Taking the plunge...

[perry]

OK, I''m not a LIW; but was once a Gentleman in Waiting.

As many of you know, things with "D" did not turn out. Not saying she was a bad person, but she has different goals at the moment - and I can''t wait on her.

Of course, with any breakup there is a time of readustment - and I did not feel like I was really that ready to look. But that is starting to end. So tonight...

I took the plunge - and posted myself on an internet service - and sent messages to some gals in my area.

I''m looking for someone who wants to build a great future together.

Here''s to the best !

Perry

ps. If any of you know someone in Wisconsin who''s kinda looking - I wouldn''t mind the reference. I''m not the youngest hunk in the world either, not that I have anything against younger ladies

 

[moon river]

Perry, you''ll meet Mrs. Right when the time is RIGHT. I believe everything happens for a reason and our lives are mapped out from birth to death and our choices in between get us to where we are going. You just took a little ''detour'' with D. Consider it a learning experiance.

Best of luck.

 

[InLuvWithMrH]

Perry,
I met MY MR. RIGHT online!! It CAN happen!!! Best wishes!!

 

[anchor31]

I''ve read a couple of your threads just after you left the list, and you seem like a really wonderful man. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[monarch64]

Perry, so glad to hear you are putting yourself out there again! Good for you. I don''t know specifics of your story, but after reading your post here I am impressed that you have decided to move on! I wish you the best in your search and everything after.

 

[squeaksluv]

Hi Perry, I''m so glad to see that you''re moving on and ready to ''take the plunge'' again! Breaksups can be very hard but I think they also teach us a lot about ourselves and what we want in a person. I wish I knew someone in Wisconsin for you!
My one friend went through a horrific breakup last year and said he was never going there again. Well, he met someone over the holidays and said as soon as he saw her (he met her online) he knew she was the one! Good luck!

 

[Tiffany1976]

Perry,

Breakups always clear the way for someone, and something better. I broke up with someone two years ago, and I thought he was perfect, but I was never really myself around him. Five months later I met Dan, my almost fiancee, when I wasn''t looking at all. I never would have thought I''d meet someone that soon. My heart had been so broken. I was living in my sweatpants, I gained twelve pounds....Anyway, I met someone I can be totally myself with. I am so thankful I just let the other one go!

You sound like a wonderful guy! If you need any dating advice, feel free to ask us.

 

[perry]

Tiffiny: I'll take you - and others I hope - on that offer.

Here is my first question related to internet "dating" based on the results so far...

Not that I am objecting to the results so far - and not that I have a problem with the concept of the difference.. But; What are people who are 20+ years younger than I looking for in me (The vast majority of people who have contacted me are much younger than I)?

The site does list my actaul age (4; and my writeup is:



Tag Name: Future is Bright

Title of Bio: With a little help from a friend...

Description in Bio:

Where is life taking you? Is it where you would like to go? I'd like to find a partner in life who is interested in building a great future together. Someone who can see that there is more to life than just working at some job. I will never claim that I am some typical guy. After all these years and the paths I've tread.... I can still dream of a great future - of a great life. I'd like to find a gal with a sense of self worth, values, and independence - who understands that two working together can achieve far more than each of us working alone. We are each unique, and I'm not looking to crush your uniqueness. Instead, I believe that two unique people can do things that they want to do - and support each other in common goals - and achieve things in life. Don't know about you - but, I'd sure love to spend many years with a great friend just doing whatever it is we want to do. That is possible. There are so many experiences that are meant to be shared. Yes, watching a sunrise from a mountain top is beautiful. Sharing the experience with someone makes it far more meaningful. Do you want just a date - or do you want a life? I'm looking for someone who wants to live.

I figured that talking about my goals and beliefs are a lot more revealing that just stating that I was born, went to school, have had fun, did this and that, and finding a creative way, or not so creative way, to state the classic male desires. (how boring)

So anyone (and everyone) - what are the younger ladies looking for in me?

