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To upgrade again or not to upgrade?

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jellybean

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
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624
OK...it''s me again.
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Here''s my situation now...

About 2 months ago I upgraded my original 0.38ct rb to a 0.72ct ideal rb. While I like that diamond, I have always wanted a 1ct diamond and kept "wishing" it would just look a little bit bigger. But since it took me almost 6 years to get this diamond, I didn''t want to complain and seem superficial.

I also have my MIL''s original e-ring diamond, a 1.5ct rb. My DH is always afraid I''m going to get mugged wearing it
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so I really don''t wear it that often. (I''m a pharmacist and work evenings so it is dark when I come out of work; that''s probably where he gets that idea -- although he also thinks that size diamond is "too big" for everyday wear
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). Anyway...

My DH and I had a little bit of an incentive/bet going between us. I wanted a shared prong setting for my new diamond to match my eternity band. He said if I could lose weight then I could get it sooner than I thought I would.

Well I have been working my butt off the last couple of months. I have only lost 5 lbs but everyone says it looks like I lost more. I still have a ways to go but DH noticed and is really proud of me. He said I could get the new setting now if I want. I mentioned (probably shouldn''t have
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) that I really want this 1ct diamond that I''ve been eyeing for a while. Since he is so sick of hearing me talk about diamonds he said it''s either the diamond or the setting, not both (not that I was asking for both!) and that would be the end of any more diamonds for say, oh, the next 20 years. (At least big purchases like this
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)

Soo...

What I''m wondering from all of you, is, should I get the 1ct that I want, and risk looking totally superficial, OR get the matching semi-mount for the 0.72ct diamond? If I get the setting, I don''t think I''ll ever be able to get the 1ct, and vice versa. Yes, I do have the 1.5ct but it''s not ideal cut and I have become totally obsessed with getting this 1ct ideal cut diamond. I don''t need this 1ct ideal cut, I just want it.

I know, I have completely lost it.
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Any advice is appreciated.
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Hey first off congratulations on your weight loss! I lost weight several years ago and had a bet with my husband that resulted in a princess cut diamond and ruby bagette right hand ring! That ring will always be special to me. I also understand the obsession to have a nice sized well cut diamond. When I started reading pricescope I became obsessed with having an "ideal" stone. If that is your heart''s desire then don''t worry about looking shallow just go for it while you have your husband in the mood to purchase! I speak from experience, seize these opportunities while you can. You deserve it!!!
 
#1 Congrats on the weight loss! I have a bet with hubby but it''s a safe bet he''ll never have to pay up
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#2 You mean to tell me that you have a fabulous 1.5 hanging around and you''re not wearing it? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN!!!!!!
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Jellybean...I just hope the diamond you''ve got your eye on is not the same one I''ve got MY eye on! I was thinking of taking another step up the ladder with a one carat before I go all the way to the 1.5. Should I up the ante and make this a race? LOL! Would that help you make up your mind?
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Doesn''t it just kill ya not to know whether I''m joking or not?
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We''ve talked about this, but I''ll put it here too.

I think you NEED to get it completely right this time, or your hubby''s gonna blow a gasket.
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When you upgraded the first time, you said "I don''t care if it''s smaller, I just want a stone of my own. I''ll be happy if I can pick out my own stone". You got it.....the .55 stone. And you weren''t happy still.

You changed the mounting.....and you weren''t happy still. You''ve added an eternity band....and still it''s not enough.

You changed the .55 to a .72, and assured hubby that if he would just go along with this, you would be happy. And again, still not satisfied.

You''ve mentioned subsequently that your husband is hurt that you changed the original e-ring, which adds insult to injury.

From what you''ve said about his comments above (not changing for another 20 years), his patience is short on this topic now. I suspect his fear is that you are never going to stop wanting something else. The only way you''ll convince him otherwise is to give it a rest for a WHILE.....a few years, anyway.

As I see it, you have one.....ONE chance now to get this completely right. That being so, I''d find a way to get exactly what you want---diamond and setting---now.

