Tomorrow''s my last day at my job...

[jas]

This is odd.

Tomorrow is my last day at my job. I have worked as a middle school teacher for ten years and have seen the decline of a once outstanding school and in the last ten years have taught twelve different courses (which is way more than most middle school people ever teach) with little to no support from two of the three principals who have been there during my tenure (which I’m giving up as well!). They said things like, “But we need you to teach all these classes…you’re the only one who has ‘the goods’” and then, essentially, disappeared to pursue their careers at a “higher” level (i.e. they wanted to be superintendents). Not that I was the only one going through the year without a principal, but with a lot of preps during the day, there were times I really needed one! This year, I have been putting in 18-20 hour days 5-6 days a week just to keep a pace. I can’t do that anymore, and there was no indication the work load would lighten, as even though I have tenure, I have less tenure than anyone else in the building.

I love the kids, I love teaching, but what I do now is not teach, it's run around to meetings and try to grade and prep so that those precious precious minutes with my students are not wasted. My students learn and laugh and READ more than they ever have before. I just can't keep doing the job well at that school.


I’m totally burnt out and saddened because I still am whammied by that teacher guilt that says that we should suffer for our careers and for the children (even though I work in an affluent district, so it’s not like they can’t attract really good teachers), but I know there are many other schools that crave and support good teachers who just want to teach, not teach to the test, not go to meetings to justify some administrator's EdD pursuit. I am now looking to be at one of those schools.

I am not so naive as to think there will be a magical school with no BS meetings or no wacky adminstrators or no NCLB stuff, but my district, my school, has gone gung-ho into testing mode in the last 4 years -- we now take THREE week-long standardized test PREDICTOR tests so we can see how our kids are going to do on the "real test."

At the same time, I am totally scared. It has been difficult there, as middle school teachers are notoriously…middle schoolish (not all of them, but a lot.) I am worried that tomorrow will be painful and emotional. Many of my coworkers have been amazing since I gave notice…some have been very stand-offish (like I’ve personally wounded them) and one of them actually ran around and told the staff I was “abandoning” the children because I just got married and now that I had a husband, I didn’t want to work. (Because, apparently in her universe, my wedding ring has magically pulled my desire to work and contribute to society in a teaching capacity right out of my body!)

I have been having nightmares that I am “unhireable” because I have too many years experience!

Last night we had 8th grade graduation. I ran into a bunch of former students, parents, etc. It was a little love fest, but it was very painful at the same time. There’s a lot of nostalgia mixing with my whole “am I abandoning the school?” But I miss TEACHING. I want to TEACH again. I want to work with KIDS, not DATA. I look at students I had in class THREE years ago, and the experience the school offered them was 180 degree different. And, in my opinion, better. More "real world" -- more about learning to think and taking good risks and making mistakes in a safe environment and learning from it.

However, once the day is done, I know I am on a tremendous adventure. I can’t wait! In a few days my husband may actually get to see me without bags under my eyes! And, on the other hand, I can SO wait.

Sorry for rambling…I’m trying to process a lot. I'll probably be morified by my grammar later on today or tomorrow and re-edit this whole thing.

Thanks! Wish me luck for tomorrow

 

[pricescope]

Good luck tomorrow and thank you for the most important job well done! A good teacher is a treasure and should not be struggling that much.
Are you going to look for another school?

 

[jas]

Aren''t you sweet! Thank you so much -- I''m actually blushing, which is pointless in the cyberworld!

Yes, I actually am actively looking; jobs open up usually in August, December, and March, so I''ll hold my breath and, worst case scenario, write a tell-all book about all the wackiness I''ve seen (and participated in!)

Thanks again!

 

[Ellen]

jas, what a great, and heartfelt post. I agree with you. And I applaud you.

I''m just sorry you''re feeling forced to do this.


Follow your heart and you can''t go wrong. I wish you much luck in your adventure.

 

[zoebartlett]

Best of luck to you jas! I teach also -- second grade though, so my experiences are somewhat different than yours. It''s hard, isn''t it, when you want to do everything you can for your students but all the other STUFF gets in the way. So you''re on a job search now, right? It can be hard to leave one position and not know where you''re headed but it can also be so great to have that freedom. I''ve done that before and yes, it''s somewhat nerve-wracking but it was one of the best decisions I''ve ever made (I left children''s publishing to go to school full-time for my masters). I''m sure tomorrow will be filled with many emotions for you. Best wishes!

zoe

 

[jas]

Thanks Ellen -- you are so kind to say that.

It''s weird...I have literally lived my work for a long time. Not healthy, I know, but I felt really fulfilled giving it "my all" --

I''m looking for balance now, mixed with that delicious sense of "mission accomplished'' in the classroom.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Date: 6/12/2007 5:41:04 PM
Author:jas

Last night we had 8th grade graduation. I ran into a bunch of former students, parents, etc. It was a little love fest, but it was very painful at the same time. There’s a lot of nostalgia mixing with my whole “am I abandoning the school?” But I miss TEACHING. I want to TEACH again. I want to work with KIDS, not DATA. I look at students I had in class THREE years ago, and the experience the school offered them was 180 degree different. And, in my opinion, better. More ''real world'' -- more about learning to think and taking good risks and making mistakes in a safe environment and learning from it.

