WeightLifterChick
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2007
- Messages
- 68
Hi everyone, I’m new to the forum. I’m not even sure I should consider myself a LIW. Regardless, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in my feelings.
Here’s my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 5.5 years (we’ll celebrate 6 years together in February). We’re both 25 years old, and we met at work while going to community college. We moved to Orlando together to finish school, both graduated from the University of Central Florida 2.5 years ago, and moved back to South Florida last year to be closer to our families and friends. We have good jobs, bring in a decent income, and are currently renting a house.
I’ve never been one to rush getting married, and I’ve never put any pressure on the BF, issued an ultimatum, or whatnot. However, for some reason it’s hitting me hard all of a sudden, the fact that we’ll be together 6 years in a few months and nowhere near getting engaged, or anything of the sort.
The topic of marriage has come up before. In the past when it has come up, I get mixed messages. Sometimes he will answer, “Not until we’re 30,” or, “I never want to get married, it’s just a piece of paper” or, “Why bother, we’ll just get divorced anyway.” In the past, he has said that we’ll get married “eventually”. He insists that if we’re committed to each other now (which we are – we have a wonderful relationship and are on the same page concerning 99 percent of issues that affect couples), what difference would marriage make?
Other times, when we talk about getting married, we talk about what kind of ceremony we want (just the two of us in Costa Rica, the U.S. Virgin Islands or a similar tropical destination). We have had the discussion about what type of ring I’d like, and the fact that I would like the proposal to be a complete surprise. We talk about our future together - how we both do not want children (dogs and cats are enough, thanks!), want to move out of Florida or back to Central Florida, buy a home, continue our careers, travel a ton and enjoy life as we are now, but the only thing that would be different is that we’d be married, which would be the icing on the cake for our plans
We have not talked about marriage for months. The last time we had a conversation about it was over our 5-year anniversary in February. Things went back to, “Yeah, eventually,” and then nothing ever happens or nothing is discussed anymore.
I’m just so confused about these mixed messages. I hate to describe myself as antsy right now, but I am. We’re planning a trip to Washington, DC, from December 6-10. He knows it’s my absolute favorite city. A couple of weeks ago, the following conversation took place.
BF: So when do you want me to propose to you?
GF: Um (? This is the first time it’s come up in months). I don’t know, honey. You’re supposed to plan these things. How about DC? That woud
BF: But then it wouldn’t be a surprise.
GF: Um, how about our anniversary?
BF: But then we’re going anywhere.
GF: Then I don’t know! That’s why you’re supposed to plan it.
A few minutes later…
GF: I bet you don’t even know what kind of ring you’d get me.
BF: You want a round shape, 1.25 or 1.5 carats, white gold, 6 prong Tiffany setting.
GF: (Doesn’t know what to say, since he actually remembered). Oh – well, I take that back. You do.
BF: So do you still want to get married in Costa Rica?
GF: I heard it can be pretty dicey there for tourists if you don’t know the area. What about the Virgin Islands?
BF: Ok. (conversation dies off)
And that was about it. Then, a couple of days later, I thought I lost the two rings that I wear every day.
GF: Crap, I am such a klutz! I lose everything.
BF: What are you going to do when we’re married? Are you going to lose your rings?
GF: No! You don’t take off your wedding rings to do dishes and stuff. Only to sleep, because my fingers swell (seriously, and it sucks).
He has also talked about going up the Washington Monument and wanted to do it at night, but it’s only open until 5 p.m. He also asked if there was a park or bench near the Washington Monument, and has brought up going on walks at night and of course, seeing the two Christmas trees (White House and Capitol building), etc, etc.
I definitely think I’m jumping the gun here, but all of a sudden I’m starting to feel anxious. Even though I will enjoy our trip to DC together, I would love nothing more than if he proposed to me on the trip. But then after so many conversations with mixed signals, I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing. Deep down, I know not to expect anything on the trip, over the holidays and on our anniversary.
So that is my situation. I have no idea what his real feelings are toward marrying me. I get conflicting answers, so I stopped asking a loooong time ago. But I don’t know why I feel the way I do. We have a great relationship, we get along wonderfully and we love each other very much. Why do I have to go and complicate things for myself?
