Teenagers and curfews

[Sparkster]

Last night, there was a news story about another teenager in a coma after being assaulted in the city by a gang of youths. Very sad and it seems to be happening every weekend. Upon hearing this, I commented about why teenagers are out in the streets so late at night and parental control and this caused a ''debate'' b/t myself and FI. I happen to think 16 and 17 y/o shouldn''t be out until midnight and when I say ''out'' I mean on the streets. I have no problem with them being over at friend''s houses or at supervised parties until this time. Whereas Fi thinks nothing of 16/17 out in the city until this time.

Is it just me? What do you guys out there think? I don''t understand why they need to be out in the city so late. The only places that are opened that late in the city are licensed venues which they are not allowed to get into anyway so all they do is hang out in the streets.

 

[krisvrn]

Date: 3/11/2008 5:05:51 PM
Author:Sparkster
Last night, there was a news story about another teenager in a coma after being assaulted in the city by a gang of youths. Very sad and it seems to be happening every weekend. Upon hearing this, I commented about why teenagers are out in the streets so late at night and parental control and this caused a ''debate'' b/t myself and FI. I happen to think 16 and 17 y/o shouldn''t be out until midnight and when I say ''out'' I mean on the streets. I have no problem with them being over at friend''s houses or at supervised parties until this time. Whereas Fi thinks nothing of 16/17 out in the city until this time.

Is it just me? What do you guys out there think? I don''t understand why they need to be out in the city so late. The only places that are opened that late in the city are licensed venues which they are not allowed to get into anyway so all they do is hang out in the streets.

I agree with you. At that age, most teenagers do not realize what could happen to them. Parents need to step up and be a little more stricter with their kids.

 

[mimzy]

i agree that teens have no business being allowed to be out in the city that late.....but i bet that a lot of teens that start out "at a friends house" or at a "supervised party" end up there regardless of whether it is allowed or not. i never did it myself, but i always had plenty of friends that would tell their parents they were one place and ended up at another.

it probably comes down to how responsible your kid is and how much you trust them. if i had a kid that i thought would go behind my back and be somewhere other than where they said they would be, there''d be no way i''d let them out that late at nite in a city.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I also agree and fear & dread the day comes that my kids will need a curfew and the BATTLES resulting from making those rules.

 

[bee*]

My parents are having all out war with my little sister at the moment in relation to this issue. She is 16 and just wants to be out of the house all the time. She''s lied frequently about where she has been and the amount of times where she''s gone to someones house but when my mother went to collect her, she wasn''t there. I definitely think that teenagers of that age shouldn''t be out at all hours of the night. When I was 16 I used to go to a teenage disco once every couple of months but we got dropped to the door and collected as soon as it was over. Once they hit 18, I wouldn''t mind it so much, especially as our legal drinking age is 18, but I think that under that age, there''s no need for them to be out.

 

[Haven]

I don''t know the solution to this problem, as I don''t have children of my own so I have no clue how difficult it is to raise a teenager.

HOWEVER, I spend eight hours a day with other people''s teenagers, and many of my students seem to be allowed to stay out as late as they like. Oftentimes when I call home to talk to a parent about a behavior problem their child is having, they''ll ask ME what to do with their child. I used to think that was a sign of poor parenting, now I just realize it''s a sign of being baffled by the sometimes-wild-beasts that have taken over their previously sweet little children.

All I know is this is a tragic situation, but it is MUCH EASIER to say that we''d be strict and able to keep our own children safe and sound than it is to actually do so in real life. I remember the shenanigans I got myself into as a teen, and as far as my parents knew, I was a sweet little angel.

I''m interested to hear from some parents of teens or adults--how did you keep your kids safe? How did you teach them about their own vulnerability out in the big bad world?

 

[divergrrl]

FWIW, in 1988 when I was 17, my curfew was midnight or 1am depending on where I was. (If I was at a late movie, say, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which had a midnight showing, we were junkies for it in h.s. my parents were cool with it..heck my dad took me to it when I was 11!) But some times my mom wanted me in earlier.

I have no idea what I will do about curfew. Probably be very responsible about it. It also depends on the kid. Thank goodness I have a decade and a half before it becomes an issue.

 

[swingirl]

The only thing I can say about my teens is that I kept them involved in activities they enjoyed and I monitored their participation. I knew who all there friends were, offered to drive everywhere, pick anyone up at anytime of the day or night. I allowed sleepovers. I confirmed plans with other parents and never let my child or young teen go to someone''s houses I didn''t know.

