars- that being said- if I were a guest in my fancy dress and not smoking and yet I come out of an event covered in the smell, I would be pretty annoyed. It is his day too- can you maybe give him an amazing cigar related gift that he and his groomsmen can maybe smoke literally at the end of the wedding when guests are pretty much gone. If it were not illegal I would ship you some cohibas...that is one nice perk of living abroad.
I wish I had a better solution, but I agree with you 100%!

 

[galvana]

He wants the section to be there at the start of cocktail hour!~

I simply asked that 1) it be set up after dinner and 2) i can put at least one wall down right there so the smoke is not pouring in

he says he now has to sacrafice the one thing he wants

he has agreed but is making me feel terribly guilty - i wish we had eloped.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

ELOPE!!! DOOOOOOoooooooo it!

ha, this truly isn''t something to get worked up about. The guys smoked cigars at our wedding too, it is a celebratory ritual for men it seems like so if FI wants to do it let him do it....his day too right?

p.s. Did you decide on a w-band?

 

[bee*]

I hate the smell of cigar smoke too but if you have fans it shouldn''t blow into the tent too much. I also think that having them at cocktail hour would be fine-I would have presumed that''s when they would smoke them rather than after dinner when people are full. Personally I''d probably just give him his one thing.

 

[PaulaW]

I think neatfreak has a great idea - I agree with asking the hotel to set up discreet fans blowing the smoke away from the rest of the guests.

 

[galvana]

well the fans are huge fans put in 3 corners of the tent to keep it from getting too hot -

are you suggesting we bring a smaller one to put facing the cigar section to blow the smoke away from the tent?

 

[bee*]

I think that would be a great idea to have a smaller fan blow the smoke away.

 

[meresal]

I agree with you ILPC. I think the cigar section shouldn't be used before dinner if other people are going to be near. Lots of people hate cigar smoke and it could ruin their appetite. You wouldn't want that!

Is their any way that you can put the cigar section on the far side of the tent. Does that make sense? Like if you are having cocktail tables, put the cigar section opposite of that, so that it would be far enough away?

I was at a wine bar last night, and a guy lit up a cigar about 30 feet away, and it made my nose twitch. It's amazing how far that aroma will carry.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/13/2009 9:31:54 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
well the fans are huge fans put in 3 corners of the tent to keep it from getting too hot -


are you suggesting we bring a smaller one to put facing the cigar section to blow the smoke away from the tent?

And are blowing inward/towards the center of the tent correct? So if you don''t put a fan in the corner of the tent with the cigar bar then the OTHER fans will channel air towards that corner and really should keep the smoke away from the tent.

Would your FI be willing to move it a few feet further away if you agree to let him have it? That might be a good compromise in addition to the fans blowing the right way. You can also make sure to seat your older/less accommodating to cigar smoke guests further away from that corner.

 

[iheartscience]

I think your ideas for the cigar section are COMPLETELY reasonable. Cigars being smoked throughout the cocktail hour, dinner and the reception sounds pretty disgusting. Whether you point a fan at the area or not the smell will still get in the tent. I personally think it would be best for the cigar smokers to go somewhere else entirely, and that''s what has always happened at weddings I''ve been at.

Therefore, it seems very reasonable to have your rules in place. I understand your fiance wants his "one thing" and I think your solution sounds like the best way to give him that and keep the rest of your guests happy.

 

[lliang_chi]

use a fan to pull the cigar smoke away from the tent. Problem solved.

 

[galvana]

''

 

[galvana]

ok so it seems some people say move the cigar section away (which FI doesn''t want)
and others say "let him have it, use a fan so blow smoke away"

he wants to section to be right there so the guys are missing anything -

i tired to attach a pic of the tent set up but OF COURSE i can''t do it. lol

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 5/13/2009 10:38:51 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
ok so it seems some people say move the cigar section away (which FI doesn''t want)
and others say ''let him have it, use a fan so blow smoke away''

he wants to section to be right there so the guys are missing anything -

i tired to attach a pic of the tent set up but OF COURSE i can''t do it. lol

i think if it''s important for him to have it close by so no one is missing out then let him have it... but try and get him to agree on having it after dinner, to aviod upsetting the guests with their meals etc.

