To pick the ring, or not to pick the ring...

[Blackpaw]

That is the question!

My BF and i have been talking about rings a fair bit lately - that is, Ive been talking

and he''s told me that he would like us to buy my ering together and then he''ll hold onto it until he decides to propose.

Problem is, Id kinda like a surprise. And when I say surprise, I mean I''ll pick out the setting, the approximate size and quality and L:W ratio of the stone (it will be an EC), then he''ll have the happy task of picking a loose stone and having it set.

Some background...Im fussy. I used to work in a jewellery store, then after looking at erings with BF a few months ago, I found pricescope. And now im REAL fussy!!! So i can appreciate why he wants me to pick the ring, so Ill definitely be happy with it.

Another problem is, knowing that he has my ering in his possession would make me ''expect'' proposals, and i think that might be frustrating. You know ''its my birthday, surely this is it'' or ''we''re taking out the garbage, surely this is it''. Did I mention that im crazy

Still, if that band is 1mm too thin or too thick there could be tears....!!

Any advice lovely ladies? By the way, Im a new poster and am very glad to formally make all your acquaintances

 

[choro72]

Date: 7/27/2008 12:19:13 PM
Author:Blackpaw
Another problem is, knowing that he has my ering in his possession would make me 'expect' proposals, and i think that might be frustrating. You know 'its my birthday, surely this is it' or 'we're taking out the garbage, surely this is it'. Did I mention that im crazy

Hahaha

Welcome, and yay for your exciting timie!
I think that you would be happier in the long run if you chose the e-ring together. Even if you do go psycho with the anticipation, it will only be temporary. The ring is forever! Unless of course you do an upgrade (

), but even then I stand by my vote. When you get the LIWiches, you can vent away

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/27/2008 12:19:13 PM
Author:Blackpaw
That is the question!


My BF and i have been talking about rings a fair bit lately - that is, Ive been talking

and he''s told me that he would like us to buy my ering together and then he''ll hold onto it until he decides to propose.


Problem is, Id kinda like a surprise. And when I say surprise, I mean I''ll pick out the setting, the approximate size and quality and L:W ratio of the stone (it will be an EC), then he''ll have the happy task of picking a loose stone and having it set.


Some background...Im fussy. I used to work in a jewellery store, then after looking at erings with BF a few months ago, I found pricescope. And now im REAL fussy!!! So i can appreciate why he wants me to pick the ring, so Ill definitely be happy with it.


Another problem is, knowing that he has my ering in his possession would make me ''expect'' proposals, and i think that might be frustrating. You know ''its my birthday, surely this is it'' or ''we''re taking out the garbage, surely this is it''. Did I mention that im crazy

Still, if that band is 1mm too thin or too thick there could be tears....!!


Any advice lovely ladies? By the way, Im a new poster and am very glad to formally make all your acquaintances

Um, this sentence says it all to me. Do yourself and your honey a favour and be involved in all the elements of the ring purchase. Let the surprise be how it looks when it''s done and how your boyfriend proposes. Don''t put the strain on him to try to read your mind and get it absolutely perfect if you''ve got (as it sounds) fairly specific preferences.

 

[littlelysser]

Pick what your fussy self will love! I did.

After DH and I began seriously talking about getting married, WE went and picked everything out. I got the stone I wanted, the prong setting I wanted, the halo style I wanted. I got my dream ring...within reason of course!

Here's the thing. I am going to be wearing this ring for the rest of my life. I wanted it to be exactly what I wanted.

Of course I love my DH and didn't need a ring to marry him, but since we were getting a ring, and I knew what I wanted, he let me decide what I liked best. For some people, that just doesn't matter. I totally get that it is a symbol of love and being surprised might be great...but I can tell you that I've had my ring for almost 4 years now...and I still absolutely love it. LOVE IT. I still look at it 10000000 times a day.

I say that it seems important to you - so pick what you love. I don't think you'll regret it.

As for the surprise element...you don't know how long it might take said ring to be made. Take a look at the stories on PS...it can take months! So if you pick what you want and ENTIRELY withdraw from the process...you won't know when he has it? Just a thought.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/27/2008 2:40:20 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 7/27/2008 12:19:13 PM

Author:Blackpaw

That is the question!



My BF and i have been talking about rings a fair bit lately - that is, Ive been talking

and he''s told me that he would like us to buy my ering together and then he''ll hold onto it until he decides to propose.



Problem is, Id kinda like a surprise. And when I say surprise, I mean I''ll pick out the setting, the approximate size and quality and L:W ratio of the stone (it will be an EC), then he''ll have the happy task of picking a loose stone and having it set.