This all takes way more time and energy then many parents want to put in. I found I was the only parent that was willing to pick up the kids from a movie at midnight. Or attend a concert. Or drive to a distant venue. I also went on field trips and chaperoned dances. I didn''t do this to spy on my kids (parents always got out-of-sight duties). I did it because I became a familiar face in their school and got to see most of their classmates and know them by face or name. It kept me in touch. I also know how to make my way around MySpace and Facebook. Since the internet is public I always told my kids if you put something in public you must not mind people seeing it.

The bottom line is your involvement in your kids lives. And cell phones are great. If you want to stay in touch with your kids when they are out of your sight learn how to text them. Many times I texted one of mine saying, "Are you okay because you were supposed to be home an hour ago. Just let me know that you are okay and have a ride back." It worked.

 

[strmrdr]

Growing up the rule was school nights 10pm
weekends midnight
Summer Id sometimes not be home for weeks at a time which was kewl as long as told them where I was going.
Lots of times id just bike into the woods near my house and stay out for 3-4 days sometimes by myself sometimes with friends. (was doing that from age 12)
Then when I had a car would go out too the campground and stay for a week or more during the summer.
But I didn''t live in the city either.

 

[swingirl]

HA ha! Where else would you expect a Storm Rider to spend his time!!!

 

[oobiecoo]

I am only 22 so I went through this fairly recently. I didn''t ever really have a curfew. Once I was old enough to drive, I was always running around because I had 2 jobs plus lots of school activities. On friday nights I would be dancing at football games then out to eat with friends so sometimes I would come in around 1 or 2am but I always had to let my parents know where I was going and what time I''d be home. If I said I''d be there at 1am and I didn''t come in until 1:30 then it wasn''t a huge deal.... I wasn''t grounded for being 1 minute late like some people are. I always had a place to be and never drove or walked around aimlessly which makes it much easier to get in trouble. I was a pretty good kid and didn''t really lie to my parents about where I would be so they trusted me to do pretty much whatever as long as they knew about it.

 

[monarch64]

I don''t know the answer...I lived a super sheltered life in my teenage years and nothing happened to me, of course. But when I went to college I really went all out in regard to drinking, partying, etc. I ended up dropping out after three semesters, taking three semesters off to get myself back together, and then going back to finish my 4 yr. degree. I have never blamed my parents for anything, they were just trying to protect me. But. BUT. They did hold me back from basically everything my friends were doing and they were ruthless/relentless? in their quest to keep me safe. In that respect, I did not get to experience anything at all in high school, aside from a couple pre approved dates, and I think that kind of messed me up a bit. I wasn''t as socially advanced as my peers when I got to college and I waaaay overdid things the first year and a half of college, which led to me having a horrible, almost failing, GPA, so that I had to leave and regroup. It was a really tough and sad time in my life all at once, and looking back I do feel like if my parents had been willing to cut me a little slack I could''ve played with some boundaries and learned some lessons before I got to college rather than mess things up on their dime when I''d already gotten there and didn''t realy give a rip because I was so happy to be "free." Just my $.02. Thanks for listening, LOL!

 

[Sparkster]

I too had a very strict upbringing. Being the daughter of chinese migrants in Australia. My friends were allowed to go out (not late though) but my parents were tough on me. During that time, I resented my parents for it, but now as an adult, I understand it.

FI and I have had many a battle over his teenage children. From curfews, to underaged drinking to having sex (when his son was 16 he had no problems with him staying out late, supplying him with alcohol to take to parties, even not having a problem with him having his girlfriend stay the night at his mum''s place). At times, he refuses to budge an inch so I must admit I get some delight when he and his ex-wife bang heads over the children''s upbringing and she won''t budge an inch. It''s a taste of his own medicine! I''m not being an awful ''step'' because I also tell him when I think he''s crossed the line when it comes being too tough on his kids.

 

[Sabine]

The town where I teach actually has a law-enforced curfew that people under the age of 18 can''t be out after 11. And I know they actually enforce it because of few of my kiddos were just complaining about the fines they got for being at a park at midnight. Although the kids all complain about it and think it is a joke, and although I know they are still doing dangerous things inside late at night, I still think this is a step in the right direction.

 

[lyra]

Date: 3/12/2008 2:03:47 AM
Author: strmrdr
Growing up the rule was school nights 10pm
weekends midnight
Summer Id sometimes not be home for weeks at a time which was kewl as long as told them where I was going.
Lots of times id just bike into the woods near my house and stay out for 3-4 days sometimes by myself sometimes with friends. (was doing that from age 12)
Then when I had a car would go out too the campground and stay for a week or more during the summer.
But I didn''t live in the city either.