If you don''t, you''re still going to be unhappy--either with the setting or the diamond--and I don''t think you''re going to be able to let it go. If you bring it up again, you''re going to start World War 3 with your husband.
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Please, JB, before you make any more decisions, think long and hard, and be totally honest with yourself about what will finally satisfy you once and for all. Not what you''ll settle for, but what will make you stop changing your ring and be happy with it. Then do that.

If you can''t, then I think you''re going to have to commit yourself to living with your choice for at least 5 years or so in silence before trying to change anything again. Tell yourself, "no more changes for at least 5 years" and determine what you can live with.

Good luck.
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Ditto! I have done that before. I talk myself into something...to satisfy myself NOW e/t it's not my ideal!!!

Hey SJZ- I thought you didn't like big stones and didn't want to upgrade??? Hmmmm???
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J/k

Both of you...do it do it do it
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Okay, I''m not 100% sure my memory is correct, but haven''t you previously stated that you do not like plain solitaires? So if you DO get the 1 ct. in a plain setting, this will not be your ideal ring, just your ideal center stone, right? This choice can be problematic, IMO. . .but the other choice - the setting - will not fulfill your 1 ct. dream either. . .neither seem like the best solution for you!

I agree with Aljdeway. . .WAIT on this choice for a while!. Why rush such a HUGE decision that you''ll be living with for many years? Don''t create a situation where you''ll be posting in two months from now again wanting to switch stones/settings around again.

Good luck!
 
Date: 7/5/2005 5:50:41 PM
Author: moremoremore
Ditto! I have done that before. I talk myself into something...to satisfy myself NOW e/t it''s not my ideal!!!

Hey SJZ- I thought you didn''t like big stones and didn''t want to upgrade??? Hmmmm???
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J/k

Both of you...do it do it do it
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MMM-

It''s more my husband''s idea. I just got a new diamond not that long ago, and still have my orig. Ering. But he told me not long ago that he was thinking of getting me a 1.5 carat diamond next year for our 15th anniversary...10 points for each year of marriage. I''ve been looking...lol. I was actually thinking of upgrading to a 1 carat just to see if I''d like that before going all the way...lol. The biggest diamond I''ve ever owned is .75 carat.

I''m pretty sure that I wouldn''t like the 3 carat Tiffany stone (hypothetical) from the other thread, so it''s a good think I don''t have to worry about it...lol! I''d rather have TWO 1.5''s for the money.


Jellybean-

I just had an idea...let me borrow your 1.5 for a couple of weeks, just to see if I''d like one that big...LOL! On a serious note, WF has a few nice diamonds just over 1 carat that I''ve been looking at lately...wonder if any of them is the one you''ve got your eye on?

I know how you feel, though. I had wanted one of the ACA ideal cut diamonds, that''s why I got one that''s the same size as my orig. Ering. I''m not sorry I bought it, either. I think if I do get an upgrade, I''ll want another one most likely. I know you''d like one, too.
 
I''m going to have to agree with aljdewey here...think REALLY long and hard about what will satisfy you for a good length of time, because there have been several purchases, changes, and upgrades lately and I would wager that your husband is getting tired of it, and feeling like you''re never going to be satisfied. Most of us never are...
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...but have been satisfied enough to limit the exchanges, purchases, etc for certain time periods.

I think you should get your ideal stone now and forget the setting for the time being. I would bet my life that if you get the setting, you''re still not going to be satisfied with the 0.72 ct stone. I''m positive of this. But you need to be. Seriously. Think about it...
 
Date: 7/5/2005 5:11:35 PM
Author:jellybean

Soo...

What I''m wondering from all of you, is, should I get the 1ct that I want, and risk looking totally superficial, OR get the matching semi-mount for the 0.72ct diamond? If I get the setting, I don''t think I''ll ever be able to get the 1ct, and vice versa. Yes, I do have the 1.5ct but it''s not ideal cut and I have become totally obsessed with getting this 1ct ideal cut diamond. I don''t need this 1ct ideal cut, I just want it.

