Tardiness = Selfishness?

[Bliss]

Grrrrrr... I can't believe I actually feel guilty about this!

I have a colleague who is CONSTANTLY late. And we do not work in a laid back environment in which employees can come and go as they wish. We're on very strict, very tight timelines and we all depend on each other for our work to get done.

Well, there is one colleague who cannot come in on time. I have sat down with her on at least four different occasions to have serious talks about why she needs to come in on time. She's the bottleneck and it throws all of us off if she's not there. We all get (pardon the expression) screwed when she is late.

I'm not sure if it's a passive aggressive thing, but finally after about a year of this... I got called in for something I was not responsible for. And I've been covering for her for all this time and doing extra work so that we do not fall behind. We have become friends. But she throws us all under the bus, particularly me, when she comes in so late.

So when I got called in, I was forced to finally explain why I am not able to complete my work in a timely manner. And now she's in big trouble.

But the thing is this - why do I feel guilty? She has never once apologized for all the hardship she has put the team under each time she is selfishly late. It's not like she has a family and even kids. She's a single woman in her late twenties. She is not 5 years old! There are no excuses for showing up so late every single day except for laziness. Or is it passive aggression? Because for the life of me, I respect her time and she doesn't respect any of us. Clearly, she has some issues with authority.

My rationale is, this prepares her for life in a high stress, high performance work environment. In this day and age, there is simply no call for being late to work... especially when so many people depend on you. And they're all there on time. Why is it just her? She also is also gone for long periods of time because she is always going to get food. And we get stuck because she's out getting food or eating while she's working and not concentrating. It's baffling!!! It frustrates me because she is talented, but lazy. I have gone out of my way to help her. But she is sabotaging her own career.

Why are some people unable, for the lives of them, to be on time? Is it selfishness?

 

[Regular Guy]

Really great question.

I think it''s complex.

I''d like to hear others comments.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Don''t feel guilty for ratting her out to the boss - it''s her problem not yours. My office actually just fired someone who was unable to come in on time (and sometimes failed to show at all). Does your coworker have any explanation as to why she''s always late? Does she know what kind of pressure that puts on everyone else? Maybe the management needs to sit down with her and make sure everyone is on the same page.

I do tend to think that chronic lateness can be passive agressive. My DH is always late. Always. We lie to him about when he needs to be places and, for him, it is passive agressive. He knows that if he''s late then everyone is on his schedule. He got in trouble a few times at his previous job for coming in late and that woke him up a bit, but for day-to-day stuff and special events, you can always count on him to be late. Ugh. At least he''s consistent!

Jess

 

[Bliss]

Ira Z, what''s your take on it?

My theory is, some people may be in a time warp and are genuinely incapable of being on time.

But then, shouldn''t they set their alarm clocks an hour back? That way, they''d end up on time!

I feel that people who are late, don''t respect your time. And time is valuable! There are a ton of things I''d rather be doing rather than sitting around wasting it waiting for someone.

Maybe they resent the world and need to take as much from it as they can? I don''t get it.

 

[Bliss]

Thanks, Jess!

HEY! At least your DH is consistent! And he tries! That's HUGE!

As for my colleague, she totally understands what her tardiness means to us. I've told her several times how much it sets us back and causes us major stress -- and she promises to come in on time. And she does, but with major attitude. But after a day or two, she starts being late again and it slides so far back that I've considered calling someone else in to do the job. Her only explanation (and there has never been an apology) is that she was running late. Yes. Clearly. LOL.

I think it's passive aggressive. She must resent.... I don't know. What does she resent? Having to work? LOL.

Even today, after she got in big trouble, she was late again. So weird. And she isn't apologetic. I feel like she blames us for her having to come in on time now. It's like we asked for her firstborn!!! We're only asking that she does the job she gets paid (a lot) to do! But she resents it. So odd.

I shouldn't even be trying this hard to understand it. It's incomprehensible!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Attention seeking?

cheers--Sharon

 

[Circe]

"Why are some people unable, for the lives of them, to be on time? Is it selfishness?"

My guess is, entitlement. For someone who genuinely believes that the world revolves around them, thinking of others is ... unlikely.

Don''t feel guilty about this. She''s caused her own situation, and you''ve all been carrying her weight for long enough.

 

[Kismet]

My theory is it''s this "I''m not responsible for anything" mentality that seems to have taken over American society. From temporary insanity pleas to the McDonald''s hot coffee case to parents who bail their kids out of every sort of trouble and don''t let them be responsible for their own actions to hit and run drivers and to witnesses who *see* the accident but just keep going... Commercials for companies that can get rid of your huge tax liability and companies that can get rid of your huge credit card debt and auction type software where you can get the money you *deserve* while doing nothing. All this is giving a message that a) I deserve a lot of money; b) I shouldn''t have to work to get it and c)if any problems arise they are either someone else''s fault or someone else will take care of it because I''m not responsible for anything!

