THought on a "Honeymoon Registry"?

[surfgirl]

So, we're an older couple, first marriage for us both. But we've lived together for years and we have all the housewares one usually gets as wedding gifts. We're planning on eloping, but I've been told I should register "just in case" and I know family and friends will probably want to send something anyway...but we're all set up and dont need coffee makers, or a margarita pitcher

I was reading a wedding magazine and they had a little blurb about "Honeymoon Registries" so I looked a couple of them up (honeymoon.com and destinationhoneymoons.com) to see what they looked like. It's really the only thing I'd love help with since it's a big expense. You can list things like "night at X resort", "romantic beach picnic", beach massage for two", etc.

My question is...I know it's a newer approach to registries but is it tacky or not? I dont want to be tacky! But hell, I dont need a toaster either and we could use some help with the honeymoon...Thoughts pro and con would be appreciated! Thanks

 

[Mara]

my cousin and his wife did this. i thought it was cute. but we just ended up giving them a check and figured they could do whatever they wanted with it.

some people also register for things like wines or other out-of-the-box kind of things they are ''into'' that are not typical registry fare. i think it makes it interesting hehee.

 

[jcrow]

we registered for our honeymoon besides a couple of other more mainstream registry places. in the end only one person got us something off of the honeymoon registry. and had he not have told us that he did, we would have never known who to send the thank you card too b/c the company we registered with just sent us a check. no mention of who bought it for us.

eta: i guess if i were to register again, i wouldn't register for the honeymoon.

 

[AmberWaves]

Well, (again with the FI's cousin), they have a honeymoon registry- even though I already know her dad is paying for it. So that's a little weird. I've heard some of the registries make you pay ahead of time for your trip, and then they send you a check after all the "gifts" come in. Some of them also take a cut of the money for the work they did for you. On the cousin's registry you can apply money towards "snorkeling trips" or a night in the condo or the flights.

While we aren't taking our honeymoon until after we can afford it, I still wouldn't do it even if it meant an earlier honeymoon. it just seems like a more organized way of asking for money- IMHO. I also think that a few couples who are relying on this registry to determine if they're taking a honeymoon or not might be taking a huge risk. What if people pay for breakfast in bed, but no one buys your room stays or flights? That would suck.

ETA; Jcrow, you know I'm insane about this.

Hope I didn't offend you on the "other" place.

 

[jcrow]

na no offense.

 

[sumbride]

Just be careful... a lot of the registry places take a huge cut!

One of my co-workers just did this with Marriott because she''s staying at one of their resorts. Her registry was just for the "extras" so I''m assuming they were planning on going whether people used the registry or not, but it was kind of fun to buy them the breakfast buffett for one day. She''s a BIG FAN of breakfast... I see her making it in the work kitchen every morning... so it was very fitting! And other people kicked in for the couples massage, the spa package, wine with dinner, etc...

 

[tanyak]

My understanding of a honeymoon registry is this: The couple should still be responsible for the bread and butter of the trip - flights, hotel stay, most meals. The "gifts" should be extras like snorkeling, champagne breakfast, massages, horseback rides, etc.

I really don''t have a problem with it. I''m not sure if I would buy anything from it because honestly, those activities would probably cost more than I typically spend on a gift ($50-75). That said, a lot of people do find them tacky.They feel it''s still paying for part of the wedding event, which guests shouldn''t do. Sort of like a couple hosting the reception, but the guests having to spring for the cake or champagne toast. Just from other boards I read, most people aren''t crazy about them.

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 5/2/2007 1:45:06 PM
Author: AmberWaves
What if people pay for breakfast in bed, but no one buys your room stays or flights? That would suck.

I keep wondering the same thing.

I''ve heard that the companies take a bit of a cut, so I''d be much more inclined to just give the bride and groom a check if I hear that they don''t really need anything. (By the way, one way to signal this is to have traditional registries set up with minimal stuff on them -- maybe five items that you''d like to upgrade, and nothing else.)

Since you''re asking whether they''re tacky -- I''ve heard that they are, and I''m normally pretty big on following etiquette, but I really don''t care in this case. I''m trying to think of the arguments that I''ve heard but I can''t think of much that''s terribly convincing. You are essentially asking for money with the way that they''re set up (but do most guests who are not planning weddings even realize that?) I''ve seen some people argue that it''s tacky to basically ask others to fund a vacation where you''re going to spend a lot of time being intimate, but these people tend to think it''s fine to ask for sheets (which you''ll also be intimate on) or to have a lingerie shower.

 

[brgirl]

I think it would be neat to buy someone an excursion or ''breakfast in bed'' or one of those types of things for their honeymoon as a wedding present. It''s not really much different from buying someone a gift certificate for a spa or a dinner out or some other type of outting. But the plus with this one is that I KNOW they will use it! (especially if I know I''m buying for the couple who has everything!)

 

[So_happy]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:09:36 PM
Author: Blenheim

Date: 5/2/2007 1:45:06 PM
Author: AmberWaves
What if people pay for breakfast in bed, but no one buys your room stays or flights? That would suck.

I keep wondering the same thing.

I''ve heard that the companies take a bit of a cut, so I''d be much more inclined to just give the bride and groom a check if I hear that they don''t really need anything. (By the way, one way to signal this is to have traditional registries set up with minimal stuff on them -- maybe five items that you''d like to upgrade, and nothing else.)