I know, I have completely lost it.
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Any advice is appreciated.
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JB
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here is a simple solution to this problem. are you happy with the color/clarity of your MIL''s 1.5 ct stone? if yes, maybe you can have it recut to ideal proportion and at the same time, get the setting you like and everybody is happy. you always need a man''s advice for this kind of problem.
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I would also have that 1.5 recut and maybe you get a final that is 1.20c but it's still bigger than the 1c you want to upgrade to then you are not out any money and you can wear the stone finally. Set the .72 into a fab pendant. But I know there are sentimental issues with the 1.5c... maybe his mom would freak out? I would still do it.
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Anyway, I think you should get the setting and not the 1c stone. You say you are obsessed with thinking about a bigger stone. Here's a newsflash. The size difference from a .72 to a 1c will not satisfy you I am sorry to say. It's not large enough to be like a visual WOW esp since you already have a 1.5c to compare it to size-wise. If you don't like solitaire settings, you won't be happy with a 1c in a plain setting. So just pony up and get the setting and be done. You may THINK that the 1c will satisfy you, but us PScopers know the real deal.
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Sure hubby says no more for next 20 years but you never know and I'd much rather get something that will visually make me happier than a tiny stone increase that would probably just leave me wanting more.

Some may say..well mara aren't you doing the stepping stone approach to a new stone, aka 1.29 to a 1.60 and on and so forth...well yes you are right, BUT this is already a done deal for me, i know what and when my next stone upgrade is basically. it's not like Greg told me 'you can either only have one or the other for a period of time'...in which case I'd really have to think about what will make me happiest longest and give it some HARD thought.

Bottom line, and I have said this to others re: upgrades, is when does it end??? My 1.60 looked massive to me when I got it but now it's normal. The size diff from .72 to 1c is not a huge enough deal to be the end all to be all for your absolute happiness.

So I say get the setting. And start working on the hubby to reduce that 20 years to maybe about 5-7.
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jelly, I swear I need a timeline showing me when you did what! Do you no longer have the .38 that was in your original e-ring? The one that some of us were saying you should put back into that setting? Is that what you traded up to the .55 and then the .72?

I think I''m with Mara on going for the beautiful matching setting that you want. You''ve wanted it for a while now. And you will not notice a huge difference going from a .72 to one carat. You will still be longing for your ideal setting.
 
I can''t help but adding...if you DO go for the setting, make sure it can eventually accomodate a bigger stone, or that the head can be swapped out for one that does!!! PLEASE!!! Or you''ll have the dilemma all over again...
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I agree with waiting a little longer and trying to get both in one shot. I like the idea of recutting the 1.5 if you think you could swing it. but I understanding wanting your own ring too. I have been in a similar situation with my hubby and knowing I was close to crossing the line and needed to drop it for a while. He felt that no matter what I got I wouldn''t be completely satified and saw no end in sight. If you must choose, I''d go with the setting, making sure it can accomodate a bigger stone down the line. I had a plain solitaire for 5 years and was soooo tired of it I definitely couldn''t bear to keep wearing it even with an awesome eternity band
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Hi Jellybean, I''m an R.Ph., too!!

I agree with the setting voters. I recently upgraded from a 0.75 to a 1.25 and although, of course, I noticed the difference, the 1.25 wasn''t so huge that I fainted and had to be brought back to consciousness with the smelling salts I thought I would need.
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I definitely know that 1 ct wouldn''t have been satisfactory to me and my husband actually caught on to this fact and shook his head when I put together the original idea of my setting with a 1ct stone. He thought that I should make a bigger jump.

If you do get the setting to accomodate a bigger stone later, then no biggie, but if you have a 1ct stone with no other bling to go with, it doesn''t seem like that will be a satisfactory end to your upgrade experience.

