Couscous
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2008
- Messages
- 25
Hey everyone! Longtime lurker here who just wanted to share my experience playing the oh so fun waiting game
.
Although I am newly engaged someone suggested that I post my story here since it was 6+ years in the making.
I literally just wrote an entire novel about our relationship but decided to do a cliffnotes version.
From early on we knew we would be together, that this was a forever deal. We planned on getting married, having a home, having children, the whole nine right after graduating from college where we met. Of course life has a wonderful sense of humor and things did not go to plan. We were ok with that and continued to build a strong healthy relationship despite the fact that we were not where we planned to be.
Of course over the last 3 years or so I have had moments where i was anxious and worried about when and if the ring would ever come. It was especially hard when people would ask how many years we had been together, look at us like we were aliens, and then ask why oh why were we not married. Our families and friends thought that 3 years was a long time imagine how they were when year 6 rolled around! Our families are pretty close too. From the beginning of our relationship our families have been close. We have spent holidays together, graduations, and vacations together. They call me their daughter/sister and him their son/brother. My parents invited his parents to my sister''s wedding, who by the way met her DH when my FI and I started dating and will be celebrating their 4th anniversary soon, AND my FI''s YOUNGER brother invited my family to his wedding because he has a close relationship with my family too. Oh and he will be celebrating his first anniversary this spring along with his wife who he has been with for a little over 3 years in total. Did I also mention that there have been weddings and engagements of both friends and family involving people who have been together less than a 1/6 of the time we have!
In all honesty I could see why and how a woman in my situation could be very upset but I have tried to not let it get to me. If he had at any point during the last 4 years asked me to marry him I would have said yes without blinking an eye. Actually that''s a lie because I don''t even know if i said yes when he did because I couldn''t stop crying lol
. Anyway, he wasn''t ready, we were not ready financially but I knew that he was the one for me and vice-versa. I did not need a ring to tell me that. I didn''t want to add to the pressure I''m sure he felt from all sides of his life.
Now that we are engaged I think we are going to wait another year and a half to get married for different reasons so the waiting continues. But as I''ve heard other ladies say in this forum life is a journey. I loved being his GF, l LOVE being his FI and I will absolutely, positively adore being his wife. With so many things in life it is so important to put blinders up. This is great advice which has helped me through what is so far one of the hardest parts of my life (I''m referring more with what I want to do with my life careerwise). Don''t worry about the race around and just live in the now and go at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you.
Now that we are engaged some pieces have fallen into place on their own. Still other things we thought we needed to do before we got married have yet to happen but they don''t seem as looming as they once did. There wasn''t a magic number we needed to reach or a perfect time. Now that we are engaged I couldn''t be happier. Should we have gotten engaged earlier or later? I dunno but it feels so right and exciting now!
The most wonderful part of our engagement for me is to see how happy my FI is. I let him take his time and figure things out on his own. This whole experience has been great for our relationship and I wouldn''t have changed a thing.
A lot of the LIW seem to be pretty young, at least from some of the stories i have read. My SO and i have been together since we were 18 and now that we are in our mid twenties I think we have a better grasp of who we are as individuals and what we want. People change. I know i have changed ALOT from when we were first starting out and so has he. I also know that we will continue to change but we have been able to test our relationship through a myriad of trials and have come out stronger than ever. We are committed and will try to grow together past this early stage of adulthood all the way through to retirement! Of course this is only my opinion but I think it has been great to wait ESPECIALLY because we were both still so young when we met and still are (at least that is what I keep telling myself... I''ve been going through a quarter-life crisis for some time now.)
Anyway that is my experience. Take from it what you will. I wish all of you good luck and good things come to those who wait
!
Geeze this version wasn''t much shorter.... just imagine what the first draft was like!
Although I am newly engaged someone suggested that I post my story here since it was 6+ years in the making.
I literally just wrote an entire novel about our relationship but decided to do a cliffnotes version.
From early on we knew we would be together, that this was a forever deal. We planned on getting married, having a home, having children, the whole nine right after graduating from college where we met. Of course life has a wonderful sense of humor and things did not go to plan. We were ok with that and continued to build a strong healthy relationship despite the fact that we were not where we planned to be.
Of course over the last 3 years or so I have had moments where i was anxious and worried about when and if the ring would ever come. It was especially hard when people would ask how many years we had been together, look at us like we were aliens, and then ask why oh why were we not married. Our families and friends thought that 3 years was a long time imagine how they were when year 6 rolled around! Our families are pretty close too. From the beginning of our relationship our families have been close. We have spent holidays together, graduations, and vacations together. They call me their daughter/sister and him their son/brother. My parents invited his parents to my sister''s wedding, who by the way met her DH when my FI and I started dating and will be celebrating their 4th anniversary soon, AND my FI''s YOUNGER brother invited my family to his wedding because he has a close relationship with my family too. Oh and he will be celebrating his first anniversary this spring along with his wife who he has been with for a little over 3 years in total. Did I also mention that there have been weddings and engagements of both friends and family involving people who have been together less than a 1/6 of the time we have!
In all honesty I could see why and how a woman in my situation could be very upset but I have tried to not let it get to me. If he had at any point during the last 4 years asked me to marry him I would have said yes without blinking an eye. Actually that''s a lie because I don''t even know if i said yes when he did because I couldn''t stop crying lol
Now that we are engaged I think we are going to wait another year and a half to get married for different reasons so the waiting continues. But as I''ve heard other ladies say in this forum life is a journey. I loved being his GF, l LOVE being his FI and I will absolutely, positively adore being his wife. With so many things in life it is so important to put blinders up. This is great advice which has helped me through what is so far one of the hardest parts of my life (I''m referring more with what I want to do with my life careerwise). Don''t worry about the race around and just live in the now and go at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you.
Now that we are engaged some pieces have fallen into place on their own. Still other things we thought we needed to do before we got married have yet to happen but they don''t seem as looming as they once did. There wasn''t a magic number we needed to reach or a perfect time. Now that we are engaged I couldn''t be happier. Should we have gotten engaged earlier or later? I dunno but it feels so right and exciting now!
The most wonderful part of our engagement for me is to see how happy my FI is. I let him take his time and figure things out on his own. This whole experience has been great for our relationship and I wouldn''t have changed a thing.
A lot of the LIW seem to be pretty young, at least from some of the stories i have read. My SO and i have been together since we were 18 and now that we are in our mid twenties I think we have a better grasp of who we are as individuals and what we want. People change. I know i have changed ALOT from when we were first starting out and so has he. I also know that we will continue to change but we have been able to test our relationship through a myriad of trials and have come out stronger than ever. We are committed and will try to grow together past this early stage of adulthood all the way through to retirement! Of course this is only my opinion but I think it has been great to wait ESPECIALLY because we were both still so young when we met and still are (at least that is what I keep telling myself... I''ve been going through a quarter-life crisis for some time now.)
Anyway that is my experience. Take from it what you will. I wish all of you good luck and good things come to those who wait
Geeze this version wasn''t much shorter.... just imagine what the first draft was like!
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