Perry

 

[Shay37]

Gee, Perry, how about the fact that most of the guys at or around their ages are so immature and self-absorbed as to be spirit crushers. You had the words guaranteed to make a woman sit up and take notice. You will value her as a person and as an individual. You will join with her to create something greater than the two of you alone. I don''t think it''s your age. It''s your spirit that is drawing them. Good luck. You will find her when you least expect it.

shay

 

[Lorelei]

Best of luck Perry

I agree with Shay, you will find her when you least expect it!

 

[InLuvWithMrH]

Just an observation..........
Why are you looking for someone 20+ years younger than you??? Not to say they aren''t out there...but at 26 and younger do you really think someone has lived and experienced enough to have a real sense of self worth, values and especially independence? My advice is to open up the age range to meet women even a bit older than you....
Please,no bashing from the younger set...I know there are many "eligible" independent wonderful young women out there. But from my past online experiences in talking to the guys online, many had the same complaints about girls looking for a "meal ticket."

 

[Shay37]

He wasn''t. He said that he could not understand why that was the age range of the women responding to him.

shay

 

[InLuvWithMrH]

Oops...sorry if I read that wrong! I guess my answer then would be girls that age for the most part (based on feedback from guys that age I met online) are looking for a free meal and someone to spend money on them. One guy I once met spent a huge amount on dinner, bottle of wine (for her..he was Mormon) and then after dinner, she wanted him to PAY for "favors"!!!!! Moral of that story is...meet em for coffee first...if it is not going anywhere after an hour, not a lot of money wasted!!! Good luck!

 

[firebirdgold]

WOW! What a great profile! Hey, want to come to new mexico? I owe my friend an intro to a great guy! LOL
Having done the internet dating thing myself and had friends and my sister go there as well, I do have a few words of explanation and advice for you. First off, one of the reasons you're getting so many responses from such a range is basically because how awful most of the other profiles are. Main Categories are 1) 'I want someone who is the complete oppisite of my horrible ex'. 2) 'All wo/men suck, no one ever responds to my profile, whine whine'. 3) 'Hi, I'm a crazy freak who's interested in sex'. I should add that those are gender neutral categories of profiles.

Now for some advice: The coffee idea is the right way to go. It's alot easier to escape.

And can help with a flaw with internet dating. When you meet someone you already have the idea in your head that this could be something romantic, which (for me) meant it was easier to see what I wanted to see. If that makes sense. Basically I ended up dating someone that would have just been a good friend if met some other way.
But this is the big advice.... Don't get discouraged. A lot of the people online are nuts, and those are the ones you'll come across first. There are great people out there, so hang on.

Oh, and one last thing. Make your search criteria a bit wider than you think you want. I would have met my bf online if I hadn't had such a narrow search criteria. Fortunately my friend had a wider age range than I did and was kind enough to introduce us.

Did I mention I owe her an intro to a great guy?

 

[Kaleigh]

Good for you Perry. I wish you all the best. Let us know how it goes. You''ll find her, I know it!!

 

[Tiffany1976]

Yay Perry! What a wonderful job you did writing that! I am so impressed with your gift of self expression. I really like that it was all about what you, and the other person are like on the inside. It was also very positive which I thought was great. Sometimes people use too much honesty in their ads, stuff they should really wait to share. Great job! Leave yourself really open to many different people, however, it can be really difficult to have a romance that spans many years. I am 29 and always used to date men older than I, and I think I was looking for some guidance. In other words, we were not exactly equals. It tends to be a lot more fun when you date someone within 10-12 years of your age but there are always exceptions. It sounds like you have a great sense of self, so I have a feeling you''ll be able to figure people out fairly quickly. Also, I think younger women are writing you because you sound great!

 

[perry]

Thanks for the responses so far.

