The Evilest Food Processor- long but strange!

[sydneycasandra]

I''m not sure evilest is really a word. But I''m making it one for today.

My fiance and I currently maintain separate households in separate cities (driving distance) and will continue to do so for about 2 years after our wedding (long story.) This is his second marriage and my first; he is somewhat older than myself and so his parents and family aren''t really too excited about the wedding (they like me and all but they just don''t get worked up about this stuff.) Anyway, one of my holiday gifts from DF was a food processor- a very small (I have a tiny kitchen) but nice, if rather basic, Cuisinart. PERFECT for me. Two days after Christmas his mom asks him what he gave me for Christmas, and he told her. She then asked if I''d used it yet and if he still had the receipt; which I had and he didn''t. She said that was too bad because they bought us a food processor as our wedding gift (the wedding is in May and they bought it in December?) over the internet and that it was coming in the mail already.

Ok, a little weird so far, but then it gets worse.

His dad then went on to explain that he had read all about it in Consumer Reports and it was the best food processor for the money, it is apparently rather expensive and also holds like, a whole cow and two chickens or something. Which is great except I don''t eat meat and as mentioned, my kitchen space is very limited. DF would have no use for a food processor in his house, so when he told me this story, I asked him if he could ask his mom if we could exchange it. Not to be ungrateful but they are not rich (nor poor) and I hate to see them waste money on something I neither need nor have any place to put it. When DF brought up this idea his dad got all mad b/c it was such a good food processor blah blah blah so much better than the one I have (which insulted me) and his mom said there was absolutely no way and that that was going to be our wedding gift.

This stupid situation has gotten me really upset. I am insulted that they insist that my brand new food processor sucks and I have to have this one instead (what to do with the other one, that I like?) and that even at DFs tactful asking about returning it, they got defensive and now I have mental indigestion about this whole thing (why do they want me to have this food processor so badly? I DON''T WANT IT!)

His parents are not coming to our DW they said they can''t afford it but they travel to their home country (in Europe) once a year and take other trips as well. They are middle-class comfortable albeit on a limited income, and they do help my DF out by loaning him money to pay for his tuition, so they are generally nice and generous people. But why are they so hung up on this? And why can''t I get over it? I guess some secret greedy part of me hoped they would just give us money or at least ask us what we needed rather than buying something we don''t need and absolutely insisting that we keep it (we don''t even have anywhere to put it we both live in small houses).

Am I nuts? Is this weird? Don''t you generally want to give people gifts they like or need, and when they hint the opposite to you, do you insult similar items they already own and then insist that they keep the one they gave you? His mom is otherwise usually reasonable and nice; we''re not close, but she''s always been kind to me and I like her.

HELP ME!

 

[bstraszheim]

I think your best option is to accept it graciously and then stash it in a cupboard somewhere until you do have need for a food processor that can hold a cow : ) It is not unreasonable to think that one day you guys may buy a bigger house and have a family etc etc and then you can pull it out and use it. Who knows why they chose a food processor, it may be something as basic as it was a gift that they *really* wanted for their wedding and didn't get, now they are getting you something that, surely, you really *must* want, even if you don't. It was obviously a thought out gift decision (especially seeing that it has been bought so far in advance) and not an impulse purchase.

I wish you well,

Bridget

 

[Caribou]

Did they know your FI was getting you a food processor? Did you even register for one?

It always has annoyed me when people get things for me or others... that I/we did''t ask for. I know that sounds really unappreciative of me but for example, my dear friend has bought me christmas gifts the last 2 years. It''s a nice gesture but one that makes me uncomfortable because I haven''t gotten her anything (due to fundage or lack of). Also, she has bought me journals....nice if I ever used them but I don''t never have and she knows that. Than to top it off, she gets offended if she finds out I haven''t used it. I absolutly appreciate that she bought me something and I appreciate the thought but I would much rather her spend that money on her new house or on something that she needs (she doesn''t make a whole lot of money) rather on me.

Anywho, I think you should just take it, shove in a drawer somewhere and maybe one day you will use it. Of course, hoping that it''s not a industrial size/strength food processor than maybe it will become the ''evilest (and scariest) food processor'' ever!

