Symbolic Meaning of an Engagement Ring

[MINE!!]

OK, I know that I am supposed to be patient and realize that marrying the man of my dreams is more important than a ring. I know I will be getting a ring as well. But, when you were engaged or are engaged... do you remember thinking about how symbolic the ring was? Not about his love=the size of the stone... but more about having one, it being symbolic to his promise to marry you. And when you told people that you were engaged and they looked at your finger to see the ring and maybe felt releived that you had one there? Am I being shallow?

 

[ame]

My family didn''t acknowledge an engagement with no ring so that was a big deal to us to show that we were serious.

 

[MINE!!]

My family feels the same way. My father always says that there is not contract until there is a ring. I am trying to be understanding and progressive... but.... THough I do not agree with my father and family on the no ring-no contract thing... I still would rather not look like an idiot when I say: Oh yes, I am engaged.. and get the uh-huh right glance. For example, I went to the bridal shop the other day to try on dresses and I think everyone in there thought I was wasting time and was full of it cause I did not have an engagement ring on my finger. I suppose I deduced that from when I set the appointment to try them on and the first thing the lady did was look at my hand to see if I was wearing and engagement ring.

 

[Gale]

Don''t despair Mine - I don''t have an engagement ring. I don''t want an engagement ring either. Since we became engaged, people are asking all the time to see the ring, and then the questions start. As far as I am concerned, that wedding band will be fine by me. Don''t get me wrong, I L.O.V.E. diamonds, and have had 2 rings made for me in the last year. They are not engagement rings - they were to celebrate me and milestones in my life.

 

[MINE!!]

See, I don''t have things like that... and I want an engagement ring. I did not have one with my first marriage, thought I only needed a wedding band... then I regretted it later... but nby that time, life, kids and mortage were more important, I know it sounds shallow... but still

 

[Rebemdee]

I know somebody who had an engagement sword. It''s beautiful, made for her with her family crest, and is meaningful in their relationship and their hobbies. I don''t know that it has to be a ring, but typically there is SOMETHING that represents the engagement.

 

[MINE!!]

yeh...

something.... Everytime I talk to my family they ask me where the ring is.....

 

[theinquisitor]

Mine, I understand how you feel; it's hard to deal with other people's reactions. If it means a lot to you to have a ring, have you thought about getting something inexpensive, like a CZ or moissanite ring, or a ring with another gemstone, or a ring with no gemstone? Just something to symbolize the engagement? You can always get a setting that you like with a CZ and just replace it with a diamond when the time is right -- or not; I guarantee you most people won't even notice. Just a thought!

Oh, and.... CONGRATULATIONS!!! You go try on gowns with a vengeance, and forget those wicked salespeople.

 

[sparklelover]

MINE, ignore those glare. Or just give them a glare back!

When I was very pregnant, I couldn''t wear my e-ring and w-band at all and didn''t bother to wear anything instead. I got another kind of glare when I went shopping or walking around in public, poor "unwedded mother-to-be"! I was surprised that some people could still be so judgemental. DH said maybe they were just curious. But, anyway, I learned to totally ignore them and get on with whatever I needed to do.

Don''t let those people or their glare bother you. You are doing just fine. What do they know? It''s YOUR life. Enjoy your engagement!

 

[Kaleigh]

I agree with sparklelover, don''t let these people get you down. Enjoy this happy time in your life!!

 

[JessesGrl]

I dated my fiance for 5 1/2 years before we got engaged. I had been dreaming of marrying him since I was 18years old and so of course I always envisioned the "ring". We had our ups and downs over the years and although we were very much in love, I knew that for him to go out and spend most of his savings on a diamond was the symbol of commitment I was looking for. I picked out my ring and was told 2 months wait....so for that two months I knew the ring was being made but I still did not consider myself "officially" engaged, due to society''s view. I myself was elated...I felt so happy to know that the ring was just coming....so you can imagine how I feel now w/it on my finger

 

[Mara]

It''s sad to say but this is totally true..engaged without a ring in SOCIETY is like not being engaged at all! It''s foolish for women to feel this way, but I know even though we were talking about it and I knew the ring was being made, I did not consider myself engaged until he asked me and I felt foolish for thinking of planning the wedding without the actual engagement or ring.

Funny...once I had that ring on my finger and I went out to buy some wedding mags, I had this stupid rush of excitement that now I was ''ALLOWED'' to buy wedding mags and people wouldn''t think...oh look at that poor girl, dreaming of a wedding to some nameless man!

Oh, but I should note that screw them all, I bought many wedding mags before we were engaged AND before I even met him, I think it''s a girl''s right to sit around with her friends and point out things you love even if you have no man in your life.

So I know what you mean about how you feel inside sometimes...but do not let it get you down, do what you feel like doing and be happy!!

 

[MINE!!]

Thanks everyone, for your encouragement and your understanding. I know that I just need to hang on a little longer. I know what you mean about the wedding magizines, I find myself shoving my hand in my pocket everytime I pick on up off the shelf at Barnes and Noble....

