THIS MAY BE A SILLY QUESTION...

[genette]

Does the husband always pay for the diamond upgrades or do they both chip in for the cost?

 

[coconutpig]

well...I guess a lot depends on how you set up your finances in general. I''m working on an upgrade, we''ve been married 17 years and we''ve always "pooled" all our money in one account, and we also have always earned roughly the same income. We don''t do "allowances", some people do, but it''s unneccessary for us. We spend what we want and consult on large purchases. it works perfectly for us. We are both very conservative. We don''t have money that''s "his" and money that''s "hers".

For this upgrade, he wants me to have whatever I want, but he also knows I''m conservative and won''t go overboard....

 

[Lorelei]

No rights or wrongs here - whatever works for the individual couple.

 

[ladykemma]

most married couples i know have "our money".

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/23/2006 5:31:46 AM
Author: coconutpig
well...I guess a lot depends on how you set up your finances in general. I''m working on an upgrade, we''ve been married 17 years and we''ve always ''pooled'' all our money in one account, and we also have always earned roughly the same income. We don''t do ''allowances'', some people do, but it''s unneccessary for us. We spend what we want and consult on large purchases. it works perfectly for us. We are both very conservative. We don''t have money that''s ''his'' and money that''s ''hers''.

For this upgrade, he wants me to have whatever I want, but he also knows I''m conservative and won''t go overboard....

Other than the fact that my husband earns a lot more than I do, I could have written this whole post!

 

[justjulia]

A good question. At my house, dh pays for the upgrades. But, I upgrade itsy bitsy steps at a time...he never knew what hit him (just kidding-we both get a thrill every time we upgrade). You have to get dh to think it''s his idea. lol lol

 

[diamondfan]

I am a stay at home mom, so I have no source of money of my own, dh is the breadwinner and basically I buy what I want (house things, clothes, makeup, etc) and we both discuss larger things like cars, major electronic epuipent etc) and for large jewelry stuff for gifts I tell him what I want...usually he listens!

 

[dbgaap]

I am a newlywed, but I am not a young newlywed.

So here is my perspective:

At first it was very important to me to keep completely separate finances but our trust has deepened enough that now we have combined the vast majority of our finances.

Nevertheless, he and I each have our own separate bank account (his has been called "the motorcycle account" since long before I knew him).


When I do something relatively minor, measured in hundreds of $, we talk about it and it''s no big deal for the money to come out of our household budget.
When I decided to upgrade the stone, I pulled from my account. I was spending thousands, not hundreds.

At this point, if I wanted something really bad, he''d prolly pull funds from his motorcycle account and pay for it. He likes to act chivalrous.
I''m getting a big bonus at the end of this project I''m on and I think I am going to dump some into his account and insist that he get one of those mechanical watches he likes to look at. Boy they are price-y!

I attribute much of our happy marriage to the fact that our financial situations & financial personalities are so compatible.

Marriage is a lot more than loving somebody & having the chemistry. Good teamwork counts for a lot of our happiness together.

I don''t think it''s a silly question.
It''s really a pretty profound question.

 

[ladykemma]

what we do: we can spend up to 1000 without consulting each other.

 

[Jensia]

I think the husband should pay for it. I pay for all my other jewlery. My husband payed for the upgrade. I had some side money to pay for a new band, but I think he should buy it, so I held off. Im finaly getting the new band in two weeks now that he has some overtime in. This will be the first band hes paid for. My first band was a plain gold one. My second I did pay for , it was a channel band I found on ebay real cheap, like 30 bucks,lol

This time I have white gold and want a nice bar set. Hes paying

Jensia

 

[AChiOAlumna]

For our 10-year anniversary, DH always wanted to upgrade my original w-set. When 10 years came around, there weren''t any more "yours" and "mine" when it came to money...everything became "ours." Although he asked me to set aside money for my upgrade every month as we saved for it, it went into "our" money market accounts.

 

[KristyDarling]

Date: 6/23/2006 8:47:11 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 6/23/2006 5:31:46 AM

Author: coconutpig

well...I guess a lot depends on how you set up your finances in general. I''m working on an upgrade, we''ve been married 17 years and we''ve always ''pooled'' all our money in one account, and we also have always earned roughly the same income. We don''t do ''allowances'', some people do, but it''s unneccessary for us. We spend what we want and consult on large purchases. it works perfectly for us. We are both very conservative. We don''t have money that''s ''his'' and money that''s ''hers''.


For this upgrade, he wants me to have whatever I want, but he also knows I''m conservative and won''t go overboard....

Other than the fact that my husband earns a lot more than I do, I could have written this whole post!

