Take me off, but not in a good way

[JDgirl]

I''m going to ask that I be taken off the LIW list. Though my BF bought a diamond some time ago, he''s recently been going through a bit of a breakdown where he''s just not happy with who he is and seems to be stressed out and depressed all the time. He''s been blaming his unhappiness on not being ready to get married, but I told him that I didn''t want to get married now anyway with the way things have been, and I think he''s starting to realize that his problems go much deeper than fear of marriage. He seems to have a general fear of people''s expectations for him and of being really close to someone (which is wierd, because we''ve always been very close and open with each other). I think he''s afraid he''s going be let down (his parents are not happily married) and that he''s going to disappoint me. I''m trying to help him through it, but honestly, I am just discouraged about the idea of marriage at this point. He''s not the man I fell in love with right now, and if he eventually gets through this, I''m sure things could still be great. But if he doesn''t, I know I''m going to have to leave, because I don''t want to be with someone like this for the rest of my life. I''m just so sad right now because he''s a wonderful person and we were always so incredible together, this just seems like such a waste of an amazing thing. I feel like all my dreams are crumbling around me. Sorry to babble, but I''m just heartbroken right now.

 

[AmberWaves]

JDgirl, I''m so sorry you''re going through this right now.

I''m sure you''re doing whatever is best for YOU, and that this is a good choice. You have a great head on your shoulders, and I hope things turn out well for you. Hopefully, things will work out. *hugs*

 

[sumbride]

I''m so sorry to hear this. Please, please encourage him to see a dr. about the way he is feeling. Counseling would probably be beneficial, but his depression could be rooted deeper. You both deserve for him to get some help. take care of each other.

 

[firebirdgold]

Oh, JDgirl, I''m so sorry! You have all of our best thoughts and wishes for you.
I''m afraid you''re learning one of the hardest lessons of all. When it comes to emotional crises (no matter if situational or organic); you can be supportive of someone, and you can be there for them, but you can''t fix them or make it better.
I second Sumbride, he needs to see professional help.

 

[sk8rjen]

I''m so sorry to hear this. I hope you two can find your way back to each other when the time is right. Hang in there! Lots of positive thoughts are being sent your way...

jen

 

[FireGoddess]

I am very sorry to hear this, yet at the same time encouraged at the way your post sounds - you clearly sound like you have thought through this and are approaching it with optimism yet at the same time realism. Seriously, that takes courage. I hope that he will seek some sort of counseling, because that would probably be the most beneficial thing for him. I hope that this works out for the both of you...I know this must be very hard for you. *hugs*

 

[fountainfairfax]

JDgirl,

I''m so sorry to hear you''re going through this right now, you are showing a great amount of strength and rational thinking by taking a step back. In no way does that mean that your dreams and plans aren''t going to come true, it means you''ll be going forward with open eyes and knowing that you''re taking care of yourself. That''s what is most important. Wonderful things come to people who take charge of their own destinies and make decisions based on reality and what they need.

Your BF needs to do a lot of thinking, maybe some therapy and maybe some Dr intervention if needed, he''s needs to find happiness, satisfaction and self-worth from within- you are doing both of you a huge favor by stepping back until he''s found his way. You both deserve to be in places of personal happiness and sometimes that takes work, either together or apart. I called off a wedding and engagement for some of the same reasons and we''ve both made improvements in figuring out what we each need and want. I found it very helpful to revisit some things I always had an interest in but never made the time for (horseback riding, stained glass and some self-improvement courses) so I could concentrate on me. My dreams and plans have changed but they''re still great things to dream for, just different than I thought they would be....

I wish you well and hope you''ll still stay active on PS....everyone is still very nice to me in Brides and LIW, dispite my altered status!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh hon I am so so sorry to hear about this! We are all here for you whenever you need to talk, vent, or a shoulder to cry on. I personally know how difficult depression can be to deal with and I would very strongly suggest you urge him to get some professional help! As others have said you are clearly thinking rationally and making sure you take care of yourself first which is good. Stay focused and I am sure things will turn out how they are meant to be for the good or bad. We are here for you! *hugs*

 

[sunkist]

JDgirl, if you love this man, I really think you should let him know he needs to see a therapist. I''m not saying that you should stay with him, that is your own decision. You don''t have to stay there by his side to help him through this. If it''s clinical depression he has to over come this on his own. Having loving friends around will always help though! It will take him time to get through this also. Good luck to you and him! I''m so sorry you''re going through this, but please remember everthing happens for a reason!

 

[JDgirl]

Thanks so much for all your support everyone. It's so helpful to hear these reassuring and knowledgable comments. He is going to see someone this week to start working on things. He made the appointment to try and fingure out why he was so anxious and scared of getting engaged, but I'm hoping he'll start to realize that the things that need to be addressed go much deeper than that. I feel very rational about it all right now, but honestly, if it truly breaks down and we break up, I know I'll be much less rational and much more upset. It's easy to know what the right thing is to do, but a lot harder to do it when the time comes. I'll definitely still be checking out things here, because my appreciation of diamonds isn't contingent on engagement. Thanks so much, everyone!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

It''s truly amazing that you have such a positive (at least rational) outlook on the situation. Depression is a big deal that my family has had to deal with, and you hit the nail right on the head by saying that his issues go much deeper. I''m proud of you for being supportive and accepting whatever the future holds. That way of thinking will ensure all your dreams come true, just maybe not how or when you thought. However, I''m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and what''s meant to be will always find a way. Keep your head up!

 

[Mannequin]

I am so sorry to read this. I really don''t have much to add other than some ((((hugs)))) and support for you.

 

[anchor31]

I''m so sorry to hear this...

I hope your boyfriend gets the help he needs to get better and that things work out for the best for the both of you. Take care of yourself... *hugs*

 

[roxy7]

JDGirl, I just saw this. I know what you are going through is very hard right now, but it is better for these issues to be dealt with before you get married than after. You sound like you are dealing with this SO well, and when you are sad or down, remember to go back and read what you wrote about it in this thread because it is SO true. I am proud of you for your strength in dealing with this.

 

[jesterjigger]

JDgirl...I''m so sorry you''re going through this, but really commend you for your ability to step back and see things clearly. This could very well be the best thing to happen to your bf, and he''s lucky to have you. Good luck with your relationship, I hope your bf does beging therapy and it''s just what he needed to see things more clearly.

 

[Starset]

Hugs!

I agree that it was good he had the strength to bring this feeling to the surface rather than to go ahead blindly without true introspection. Maybe he doesn''t have all the answers but this is the fair thing to do.

Hopefully now that he''s willing to work on this feeling, it can be the step needed to move forward.

Good luck to the both of you.

 

[klavigne]

JD,
You sound like an incredibly strong women, you''ll pull through this! Be strong and try to stay upbeat, we''re praying for you!!! I hope things work out for the best.