/me gets off soapbox

Sorry about that but those commercials tick me off.

 

[rockzilla]

Playing devil''s advocate here (this may or may not apply to your colleague, but I''m trying to answer a question about chronic lateness, not necessarily this particular person)

Could she have a medical condition causing her to be late? I have a friend with an autoimmune disease and she often feels REALLY sick in the morning. Or insommia? Perhaps she is only getting a few hours of sleep a night?

Not defending her here, but trying to find other explanations rather than "she''s a passive aggressive selfish witch" - it just sounds weird to me that she would always be late if everyone is depending on her.

As someone who is often ''late'' myself (my job is a more flexible one where coming in at 9:30 rather than 9 is not a major offense) I know when being on time counts. If there is a meeting at 9am, I''m in at 9am. But since I often end up working well past ''business hours'' or leaving my house at 5am to catch a business flight, I even things out by coming in sometimes a bit later in the morning. We don''t have the same kind of team dynamic in my office though - if you get your stuff done, doesn''t matter what time you leave or come in.

PS I am somewhat offended by the comment ''she''s in her 20s and doesn''t even have kids'' - the idea that if you are married or have kids you should automatically get more wiggle room and leeway. Someone in their 20s could have a sick parent, a medical condition, etc.

 

[Linda W]

In todays time, people are lucky to have a job. My question is. Why is your company putting up with this at all? I can''t see any company putting up with chronic tardiness, as well as leaving to go get food??????????? No companies I have worked for, would EVER put up with this crapola!!!


Linda

 

[Bliss]

Thanks for the responses. I'm trying really hard to understand the late thing... I'm baffled, too!

Rockzilla - I'm sorry if the comment that "someone who has kids being late would be understandable" -- offended you.

What I actually wrote was: It's not like she has a family and even kids. She's a single woman in her late twenties. She is not 5 years old!

I think if she were a mom, it would be more understandable if she were late. Even more so if she were a single mom. The point is, I'm bending over backwards looking for reasons as to why she would be chronically late. I don't have kids, either. But if she did, I would be more inclined to understand. My point was that there are no outside factors that would affect her tardiness save a lack of responsibilty. I was looking for SOME reason to understand why on earth she was bringing our team down. The in her twenties comment was to give the background that she is not elderly. It did not mean anything else, I swear! In fact, if she were older the tardiness would be understandable.

She definitely does not have sick parents. And she does not have a medical condition. I know this because she is very vocal about even the slightest headaches & makes us all aware of when she has monthly cramps.

Any advice on what to do? I really do want her to succeed. I have helped her out in many ways on my own time. She is hurting her own career and us as well.

 

[Kismet]

Date: 6/12/2008 4:48:19 PM
Author: Bliss

Any advice on what to do? I really do want her to succeed. I have helped her out in many ways on my own time. She is hurting her own career and us as well.

Perhaps you could help her by letting her fail. All you''ve been teaching her is that she doesn''t have to do anything because you''ll pick up the slack. After all, why should she do the work when you''ve shown repeatedly that you''re willing to do it for her?

 

[erica k]

I''m either early or late, but rarely on time.

Why do I lose track of time? Why am I late? Sometimes it''s because I''m concentrating on my work, so I have a hard time dragging myself away. Other times, I''m in persistent denial that a shower takes more the 15 minutes. I also spend too much time deciding on my outfit in the morning or checking the news online. The internet really slows me down, but the main problem is that I always underestimate how long it will take to do something. It''s really embarrassing because I then assume that people think I''m selfish or lazy for being late. So that''s why I try to be early, instead. My watch runs 5 minutes fast, but all of my clocks are set about 10 minutes ahead, just in case.

Who knows what''s going on with your coworker, but you shouldn''t feel bad about telling your boss why work isn''t getting done in a timely fashion. Perhaps she should look at a different profession, one that doesn''t require being on time. Which one? Hmmm, well, my professors are never on time for seminars or office hours, but I think you have to ''earn'' the right to be late in my profession.

 

[Bliss]

I totally understand how you can be well intentioned and late, erica k!

I had a best friend in college who was the sweetest most amazing person. And she sincerely could not help being 30 minutes to an hour late. She honestly couldn''t keep track of time very well, despite being incredibly intelligent and super conscientious of other people''s feelings. It was just a time warp. It''s funny because whenever we met people out for events (we were roommates), we''d be an hour late because she was always running late getting ready. She was a jeans and tee kind of natural beauty & I was the dressy one. So guess who they always blamed?

It actually became a running joke between us. Truly she is an awesome person.