Those were the good old days. No cellphones or anything. I guess I grew up with the same basic rules, although they were never even an issue. It is/was just as easy to get into "trouble" before your curfew as it is after it.

My youngest will be 18 in 3 months. Yay I say! Frankly I''ll just be glad when my own responsibilities start lessening a bit.

My kids had cellphones and had to give explicit plans. Youngest one was caught up in something bad just once, and she learned from it. I think you can even bug their cellphones nowadays with GPS tracking devices. It''s all a matter of picking your battles, giving them some responsibility and having consequences as well as rewards IMO.

 

[CaptAubrey]

Teenagers have been known to sneak out of the house. My cousin had a major problem with her son doing this. A few times the police brough him home when they thought he was asleep in his room.

A few years ago, not far from where I used to live, a group of two girls and two boys were assaulted by a gang of older kids. The girls were gang-raped and the boys beaten half to death. When the police found them and contacted the girls'' parents, they had no idea the girls were even out of the house. It turned out they had hooked up with the boys via AOL and snuck out after bedtime to meet them. The girls were 13 and 14.

They caught the kids responsible for the attack and they all went to prison, but still.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 3/12/2008 8:00:30 PM
Author: CaptAubrey
Teenagers have been known to sneak out of the house. My cousin had a major problem with her son doing this. A few times the police brough him home when they thought he was asleep in his room.

A woman I admire and, until recently, envied just told me a similar story. Her 14 year-old daughter sneaked out of the house; took the family car; picked up all her girlfriends; and then crashed the car. She was lucky that there was only one injury among the passengers and that that was relatively minor. I used to sneak out of girlfriends'' homes during sleepovers to meet boys, too. I just do not remember ever going very far. Usually it was just a house or so up or down the street in the quiet, green, suburban neighborhood! There wasn''t much chance of meeting up with a gang.

Deborah

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m currently 28. I had a curfew until I moved out of my parents house (I had been 18 for a few months) My weekday curfew was 11pm, and my weekend curfew was midnight. Prior to turning 18, my curfew was 10pm every night of the week. My little sis lives with my parents and recently turned 18, her curfew is midnight. Does it keep kids out of trouble? Probably, but we all know you can get drunk and have sex at 6pm as well as you can at midnight. But at least the rest of the population isn''t drunk yet.


BTW- I never snuck out of the house. I snuck in a couple times, but that was only because I was like a half hour late. I was/am responsible and even though my parents have their faults, I trusted that they had reasons for implementing a curfew.

 

[phoenixgirl]

This isn't totally related, but made me think of a funny story.

A few nights ago my husband was riding his bike home pretty late and called the cops about a bunch of suspicious-looking teenagers in the museum parking lot near us. He said it was really weird because the kids were all lined up like it was a gang initiation or something and stopped and just stared at him as he rode by.

So last night we were walking back from dinner and saw the same group again. My "teenagers up to no good" radar didn't go off so we didn't cross the street and were able to get a better look. They were practing a step/dance routine! It was actually really cute. A bunch of teenagers/young 20's guys who could be getting into trouble but were in a lit up museum parking lot in a nice area choreographing and practicing their dance. DH felt SOOO bad about calling the cops on them.

I kept making fun of him. "Good thing they didn't get arrested . . . you know, for their commitment to choreographed dance."

 

[sevens one]

Date: 3/11/2008 6:23:33 PM
Author: MC
I also agree and fear & dread the day comes that my kids will need a curfew and the BATTLES resulting from making those rules.

MC, try not to worry too much. That''s why when our children are born they come out as infants and NOT teenagers.
We get all these wonderful years to steer them in the right direction. Enjoy!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/12/2008 11:20:06 PM
Author: sevens one

Date: 3/11/2008 6:23:33 PM
Author: MC
I also agree and fear & dread the day comes that my kids will need a curfew and the BATTLES resulting from making those rules.

MC, try not to worry too much. That's why when our children are born they come out as infants and NOT teenagers.
We get all these wonderful years to steer them in the right direction. Enjoy!

True that!

It's all good, comes down to parenting. Know their friends, know their friend's parents, and keep the lines of communication open. My kids know they can tell me anything. Sometimes it's TMI. But I'd rather know than not......

But back to the original question. Out that late?? NOPE. Not in my house. Never on a school night. Weekend curfew was midnight. And I thank god for cell phones. I can reach them whenever I need to.