To Gift or Not to Gift?

[waves044]

The situation:

BF''s sister and I have not been on speaking terms with each other for almost 2 years now. She introduced us and we were friends at the time BF and I met (3 years ago) but things have deteriorated since, LONG story, but basically I did somethings I should not have done, as did she. I have apologized several times, to no avail. While not yet engaged, BF and I are headed in that direction.

While I don''t ever see BF''s sister and I being as close as we once were, I am tired of this being an issue between him and his family, his family and I, and him and I. I feel like the longer the situation continues the less likely it is for things to change.

My question is: Should I give her a Christmas gift (something small) this year as another indication that I am trying to make things right between us? The first year that BF and I were dating we did exchange gifts (pre-major blow out), last year I gave the family a gift certificate and included her name on it, but we did not exchange gifts... I am just soooo tired of this being a part of our day to day life and want it resolved, but I don''t know what to do!!!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Boy this is a tough one. My suggestion would be to give her something small and not overly-personal (maybe a nice Christmas tree ornament or something of that ilk). I think it is a very nice gesture on your part. It will be interesting to see how she receives it.

 

[FireGoddess]

Okay hmmm. Not knowing the details of who did what and when, what I would probably advise would be to get her something small, WITH a card. The card being the main thing here....where I would say that you are again sorry on your end that things have deteriorated and do not want that to continue, and that you want to start a new beginning to the relationship, etc. I would be honest and sincere and all that, and if after this gesture she doesn''t accept the offering, it''s time to let it go and just realize that she isn''t ready or may never be ready. One would hope that never is a long time and she''d eventually realize that she should be an adult about things but you never know. At least doing this, you can tell yourself that you have put the olive branch out there clear as day, and it''s up to her what she chooses to do with it.

 

[jas]

I absolutely agree with DJ and FG on this -- the card is what matters. Now, I can see the giftie being troublesome to shop for...

Does your BF sister have a favorite charity that you can donate to? They usually will give you a card/certificate saying that you donated in her name.

Or is that too cheesy?

Good luck with this!