This is supposed to be good news.... so why can''t I stop crying?

[MelissaSue]

Okay.. so basically.. I had a job interview yesterday.. they basically told me that I am going to have a job with them, but its not official yet because they need to make room for me.. if you see what i"m saying.. So it will be a few weeks to a month before I actually start there.. I don''t want to say too much about it.. because its not definite yet..

My father got me the interview.. and he is my current boss at my waitressing job.. So when I told him I got the job.. it was like he''s ready to push me out the door! I was totally planning on continuing to waitress at least a couple nights.. Not as much as I do now.. but at least some.. And then he was giving me some speil about how my hours at the other job wouldn''t allow me to waitress still.. but A)He doesn''t know that..he is just making assumptions.. I was the one AT the interview and it totally seemed from what they were telling me that I''d be able to at least some of the time. I didn''t come right out and ask, because I thought that would be sort of presumtuous as they hadn''t even offered me a job officially yet. If I can''t I won''t.. but If I can, I definitely want to.. So I told my father I planned on staying but he gets ideas in his head and won''t let them go.. So this happened last night

So then today I am at work and my father''s assistant manager comes over to me and says "How did your interview go?" so I told him.. and then he goes into this whole thing like "Thats great for you! You finally will be able to not work for your father.. I hated working for my parents because no one would ever tell me if I did anything wrong!" This pissed me off because i felt like he was making insinuations about me.. and also I just felt like my father sent him to see if he could convince me to leave.. I just really feel like they''re throwing me out.. I''ve been there for SIX YEARS this month.. and I feel like I''m a good employee. I just don''t see why they''re doing this to me..

Then my fiance got on me because I didn''t ask at the interview how much I was going to get paid. I DON"T EVEN HAVE A JOB YET!!! Am I wrong that you''re not supposed to ask about that sort of thing until you''ve been offered a job? Because my fiance seems to think that I am.. I really don''t even care about that as much.. my feelings are just really hurt over my other job.. and I guess him bugging me about that just set me off into another crying spell.. I just wish he could just be happy for me though..

I guess I can''t worry about it to much until I actually get the job and get more details..I just thought I''d be so happy about this.. and nothing seems to be going right.

 

[teebee]

Aw, that sucks MS. I hate it when things that are supposed to make us happy kinda make us feel lousy for a spell.

But, one thing you are right about here is that it is generally considered inappropriate or poor "interview etiquette" to discuss salary during the first interview - even if the interviewer brings it up the applicant is supposed to defer and say something like "I''d be more comfortable discussing salary once you''ve formally offered me the position" or something like that - you did fine so don''t stress!!! Sometimes, I''ve had employers say tell me a salary range for the position during an interview, but we didn''t get down to details until they were sure they wanted to hire me.

As for your dad... I dunno... My feelings would be hurt too, maybe you should tell him that his and his assistant mgr''s comments make you feel undervalued and as if they are excited to see you go - not necessarily for your own sake, but for theirs and you are confused, feeling like you''ve always worked hard for him?

Good luck, and congratulations!!! Even if you are not super thrilled now, it will work out!

 

[Tybee]

Oh Honey,
***hug*** it''s a big change. Big changes are scary. It''s like moving out of your parents'' house.
Crying is okay. Change is hard--- I always get super scared when I make a major job change or move or something.
I''m happy for you that the interview went well.

 

[JessesGrl]

getting a new job is stressful! When i got my first job post masters this summer I was freaked!!!! and no you bring up salary during the 2nd interview so your right!!! i cried everyday on the way to work my first week....it was scary being a "therapist", I needed a therapist!!!! good luck, it gets better I promise

 

[MelissaSue]

Thanks girls! I am glad that you all backed me up on the salary question thing.. I thought I was right on that.. but I''ve never really had a *real* job interview.. so I wasn''t sure. There is probably still no convincing my fiance of that.. but he''ll just have to deal.

As for the job thing.. you''re all right that its a big change.. and I am a person that is very scared of change.. Tybee you mentioned moving out of my parents house.. lol.. THAT TERRIFIES me! (I still live at home.. went away to college, but not very far..so I never really "left".. won''t move out til the wedding probably!).. but anyway.. i''m super excited about the new job.. but I really am not ready to give up my other job. For one, I could really use the extra cash.. I''ve been TERRIBLY broke ever since I stopped being a full time student and getting financial aid, so I could probably get things in order a lot faster if I had the extra waitressing income.. But more than that, I do have a big emotional attachment to the place.. I was talking to my one co-worker who started around the same time as I did about how my dad and the assistant manager had been saying stuff like that to me.. and that was when the crying started..I really *LIKE* my job.. even when I hate it.. I love my coworkers.. and the environment.. I mean.. I know I can''t stay forever.. (although some people do..).. but I don''t want to leave now unless i HAVE to.. And my sister made the point that after I start the new job my feelings might change and it might get to be too much..
which is true..and the thing is.. even though my dad is saying this stuff.. There is very little chance that they will fire me or anything.. so probably this will all pass and I''ll be able to do what I want.. So I can''t upset myself too much.

 

[selflove]

I''m sorry to hear you''re going through this! I think someone else suggested telling your dad how you feel, and I think that''s a good idea. Don''t worry about what your fiance said, you were right not to discuss salary if it''s your first interview. You can always discuss that down the road when you get closer to an offer. I''m sure your fiance is just feeling stressed himself and is also probably protective of you and wants to see you get the best compensation package you can.