I''m going to let this one go. The colleague in question eats other people''s food (if you leave it there, she will eat it without asking). She also roots through people''s things looking for snacks and candy. LOL. Odd, I know. So I think it''s a sense of entitlement. Or it''s just weird. Oh well!

I''m not going to let it occupy my mind anymore. I''ve been letting it get to me and frustrate me. I''ve been trying to help her and she can''t help herself. So I''m just going to be as compassionate as I can. And unfortunately, if she keeps being late -- I''m going to ask to hire someone else.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 6/12/2008 5:01:57 PM
Author: Kismet

Date: 6/12/2008 4:48:19 PM

Author: Bliss

Any advice on what to do? I really do want her to succeed. I have helped her out in many ways on my own time. She is hurting her own career and us as well.

Perhaps you could help her by letting her fail. All you''ve been teaching her is that she doesn''t have to do anything because you''ll pick up the slack. After all, why should she do the work when you''ve shown repeatedly that you''re willing to do it for her?

I completely agree with this. My DH and my dad are both chronically late, just because they both tend to get distracted and to underestimate the amount of time they''ll need to get something done. It''s annoying and esp. with my dad we have to resort to telling him to get there an hour earlier than the actual start time. However, they are both clued in enough to know that when it''s IMPORTANT and other people are depending on them, that they darn well better be there. They''ve only learned this through a lifetime of people being really irritated with them when they fail to show up on time. Seriously, you need to stop carrying this chick, especially since you are starting to be reprimanded for HER actions.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am going to vote passive agressive or that she simply no longer cares about her job. I am never late, except to work. I am late every day because I come in when the buses let me off, but my TLs know this and it doesn''t create problems for everyone else. We had another employee who was always late, but he was FAR later than my 8 minutes and had basically stopped caring about the job. It did put a strain on the team and it was selfish. She knows it is a problem, she has demenstarated she can come in on time and she has made it clear she doesn''t care. You can''t fix that. I think you were right not to go to your bosses imediately, but you shouldn''t feel guilty for being honest, especially when she is screwing you. The fact that she does it for a day and then reverts really says passive agressive to me.

I admit, for the most part I have very little patience for people who are chronically late. They are saying their time is more important than yours. My bro has trouble keeping track of time, so he sets alarms or schedules things when he has a better chance of being on time, so even though he is less aware of time then anyone I know, and there are many, he is not late that often. If my bro can do it, anyone can be on time if they want to.

 

[erica k]

Yep, it sounds like she has many issues, although she also sounds like a good college friend of mine.

My friend is often late (she gets lost easily). My fondest memories of her in college entailed her leaning over the table while talking animatedly about something in the dining hall and then absentmindedly breaking off a piece of someone''s cookie. She would also ''borrow'' a shirt for months on end. I guess I couldn''t complain, though, because she was always very generous with her own things. Except, you know, I didn''t really ''want'' her stuff, and I kinda wanted to keep mine! I''m guessing she was raised this way, or else, she''s completely oblivious to how other people might perceive her.

The best part is, she''s getting married this Sunday and every time we talk about weddings, she says, ''Hmm, I don''t remember anything about your wedding,'' which, incidentally, was only two years ago and really well-planned and designed (or at least I thought so!).

Some people are just really wrapped up in themselves (I prefer the term ''overly self-absorbed''), and in my friend''s case, they can also be really wonderful. It just requires a lot of patience.

However, this is your coworker, and as long as you and your work aren''t suffering too much, you should let her be. I believe in karma and meritocracy, and eventually things will catch up with her.

Funny that you mention your friend, because I don''t wear makeup, blow dry my hair, or do any of those time-intensive things. Who knew that it could take 30 minutes to decide between flipflops and ballet flats!

 

[Pandora II]

Hmmm, I tend to be a ''late'' person.

A lot of it is that I underestimate how bad traffic/tubes/buses etc are in London.
I invariably get phoned by my boss just as I''m about to go into the Underground.
I get over absorbed in whatever I''m doing and then think oh gawd, I should be at x in 5 minutes.

I get lost A LOT!

I do try quite hard - every clock in my house is set 10 minutes fast (but then I remember that).

The pain meds I take make mornings hell - the company have been great and now I don''t actually start work until 11am, but I take no lunch break and finish between 7.30 and 8.00pm to make up.

I do think some people are just not morning people - it is like forcing a morning person to perform well at midnight. I can happily work at 2am, but please don''t ask me for anything at 7.30am.

Most politicians are invariably late, and my boss is a nightmare, so I''m very laid back about other people''s lateness and they don''t seem to have a problem with mine.

I can see a problem if she''s not making the time up - or isn''t committed when she is actually there.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Exactly how late are you talking about? Are there no supervisors who see her come in late?