Also, you may not always work evenings and the mugging thing can happen for much less than 1.5 carat stone. Someone can be eyeing your sterling silver necklace and mug you for that, so to me, that''s not really an issue that you can hang your hat on.

Is the MIL''s stone beautiful? Do you love it? If so, then the ideal cut thing may not be an issue to worry about....
 
Thanks everyone for the replies. I''m sure you are as sick of hearing from me as my husband is!
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Let me clear up a couple of things about when things happened....My MIL gave me her 1.5ct about 2 1/2 years ago and that was the first time I "changed" anything. I took the 0.38ct out of its original setting and put the 1.5ct in it. It wasn''t until this February that I put the 1.5ct in a solitaire. The 0.38ct is now in a pendant.

The eternity band was a gift from my grandparents that I picked out. I had thought about a 3 stone ring or a whole new set for the 1.5ct but in the end I wanted a separate ring just from "them".

I bought the 0.55ct b/c I wanted a stone of my own. After about a week I traded it up to the 0.72ct b/c both me and my DH thought we could get more bang for a bit more $. I had it put into a solitaire as a temporary setting with the idea of someday getting the diamond setting. Now I do like the chunky solitaire setting the 1.5ct is in, but I don''t like the thin tiffany setting the 0.72ct is in. So this is where I am at today. Once I got the 0.72ct I thought how much nicer the ideal cut would look if it was just slightly bigger....

As far as recutting my MIL''s diamond -- sounds great, but I brought up that idea to my DH a couple of months ago (before I got the 0.55ct) and he said his mom would have a fit. Yes, even though she technically gave it to me, she is still pretty attached to it. So that is not an option.

Yes, my DH was ticked off that I changed the original e-ring setting back in February. We''ve talked about this and he understood how I wanted an e-ring that was from him and not from anyone else, yet he still is surprised that I wanted to change it anyway. It''s basically a topic we aren''t going to really ever resolve or agree about. He said he can''t turn back the clock but I told him there are steps now we can take to make it better.

Sorry to ramble on...Sooooo...

Bottom line it seems the majority of you think I should not trade in the 0.72ct for a 1ct b/c I may not be satisfied there. I would like to think I would be but then again, I really really thought that the 0.72ct would do it for me. Visually the jump from a 0.72ct to a 1ct wouldn''t be that huge. I probably would want something more. Can I live with the 0.72ct? -- of course! I don''t look at it and say "you''re not my dream stone" b/c I never thought I would have an ideal cut anyway. The 1.5ct is not a horrible stone. I realized it''s pretty nice after going to stores and seeing some of the crap out there. It''s just not near an ideal cut -- something that didn''t bother me until I got the ideal cut one!

There''s no way I can swing getting both the new diamond and the new setting NOW. In fact, I don''t think he''ll ever agree to getting both at one time b/c as I mentioned before he thinks jewelry is a waste of $$ anyway and he''s not going to put out say, $4K for both.

This whole discussion b/t me and my DH came up before the holiday weekend so I have thought about it for a while (well, a while for me anyway
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). He''s also one of those types that I need to do something while he''s in the mood to or else he may say 2 months from now, oh this has come up and we need to do this first. So my window or opportunity is here.
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If I do go with the setting I have made sure that a new head can be put on it to eventually accomodate a bigger stone (if I ever got one). That is where I am leaning -- new setting.

Maybe when we''re "rolling in $$" (as my DH puts it) then I can get the bigger rock. And I mean BIGGER rock!
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Thanks again for the help.

I''ll let you know what I FINALLY decide.
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Looks like it''s probably the setting.
 
Hey JB! Is the 1.5 an ideal cut? Perhaps you cut have it recut to make it your own... and then set it in your dream setting making both you and DH happy.
 
The 1.5ct is not an ideal cut and I think I would be disowned if I did recut it.
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Have you thought about putting the .71 into a Ritani Endless Love Setting? That''s pretty much what I am doing because now that I have gotten use to my .71 solitaire upgrading to a 1ct would not be worth it for me since there isn''t that much size difference.