 

[galvana]

Date: 5/13/2009 9:19:51 AM
Author: iwannaprettyone
ELOPE!!! DOOOOOOoooooooo it!

ha, this truly isn''t something to get worked up about. The guys smoked cigars at our wedding too, it is a celebratory ritual for men it seems like so if FI wants to do it let him do it....his day too right?

p.s. Did you decide on a w-band?

Yes I did. I actually ended up get TWO .79 each, which to my surprise looked great with my ering, i thought .50 would be too big but then i went and tried on and with the .79 eternity band, the stones are the exact same size as the rounds in my band so it works great! I did not get leiberfarb (too pricey) but i got them at Barmakian and they are their custom made rings! im very excited - platinum and pretty!
I can''t wait to post pics, which wont be til after the wedding because im terrible at it!
Anyway, thank you so much for coming to my request and posting your rings 1000 times for me, I

them and they were totally my inspiration!

 

[galvana]

Date: 5/13/2009 10:43:00 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree

Date: 5/13/2009 10:38:51 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
ok so it seems some people say move the cigar section away (which FI doesn''t want)
and others say ''let him have it, use a fan so blow smoke away''

he wants to section to be right there so the guys are missing anything -

i tired to attach a pic of the tent set up but OF COURSE i can''t do it. lol

i think if it''s important for him to have it close by so no one is missing out then let him have it... but try and get him to agree on having it after dinner, to aviod upsetting the guests with their meals etc.

he did agree to having it after dinner but that is when he laid the guilt trip on me that that is the ONE thing he wanted and now im changing it.

again, i wish i had ELOPED! LOL seriously! we should warn all brides to be! ELOPE ! ELOPE! ELOP!

LOL

 

[meresal]

Date: 5/13/2009 10:38:51 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
ok so it seems some people say move the cigar section away (which FI doesn't want)
and others say 'let him have it, use a fan so blow smoke away'

he wants to section to be right there so the guys are missing anything -

i tired to attach a pic of the tent set up but OF COURSE i can't do it. lol

This totally reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachel takes up smoking because she misses out on key conversations that her boss has with a co-workers on smoke breaks.

I think he is being selfish. If you decide to smoke, yes I know it's cigars, but you need to be respectful of everyone around you and deal with the fact that you might miss something. To be honest, if I was trying to enjoy a cigar, the last thing I would want is a huge fan blowing in my face. Have you asked him about this?
I think the compromise should be that the cigars don't get lit until after dinner, if he wants it to be right there next to everyone.

ETA: Just read your most recent post... and tell him to take his guilt trip and shove it

 

[galvana]

yup he is very good at the guilt. last night he''s like honey - i have agreed to change things, meaning (he''s agreed to let it be open AFTER dinner)
then he says " it just sucks that the ONE thing i want has to be changed "

BLAH BLAH BLAH - ughhhh

stupid wedding!

 

[meresal]

Date: 5/13/2009 10:55:22 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
yup he is very good at the guilt. last night he''s like honey - i have agreed to change things, meaning (he''s agreed to let it be open AFTER dinner)
then he says '' it just sucks that the ONE thing i want has to be changed ''

BLAH BLAH BLAH - ughhhh

stupid wedding!

My reply would be... "Well if you were more involved, it wouldn''t be your ONLY thing.

"

 

[lliang_chi]

I think you can have a fan pull the smoke away from the tent area. So you''re not blowing a fan in the cigar smoker''s face, but pulling the smoke away, hope this makes sense. Don''t fall for the guilt trip, just say it''s a compromise.