Since you''re asking whether they''re tacky -- I''ve heard that they are, and I''m normally pretty big on following etiquette, but I really don''t care in this case. I''m trying to think of the arguments that I''ve heard but I can''t think of much that''s terribly convincing. You are essentially asking for money with the way that they''re set up (but do most guests who are not planning weddings even realize that?) I''ve seen some people argue that it''s tacky to basically ask others to fund a vacation where you''re going to spend a lot of time being intimate, but these people tend to think it''s fine to ask for sheets (which you''ll also be intimate on) or to have a lingerie shower.

We booked our honeymoon several months ago so that we''d be getting what we needed, on the dates we need it for, and well....just to have that trip on our minds really has helped us through the very stressful moments of planning that wedding That said, I would assume most people (if not all?) would need to have paid for a honeymoon way before/by the date of the wedding (when people would be giving the gifts). This means that a honeymoon registry is an indication that, yes, we have a honeymoon..it''s paid for.....but if you''d like to gift us with a massage or a horseback ride etc, then that would be so cool!!! It just wouldn''t be logical for a couple to hope to leave on a honeymoon the day after the wedding after not having booked it earlier and also waiting to see how much they recieved in gifts first.

I''m sure there are some travel agencies that allow the couple (or whomever is paying) to make payments towards a honeymoon so I suppose the last bulk payment could be coming up somewhere close to the date of the actual honeymoon but, I don''t know about that personally. We found a fantastic deal online and had to pay all at once.

 

[zoebartlett]

I looked into it but it doesn''t seem right in some ways. I''m sure there are more reputable companies than others but the ones I looked into specifically take a large chunk of change from you. They either charge a fee and/or a percentage of puchases made. I think that''s how it works. In theory it sounds like a great idea but I decided against it.

 

[Blenheim]

Thanks for the explanation, So_happy. That makes a lot more sense.

While it''s not an argument for or against honeymoon registries being "tacky", FI says that he wouldn''t want to buy off of one of them because he wants to think that his gift is going to last. Crystal lasts, while a beach picnic is over in an hour. (I know that you can make an argument about the memories and photos of the beach picnic lasting a long time, but this is just the way he feels.)

Surfgirl -- even if you have everything you really need, you can still register for upgrades -- high thread count sheets to replace your old ones, for example.

 

[basil]

I wouldn''t do one and I wouldn''t buy off of one, but I wouldn''t necessarily think it was tacky or anything either. It just has more to do with what I value and what I like. I''d rather get a place setting of china for a wedding gift rather than a massage, so I''d rather give it too. I think it has something to do with what brgirl said - being a tangible thing rather than transient. My parents still pull out things and say "this was a wedding present from so-and-so". I''m sure it''s not the same with a massage.

 

[surfgirl]

Thanks for all your comments. I''m torn on this one. I think since we dont need much, I may just register for china and crystal...

 

[widget]

Date: 5/2/2007 8:12:20 PM
Author: surfgirl
Thanks for all your comments. I''m torn on this one. I think since we dont need much, I may just register for china and crystal...

Yeah...that''s a good idea...

I don''t know...there''s something about a ''honeymoon registry" that I don''t like much...hmm.



widget

 

[akw94]

I am completely for a honeymoon registry and think you should register for things you want/need vs what other people think are acceptable to want/need. Why is it ok to ask for china but not ask for a massage during your honeymoon or money to buy a piece of art at a museum, etc...?
I registered at www.honeymoonwishes.com but haven''t taken time yet to look at other sites. I may switch if I find a better one but for me, I don''t need a lot of typical stuff and I think this is a great idea. It feels fun and different and people are more than welcome not to buy from there if they don''t want to. I also registered for a couple things at various other locations but not much b/c I just don''t need much. I don''t want to register for it just b/c it''s the typical thing to do.
Just my opinion...

 

[Jas12]

surfgirl. I just completed a honeymoon registry, and I was really worried about the whole ''tacky or not tacky'' thing, but the more people I casually asked the more people were impressed by it...that surprised me.
I went with thebigday.com. It has been great...they send me a card each time someone buys a gift, and set up a ''thank-you'' note system. they do take a portion of the money (it depends how much is ''earned''), I didn''t really like this aspect of course, but they are providing a service, basic web page, etc.

I have gotten SO much positive feedback from it, so i am surprised that most people posting here don''t seem to like it too much.

also, should note--it was designed mostly for my shower--my aunt has made my shower ''medditeranean theme'' (we are going on a cruise) so all the gifts are within to $10-70 price range, cute things like Gelato at a tratorria, moped rental for an island, pizza, etc. etc. and I really personal;ized it.
The money is put in an account and you just recieve the lump sum when you want it. It;s not like you have to cover the entire cost of the flight otherwise you can''t go, like someone suggested-

hope that helps a little

 

[Gypsy]

Well, I considered it but was worried. Sure enough my mother about passed out at the thought. It's just like asking for money! She said.

And well... yeah. It is. So we nixed it.

ETA: I'm glad that people have been impressed IRL, I frankly would NOT be offended if I invited to a wedding that opted for one. I'd think it was great. Sensible too.