''The Talk'' rescheduled.. ugh.

[curiopotter]

There''s so much drama going on with my mom right now, I don''t even have the energy to type all of this out, but basically, she can''t handle ANYTHING anymore. She can''t handle having lunch-dates, or appointments, or any kind of change or disruption in her life. She apparently was sooo frazzled by my dad telling her last night that my bf was going to have lunch with them, that she went completely insane this morning and started a bunch of arguments with my brother and my dad. My brother was supposed to drop off the kids this afternoon

Why can''t my mother handle anything?!!!!! IT''s just LUNCH!!!!!!!

My grandmother is the SAME WAY. She almost ruined our last week in Puerto Rico creating drama behind my back. And I REALLY don''t have the energy to post THAT story...

 

[cl2ysta1]

midlife crisis???

menopause???

or is that just how they''ve always been?

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear that. Hope that things improve for you and your mum

 

[blingergrrrl]

Date: 9/1/2007 12:28:36 PM
Author:curiopotter
There''s so much drama going on with my mom right now, I don''t even have the energy to type all of this out, but basically, she can''t handle ANYTHING anymore. She can''t handle having lunch-dates, or appointments, or any kind of change or disruption in her life. She apparently was sooo frazzled by my dad telling her last night that my bf was going to have lunch with them, that she went completely insane this morning and started a bunch of arguments with my brother and my dad. My brother was supposed to drop off the kids this afternoon

Why can''t my mother handle anything?!!!!! IT''s just LUNCH!!!!!!!

My grandmother is the SAME WAY. She almost ruined our last week in Puerto Rico creating drama behind my back. And I REALLY don''t have the energy to post THAT story...

Ok, I don''t know you or your background so it you read this as insulting in anyway or I am way off base, please disregard.

It sounds like your mother and grandmother are sucking the life from you. It sounds like drama is a way for them to be the center of attention at the expense of everyone around them. This is NOT a healthy relationship. I would continue to make plans with everyone (them included) and if they have a fit, tell them the plans will go on without them and do not give in to their drama. They aren''t contributing anyways. You need to stop letting them control your life and drain your energy.

They really sound like emotional vampires. I lived with one... For a definition: "There are people in this world who do everything in their power to boost your spirits and fill your heart with hope and joy, but then there are also people who will do everything in their power to bring you down and drain you of all your hope and joy, and those are the ones who can be considered ''emotional vampires.''"

For example, you may have an emotional vampire in your life if, upon experiencing something truly wonderful, such as a big job promotion, you have a friend or a romantic partner who then takes the opportunity to knock the wind right out of your sails by saying: "Oh congrats, but don''t you think you''re getting in way over your head? I mean now you''ll have to work late most nights. Plus, you''ll probably have way more responsibility than you can possibly handle."

(see: http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/06/05/31/how_to_beware_of_emotional_vampires_intent_on_draining_you_of_all_your_precious_emotional_strength.htm )

How to Protect Yourself
1. KNOW THEM, KNOW THEIR HISTORY, AND KNOW YOUR GOAL
The way to anticipate vampires is by knowing how they''ve acted in the past. Chances are pretty good that they''ll do the same thing in the future. The big mistake you can make with vampires is assuming, without evidence, that though their record has been bad in the past, that they have learned their lesson, and will do better this time. When you deal with vampires, always ask yourself what you''re trying to accomplish and why. If you''re not sure, don''t do anything until you''ve thought about it carefully.

2. GET OUTSIDE VERIFICATION
Vampires want you to listen to them alone. To control you, they''ll try to isolate you from your usual sources of information. Always check out what they say with a trusted friend, especially when you''d rather not. Vampires can''t operate in the light of day.

3. DO WHAT THEY DON''T
To prevail over Emotional Vampires you must rush in where they fear to tread. Your greatest strengths lie in doing the things you can do that vampires can''t.

4. PAY ATTENTION TO ACTIONS, NOT WORDS
What vampires say is often very different from what they do. To avoid being drained, always focus on what they do.

5. IDENTIFY HYPNOTIC STRATEGY
Vampires are consummate hypnotists. When you see through the smoke and mirrors, their illusions don''t work nearly so well.

6. PICK YOUR BATTLES
To be an effective vampire fighter, you have to be able to pick the important battles and ignore the rest. You also have to avoid fighting battles you can''t possibly win.

7. LET CONTINGENCIES DO THE WORK
A contingency is an if-then situation. If someone does a particular thing, then certain consequences will follow. The only way Emotional Vampires learn anything is by experiencing the consequences of their own behavior. If you''re ever tempted to rescue a vampire, think about what you''re teaching him or her about how the game of life is played.

8. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS AS CAREFULLY AS YOU PICK YOUR BATTLES
With Emotional Vampires what you say, how you say it, and when you say it are
all crucial to the outcomes you are likely to achieve.

9. IGNORE TANTRUMS
When vampires don''t get their way, they throw tantrums. They can explode into all sorts of emotional outbursts whose only purpose is to get you to give in. Don''t.

10. KNOW YOUR OWN LIMITS
Dealing with Emotional Vampires requires a lot of effort. They may be worth it, they may not. Only you can decide. Sometimes it''s better to run away, or not get involved in the first place


Soo...all this is said with only the best intentions. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Harleigh]

Aww, curio, I''m so sorry you''re having a hard time right now.

Please try to hang in there and come to us if you need to vent some more.

Sending hugs your way!

 

[Delster]

Curio hope things are on the way to being sorted out. We''re thinking of you.