Stressed Out- Venting, super long

[AmberWaves]

Hey everyone! Hope you''re all doing well on this lovely Friday. I am stressed out. I''m not even planning the wedding yet and we''re already conflicting. I got an email from my cousin telling me that I need to try to make amends with an aunt of mine. She''s also getting married, this year, next year, I dunno. I guess that shows you how well we don''t get along.

She''s my father''s younger sister, very bossy, and very much the bully. Over a year ago she tried to make my Dad move out of his house (family owned property- one of three), that my grandma had bought specifically for OUR family to keep in our family (meaning my brother and I to keep). She was trying to convince him that if he moved out, they could rent it to someone else, and he could make more money living somewhere else, and getting rent from this house. Meaning, the rent would go to her, as well, since it''s a family trust. AND, she''s not the trustee, my oldest aunt is. She was doing this so they would vote her out of the trust, and give her her "share" of the trust, since she has no children, unlike my dad and other aunt. I didn''t agree with her, and told my Dad that I was done with her- this is after she accused my brother of STEALING from my grandma''s house when she had passed away. My (younger) aunt had thrown a yard sale with all of my grandma''s belongings, and didn''t tell us about it. When my Dad found out, he and my brother went over to see what was up, and to help, if it was kosher. Well, in front of my dad, she told my brother to stop stealing things, and go home.

So he ended it with her almost 10 years ago, and she still claims he lies when anyone brings it up. Anyway, so my cousin is on me to go ask for forgiveness, even though my aunt had told her that when my fiance and I "need money, THEN I''ll be her aunt".

Anyway, so there''s that- an aunt I don''t talk to, and other family begging me to suck it up. Also, I''m the only one at work lately, and it''s getting to be too much. I have a lot of pressure on me and I can''t take it! I haven''t had a break in weeks, everyone else is taking vacations, and taking days off, and I am here- from 7-4 with no lunch break. Our weekends are filled to the brim, so I am really working on little sleep. The house is a mess because we''re never home to do anything about it, and when we finally get things together, something else happens. My mom and dad are in Australia for my brother''s wedding, and I want to be there so bad, I haven''t seen my brother in 6 months, and my dad is one of my best friends. Last night some ghosty things happened: my dog''s water and food dish rack (they are connected) jumped, spilling the bowls, tossing them two different places, and the rack flipped over. The dog freaked out, and wouldn''t get off my lap. And then when my fiance went to bed, I stayed up to watch some TV, and a plastic bag willed with papers fell off the table, and my fiance''s to-go cup jumped up and rattled. I got freaked, pried the dog off my lap and put him in his crate for bed, then ran to our bed. Now, this isn''t the first time something spooky happened, for a couple of weeks I''d see a shadow standing over me at the side of the bed, and I always thought it was paul, but he was right next to me! Anyway, I''m just spooked, and this morning I''m a wreck. I have super dark circles, and I''m shaking, and my stomach is twisted. I don''t know if it''s from last night, or if it''s an accumulation of everything. I need a break, and we won''t get one- my fiance is working straight weeks... Sorry for the long rant, I needed to share.

 

[appletini]

*hugs*

I have a similar family situation with an uncle of mine that I had a falling out with. My grandma has begged me to invite him, but really its just to make her feel better. I told her NO and that weddings are happy occassions that should be shared with people that we love and care about and feel the same way for us. Stand your ground on this and do not invite your aunt.

As for work, talk to your boss and insit on breaks or a day off. You are entitled to 2 15 minute breaks a day and at least a 30 minute lunch.

I can''t help in the ghost dept, but try to relax, go get a massage or something. See if you can try to unload some things from your plate.

 

[sosst7]

So sorry to hear about your family situation, I know exactly what you mean (we have something similiar currently going on in my family). Your aunt sounds like a piece of work and needs to acknowledge that she was wrong, I think then and only then could you be able to possibly forgive her (or think about it). It''s hard to forgive someone if they don''t say they are sorry or think what they have done is wrong.

