Time limit on being engaged?

[sephiroth088]

Hello I''m new to this forum but let me cut to the chase. ok I am 18 years old and I''ve been through relationships where I was always cheated on. What you say 18 years old this guy has no idea what he is talking about but let me fill you in. I belive in second chances and I''ve gone through 5 real relationships and I''m finally in a relationship where I can say I am happy and I can see myself marrying this girl. We''ve been dating for 1 and a half years and we are both in college. We trust each other and we''ve been through what most couples go through in the later parts of relationships and or marriage. For instance there was a point in time were we thought she was pregnant and I had no intention of leaving her it would be a sin. The list goes on but I don''t want to drag this out. I have the most confidence in her and she in me. My question is this....I want to Marry this girl and we''ve talked about marriage. My parents got married when they were my age and now I am 1 of 6 children and they will be having they''re 25th anniversery next year so it gives me hope that I can do it to. I however don''t want to get married right away I would much rather finish school and my education so I can support her at a better stand point. I want to ask her to marry her but I want to know is there any type of time limit for being engaged. I feel that it would be a good idea to stay engaged throughout college but is this too long to stay engaged? I know it may sound like a stupid question but the definition of engagement is the intention of getting married right? In that case it provides even more time to make sure we are cerrtain but brings the relationship to another level. One that we are both ready for. Any feed back on this question would be great. Thank you all very much for listening.

 

[JulieN]

So you''re first years? And you go to the same school? If you don''t, I''d say don''t do it. But I think it''s fine to be engaged or married while in school. Say you were officially engaged tomorrow and then she says, "I want to be married in a year," would you do it? If you think, no, I''m too young, or I don''t have the resources, then I''d wait on engagement.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it might be long to go through college engaged, but that is just me. I hink if you both are committed to eachother, you can give her a promise ring and then get engaged when you graduate and are more secure about your future. Just to me, a very long engagement of years is a bit tough, I think a year or two is not so hard, but 3 or four plus years is going to prove difficult more than likely. That of course is just my view...and it is nice you have a great role model in your family. What about her parents?

 

[ladykemma]

do you both go to the same university?

i see no reason why not to get married now, except parents have the right to cut the financial cord.

LDS (mormons) and christian types get married at university all the time. financial aid and special housing is available for married students.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Welcome to Pricescope!

I am also a college student and got engaged this summer. My fiance and I are having around a year engagement, which is the perfect length for us for planning etc. We''ll both still be students after we wed, but for us it will work bc FI works full-time and I part-time so we can support ourselves.

In your situation since you want to wait until after college to get married, I''d personally wait on the engagement. I''m not a long engagement person...ya''ll might be, both we''re not. The promise ring idea I think would be more appropriate until ya''ll are closer to graduation.

Hope this helps!

 

[Curls]

I agree with Diamondfan and Julie. I really think a promise ring would be a wonderful idea. It also would probably be more in your budget since you're just starting college. With a promise ring, she knows you're intentions, but there is no pressure on either of you to begin planning a wedding that won't happen for several years. Most women are not going to wait to begin mapping out the wedding details after they receive an engagement ring, and that may put a strain on your relationship if you feel that you're not ready or don't have the resources to marry until after you graduate. I think it's a good call not to rush into marriage, since you are just starting college. It's a tough time and involves a lot of adjusting. Adding marriage on top of that could make it more difficult.

If you do give her a promise ring, you can make it a special event and she will love it just as much as a proposal. Congratulations on finding a love so early in life and good luck with your decision.

 

[anchor31]

I am also a college student, 21, graduating in two years. My fiancé is however 3 years older than me and has been out of school and working full time for almost 2 years. We got engaged this past July and we''ve just set our wedding date for September 20th 2008, so our engagement will be 2 years. It works for us because it was important for us that I was out of school too when married, and because we wanted more time to plan the wedding so I could concentrate on my studies.

So, the best thing to do is to see what can work for the two of you. If you want to wait until graduation to get married and that''s over three years away, I agree that maybe right now is the time for a promise ring that will a very nice symbol of your commitment to her.

 

[Larissa]

If you''re going to work together, you''re going to work together. Engaged or not. Why not give it a bit more time? If these are your intentions, sit and discuss it with her and work out a timeline if you both want, when and how. I don''t think that feeling serious is any reason to jump into getting engaged and having a long engagement, but you have to do what works best for your relationship.

I disagree with the idea of promise rings. Save your money and get something nice later rather than her wearing a promise ring for a couple years and then stashing it in favor of a "real" engagement ring.

 

[diamondfan]

The promise ring does not have to be expensive, for years guys gave girls college rings they had or in fraternities, they used their pins to "pin" the girl, so the cost of the ring does not have to be a major factor...it just shows the intent without formally getting engaged yet, which might work well during college...

 

[WTNLVR]

I was actually in this situation when I was in college. I was very firm with my then bf that I did not want to be engaged until after my schooling was done. I actually went to grad school as well. He was working full time. We had an understanding that we would get married when school was done and we did. That was 18 yrs ago. College is very stressful and once you get a ring you tend to start planning right away-even if the wedding is a ways out. It would have been very distracting had I been in school. But, everyone is different. I would ask her what she would like to do. She may prefer a promise ring at this time.

 

[Larissa]

DF, I get that a promise ring doesn''t need to be expensive. I just simply disagree with them period and was trying to put it in a nice, non-insulting way while sounding positive.

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 9/11/2006 11:50:48 AM
Author: Larissa
DF, I get that a promise ring doesn''t need to be expensive. I just simply disagree with them period and was trying to put it in a nice, non-insulting way while sounding positive.

I totally respect your view

...I was just thinking that at 18, if you were trying to show a bit deeper level of committedness other than "going steady" or dating exclusively, that the idea of the promise ring just might be the thing until it would work, in their situation, to get formally engaged. I sort of look at is as engaged to be engaged if that makes any sense. This way, they both are on the same page but it is a bit less pressure for them til the timing might be a bit better...

 

[FireGoddess]

I am all for a promise ring. They signify the commitment you have to each other and the intention to get engaged and married at a later date.

Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with getting engaged and having a long engagement. People do it all the time, for various reasons...distance, finances, education, etc. I would absolutely wait to get married until you're out of school.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 9/11/2006 11:50:48 AM
Author: Larissa
DF, I get that a promise ring doesn''t need to be expensive. I just simply disagree with them period and was trying to put it in a nice, non-insulting way while sounding positive.

Why do you disagree with them, period?? Seems rather emphatic, so I''m curious to know why.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 9/11/2006 1:47:18 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Why do you disagree with them, period?? Seems rather emphatic, so I''m curious to know why.

Me too! Spill, Larissa.

 

[Larissa]

Nope, won''t spill. I don''t wish to insult people on here or start anything.

If you chose to go that way make sure you know what camp your girlfriend is in