The ring search is taking over my life!

[goldenstar]

 

[goldenstar]

I tried to fix the post but I don''t know what happened so here it goes again...

Here''s the dilemma. BF and I are planning to buy the ring around Feb of next year. But I''m already comsumed with looking for the perfect ring. So much so that it takes up way too much of my time. I would love to put it out of my mind for now, and focus on other things, but I''m way too excited. I''m a law student and it certainly disctracts me from my work.

Am I nuts or did anyone else obsess this much? How do I make it stop?

 

[bee*]

I had the exact same obsession earlier this year! We arent buying the ring until next July but I became obsessed with it earlier on this year but for some reason common sense came back to me about 2 mths ago and Ive stopped obsessing since. I have a look the odd time but Im not consumed by it. Ive just gone back to college too so that has also taken my mind off it.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Oh Goldenstar, I''m right there with ya! I have a diamond, it''s just new a setting that I''m looking for. I spend *hours* every day on the web or driving to far-off places to see things. Just in the past week-and-a-half I''ve driven to three separate towns (one of them 80 miles away!) on the off chance that they might have *something* that I haven''t already seen. Not to mention the lunch hours that I spend trolling my local diamond district...

 

[firebirdgold]

Not sure how to help you... I also obsessed over the ring. The first thing I did when I woke up and turned on my computer every morning was check the antique ring site to see if there was anything new. The second thing was to then go check whiteflash and goodoldgold.

On the plus side it prevents you from obsessing too much over why you''re not engaged yet!

 

[janinegirly]

maybe it''s just me, but it seems a little shallow to be so obsessed over the ring. it should be about what the ring represents: his commitment to you to marry. And traditionally it is something HE chooses and you accept or decline. NOW, I know this is old school, and i''m not old fashioned, but just seems we should remind ourselves what it''s all about and where it all started. IE that''s fantastic that he''s made such a commitment to you, but geesh, let go of having the "perfect" ring and enjoy the moment. And let him have some choice in what the ring looks like, afterall he''s the one buying it and making a proposal.

 

[firebirdgold]

I respectfully disagree.

Chunk of frozen spit vs. Pretty sparkly.... Let''s face it, you don''t want your face to fall and to have to hide your disappointment when he hands you the former rather than the latter. I was all for mine choosing, and I''m very happy that the ring I have is one he selected as the perfect one for us. (And I love the fact that he''s still very proud of it!) But I wasn''t about to let him loose on the online diamond world without a little guidance (or a list of options in my case).

There are some men out there who have as big a mental block on learning about diamonds beyond their molecular structure as I do on learning plumbing.

 

[goldenstar]

I know that the ring is not the most important thing, but its the option of some men to allow their partners to help in the selection. We all wouldn''t be looking around for rings if we didn''t already have a conversation with our boyfriends where we discussed how we were going to pick out the ring. To each his own right?

We all have different interests, and some people like jewelry. Some people like paintings or poetry. Theres beauty in all these things.

Of course the commitment is far more important than the ring. But my Bf would rather spend his money on something that I love, instead of something I have lukewarm feelings about. If he didn''t get me a ring at all, would I still marry him? Of course.

 

[goldenstar]

thanks everyone, now i don''t feel like such a nutcase. i definitely have obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to this.

i was ready to commit myself for psychiatric observation.

 

[anchor31]

Of course you understand that the commitment is the important part... Wanting a beautiful sparklie doesn''t mean you''ve forgotten that or that you''re shallow. I would have said yes to my FI even if he''d proposed without a ring and I told him so, but he insisted on buying one. When he gave me his budget, I got obsessed too! I was pretty much like Indie, looking at WF and GOG and PS every morning... It calmed down after a little while, though. Something that might help is to keep looking, but less and less every day.

Good luck, it''s such an exciting time!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Date: 9/21/2006 1:08:46 PM
Author: goldenstar
i was ready to commit myself for psychiatric observation.

Ha ha -- if you commit yourself make sure it is a LARGE ward because you will have plenty of company in there with you!

 

[janinegirly]

yes to each his own. but your post indicated you were obsessing and worried if this was "normal". Normal is subjective, but if you''re asking, then you must see it as possibly being OTT too.
In that vein, I was responding that as an outsider, yes it seems obsessive and maybe just take a deep breath and remember what''s important in life and your relationship. Then, maybe that''ll take the edge of this intense need to find the perfect ring.
And if the 2 of you have discussed it, then why not BOTH go looking and equally try to find what is most suitable. To me, the way the ring looks/how many carats is pretty low on my list of priorities in moving my relationship forward.