 

[galvana]

I hope all of you that have responded so far......read this one! I forgot to mention and i was thinking about this last night while he was "laying the guilt on"

I have secretly stolen one of his favorite cigar boxes and brought it to our bakery lady making our wedding cake! She is Custom Making him a SURPRISE
"Cigar Cake" as a groom''s cake for the reception!

He does NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT! after we cut our cake, im going to have the dj announce that we have one more cake to see! and then they''ll bring it out!
He will die! we will cut a small piece of it to feed eachother and then it will be there for all his buddies and everyone else to see.

I am really excited about this because she is going to make it identical to the box i brought, and she''ll do cigars out of it too with identical labels to the ones he usually smokes!

wont he feel like a BIG BOOB THEN! LOL hehehhehehehhe

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Please post pics! (of your w-rings not of the cigars)

You're welcome....

 

[mayachel]

It is his wedding....that''s why his plan to have a cigar bar set up was approved. HOWEVER it is everyone''s air space, and they did not all agree to breathing in smoke for 5 hours. I think putting down the wall of tent directly behind it, while still being open around is a very smart idea. If this can''t be agreed to, maybe it means a couple of large (read:not industrial) box fans can be set on a thin table as a pseudo "wall" to blow the smoke towards the outside air?

 

[katamari]

What do your families think about it? It might be better to have the parents on your side. This sounds like something my mom would nip in the bud immediately. Do you want me to send her over?

Oh, and I second the ring pics request! I am thinking about doing two eternities, too, and I want all the eye candy I can get!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 5/13/2009 11:29:30 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 5/13/2009 10:55:22 AM

Author: iloveprincesscuts

yup he is very good at the guilt. last night he''s like honey - i have agreed to change things, meaning (he''s agreed to let it be open AFTER dinner)

then he says '' it just sucks that the ONE thing i want has to be changed ''


BLAH BLAH BLAH - ughhhh

stupid wedding!

My reply would be... ''Well if you were more involved, it wouldn''t be your ONLY thing.

''

Ummm... all I gotta say is... Ditto!

Mere hit the nail on the head with this one

I know you''d love to give your FI the *one* thing he wants, but, I''m 100000% with you- cigar smoke before a meal is nasty. Ask them to walk and smoke, away form the tent.

He''s ignoring that some people may have legit health concerns or allergies that would be greatly affected by the smoke.

I''m glad to hear that he''s willing to wait until after dinner. Don''t let him guilt ya too much

Brides don''t get EVERYTHING they want... Heck, i had to settle for a less-than world-class venue, no floral centerpieces, no custom dance floor

Haha... I mean, this is somewhat in jest, but tell him to cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

You''re not asking that cigar smoking be eliminated all-together- you''re just keeping GUESTS in mind. And while you''re the starlet of the day, you''re also playing hostess.

 

[honey22]

I realise that your FI has only asked for one thing, but that one thing will severly impact on the experience of the other guests. I think you would need to come up with a compromise, to get the smokers further away from your guests and a fan to dispel the smoke. I would be incredibly annoyed if I went to a wedding and just when the food started coming up, people were lighting up cigars.

And really, do you and your FI want a whole group of people outside and seggregated from the rest of the party? In my experience, it''s hard to get smokers back inside to a celebration, especially when smoking is encouraged. They tend to spend ages outside being unsociable. Smoking just isn''t socially acceptable anymore. Why encourage your guests to be separated from the party?

 

[galvana]

Thank you for all the responses ladies. I talked to FI last night and he apologized for his snippy-guilt comments. He suggested we go to the site once the tent gets put up (Memorial Day weekend) and do a good walkthrough right before a wedding occurs, so we can really "see" the set up, the tables and location of everything - and then we''ll go from there.

So that is good, I have also been thinking it over and with your responses and some assistance from a bridesmaid and her hubby - i think im getting a bit closer to being ok with it.

One good point brought up to me last night was the tent is SOOO big. that during cocktail hour all the guests will be at the side of the tent with bar/food which is opposite to where cigar section is outside of ten.

god i wish i had picture posting abilities or i''d show you a quick sketch of tent set up so you can see.