 

[monarch64]

I think sometimes people come up with what they think is a great gift idea and go with it, no matter if it will please the recipient or not. It doesn''t seem like a very thoughtful approach, but it happens. Obviously your future ILs got it into their heads that the Cuisinart that could hold a cow and two chickens (so funny!) would be the PERFECT gift for you both. I have to agree with Bridget, who suggested you graciously accept the gift and then store it until you need it. Yes, you see it as a waste of their money, but they see it as a fabulous gift that you will use and thank them for because what did you ever do without it?!

If this turns out to be the worst gift you get, you''re in good shape!

 

[Tybee]

Oh, this is just cruddy.

I am sorry. Isn''t it funny how a bizarre thing like a food processor can get us all bent out of shape.
Well, I wouldn''t return the processor, especially since it would upset them so much, it''s just going to be one of those things that you just have to deal with. Put it in the attic, store it away, if nothing else, it''s an interesting story, right?

Sometimes people are clueless, that''s the only answer I can give you.
I guess the deep down issue is that your feelings are hurt. Which I can understand, but they apparently can not.
Let it slide, if you can. These people are going to be your family now.

 

[Mara]

*woops*

I dropped the new expensive food processor and it broke.

Guess I will have to use my other one.

 

[cinnabar]

Can you say "Gee, thanks, that''s very thoughtful, but we really don''t have room for something so big right now in our tiny apartments, so we hope you don''t mind if we store it safely at your house until we move somewhere bigger, thanks so much" and then leave it at their house? Hopefully they will forget all about it by the time you do move, and if they do remember, then you can use Mara''s excellent suggestion.

 

[eks6426]

Could you return it?

Could you sell it?

Regift it?

 

[sydneycasandra]

Ahh! it''s so nice to have someone that understands! I have tried to explain this to a couple friends of mine (DF included) and they thought I was totally nuts.

They apparently have actually offered to DF to store the food processor at their house for us (which they have absolutely no room either, hahaha) until we eventually move in together and buy a bigger house. I truly don''t think that they offered this because they want to use it; although I''m not sure what the reason is to tell you the truth.

The other thing that confuses me so much is that they know we are both full-time professional (med and pharm) students and need so many other things so much more badly, like books and books and books and maybe an otoscope or something. BUT NOT ANOTHER FOOD PROCESSOR!

Why, even after DF gently and kindly explained to them that we didn''t need it, do they keep insisting? I think his dad has a bit of Alzheimer''s (he''s 71 so not unlikely) but the mom''s pretty with it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!?

Thank you for listening to my cathartic rambling; this food processor has already caused DF and I two fights and it doesn''t need to cause a third!

 

[flopkins]

hehe... I don''t know, it''s funny the things that seem like they ought to just blow over seem so magnified when wedding planning... at least, that''s how things seemed w/FI and I.

I''m glad they offered to store it. For whatever reason, they just seem really hung up on it, so I''d just accept it as graciously as I can... and just use the one you have happily!

FI''s mom bought these jade figurines for us in China - a dragon and pheonix, it symbolizes the bride/groom or something in Chinese. Anyway, they''re nice and all, but we really don''t have the space for them at home, and, I hate to admit, they''re not the highest quality... but what to do? Anyway, I think we''re just going to have them out at the reception on a table somewhere.... just one of those things, ya know?

I''ve kinda gotten to the point where w/the small things, I just say, ''Whatever makes you happy''... this has worked realllllyyy well for my parents, for his parents, for bridal party.... so in this case... I would just say.... if it makes you happy...

Do you think this is just their way of ''protesting'' your DW?

 

[decodelighted]

I love the title of this thread ... I was all WHAT can THIS be about.

Here''s the deal from my point of view ... 1) you can''t prevent other people from wasting their money 2) ya can''t really dictate what gifts people give you. (Registries are just GUIDES to help people who don''t have ideas, or want to get you what YOU want.)

If it was for your birthday or x-mas, would you feel so strongly about wanting to "control" their gift? It seems like control issues all the way around. You resent them for not spending their money wisely so that perhaps they could attend your D.W. And they won''t back down from the gift they want to give, just because you already own something similar ... because their judge theirs "superior" and that they "know best" - regardless of your storage situation or vegetarianism.

They can give you whatever they want but you don''t have to keep it, use it or store it. Once it''s given - it''s yours.