If not put the .71 into a new setting that will match the eternity band. I hope I am helping and not making you more confused. Heres a .71 in a matching prong setting

.71 setting.jpg
 
Here is a .50ct center diamond.

Endless Love.jpg
 
Lmurden -- that shared prong setting is the one I am leaning toward. I like the Ritani one but my eternity band is shared prong and the Ritani one is bead set so I don''t think they''d match real well.
 
JellyBean:

I have been following your story since DT and have always felt a kindred spirit with you.

I have also been through 3 upgrades, 3 settings, and two large eternity bands. I was never happy and my husband was at his wits end. All he wanted was one year without a diamond quandry.

Last summer I finally pulled the plug and made the ring of my dreams and I haven''t looked back (at least not yet). I made my 3 carat RBC solitaire into a 3 stone ring. Initially it was .55 on either side but on my birthday I upgraded to .75 on either side. On my size 4 finger it is perfect, worn with my 3 carat eternity band it is stunning.

I think you should buy another .72 and make a 3 stone ring with you MIL''s 1.5 RBC. That''s if a 3 stone is your style. Would your MIL be okay with that idea? I don''t think you will need another upgrade for quite sometime.

I think you should move the .38 back into its orignial setting a wear it as a right hand ring.

Roppongi
 
roppongi, with 7 1/2 carats on your size 4 finger, you SHOULD be happy.
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Have you posted pictures of your set? I''d love to see it!
 
Date: 7/6/2005 8:19:45 PM
Author: Patty
roppongi, with 7 1/2 carats on your size 4 finger, you SHOULD be happy.
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Have you posted pictures of your set? I''d love to see it!

me too, me too. I wear a 3 1/2 and would love to get and idea of what that kind of bling would look like
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I must be the only person in the world without the use or knowledge to work a digital camera. I have been meaning to take a picture of it forever. Trust me once I do, it will be posted here immediately.

What I want JellyBean to know is that the marriage doesn''t change just because the engagement ring or band changes. My wedding band was a gorgeous eternity band that was lost. I looked high and low for over a month and than the insurance company cut me a check to buy another one. I was destroyed as my wedding band and engagement ring were blessed by a Catholic Bishop when we were married. With the insurance check I upgraded my 2 + carat to my 3 carat. I still missed my eternity band so my husband replaced that for me with another one. One year later my solitaire was just looking lonely so I added the side stones last summer. Last December my jeweler said that the sides were not in proportion to my center stone and that I should go up to .75. So for my birthday I got the upgrade side stones.

Is it the set my husband proposed to me with? Not even close. I am so deeply in love with my husband the ever changing ring is just the icing on the cake. It has morphed just like our relationship continues to do.
 
Date: 7/6/2005 10:08:18 PM
Author: roppongi
I must be the only person in the world without the use or knowledge to work a digital camera. I have been meaning to take a picture of it forever. Trust me once I do, it will be posted here immediately.

What I want JellyBean to know is that the marriage doesn''t change just because the engagement ring or band changes. My wedding band was a gorgeous eternity band that was lost. I looked high and low for over a month and than the insurance company cut me a check to buy another one. I was destroyed as my wedding band and engagement ring were blessed by a Catholic Bishop when we were married. With the insurance check I upgraded my 2 + carat to my 3 carat. I still missed my eternity band so my husband replaced that for me with another one. One year later my solitaire was just looking lonely so I added the side stones last summer. Last December my jeweler said that the sides were not in proportion to my center stone and that I should go up to .75. So for my birthday I got the upgrade side stones.

Is it the set my husband proposed to me with? Not even close. I am so deeply in love with my husband the ever changing ring is just the icing on the cake. It has morphed just like our relationship continues to do.
That''s what I tried explaining to my DH when I changed my original e-ring. It doesn''t mean I''m not sentimental and it doesn''t mean I love him any less.

Wow--- you''ve been following my saga since DT?
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As you know this has been going on for a long time! I really want to get it right!!!!