Some background...Im fussy. I used to work in a jewellery store, then after looking at erings with BF a few months ago, I found pricescope. And now im REAL fussy!!! So i can appreciate why he wants me to pick the ring, so Ill definitely be happy with it.



Another problem is, knowing that he has my ering in his possession would make me ''expect'' proposals, and i think that might be frustrating. You know ''its my birthday, surely this is it'' or ''we''re taking out the garbage, surely this is it''. Did I mention that im crazy

Still, if that band is 1mm too thin or too thick there could be tears....!!



Any advice lovely ladies? By the way, Im a new poster and am very glad to formally make all your acquaintances

Um, this sentence says it all to me. Do yourself and your honey a favour and be involved in all the elements of the ring purchase. Let the surprise be how it looks when it''s done and how your boyfriend proposes. Don''t put the strain on him to try to read your mind and get it absolutely perfect if you''ve got (as it sounds) fairly specific preferences.

ditto, spare the poor boy some much un-needed stress and ensure that you will love it, the surprise will be the proposal .

 

[Blackpaw]

Thanks choro, Gwendolyn, littlelysser and deelight!! BF is all smug as his idea is vindicated

And thanks LL for the point about delivery times etc - that does make it seem feasible that i might still have something of a surprise!

Its hard to surprise anyone though when you have joint bank accounts :O)

 

[wishful]

I would give him a list of the specifics that are really important to you on the design of the ring.
If you like a certain designer then mention that. If the band width is important stress that.
Give him all the info he needs and then let him go do the rest on his own.
That''s kinda what I did but I did unfortunately latch on and ask to be informed of all the "steps" taking place. But I''m a Capricorn and I''m a control freak..lol....

 

[lala2332]

haha....you and I are having the same problem!

I can''t decide if I want top pick the center stone or not. I want an asscher, which all look different, so I think so, but BF wants to surprise me. Who knows. I''m thinking that I will help pick out a center stone and he knows the setting I like, so then I would withdraw from the process.

Good luck. Let us know how it all end sup going. And you are welcome to vent anytime here as you wait for the actual question!

 

[supergirl10]

FI and i are just having same problem. We tried on ring together to see what he and i both liked on me, when we found nothing, we decided to get it made. We both wanted to round stone for my ring in a simple prong solitaire setting.

So my solution was
1. I picked 4 settings i liked (mostly equally) then he made the final choice
3. Met with the jeweller to discuss setting selected, type of band and other specifications ie i want the band 3-4mm thick and don''t want band to get thinner towards setting so now jeweller has complete picture of what i am wanting
2. I am going with him to select the stone and meet with the jeweller again to discuss this

Then after that the process is completely up to him and the jeweller. He is planning to repropose when he has ring

.

Don''t know whether this would work for you but it is a good solution for me, i don''t know when ring will be finished and i won''t see the finished product until he reproposes!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Definitely pick it out together! It means a lot to you for your dream ring to be YOUR dream ring so you should definitely have some say or give some input. Or a slightly more hands-off method, going off of what Wishful said, is to tell him exactly which setting you want, which modifications, specifications, etc. and let him pick the diamond. If you just tell him what you want (or give him a list to hold onto) you won''t know when he actually pulls the trigger and gets the ring made/purchased. less anticipation along the lines of "is today the day?" since you won''t know that he has it in his possession.

Although I like Supergirl''s method a lot too (it''s the one BF and I used for my birthday present) of giving him options, ALL of which you would love, and letting him pick. He retains some control over timing and spontaneity, you know you''ll like whichever you get, and you still get a surprise since you don''t know which one he''s going for in the end.

 

[emeraldlover1]

I vote for picking it out yourself and having him hold on to it. I had been on pricescope for about 3 years when we started looking for my ring. Since you used to work in a store I''m sure you know that with step cuts they can sometimes look so different even if dimensions seem similar. This is what I found and I am thrilled that my SO thought the same thing. It was really romantic doing it together as well and deciding on the final setting. I went through wanting to have it custom to getting a Tacori that met what both FF and I wanted. I still don''t know exactly when the proposal is coming but....I do know that I''ll be happy with the ring I''ll wear forever.

 

[surfgirl]

You have very specific and picky criteria so you''re better off choosing the ring yourself. Or narrow it down to 1-3 stones and a couple of settings and then take him with you to help you make the final selection. Then let him do the rest.