 

[movie zombie]

Mine, what''s the problem!? you''ve got a GORGEOUS ring being made for you and the hunt for the stone is on!

bridal dress shopping?! blab a bit, mention how you''re in contact almost daily with the designer and how excited you are about all this! if you''re excited, NO ONE is going to doubt you.

in business time is $$$, so it is natural in some ways that the bridal industry people are going to be looking for
''the ring''. so bore them to death with all the details.

i applaud you for getting out there and getting things done rather than waiting. i''ve heard horror stories about the dress arriving late, the wrong size, not as ordered, etc.

peace, movie zombie

 

[cinnabar]

I didn''t get an engagement ring until after we''d already been married several months.  We got engaged in the UK, but emigrated to the US after the wedding - I wanted to wait and get a ring in America because of cost and wider choice.

I don''t remember anyone looking at me funny for not having a ring, and the women who were rude in bridal salons are notorious for being just as rude to everyone, with or without a ring (why are those women so hateful?  Is it a requirement for the job or something?)

When anyone did ask about "the ring", I told them we were waiting to get it in the US.  I showed pictures of the sort of style I wanted to friends, and as it happened we did get the exact ring I showed them.  Pears are really hard to find in Britain, it''s a much more popular shape over here.

I know lots of married women who don''t own wedding rings, let alone engagement rings; one friend has a cluster of garnets with no diamond at all, another has a small opal/diamond ring.  My ex boss was a label freak, she drove a top of the range Lexus and judged everyone by their shoes, but she never wore an engagement ring because she just wasn''t into jewelry.

My mother would have nagged us forever if we hadn''t got an engagement ring, so maybe it is a generational thing?

 

[fountainfairfax]

even at my "old" age (36) and with my divorced status, it''s funny how much pressure even I feel to stop talking about our impending marriage because I don''t have "the ring" yet..we''ve picked a date, are looking at places we''re going to elope to, we even started talking to photographers because I want perfect, precious pictures of our wedding day and yet since we didn''t get my inherited stone set yet I''m embarrassed to share my joy or try on dresses or do anyhting else. We have a unique situation where my bf is somewhat of a "house-husband" and student and I''m the breadwinner. I could easily pay to have the ring made but WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK

??!!" Everyone would know where the $$ came from- THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!

I''m just trying to remember when I stopped caring about what we both want and started caring so much about what other people might think....

 

[MINE!!]

I know what you mean fountain..... I turned 30 this year and have been divorced for about 5. I have two very beauttful little girls that I tell all the time... "who cares what they think?" Now it''s me....

 

[kaylagee]

This is my second marriage. I didn''t have a ring of any kind for a couple of months (I had one of those lovely Continental ringless proposals LOL... kinda shocking for a spoiled California girl!). Later, I picked a garnet because I wasn''t 100% sure I wanted a diamond at all.

Reactions were mostly patronizing and negative. Many people (esp. relatives) seemed skeptical/very "yeah right" about the engagement.

OTOH, I didn''t let it bother me too much since I know what the diamonds are ultimately worth if the relationship is a bust. I dropped my ex''s in the bay. Even the thought of it sitting in a shop somewhere sickened me so I gave it the ''cement boot'' treatment. I probably wouldn''t do that today since I''ve turned into a bit of a diamond hog.

***
Mine, I got the "where''s the ring" jazz too.  It didn''t start to really bug me until I got preg. & we were at a dinner party where there were other newlywed couples and everyone was comparing rings. This is what put me into shopping mode.

I regret letting that be the impetus tho''.... I think if I had blocked out other people''s BS more, I''d have made a better initial choice. We went through 2 different ring settings-three if you count the guard, one ebay near-fiasco setting before finally ditching the rb for an oval and starting from scratch again.

I''m sure my husband doesn''t even want to hear me mention the ''d'' word for quite a while. So, I have to drive you guys crazy instead. LOL!

Anyway, like I mentioned in the ''Elegant'' thread, my mother didn''t get one until the eighties & they were married in ''68.

It''s much better to focus on the important elements.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 4/7/2005 12:36:20 PM
Author:MINE!!
Am I being shallow?

No... just under pressure

I am sorry to hear this. It must be pretty horrible.

 

[eks6426]

I found with my first e-ring...an emerald in YG that people acted like they felt sorry for me since I didn''t have a diamond. I used to get comments about how I could upgrade to a diamond later. Society is definitely conditioned to think engagement = diamond.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 4/8/2005 2:19:39 PM
Author: IslandDreams
I found with my first e-ring...an emerald in YG that people acted like they felt sorry for me since I didn''t have a diamond.  I used to get comments about how I could upgrade to a diamond later.  Society is definitely conditioned to think engagement = diamond.

Yes! I forgot the pity too! LOL! That''s what happened at the party and with a girl I knew from the drugstore.