I agree with Appletini, weddings are a joyous occasion and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you and you should stand your ground and not invite your aunt. I know some people may disagree and say family is family, but this is YOUR day, your wedding and you shouldn''t have to deal with anything or anyone unpleasant.

I don''t know what to tell you about the house/ghost situation, is your house an old house? Maybe it''s settling or something like that??

Good luck and hope your day goes better!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Thanks Appletini, it's all just coming on the last few weeks, and I'm not coping well. Blah. I need a break. A real one!

And thanks Sosst, the house is old, but we've moved in last year, and nothing. I dunno, maybe I'm projecting..

I just want to take a vacation. And I don't think I'm going to invite my aunt, the money is tight, and we want to spend it on people who will be glad they're there. The cousin who was begging is my aunt's "favorite" and never hears a bad word about her. She doesn't even believe she said anything like that.

 

[SoonIHope]

Amber, I''m so sorry about all of this!!!! I agree with Appletini that you should hold your ground and not invite your aunt, and demand some time off from work! And I also have no idea what to do about the ghosty things, but that sounds so scary!! It especially spooks me that your dog was weirded out too, since supposedly animals are more in tune with all kinds of weirdness than humans, so that would make me more inclined to think it was something freaky. But still, just try to get some rest and take some time off and relax and DON''T bother reconciling with your aunt!! I''m so sorry you couldn''t go to your brother''s wedding too...but it''ll all be okay, don''t worry! Hugs!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Thanks Albi, I know it''ll just take a little break. But because of last night, I am so tired, and shaking a little bit (dunno what''s up with that), and I''m just so beat! I wish I were in NY, it''d be close to goin'' home time! Yeah, the dog getting weirded out bothered me, too. It''s odd, but whatever, I''m used to it, in a way, just don''t do the rattling thing around me!!

 

[SoonIHope]

Sorrryyyy! Do you have a lot planned for the weekend, or can you maybe cancel some of what you have and just chill? I know I always feel better after a long day of absolutely nothing.

And I hope you stop shaking!!!!!!

Now just gaze lovingly at your engagement ring a while, THAT will calm your nerves!

 

[E B]

Amber,

About your aunt...don''t feel alone. It seems like there''s one in every family. There''s one in mine! She constantly excludes herself from the rest of her family and blames one of us for her anger (it''s usually nothing). She flies off the handle at any moment. She needs medication, but she won''t take it. We all just try to be civil, and ignore the tantrums. If your aunt is a toxic person and clearly out to hurt members of your family, I''d keep things the way they are. Of course, it''s up to you...you know your situation best.

As for the possible ghost...think of it as a cool thing!

Last night, I was watching SATC and after an episode, turned the DVD player off. While washing my face for bed, I heard the music...it''d turned itself on again! Joey said I''d probably forgot to turn it off, but I know I did. Ghost? Maybe....think of how cool it''d actually be, not how scary.

TGIF! Are you able to relax this weekend? If so, rent some DVDs, get some snacks with FI, and just hang out. Get a pedicure, or a haircut, or some bridal mags. Let your body rest for a while. It sounds like it needs it.

 

[Lorelei]

Amber regarding the ghost or spirit, maybe the fraught energy in the house is " enabling" it as you are both stressed out at the moment. You can pray for the spirit to go to the light and to leave your home. If this continues to be a problem and remember they can''t harm you, I don''t know what religion you are but a priest or a minister can come to your home to release it. Also some mediums are successful with persuading a spirit to leave. It is thought that spirit activity can be for attention as they are earthbound, so there are things you can do to send him to his rightful place. Animals are very sensitive to spirit activity, so this is usual by all accounts. Hope this helps.

 

[AmberWaves]

Albi, Ebree, and Lorelei! This weekend we''re going to the renaissance faire (I know, I know, but it''s fun), which should be a break, but then we''re driving right back and going to an Engagment dinner his brother is throwing for us. THEN, on Sunday, Paul has a 6 hour track meet, and I''m going to our nephew''s (whoops, HIS) 3rd birthday party. And we still have to buy a gift sometime in there. Blah. Thank god, tonight is US time. Well, if that includes planning for his meet, and cleaning the house.