 

[selflove]

Oh what a bunch of DRAMA! How annoying!

I can totally relate to how annoyed you must be. I''m assuming this is a big item that will take up space to store--we don''t have space in our place for extra crap like that so it would annoy me too. If you don''t have space, let them store it for you. Indefinitely, if need be.

Smile and be gracious when you receive it. Don''t bring it up to FI anymore, it''s so not worth arguing over a kitchen appliance.

 

[sydneycasandra]

flopkins- you think two jade figurines are bad!?!

DF''s parents give him a new waterford crystal figurine every year for christmas.... and they have been for the past 15 or so. only after they gave him an entire set of waterford crystal cups and bowls and glasses and god knows what else that we never use, i''ve only seen once (when I helped him move into his house). we also have THREE different sets of bybee pottery; these combined items take up ALL of the cabinets in his laundry room. Every. Single. One.

this year, the crystal piece was a kitten. who gives a thirty-eight year old man a CRYSTAL FREAKING KITTEN for christmas!?

he always just says "thanks mom!"

p.s. she gave me a lovely slate cheese board and matching knife (both of which I really love) from crate + barrel, so she''s obviously not totally crazy or anything.

 

[gailrmv]

One word: Ebay.

(Is that two words?)

I don''t even usually read this thread but the title got me. I bought a food processor from Ebay last year and when it arrived it was a piece of crap completely different from the picture. Disputed, won. Went to Bed Bath and Beyond to just pay full price (well, with coupon hee hee). Anyways get home, open the box, and it is a used piece of crap in there!!! Someone had scammed the store. Rushed to return it, luckily they took my word. Thought maybe I was cursed to get a food processor, but finally got the right thing and it is awesome! (I have the large cuisinart, and also have the mini-prep, is that what you have?) I really having the smaller one for little jobs (chopping onion, guacamole, etc) and the bigger one is extremely useful for chopping veggies (salad for 10 in like 2 minutes!) and making doughs. Maybe if you decide to keep it, it will actually come in handy someday. I hope so! At least they are getting you something, although it is not what you wanted

 

[selflove]

Date: 3/28/2006 9:05:26 PM
Author: sydneycasandra

this year, the crystal piece was a kitten. who gives a thirty-eight year old man a CRYSTAL FREAKING KITTEN for christmas!?

ROTFLMAO!!!!! That''s hysterical!

 

[flopkins]

hehehe okay you''ve definitely got me beat on the crystal - you ought to sell them on ebay...

 

[glitterata]

Hey, which food processor is it? I'm in the market. J/K, sort of. (I really am planning to buy one. Actually, I DID buy one, but I'm afraid it's too small, so I'll probably exchange it for a bigger one.)

Like a previous poster said, you don't have to keep it. "Thank you for that food processor. It was touching that you wanted to get us a nice gift. What? Do I use it a lot? Well, no, actually. We have a very small apartment, so we don't have room for it in our kitchen, especially since we already have a smaller food processor that I like very much. I gave the big one to charity."

Okay, I probably wouldn't say that. But I'd fantasize about it!

My favorite inappropriate wedding present story: My friend and her fiance were living in a tiny NYC apartment. You could stand in the middle and pretty much touch all the walls. They barely had room for a bed. What did his Midwestern cousins give them? A porch glider.

Okay, then there was my cousin. She and I share unpleasant memories of a mean relative who liked to fill her house with hideous knicknacks. For my wedding present, my cousin gave me a nightgown that was custom made for the mean relative, now deceased--who was NOT my size and shape. It was not new, though, the relative had often worn it. My cousin also gave us seven--count them, SEVEN--of the relative's largish, hideous knicknacks. (I'm another small-city-aparment dweller.) Then she called and wanted to know if I'd worn the nightgown on my wedding night.

The knicknacks went immediately to my favorite charity shop, where they hung around collecting dust for quite a while. I don't know if someone eventually bought them or if they ended up in the landfill.

 

[sydneycasandra]

I''d love to go through and ebay some stuff from DF (esp the crystal kitten!)

But, alas, his parents live about a half a mile away and so are over quite often... they might notice the missing cat and put signs up around the neighborhood!

Thanks again for everyone''s support; I''m still peeved about the food processor, but it least it''s not a dead relative''s nightgown! Ugh!