Thoughts?

[Sun-Shine]

My boyfriend and I popped into a shop to get some watch batteries changed, and he said "since you haven't given me a list, why don't we try some stuff on?" So we toured around the shop, they had lots of lovely unique pieces, and it was actually quite fun. But there was nothing I fancied as much as the yellow diamond/ yellow gold Tiffay bezet I have been partial to for the last year or so. Anyway I printed off the photo to give bf and my girlfriend was over and saw it. She asked why we would bother getting engaged when we wouldn't be married for 3.5 years (thats a long story). I said I like the idea of a long engagement and we are happy and don't want to wait to get engaged. She was nice, but also said she thought it was strange, and she would never do that herself. She also said to expect strange looks when people ask "when's the wedding?" I personally don't think it's that odd to have a long engagement if it suits both people. So what do you girls think? Am I completely off?

 

[mary poppins]

It's your life. Do what you want. Being engaged is fun. If you and your boyfriend are on the same page regarding timing, go for it!

 

[ovallvr]

I agree. If you and your boyfriend both want to get engaged, then why shouldn't you?
Yes it is a long time to be engaged but it's not exactly unheard of. Life sometimes gets in the way for whatever reason (money, career, finances religion..whatever) and some couples have to wait until they can marry.

 

[sonnyjane]

As the others stated, it's your life, do what you want! I personally wouldn't want an engagement that long just because I'm the type that likes to move things right along (we were only officially engaged about 4 months before our wedding), but if you guys are on the same page, AND as long as you're positive the wedding WILL happen after those 3.5 years lol, it's not really important what others say.

 

[MisakiChan]

You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything: getting engaged or not. If you fancy the idea of a long engagement, I suggest you do it; your heart is on the right track. Everyone tries to do what they feel is better for themselves.
Engagement and ultimately marriage should be just between you and your bf. Consider his beliefs, yours and then make a decision. Good luck!

 

[allycat0303]

We'll, I was engaged for 4+ years. Whenever anyone asked me when the wedding was, I said after I finish school. I didn't care much if people thought it was weird. It's YOUR LIFE. You have your reasons, as long as you're happy with the situation that's what matters.

 

[TwistedPrincess]

It really is up to you, and I wouldn't worry about it.

My colleague was engaged for 14 years before they actually got married (they did have 2 kids in-between though!)

My SO and I are thinking a 18 month to 2.5 yr engagement because we want to buy a house first and we're not sure how long that will take. But the most important thing is that we are committed to saving, planning and looking forward to our wedding and ultimately our married life together.

It's whatever works for the both of you that counts!

 

[maebelle]

Others have already answered the question, but I'll take a stab at it too. If you go against social norms, some people are going to think you are weird. This doesn't mean that you are, only that people just assume things that they shouldn't. Just be confidant and happy, and people will get over their initial reactions.

Get engaged and enjoy all 3.5 years of it!

 

[chel180]

i know people who have 2years of engagement. do what ever suits you. think way you get more time to plan the wedding and more time to wear your gorgeous ering.

 

[kdub79]

I think the length of your engagement should be, like your decision to marry, solely up to you and your SO. Other people's opinions should not factor into your relationship or your marriage. Don't give a second thought to unsolicited opinions dear!! Enjoy every second...

 

[marymm]

By definition, an engagement is a formal agreement to get married -- it sounds like you two have already agreed to get married albeit in a few years; why not declare and formalize this agreement by the process of a proposal and a ring? It is my personal opinion that the duration of an engagement is entirely up to the couple, and if it fits your circumstances to become engaged now and to marry in a few years, that is entirely appropriate and something worthy of celebration.

 

[monarch64]

You're not completely off, just not typical. At least your girlfriend wasn't being nasty about it, it sounds like she was just pointing out that you may experience some questioning from others about your choice to have such a long engagement. I hope you get your bezet soon--I love that setting!!!

 

[Sun-Shine]

Thank-you all so much for your replies ladies! I suppose it is a little unorthodox to have a long engagement, however I like the idea of just enjoying the time, the ring, and the fun of a new step! Everything has been so lovely to this point and we have so many blessings. We started dating when I was 25, moved in when I was 27, now I am 29 he is 37 and just so content in life. We own our home, our car, have savings, investments, the only thing left is "making it legal" so to speak. The reason we are having a long engagement is for a number of reasons.