I do really like the 1.5ct solitaire with my eternity band. I considered doing a 3 stone ring with it, and maybe someday I will, but for now I am going to leave it in the solitaire.

My mom had another suggestions just to make things worse and put more ideas into my head.
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She suggested getting another eternity band to wear on the other side of the 0.72ct solitaire. I''m not sure if I would like that look - I think I''m better off getting the diamond setting as opposed to another band. Her other suggestion was to put a pear on either side of the 0.72ct as I was thinking about doing that with the 1.5ct to begin with (and that is what I was going to do if I didn''t get the eternity band). Hmmm.....
 
I still think you should recut the 1.5...!

Here is my reasoning. Why keep spending on a different stone when you have a 1.5c right there.

So the MIL won't like it if you recut her stone. I say too bad! It's yours now. Plus (and this sounds bad BUT desperate times call for desperate measures)....WHY even tell her or anyone for that matter?

Why not just recut it....maybe you end up with something like a 1.25c depending on the original cut of the 1.50 and if it's not ideal in the first place, maybe it looks smaller, more like a 1.35 or something (who knows)...and if you don't say anything, what will these non-diamond-understanding people think about the stone other than 'it looks alot sparklier!'. I doubt that they will immediately grab your hand and say OH MY GOD YOU RECUT MY OLD STONE! They may just think it looks better in which case you can just say you 'got it cleaned'. Non-diamond-people would not blink an eye I am sure.

I don't understand the drama surrounding the 1.5c stone, a gift is a gift and she gave it to you. Why can you change out the setting but not fix up the stone itself? It's still the same darn stone just better looking! And then you could actually WEAR IT as opposed to shelling out more $$ on another stone and setting. Then you could use the extra money to get the setting you want and put the .72 into a pendant.

Honestly the fact that the 1.5 is just sitting there and you don't even wear it, diamond sacrilege!! I guess I also just don't understand the drama associated with a nosy MIL...as mine is very far away on the other side of the US and I kind of like it that way.
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So that's my two cents. I say get it recut, don't even mention it (and maybe not to hubby if he would have a fit!)...and then just pretend like it was really dirty before. Of course you have to have a decent set of brass ba** to carry this off..so maybe it's not for everyone.
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Stop throwing money at the problem without fixing it, aka no eternity ring...no slightly smaller stone, etc etc. Fix the actual problem...!! The center stone or the setting!!
 
Okay I know I am the one who was all blah blah blah just recut the one you have...however I think not telling your husband might cause a few issues. Maybe explain to him how much moeny it would cost adn hwo happy it would make you. Explaint hta recutting it would make it yours, not hers and that you would wear it more if it was more sparkly and had more fire. Is it an otherwise good stone (color, clarity)?
 
Okay so tell hubby but not MIL!
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I seriously think no one will know why the stone is different unless it''s told to them. Average consumers that is, not PS''ers!
 
I don''t want to recut the 1.5 w/o telling my DH. We have this agreement that if we''re going to spend a decent amount of $$ (say, over a few hundred dollars) on something we consult each other first. Not to mention he didn''t go for the idea a few months ago. I could try to bring it up again - just have to make sure the timing is right.
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Actually, knowing him he would probably say he would rather me get the new setting then recut the diamond.
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I''ve decided for sure not to get the 1ct. Not enough size increase to justify it.

Since I already have my original 0.38ct in a pendant, I should just put the 0.72ct in my original e-ring setting and wear it as a right hand ring instead of having the shared prong setting made for that stone.

I actually have been wearing the 1.5ct more. I don''t know why I let my DH talk me into not wearing it. If he''s worried about me getting mugged, I''ll just turn the diamond toward my palm. Yes, it''s a waste having that stone sit in the jewelry box.

If I do get the shared prong semi-mount, which diamond should I put in it? -- the 1.5ct, right? I think it would look nicer with that diamond, even though right now I do like the chunky solitaire.

Or, maybe this is telling me don''t do anything right now!
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