Lorelei, the odd thing is, when my fiance lived in his last place, and I stayed the night, there was this little dolphin thing, it was supposed to be battery opperated, that moved in a circle for a while, just going around and around. Well, this one we had gotten started, gave it a push, and it moved for a week straight. Going around and around. It would slow down, and restart. One day we mentioned to each other how odd it was that it was still going, and it stopped moving. Never started again. Then we looked and found out it was empty. No batteries! Odd.

 

[Lorelei]

It's possible Amber that you have a sensitivity to these things and give out an energy which acts like a power source, nothing to worry about. Do you ever feel really depleted and tired without knowing why? Sometimes if we give out that sort of energy we can feel drained if you are sensitive to this sort of thing and it is important to take time out to relax for yourself. There is a lot of things that can't be explained in a rational sense, but everything is energy and like we can't see radio waves they are passing through us all the time and sometimes I think these odd things can happen. I often use my pendant to find things I have mislaid like a dowsing tool ( no I haven't lost it!) and it rarely fails! Also I do animal healing and the more I practise the more strongly I feel the energy passing through my hands, they get quite hot and red at times. I can't seem to do it for humans though!

 

[AmberWaves]

Lorelei, that''s odd you should say that, I was really weak yesterday, it hit me around the time the dish flipped over. Huh, interesting. I''m always losing things, one second my hairbrush is on the table, next thing I know, it''s in the bathroom, and I didn''t move it, and my fiance wasn''t home, so what is up with that? things always go missing, and then when I can barely see straight because I''m so mad about it, I find them! Huh.

 

[akw94]

Amber,
So sorry you''re having a tough time right now. Glad to hear you won''t likely invite the aunt. You should not have to feel obligated to invite someone to *your* wedding. That''s not right and not fair of your cousin to push you like that, regardless of how great her relationship is to the aunt.
It sounds like you definitely need some stress free time! Have a relaxing night and then a great time at the faire and hopefully the dinner will be fun and not stressful!
I definitely agree about trying to take some breaks at work. That is soooo important. You deserve the time for you. As for the odd occurences in your home, I have no idea about that sort of stuff but i''m sure it would make me nervous too. What Lorelei said about giving off an energy makes sense... perhaps since you are so stressed, it''s all coming out of that somehow.

Enjoy your weekend as much as possible!!



*formerly amy94

 

[AmberWaves]

Thanks Dixie (Amy- what happened?)! I really need a break- bad. I''m frothing at the mouth right now because I want to go deposit my paycheck!! Let me out of here!!!

 

[akw94]

Date: 4/28/2006 4:45:55 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Thanks Dixie (Amy- what happened?)! I really need a break- bad. I''m frothing at the mouth right now because I want to go deposit my paycheck!! Let me out of here!!!

Just felt weird having my name out there and searchable...internet paranoia is all. But i''m perfectly fine w/anyone using Amy on PS, just didn''t want it coming up on new topics posted or if my name was searched.
Granted, no reason why anyone would be searching for me on PS, but again, it''s my paranoia.

Enjoy your evening!! Get some rest and relaxation this weekend, if possible.

 

[selflove]

Is there a full moon and it''s friday the 13th or WHAT?! I''m having an awful Friday too.

Sorry to hear about all this stuff Amber!

I wanted to share my "aunt story" with you.

I have an aunt who lives out here in So Cal, my only family out here, and she lives about 50 miles away from my house. We used to get together every couple of months until mid-2001 when she just stopped responding to any of my phone calls, birthday cards, etc. I persisted for about a year and half and finally gave up contacting her and I felt very abandoned, bitter, angry. Saw her once at xmas 2004 at my grandma''s house and I was very cold to her even though she was very warm and friendly at first--by the end of the 24-hour visit I felt emotional drained and she retruned my coldness. So last year when my grandma started guilt-tripping me about inviting her to the wedding I resisted initially. When she finally said "Well then how am I going to get to your wedding if you don''t invite her?" I''d had enough of it. So I sent her a damn save-the-date and decided to let it all fall where it may. I didn''t want her at the wedding but I did want my grandma there and I figured that somehow it would all work out. The my grandma pulled the stunt of all stunts and decided to go to the Catholic wedding in Slovenia instead of coming to LA! Well, to make a long story short, my aunt signed the guestbook on our wedding website a few months ago, I finally resonded last week with an email to her (albeit short and rather lukewarm) and she responded with her own short and lukewarm response.