The situation is interesting to say the least. First off, I''m getting responses from a long way''s away. The closest is 150 miles. The farthest is on the West Coast. Thus, I don''t think this is about getting just a good dinner out of me. It''s going to cost real money just to get together - and these distance gals are going to have to pay at least part of that.

So far the oldest respondant is 28.

As far as my spirit - I''ve often considered myself a kid - and refuse to grow up. In reality - I like the zest of people in their 20''s - and am disapointed that so many people older than that have let life beat them down. I''m not saying that I don''t have my days - but in general I am a positive person - in fact I tend to drive people nuts at work with it.

As far as serious dating someone who is in their 20''s. That''s possible, but I''ll be a bit cautious as well (heck, I''ll be cautious regardless of their age). I''m not in a rush to get them into bed (if that is all I wanted there are pleanty of local gals who will do that anytime someone wants to).

I am far more interested in where they are going in life - and seeing if that kinda parallels where I am going. If not, I have no problems with just being freinds.

As far as who am I looking for. Someone who shares a common direction and values in life. They have to be non-smokers as well. Otherwise I am a lot more open than many.

Anyway, keep the comments coming.

Perry

 

[perry]

The plot thickens... Just thought you all would like to know: Most of those 20 somethings responding are from other countries - and some are not currently be in the US (dispite what their profile address says).

Methinks they are looking for more than just a good meal... Oh - several are willing to travel here.

Me,

I''m a born skeptic on some things.

Not saying that a couple of them are not interesting as people. A chance to make some new freinds.

The other news - I finally got someone older than 28 who responded - even in my age group.

Hope you all are having fun planning for your engagement. What I''m doing is certainly more interesting than wondering if "D" was going to change...

Again, thanks all for the support.

Perry

 

[decodelighted]

Hey Perry,

Good to know you are "getting back out there" again. Curious - which site did you choose. I have some exp with online dating & def. better luck on a few than others.

I found Match.com & Eharmony people more serious than, say, Yahoo. I''d also say there are plenty of women over 30 looking for a mate, so don''t rule that out. ALSO -- don''t sit around & wait for the people who pick you ... write some ladies of any age that you find interesting. I think older ladies may also be more old-fashioned than the young-in''s and less eager to do the writing. They want to be pursued by a fella.

My 2 cents! Good luck!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/6/2006 10:12:20 PM
Author: decodelighted
Hey Perry,

ALSO -- don''t sit around & wait for the people who pick you ... write some ladies of any age that you find interesting. I think older ladies may also be more old-fashioned than the young-in''s and less eager to do the writing. They want to be pursued by a fella.


My 2 cents! Good luck!

I agree!! I would''ve never found my fiance if he hadn''t emailed me first on Match.com!

 

[perry]

I have written a bunch of ladies - not one has responded so far (in fact they haven''t even looked at the message I sent).

The site I chose was Lab621 - in part because my skimming of sites indicated a good age range of members and a good selection in my area (there is another popular one in the area that is loaded with gals in their 20''s and early 30''s that I avoided). The link is:

www.lab621.com/index.asp

I will admit that after registering - and using some of the search features I find that most of the people in the database registered over 90 days ago. But I suspose that is typical.

I will probably register with another site at some point. First I have to deal with the surge of contacts I am getting now. I do answer all contacts.

This will be a long process I am sure. Patience has its virtue...

Perry

 

[Tiffany1976]

Perry,
I think you should register with Eharmony. I have heard really, really good things about it. I think you might be surprised at how great the people on there are. Tiffany

 

[squeaksluv]

I agree with Tiffany about EHarmony. Two coworkers of mine met their husbands there. I think Dr. Phil is working with that site now, saw some commercial for it last night. Good luck!

 

[Mandarine]

I met my BF ("soon" to be FI) in match.com!. You get all kinds of people so you have to learn to "read" in between the lines....I think it was the best decision I made. I had fun in the mean time chatting with different people and met a wonderful person!

Good luck!!!!!!!!

M~