The waiting is killing me...

[azure13NJ]

I don''t know what to do- I am absolutely obsessed and driving myself crazy!!!
A friend of mine from work got engaged 2 weeks ago- she had all the girls over for a pasta night on Thursday. I was so excited to go and hear the story and see her amazing ring.
I get there and realize that I am the only one in the group who isn''t engaged or married. Everyone starts going over their own proposal stories and how fun wedding planning is. The conversation turns to me- they ask "So when is Joe (the bf) going to propose?" I was like "You gotta ask him that question- I have no clue." Then they ask "How long have you been dating?"

I say "four and a half years"
They say "oooooooh." You know- the kind of Oh that means "That''s an awful long time, I''m sorry it''s taking so long, what is wrong with him"
Danielle (my recently engaged friend) says "I totally thought you would be before me".. which makes me feel even worse.

Gaaah what is taking him so long!!?? We''ve discussed marriage, the ring is picked, and he basically told me that everything else from that point was in his hands.. I had no more say. I was really hoping to be engaged before the end of this year, but who knows now. He''s a really really good liar, and I have no idea what is going on... he totally wanted it that way. But it''s also making me think that maybe it won''t ever happen and he''s just trying to placate me until i''m so jaded that I don''t care anymore! (which is totally not like him, but I''m uber-paranoid right now)

How are you guys dealing with this? I''m about to implode!!! Please help!!
Thanks girls!

Azure

 

[anchor31]

Welcome to PS, Azure!

First, coming here to vent and get advice is a good idea. Getting some outside perspective is always a good thing.

Second, try to give yourself a talk. For example: "All right Azure. You desperately want your boyfriend to propose. All your friends are engaged or married and you''re ready for that with Joe too, and you''re getting impatient. That''s understandable. But you know he has the ring and you know he''s going to do it, it''s just a matter of time. So all you have to do now is relax, hang out with the LIWs on PS and vent there when needed so you don''t get mad at Joe all the time, and indulge in your obsession a bit. It''s going to be just fine."

Third, what really helped me to stop obsessing is, as I mentionned, to indulge in the obsession a little. Start doing some pre-engagement planning. We all do it. Check out this thread: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-much-pre-engagement-wedding-planning.35583/ Getting it out of your system works wonders.

Sharing with the other LIWs is like a therapy for most of us. When I joined PS a month ago, I was ready to burst and now I''m rather calm about this (and I don''t think my SO is going to propose before another one or two years...). I decided to accept the situation, otherwise I knew it would hurt our relationship.

I hope this helps! He already has the ring, so it can''t be that far away!

 

[fatafelice]

HI, Azure! Welcome to PS from another Jersey Girl (well, transplanted, but close enough...)!

I don''t have much to add, Anchor had some really good points. I just keep reminding myself that it will all be as it is meant to be in the end...and I spent a lot of time reading around here!

 

[MissAva]

Azure are you my twin? I live in NJ sometimes (I also reside in AL and GA) and I have been dating my BF for nearly 5 years. It sucks to have to deal with everyone else judgements about my relationship, and I think everyone else on here has to deal with that too.
Venting here is a great way to avoid saying something you dont really mean, or from biting your BF''s head off.

I think we ought to have a LIW NJ get together. Fatafelice where are you now? Where were you before? How about you Azure? Are ya''ll North, South or central?

 

[fatafelice]

Matatora, that is so funnny, because I have sometimes thought that you were MY twin!

I live in Belmar (Monmouth Co., on the shore, I guess we count as central Jersey), but I grew up in the South (Jacksonville, FL) and went to school in SC (Clemson). So we both have that North/South thing going on!

I definitely think a NJ meeting would be fun...we could all plan a trip to GOG...

 

[MissAva]

I live in Bernards Mountain in Somerset county, I am not 100% but I think you are near me. I am an Air Force brat but I went to HS in NJ and my parents settled there.

Good Old Gold here we come!

 

[Evie75]

Oh dont worry, I feel your pain, trust me you are not the only one... and yes at least he HAS the ring, so you know he going to do it, so just try to calm down and make the anticipation good and fun, i know its difficult butyou can do it.

I myself am having a very hard time with waiting... all the people my bf and I hang out with are married or engaged! I just really wanna start my life with the love of my life, and at the same time i dont want to rush it and miss anyting, i really want to enjoy it, the wait is just pure torture. I hate that I feel envious but its only natural. And now I find myself gettting very short with him snapping at him and being angry,, im also feeling insecure and very jealous and i hate it whats wrong with me and im never like that..im a strong confidant woman, and lately ive been turning into this insecure little freak... but i know it has to do with not being engaged yet, and i hope it goes away SOON!!! SO i try not to think about it.. and when I do get crazy i just come here and read other stories and its therapy i feel so much better.

so vent all you want.

 

[Caribou]

What is wrong with those girls? I mean, they probably mean well but I''m guessing they''ve all been in your place before and know what it feels like to be asked those type of questions. It''s excusible from your 80 year old great aunt but not from your friends. Like you have control over what your boyfriend does.

Sorry I don''t mean any disrespect to your girlfriends it just irks me when people ask questions like that...I think they are not only going to the wrong source for answers but the questions are rude.

All of my friends but one is married, and of all the ones that are married they either have kids or are going to start having kids. I''d like for them to wait for me to get to the next phase before moving on. So I totally feel your pain. In the mean time, have some witty come backs to their questions.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/15/2005 12:50:19 PM
Author: Caribou
In the mean time, have some witty come backs to their questions.

Any suggestions?

 

[MissAva]

Were not quite so old as your are so we dont have to worry about having kids just yet. *only if they are older and really bitchy*

Custom creations take time, he doesnt want to me to wear something that just anyone could walk into a store and buy.

I am evil I will think of more rotten things to say later, in the mean time go read some thing by Dorothy Parker, she is my hero.

 

[Waited2Long]

"We''re just happy to be so in love."

4 1/2 years isn''t all that long, based on the poll. 12% of us have been dating for 6-7 years! Depends on age too, doesn''t it?

 

[azure13NJ]

Matatora-
I''m in Somerset Cty also- Franklin Park. A PS gtg would be awesome....

I''m trying to calm down about the wait... i got a little bit of a hint that it will be before March 06, and he keeps saying it will be "sooner than I think." However, we all know that boy-soon and girl-soon are two different things. If it were up to me he''d be proposing tonight while I washed dishes after dinner... Ha!

But we''ll see. I just am so excited to be his fiancee! It''s not even completely about the ring~ even though that is an awesome bonus!!


And 4.5 years isn''t that long.... but it''s a long time when you know it''s something you really really want!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 11/15/2005 3:43:46 PM
Author: azure13NJ
Matatora-

And 4.5 years isn''t that long.... but it''s a long time when you know it''s something you really really want!

We got engaged a little after 4 years and I THOUGHT it was a LONG wait! Maybe I am older than you. That is great that you feel that way. I guess you are much calmer than I was.

Just ignore your friends. We got lots of questions about why we weren''t married too. It''s human nature. Honestly I think the same thoughts about people but usually say nothing. Waiting and being frusterated with your BF is a different issue than being frusterating with your friends. I am sure it will happen soon enough.