Any insight? Advice? Anyone been in or currently in a similar situation?
Thanks
Here’s my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 5.5 years (we’ll celebrate 6 years together in February). We’re both 25 years old, and we met at work while going to community college. We moved to Orlando together to finish school, both graduated from the University of Central Florida 2.5 years ago, and moved back to South Florida last year to be closer to our families and friends. We have good jobs, bring in a decent income, and are currently renting a house.
I’ve never been one to rush getting married, and I’ve never put any pressure on the BF, issued an ultimatum, or whatnot. However, for some reason it’s hitting me hard all of a sudden, the fact that we’ll be together 6 years in a few months and nowhere near getting engaged, or anything of the sort.
The topic of marriage has come up before. In the past when it has come up, I get mixed messages. Sometimes he will answer, “Not until we’re 30,” or, “I never want to get married, it’s just a piece of paper” or, “Why bother, we’ll just get divorced anyway.” In the past, he has said that we’ll get married “eventually”. He insists that if we’re committed to each other now (which we are – we have a wonderful relationship and are on the same page concerning 99 percent of issues that affect couples), what difference would marriage make?
Other times, when we talk about getting married, we talk about what kind of ceremony we want (just the two of us in Costa Rica, the U.S. Virgin Islands or a similar tropical destination). We have had the discussion about what type of ring I’d like, and the fact that I would like the proposal to be a complete surprise. We talk about our future together - how we both do not want children (dogs and cats are enough, thanks!), want to move out of Florida or back to Central Florida, buy a home, continue our careers, travel a ton and enjoy life as we are now, but the only thing that would be different is that we’d be married, which would be the icing on the cake for our plans
We have not talked about marriage for months. The last time we had a conversation about it was over our 5-year anniversary in February. Things went back to, “Yeah, eventually,” and then nothing ever happens or nothing is discussed anymore.
I’m just so confused about these mixed messages. I hate to describe myself as antsy right now, but I am. We’re planning a trip to Washington, DC, from December 6-10. He knows it’s my absolute favorite city. A couple of weeks ago, the following conversation took place.
BF: So when do you want me to propose to you?
GF: Um (? This is the first time it’s come up in months). I don’t know, honey. You’re supposed to plan these things. How about DC? That woud
BF: But then it wouldn’t be a surprise.
GF: Um, how about our anniversary?
BF: But then we’re going anywhere.
GF: Then I don’t know! That’s why you’re supposed to plan it.
A few minutes later…
GF: I bet you don’t even know what kind of ring you’d get me.
BF: You want a round shape, 1.25 or 1.5 carats, white gold, 6 prong Tiffany setting.
GF: (Doesn’t know what to say, since he actually remembered). Oh – well, I take that back. You do.
BF: So do you still want to get married in Costa Rica?
GF: I heard it can be pretty dicey there for tourists if you don’t know the area. What about the Virgin Islands?
BF: Ok. (conversation dies off)
And that was about it. Then, a couple of days later, I thought I lost the two rings that I wear every day.
GF: Crap, I am such a klutz! I lose everything.
BF: What are you going to do when we’re married? Are you going to lose your rings?
GF: No! You don’t take off your wedding rings to do dishes and stuff. Only to sleep, because my fingers swell (seriously, and it sucks).
He has also talked about going up the Washington Monument and wanted to do it at night, but it’s only open until 5 p.m. He also asked if there was a park or bench near the Washington Monument, and has brought up going on walks at night and of course, seeing the two Christmas trees (White House and Capitol building), etc, etc.
I definitely think I’m jumping the gun here, but all of a sudden I’m starting to feel anxious. Even though I will enjoy our trip to DC together, I would love nothing more than if he proposed to me on the trip. But then after so many conversations with mixed signals, I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing. Deep down, I know not to expect anything on the trip, over the holidays and on our anniversary.
So that is my situation. I have no idea what his real feelings are toward marrying me. I get conflicting answers, so I stopped asking a loooong time ago. But I don’t know why I feel the way I do. We have a great relationship, we get along wonderfully and we love each other very much. Why do I have to go and complicate things for myself?
Any insight? Advice? Anyone been in or currently in a similar situation?
Thanks
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