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 9/21/2006 1:16:43 PM
Author: janinegirly
yes to each his own. but your post indicated you were obsessing and worried if this was ''normal''. Normal is subjective, but if you''re asking, then you must see it as possibly being OTT too.
In that vein, I was responding that as an outsider, yes it seems obsessive and maybe just take a deep breath and remember what''s important in life and your relationship. Then, maybe that''ll take the edge of this intense need to find the perfect ring.
And if the 2 of you have discussed it, then why not BOTH go looking and equally try to find what is most suitable. To me, the way the ring looks/how many carats is pretty low on my list of priorities in moving my relationship forward.

yes, thats good advice: to think about whats important in life and the relationship. i really would rather think about other things right now. it just feels like the night before christmas and i can''t focus.

it is a little OTT, I just wanted to see if it was common. i guess thats a better word than "normal".

we have looked at rings together, and we talked about what he thinks is nice, but his eyes glazed over when the jewelers started explaining things. kinda like the way mine did when i went with him to buy a new truck. i just didn''t get it and i was totally bored, but he was all worked up and excited. this is my "new truck".

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 9/21/2006 1:59:59 PM
Author: goldenstar
yes, thats good advice: to think about whats important in life and the relationship. i really would rather think about other things right now. it just feels like the night before christmas and i can''t focus.

it is a little OTT, I just wanted to see if it was common. i guess thats a better word than ''normal''.

we have looked at rings together, and we talked about what he thinks is nice, but his eyes glazed over when the jewelers started explaining things. kinda like the way mine did when i went with him to buy a new truck. i just didn''t get it and i was totally bored, but he was all worked up and excited. this is my ''new truck''.

And it''ll last a lot longer too!

I like the rephrasing of "normal" to "common"... although really, who wants to be normal anyway?

I think a lot of us on here are natural researchers and analyzers, and that aspect of the diamond-search is almost as appealing as the end result! Personally, knowing the amount of time and effort my fiance and I put into the "hunt" makes it all the more meaningful every time I glance down at my finger... which I do about, oh, 10,000 times a day. Which brings me to the next point: the obsession definitely doesn''t end after you get the ring!!

If you think you''re having trouble focusing now, just wait til you''re out to dinner with relatives and the lighting in the restaurant is JUST right... or in a big arena for a sporting event and the sparkles are going crazy... or reaching for your digital camera every time you step outside...... in other words, welcome to Pricescope!

 

[Fancy605]

Oh, honey, you are not alone. This whole ring search started off very exciting for me, but then my b/f and I just started getting frustrated. LUCKILY I have FINALLY found a setting I adore, and we are close to finding just the right stone.

It''ll calm down once you figure out what you want!

 

[lilmissjaja]

hye,

I am like you too...!!! most probably we are going to buy the ring in nov / dec, but I cannot keep my mind of rings. spend to much time surfing pricescope and local jewelery webstore..

I even had nightmare where he bought me the wrong ring, and I didnt like it at all...

 

[Curls]

Author: ephemery1
I think a lot of us on here are natural researchers and analyzers, and that aspect of the diamond-search is almost as appealing as the end result! Personally, knowing the amount of time and effort my fiance and I put into the "hunt" makes it all the more meaningful every time I glance down at my finger

I could not have said that better, ephemery! Not that I have a ring to glance down at yet, but I know that''s how I feel it will be. Searching and finding the perfect anything is just who I am. If I weren''t spending so much time doing this, my BF would think I wasn''t excited or interested.

Obsessing...it''s my specialty. When I have the wedding, when I purchase my first home, when I decide to have children you can bet I''ll be spending even more time researching.

 

[sk8rjen]

Don''t feel bad about obsessing! Think of it like this -- you''re researching something that you will be wearing the rest of your life. It has to hold up to a LIFETIME of appreciation. Every time you see that symbol of your love, you want to be reminded that you love him/he loves you, not "I wish I had something else" or worse yet "this just isn''t me." I think that the ring is as important to most men as it is to women, but mostly as something they know they have to present to be engaged. For women, it''s about the symbol, but like most things in our estrogen-filled life, our style matters! I guess I''m responding to Janinegirly here too, b/c I think we ALL agree that what we obsess over has everything to do with getting to spend the rest of our lives with the man we love and the ring is that ultimate symbol (yes there are those who are just about getting the bling, but I have not seen much of that around here despite it being a diamond website).

Obsess away, and have fun!!!!

jen

 

[larussel03]

I think obsessing over this is fine and normal. But since you *are* a law student, you should prob try to limit the research to an hour or so a day b/c I''m sure that you are really busy and don''t want to end up behind. When I was in the process of getting engaged, I was obsessed too...and to be honest, if he had proposed without a ring it''d still have been great and wonderful, but knowing that you are getting a ring makes it really fun and I think that with the mundane day to day stuff, having something new and fun to think about easily becomes a HUGE distraction!

Have fun but get ur work done!!