I don''t know how it will be at the wedding next week but she''s the only family from my dad''s side who will be there so I''m sitting her with my mom and step dad, FI''s parents, and my aunt and uncle from my mom''s side--basically this is the "closest family" table so it''s kind of a guesture of forgiveness I''m giving my aunt, in my own secret or not-so-secret way.

So, Amber, I can relate but I''ve decided to adjust my attitude toward this drama: there''s no escaping family drama...I''m just happy that it''s with a more distant relative and not with my parents or FI''s parents.

And BTW, I never have found out why she stopped communicating with me in 2001!

 

[blodthecat]

Some very good advice has been give above. Anyway, I will give you whatever advice I can...and I will try to keep it simple.

First of all, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. You have not attracted anything bad into you home, and it will definitely not hurt you.

Think of the soul as a ball of energy. It never dies, there is no death for the soul. Every soul is unique, in that it vibrates at a different rate. 'High souls' have a higher vibration and are 'sensitive' to other energy forces.

There are many realms, not just the physical plane we are in now. But we tend to only acknowledge that which we can see and touch...but I can assure you there is much more. I have no idea what your faith or religion is...but faith is important, as everything depends on it.

All you need to do is quite simple. Pray for the soul in you house...in your own words. Pray that it finds peace. The other thing is that you need to find time for yourself, as your stressful state isn't helping. You must find sometime to relax. (very important)

Secondly...and this is SO important. DO NOT engage the help of spiritualists, mediums or any other expert. If you think of the spiritual world being made up of many layers, spiritualists tend to dip into the bottom most layer. Their insight is usually fuzzy, random and vague for this reason, and they often struggle putting it into the right context. And if you don't FULLY understand the what you're tapping into..it is a very, very bad idea. There isn't just the earthly world and the spirit world....it's more complex than that. (I apologise if I have offended any budding spiritualists or mediums)

You don't need to be a church goer to invite a minister round to say prayers with you (if you are comfortable with that). Any prayers said along with yours will help.

You have absolutely nothing at all to worry about. Do not be suprised if in the future you have similar experiences or insight. And.....though it may be difficult at the moment, do what you can to try to bring your stress levels down!

kindest of wishes...blod

 

[kcoursolle]

Hey Amber, Sorry to hear you are all stressed out. Can you call in sick on monday or some other day?? You sound like you deserve a day off whether they give it to you or not. Email or call me if you want to vent. By the way, since I''m always in my apartment alone I get all freaked out about noises too sometimes. I hate that feeling when you are alone and get all freaked out about stuff. Sometimes I have a beer...and that seems to calm me down a bit heehee.

 

[MissAva]

Oh Amber, I am sorry you are having such a rough go of it. But I would not invite your aunt, or for that matter the cousin who is pressuring you. If your aunt comes and acts like a brat it could ruin your big day and if you invite the cousin and not the aunt she will spend the time whining and gossiping about what a ***** you are for not inviting your father''s little sister and what not...I would simply not go there.

Weddings are days meant to be shared by the people who we care about and who care about us, seriously would you even consider inviting her out to 150$ per person meal otherwise?

 

[Rebemdee]

I can''t tell you how happy I was that my brother didn''t come to my wedding. Sure, he isn''t in the photos, but I also didn''t have to put up with him, deal with his selfishness and surly attitude, and I certainly would NOT take my brother out to a $70 dollar lunch, so I''m glad I didn''t spend it on him. Don''t invite people you don''t want there. You will have enough drama without people throwing negative bad awful family dynamics your way.