Ditto, DS!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/23/2006 8:41:23 AM
Author: ladykemma
most married couples i know have ''our money''.

the secret stash subject again?

 

[cutey TT]

Date: 6/23/2006 11:46:21 AM
Author: KristyDarling

Date: 6/23/2006 8:47:11 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 6/23/2006 5:31:46 AM

Author: coconutpig

well...I guess a lot depends on how you set up your finances in general. I''m working on an upgrade, we''ve been married 17 years and we''ve always ''pooled'' all our money in one account, and we also have always earned roughly the same income. We don''t do ''allowances'', some people do, but it''s unneccessary for us. We spend what we want and consult on large purchases. it works perfectly for us. We are both very conservative. We don''t have money that''s ''his'' and money that''s ''hers''.


For this upgrade, he wants me to have whatever I want, but he also knows I''m conservative and won''t go overboard....

Other than the fact that my husband earns a lot more than I do, I could have written this whole post!

Ditto, DS!

Second Ditto for me! At the beginning of our relationship, I earned more than DH (I was his sugar mama!), but now that is totally not the case. What''s his is mine and what''s mine is his! It works perfectly for us.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/23/2006 12:11:16 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 6/23/2006 8:41:23 AM
Author: ladykemma
most married couples i know have ''our money''.

the secret stash subject again?

Let''s not go there again, LOL

 

[kevinyonker]

I think the answer to your question is yes...and no. It all depends on the financial circumstances. I earn more in a montn than my fiancee does in a year. I bought her diamond and setting, I buy her clothing, her car, gas, insurance and pay any other bill that comes along. She asks for nothing financially from me. I do it because I can. If she earned as much or more than me, I would probably only spend money on her on birthdays, christmas, ect. FYI, although I am by far the "bread winner", I always consult my fiancee on any purchase I may be considering.

 

[blodthecat]

Date: 6/23/2006 6:55:12 AM
Author: Lorelei
No rights or wrongs here - whatever works for the individual couple.

Ditto!

 

[Mara]

it definitely depends on the couple. we have been married 2 years and i recently upgraded and we both work and we still have our own accounts...so i just started saving money every month, while still paying what i typically do for the household...if something surprising came up that would be either upgrade or something else, greg paid it, so that i could continue to save. so in essence he made it possible for me to continue to save for my upgrade, even though i technically paid for it. however, we refer to it as OUR upgrade because we did it together....it was a joint effort. just because i actually paid for it doesn't mean that it was all me. hope that makes sense.

for us, even though we still have separate accounts, we have slowly become better about viewing it all as 'our money' rather than independently the way we used to...because in essence if i can't pay for something, he has to and vice versa. stuff needs to just be taken care of, period. we discuss big things like the upgrade or a trip or a new car, and figure out how to make them happen. so our finances are inevitably tied together even though we just don't have one big pool account. it has been working out great so far. good luck!!

 

[SuzyQZ]

Unless your money is completely separate, married couples with comingled funds would pay out of their joint funds. If that's not the case, then I'd say whoever has more expendable income should finance the upgrade.

My husband and I usually save up for special purchases that are outside of our everyday living expenses by saving up for it. The money set aside in our savings can come from our salary, bonuses, interest income, tax refunds or ??. When we get a good chunk o' change then we sit down with our wish lists decide what we want to buy, sometimes its something for our kids (computers, ipods etc), sometimes for the whole family (vacations, big screen TV, etc.), sometimes for him (he has expensive taste in clothes and shoes!) and sometimes just me (diamonds of course!). It all depends on what we want and what we need at the time. I find this the best way to spend for luxury items, it lessens the buyers remorse because you've put it aside gradually and you don't take the "hit" all at once. No one has to go without in order to have something special.

 

[Kaleigh]

Hubby paid for my upgrade, but I paid for my asscher RHR. I chip in for tuitions, and other big expenses such as getting the house painted, furniture etc... Works well for us.

 

[dbgaap]

I must say I do like the way it feels when we are out and I start to take out my ATM card to pay for something and he shooes me away.

Then I do it to him sometimes, too.

The funny part is that both of our ATM cards access our joint checking account!!

Neither one of us has an ATM card for our separate fun account. The fun money has to be a little harder to get at. It adds to the thrill of the purchase!

 

[Julian]

Do couples really keep separate accounts? How does that work, exactly?

I have never heard of that before. Maybe it''s cultural? In most Asian families, the woman controls all of the finances no matter who earns more.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/23/2006 7:46:14 PM
Author: Julian
Do couples really keep separate accounts? How does that work, exactly?

I have never heard of that before. Maybe it''s cultural? In most Asian families, the woman controls all of the finances no matter who earns more.

