This place is great but....

[Patchee]

When I was going through the "I need/want/just have to be married right now" moments this place just made me more sad, but happy for others who were taking the step towards marriage. This place gives me mixed emotions of what I want in life with my boyfriend. For those who helped me figure my stuff out previously, you were so wonferful/supportive and I thanked you a million for your kind words.

BUT, comes to this.. If I did not surf into this site to begin with I probably would have never got up the strenghth to have the "talk" with my guy, which I am overly happy that I did, it is comforting knowing where we are at. Although, I probably never would have thought about leaving him because marriage is something that is more towards the back burner for him. Coming here everyday reading everyones joy and woes I think made me NUTS!! Not kidding. I would go home every night and be sad at my guy, this site - about the whole marriage things.

I searched myself, my heart and after looking up every relationship site, getting every book available out there and taking some "out" time I have come to the decision that I love my guy with all my heart. A ring and a paper is becoming nothing to me, I understand the significance to it, don''t get me wrong but I feel that he is/will be my life partner ... for my lifetime. We have no major problems in our relationship besides the difference of to marry and to not marry. Although it is a biggy, I still, am happy and in love (full blown, like we just met) as I was 2.5 years ago with my guy. I am blessed to have such a great guy, I don''t feel like I am selling my self short any longer.

Just wanted to share my feelings with you Ladies. You are the best and I wish you all so much luck & love in your future endeavors. Hugs- Patchee!

 

[sumbride]

Hey Patchee-

If you honestly feel that way, then good for you!!! But if you''re feeling that way because you feel it''s all you''ll have with him, then maybe do a bit more soul-searching. I can''t tell which it is... only you know that for sure, but if you really don''t need marriage to be happy and having him as a life partner is enough, then I''m glad you''ve been able to come to that conclusion. If that''s the case, then we shouldn''t still be making you nuts!

Marriage isn''t for everybody and not everybody needs it. But everybody, and I do mean EVERYBODY, should have the right to it if that''s what they want.

Sum

 

[Patchee]

Right on Sumbride!!!!! Your a really cool person here and your advice has always been stellar!!!! i love you guys here.. I do feel very cool, confident and comfortable with my decisions!!

 

[Mara]

Sumbride 'summed' it up perfectly (ha ha i made a funny!!)....I'm glad you seem to have come to terms with your reality Patchee...but I would also urge for you to continue to question your future...because no one should have to settle on something so large as marriage. People always say cute trite things like Love is enough or Love is all that matters, but I don't really believe that. There's more to a long-term happy life together than only Love.

I guess if I were you I'd be questioning why if we had such a fabulous relationship....he didn't want to marry me. Why he wanted things to stay the way they were, great and all. Why he was so afraid of 'change'. Was I not good enough to be married to. Those kind of questions would definitely eat away at me. Was he always such a non-traditionalist? I throw this out here because I kind of feel like maybe you are just trying to convince yourself that you don't really need to be married as long as you have him. And to me that's settling. Sure you found MR. Right but that doesn't mean what you want is not important.

Anyway, I won't babble on and on with all my own feelings on the subject, but whatever you decide, good luck to you and him, and I hope you don't sell yourself short just because of love.

 

[sk8rjen]

I agree with these ladies, but I think that because most of us here want marriage, the general concensus will be for you to keep "rethinking" this just to be sure. While I think that, to a point, IS good advice, I also think you are realizing what''s truly important right now (a man you love, an established relationship). So I had a couple of thoughts if you were still a bit on the fence -- maybe he''d be open to some sort of commitment ceremony (personal to just you 2) that would give you guys a more formal way to make those vows and eliminate the "paper." And maybe (since this IS a *diamond* site

) he''d be willing to give you some sort of "token" to that committment.?...

My first love has been with his girlfriend/common-law wife since 1993 and have had a small commitment ceremony, but have never made anything official through church or state, and they are truly happy together and I expect that will continue. You just have to be on the same page. I''m glad you are figuring out what you want and I hope you get all you need!

ps I agree that this site makes us more anxious --- but I don''t know personally what I ever did without PS and LIW''s!

Take care, Patchee,
jen

 

[Mara]

sk8...i totally agree that marriage is not for everyone...i have a friend couple that was together for 10 years and even had a baby and did not want to get married. but they BOTH agreed that marriage was not something they were interested in and neither of them cared. they did get married after the 2nd child and i think it was more for legal reasons (aka in case of death or similar) than for anything else, but they never really told anyone (she told me kind of by accident!) and it really wasn't a big deal to them, they don't wear rings etc. so yes i agree that some people just don't want marriage and that is not a big deal...but in this situation, they BOTH didn't want marriage, they both could care less. it wasn't like one really wanted it and the other was like no way. i'm sure that if she or he had wanted it, they would have done it. they knew they were going to spend forever together, the paper just didn't matter to them til they had kids.

so anyway without rambling too much, i agree that marriage is not for all, i just think that one should be VERY SURE that they are just not settling because one person doesn't want to get married and the relationship seems 'good enough' as is. giving up marriage is a huge sacrifice for someone who WANTS to be married. that's all i am saying.

 

[sk8rjen]

Absolutely, positively, 100% agree with you, Mara.

 

[bee*]

I agree with everyone else. If you are truly happy with this, then that is great and I am very happy for you and your decision. However if at the back of your mind you would still love to get married to your man, then I would maybe think about bringing it up with him at a later date in the future. If it was me, while I am ok with not getting engaged at the moment, I would really be devastated not to get married to him in the future. Even if it was just the two of us getting married somewhere by ourselves, I would like him to give that commitment to me and me to him.