Honestly, I dont understand people get all worked up over having to choose their stones - especially with so many women not loving what their men selected for them. I also found it a lot more "humane" if you will, to shop for a ring without him first. Why? Because that way, I could see what I gravitated towards, see if it was in our budget, and not have him there and seeing me trying on rings that ended up being way over our means, but looking amazing on my hand. I didn''t want him to feel in any way obligated to buy a ring over his budget and I think by pre-shopping alone, I was able to give him a couple of options that were at different price points so he could decide which he preferred. It worked out very well for us. I dont think you will love your ring any less if you choose it, but you might not love it at all if you dont, right?

 

[orangemonster]

Hi! I have to say that for my hubs and I, we shopped for the stone together and picked out the setting together. BUT the proposal was up to him - and I did not see the ring ''finished'' and all together until that day. It was a perfect compromise! I knew he was not as well versed in diamonds as I and he truly had no clue where to start. It was actually a wonderful time for us - and FUN! It''s a personal decision but if you are picky and know what you like, I highly recommend being involved. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Babyblue033]

A lot of people seems to think that if you chose the ring together then it''s not as romantic. I was involved in the whole process, purchasing both stone and setting, and the whole experience of doing this together was one of the most romantic and memorable experience ever. It was such a big deal for both of us, we fussed over different choices, changed our minds billion times, looked at all the rings on PS, and basically made a huge deal about the entire process rather than just the end result. I was obsessed, and he was very sweet and indulged my craziness throughout.

And he even managed to sneak in a surprise proposal as well. He went full out, planned a movie like, cheesy but sweet events to propose. What made it even better is that so many things went wrong despite all his planning, weather was absolutely horrible with pouring rain, and he had planned an outdoor proposal. He got locked out of his car. His friends and he had to carry all the stuff and walk 30 mins in the rain to the proposal spot because there was some road block. I was delayed because of the weather. So by the time he was proposing he was soaking wet, all the candles had gone out in the rain, and I was all haggard looking from walking in the rain and mud. But he proposed by going down on his knee in the mud, then we danced under the giant umbrella and drank my favorite wine. My favorite memory ever

Sorry for the ramble (I''m still glowing thinking about the not-so-perfect-proposal

) but my point is, the ring should be a reflection of you and him, your love for each other, and if you''re just as concerned as I was that the ring is "perfect" in our eyes then discuss it with him and be involved. It doesn''t make it any less romantic and there are still many ways he can surprise you if he tried

 

[Diamond Confused]

I say pick it. It''s a big expense so you better like it. My friends fiance proposed without the ring and they picked it out together.

 

[Blackpaw]

Thanks everyone for the ýnput!! Im glad to hear there are others who had my dýlemma (wýshful, lala, supergýrl!!). We are goýng to pýck ýt together and ým countýng on the waýt týme for a custom make to throw me off the traýl on when ýll get ýt!

EmeraldLover I love your stone and cant waýt to here about your proposal.

Thanks to Brown.Eyed.Gýrl, orangemonster, surfgýrl and dýamond confused for your advýce!! Gotta love prýcescope for solvýng these kýnds of problems - ýf only pýckýng the rýng would be so straýghtforward

BabyBlue your proposal was soooo sweet! As ýs that gorgous kýtten ýn your avatar. Is he yours? I cant get a pýck of mýne small enough to put as my avatar

Poor lýttle blackpaw, doesnt get hýs moment ýn the sun!

So now ý need a stone and a settýng. East West my FF and I have decýded, but thats ýt so far...

 

[gwendolyn]

Excellent plan! Can''t wait to see it!

 

[Rhea]

Date: 7/27/2008 2:40:20 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 7/27/2008 12:19:13 PM

Author:Blackpaw

That is the question!



My BF and i have been talking about rings a fair bit lately - that is, Ive been talking

and he''s told me that he would like us to buy my ering together and then he''ll hold onto it until he decides to propose.



Problem is, Id kinda like a surprise. And when I say surprise, I mean I''ll pick out the setting, the approximate size and quality and L:W ratio of the stone (it will be an EC), then he''ll have the happy task of picking a loose stone and having it set.



Some background...Im fussy. I used to work in a jewellery store, then after looking at erings with BF a few months ago, I found pricescope. And now im REAL fussy!!! So i can appreciate why he wants me to pick the ring, so Ill definitely be happy with it.



Another problem is, knowing that he has my ering in his possession would make me ''expect'' proposals, and i think that might be frustrating. You know ''its my birthday, surely this is it'' or ''we''re taking out the garbage, surely this is it''. Did I mention that im crazy

Still, if that band is 1mm too thin or too thick there could be tears....!!