OK, you''re making me wish I was Asian, lol!

My DH and I are "caucasian"--basically we''re both mutts but I have some native American thrown in... We keep separate accounts, though. We have a "full disclosure" thing going and it has worked well for us. My DH receives quarterly bonuses, and that''s our "fun" money. Otherwise, we live on our salaries and throw some extra into a joint savings account when possible. We each pay our own credit card bills, but we both contribute to the mortgage, car payment, and household bills/expenditures. Any jewelry is normally a "gift" that he takes out of his bonus.

This thread has got me thinking about upgrades...I honestly will leave that decision up to DH if he ever feels like my 1.5 needs to be upgraded. I have sentimental feelings about the stone even if it''s not the biggest or most perfect. Now other jewelry, I''m TOTALLY open to (and have in the past) making "suggestions" to my husband.

Just the other night I dropped a big suggestion for my 30th birthday next year and he was like, "when is this going to end?" Hee hee, I told him probably never.

He just shook his head and looked kind of sad for a minute, then he asked me how much I thought it would cost him and to give him another heads up in a few months.

He''s such a good sport!

 

[Julian]

Wow, you two are smart!

In most Asian families, the woman controls the finances and the man usually has to ask for funds to do this and that!

That''s the way it is in my household -- of course we talk about major purchases first. In the end, it sounds like whether you keep separate or joint accounts, it''s all the same.

Left pocket or right pocket, same wealth.

 

[CareBear]

I am paying for my own upgrade (when I get it that is). But I say "me" because we only recently got married and haven''t really combined our assets yet. So if I get my upgrade anytime soon, it would definitely be coming out of my bank account

 

[lizz]

We both pay for diamond upgrades together.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Wow...I cannot imagine having seperate accounts for each person within the marriage! I am not married yet, but plan to have me and my FF's money in the same "pot" so to speak. It will be "our" money, not his or mine. That's how I think it would work best at least. As long as we aren't married we will have our own seperate banking, but once we are united it will become one.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/23/2006 7:46:14 PM
Author: Julian
Do couples really keep separate accounts? How does that work, exactly?

I have never heard of that before. Maybe it''s cultural? In most Asian families, the woman controls all of the finances no matter who earns more.

you should of told me this 20 yrs ago.

j/k.we always had separate accounts.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/23/2006 9:45:19 PM
Author: Julian
Wow, you two are smart!

In most Asian families, the woman controls the finances and the man usually has to ask for funds to do this and that!

That''s the way it is in my household -- of course we talk about major purchases first. In the end, it sounds like whether you keep separate or joint accounts, it''s all the same.

Left pocket or right pocket, same wealth.

It''s not like we have separate accounts based on trust issues, at all. It''s just that we were both pretty "established" when we met, became engaged, and then married, and we have never seen a need to pool all of our money into one account.

We both come from families in which the father was considered "head of household" and the mother, on my side didn''t work outside the home, on his side was a nurse for many year and still works to this day at 65. Both of our fathers took care of every aspect of the finances. I guess we''ve both seen the negative side to this and have taken it upon ourselves to change the way we were brought up. Therefore it has worked out best for us to keep separate accounts from which we can draw our spending money, etc. and not have to answer to anyone over trivial expenditures. That''s just us, though, and I''m not trying to sway anyone in any direction by posting this. As long as you have a mutual trust in each other, communicate well when it comes to money (or anything, for that matter), finances will probably not become a huge issue.

 

[Mara]

"Left pocket or right pocket, same wealth."

_______________

This is basically what I was saying in my post...whereas we have our same separate accounts from before we were married, in the end it's the same big pool of you pay it or i pay it but SOMEONE has to pay it. it's not surprising at all to me that couples have separate accounts esp if they get married a little later in life when they are older and used to being independent...it's very hard to go from managing your own money and investments for 10-15 years on your own to just saying 'here's the check honey'. It can be a bit of a struggle too to also start to view things as together vs than separate. We have done a really good job so far, 2 years into the marriage...the whole left or right pocket, it's all the same in the end. We will probably merge accounts at some point but we honestly are just too lazy to deal with how we'd change things if we went totally joint. Right now this works for us....we know who pays what and where the money goes..we also own a house together and we do also have joint accounts as well, so it's not like it's a trust issue at all, it's just that we have our two main accounts and we just kept it that way so far mostly out of laziness.

I also kind of figure, if it ain't broke then don't fix it. Money troubles, fights, tribulations can be a huge thing in a marriage, it's a prime reason for fights and people name it as the #1 reason for divorce over time, so I figure if it works then leave it be!!! There are other WAY more fun things to concentrate on in the marriage than separate or joint accounts. hehee.