-I am a full-time student, and don't want to plan a wedding while I am in school.

-We can't have kids (naturally) because I was in an accident at 19 and my body isn't capable now so we don't feel the "baby rush"

-and also because my younger sister is getting married next year, and then my brother 8 months after that.

-We want to have a big wedding at the church 5 generations of my family has married in, and it just seems like chaos to have 3 family weddings so close together.

Thank-you all for being supportive. I really enjoy having a "jury" so to speak I do everything at a slow pace it seems, so it seems natural that I would do this over a significant period of time as well. Forever is forever so I guess there is no difference really.

 

[Amys Bling]

It's your life. Do what you want. Being engaged is fun. If you and your boyfriend are on the same page regarding timing, go for it!

Couldnt agree more.

 

[snow12]

My SO and I are having a long engagement too! probably around 3 years also, for us to finish graduate school. Both of us have good careers even though my SO and figure there is no time like the present to get engaged! I expect everyone to ask when the wedding date is right after we finally get engaged but I don't mind! Everyone does things at their own pace and with their own timeline.

 

[Echidna]

Thank-you all so much for your replies ladies! I suppose it is a little unorthodox to have a long engagement, however I like the idea of just enjoying the time, the ring, and the fun of a new step! Everything has been so lovely to this point and we have so many blessings. We started dating when I was 25, moved in when I was 27, now I am 29 he is 37 and just so content in life. We own our home, our car, have savings, investments, the only thing left is "making it legal" so to speak. The reason we are having a long engagement is for a number of reasons.

-I am a full-time student, and don't want to plan a wedding while I am in school.

-We can't have kids (naturally) because I was in an accident at 19 and my body isn't capable now so we don't feel the "baby rush"

-and also because my younger sister is getting married next year, and then my brother 8 months after that.

-We want to have a big wedding at the church 5 generations of my family has married in, and it just seems like chaos to have 3 family weddings so close together.

Thank-you all for being supportive. I really enjoy having a "jury" so to speak I do everything at a slow pace it seems, so it seems natural that I would do this over a significant period of time as well. Forever is forever so I guess there is no difference really.

So many blessings, Sun-Shine! Enjoy your engagement period

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

People think my fiance (eeeep! how exciting to say!) are nuts b/c we just got engaged on saturday, 01/28 and we're getting married in September of this year. The thing is, it isn't anyone's business.

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement! Don't let anyone have a say in how it makes you feel, so long as it works for you and your SO!

 

[Snicklefritz]

Something I have to remind myself of every day: Life's too short to spend it making others happy.

Enjoy your long engagment when it happens!

 

[Amys Bling]

Something I have to remind myself of every day: Life's too short to spend it making others happy.

Enjoy your long engagment when it happens!

ditto

 

[pandabee]

Thank-you all so much for your replies ladies! I suppose it is a little unorthodox to have a long engagement, however I like the idea of just enjoying the time, the ring, and the fun of a new step! Everything has been so lovely to this point and we have so many blessings. We started dating when I was 25, moved in when I was 27, now I am 29 he is 37 and just so content in life. We own our home, our car, have savings, investments, the only thing left is "making it legal" so to speak. The reason we are having a long engagement is for a number of reasons.

-I am a full-time student, and don't want to plan a wedding while I am in school.

-We can't have kids (naturally) because I was in an accident at 19 and my body isn't capable now so we don't feel the "baby rush"

-and also because my younger sister is getting married next year, and then my brother 8 months after that.

-We want to have a big wedding at the church 5 generations of my family has married in, and it just seems like chaos to have 3 family weddings so close together.

Thank-you all for being supportive. I really enjoy having a "jury" so to speak I do everything at a slow pace it seems, so it seems natural that I would do this over a significant period of time as well. Forever is forever so I guess there is no difference really.

I think you just answered your own question! You have so much else going for you so it definitely seems more a formality than anything else so do what *you* need to do on your own timeline!!! Good luck with school and enjoy this time...I hope you get your ring soon!

 

[marktaylor9017]

it is your wedding. so what others think is not significant. as long as both of you feel good in the engaging peroid, just go for it. as for me, i won't keep the engagement time so long. a year later after engament i will get married. i want to live together happily with my darling. what a happy thing it is!