Any advice lovely ladies? By the way, Im a new poster and am very glad to formally make all your acquaintances

Um, this sentence says it all to me. Do yourself and your honey a favour and be involved in all the elements of the ring purchase. Let the surprise be how it looks when it''s done and how your boyfriend proposes. Don''t put the strain on him to try to read your mind and get it absolutely perfect if you''ve got (as it sounds) fairly specific preferences.

What Gwen said. It might be a bit frustrating jumping every time he takes out the trash but I think it''d be worth it in the long run.

You could even let him know that it''d be frustrating to you to wait too long after the ring is done so if he could take that into consideration by not starting the process too early. Saying that isn''t bossy either, it''s good communication.

 

[anyname]

My fiance knew it was important for me to pick my own ring because if i''m going to wear this ring forever, i better love it. So, when he proposed he used earrings. That way I was completely surprised about the engagement and we picked my ring out together.

our wedding is next friday....

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I picked my engagement and have no regrets.

First of all, the experience for my hubs and I was wonderful. We had a lot of laughs, learned a lot, and made some of the best memories.

I felt strongly about being part of the process because it was going to be my ring. I trust my huband completely, he is a wonderful man who has equally wonderful taste, but I had my reasons: I believe that there is something really romantic about an engagement ring. It''s a promise. He is slipping the future around your finger. And for that reason, I knew that whatever my ring was--that was it for me. My engagement ring would be with me every day from that moment forward. I personally don''t believe in upgrading. I believe in adding pieces to your collection...but once you upgrade, trade in, or give away that original engagement stone, you no longer have and engagement ring....you simply have a nice, expensive piece of jewelry...but that crazy/beautiful sentiment behind that first stone is gone with it. So, I wouldn''t ever give mine away for anything...that is something I knew even before I had it.

Now with that said, I wear my engagement ring. Like, every day. I have since I recieved it (like I said, I''m super sentimental about the meaning)....so, this is a piece of jewelry I will wear every single day for the rest of my life, and if thats the case I should have HUGE say in what it looks like, so that I can enjoy it to its full potential. I mean, if I was only going to be given out outfit to wear everyday for the rest of my life, would I leave that selection up to someone else...or pick it out myself?

I was fully involved in the design and selection of my ring and diamond. Once it was completed I gave up all control and submitted to his plan. He did surprise me. I was surprised. I cried. I clapped my hands. I jumped up and down like a lunatic. I celebrated the hell out of that moment. And guess what, picking out my ring with my future husband did not ruin that moment for me, not even a little bit. In many ways, it made it better...because I loved the ring. I didn''t have "ugh" feeling when I saw it, like I could have, had I been left in the dark.

In the end, it''s up to you. Do what feels right. Because if you follow your heart, you''ll be happy no matter what.

 

[Bliss]

If you want a surprise... I'd say pick the details that are most important to you, be it shape, size or style. Then leave it up to him! That having been stated, even when you pick the ring -- I think it'll still be a surprise because of the proposal and the fact that you're being reunited with the ring IN PERSON FOREVER on your hand. Just spectacular.

Mine was a complete surprise. Never saw the diamond or the setting before. It was kind of a waste of money, though. He proposed with a gorgeous RB in a plain platinum setting and told me I could have whatever setting I wanted. So I did! But we wasted a platinum setting in the process! It's now sitting in a drawer!

It sure was fun designing my dream setting, though. I'm so happy he left that part up to me. And I did enjoy sporting the solitaire for a while.

It could backfire if he chooses something that you would not feel comfortable wearing. So I fully support going ring shopping together to see what styles and sizes look best on your hand! We did that and so I fully trusted he knew what I loved. I have trained the young Jedi well! LOL.

 

[FrekeChild]

My FF has a sheet of paper detailing what I want, and as long as he''s within those specs (they are the essentials of what I want with loose parameters) everything should be fine, and I''m trusting his discretion. Besides, the big thing he has to pick is color--and he''s PICKIER in that respect than I am!

(Gemstone ering)

 

[Cravin My Emerald cut]

I for most of the same reasons already posted say pick it out together. My ring for example.....we chose the center and the setting, but I didn''t see them together until he proposed, plus the setting was slightly modified (cushion sides not princess) and it was completely different seeing it finished versus a loose stone sitting atop a mounting.

 

[Blackpaw]

Thanks everyone for the advýce - i feel much better about this now.... ive even started lookýng at settings