Aww, Jas, I don''t think you are abandoning the school. It sounds like you have been really self-less and now you are taking your own needs into consideration. I don''t know how long a person can survive working 18-20 hour days, have something left to give to the kids and still have a life for yourself, especially without support from administrators at your school. It sounds like you have made the right decision. I think it is so bittersweet for you to say goodbye because you have made a substatially positive impact on these kids, and have enjoyed it. Take that with you, tuck it away in a safe place, and try to feel good about the work you have done, not guilty about not doing other ppl''s share of work they should have been doing all along.

Kudos to you!

It takes a brave person not only to teach, but to embark on a new adventure. Good luck tomorrow

*hugs*

LinB

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 6/12/2007 5:52:05 PM
Author: jas
Aren''t you sweet! Thank you so much -- I''m actually blushing, which is pointless in the cyberworld!

Yes, I actually am actively looking; jobs open up usually in August, December, and March, so I''ll hold my breath and, worst case scenario, write a tell-all book about all the wackiness I''ve seen (and participated in!)

Thanks again!

Why do jobs open up in December and March, if school begins in August or Spetember (depending on where you live)? Are you looking at year round schools?

 

[strmrdr]

Thank you for your service to those children!
May you find a better place where you can better serve them without all the BS.

 

[Skippy123]

I think you really thought this through. My mom taught middle school for 5 years and stopped for similar reasons. You will find something perfect for you. Best wishes!

 

[luckystar112]

Jas, just by reading this post I can tell that you are an extremely strong person with a lot to offer the world.

I have heard that teaching middle school is the hardest age range to teach, and on top of that they were loading you with extra work?

If there is any saying or cliche that rings so true by my own personal experiences, it''s that when one door closes another one opens. You are going to be fine!

I''d wish you good luck but I don''t think you''ll need it.

 

[jas]

Wow. Such nice comments and responses. I''m in puddles here. Thank you...

Zoe, yes, I often joke to my husband that too many days I''m too busy doing my job to do my job. I give you lots of credit for working with 2nd graders. That is not easy at all! I got my master''s right before this job...I felt armed and ready, ya know? What they don''t tell you is that it''s not all ivory towers and bulletin boards. It''s meetings and crap. And crappy meetings. And more than the occasional "helicopter" parent (they hover!).

Jobs open up in August because that''s when last minute scheduling changes are made and principals realize they need another teacher and/or when teachers have the last option to back out of their contract. December jobs open up because that is often when the semester hits and a lot of teachers leave. March is when administrators start looking toward the next year.

Love in Bloom, I love your name, by the way. You are so sweet...I will tuck away the great stuff once I can toss off this anger and maybe take a nap.

strmrdr, I always love your posts, and this one may be my favorite one of yours. (Cuz it''s all about me!) You made my day. Will you be my next principal?

Skippy, thank you! Your mom and I should talk one of these days! Middle school is quite a unique age...and I wouldn''t be 13 again for anything.

Luckystar, yours was the one that brought me to (happy) tears. Thank you. Your words give me strength.

Off to spend some quality time with my puppy. And possibly my husband -- they''re both pretty fuzzy and very cute.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I''m sorry Jas! I know that you''ve been a wonderful teacher to your students over the years, and I''m sure you''ll be snatched up in another district right away. I''m also getting nervous, since we all hear the horror stories of how candidates with a Master''s won''t get hired, etc etc. I still have another 6 months before I really should start worrying but the unemployment fear is there...but I''m sorry you''ve dealt with all the crap! I''m in a suburban district now and the tests are ridiculous...we''re adding one of the tests for 1st grade next year. 6 year olds! Crazy. Best of luck to you and enjoy this time as much as you can. How has your husband been feeling by the way? *Hugs*

 

[peachster]

Hi -

Hang in there, and I hope you find something new and challenging (in the positive sense of course). I have a middle school aged son and it is a really difficult age - and hard on the teachers by nature. But there are also schools where there is insufficient support and the administration does not understand how to deal with and anticipate the challenges. I wish you were in my district since you obviously care so much. Good luck, and you will succeed.

Peachster

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, Jas, I''m sorry to hear this. I teach, too, and it saddens me when the system runs off the best teachers. Under no circumstances is it acceptable for you to be working 18 hour days. And we do not seem to have as many meetings as you do either. I am afraid that the testing emphasis is going to be everywhere. I agree with schools needing to be accountable, but I think a couple of days of testing in late May should be ENOUGH. And you needed planning time built into your day so that you didn''t have to do so much work after school and at home.

I hope you find a much better situation. Good luck tomorrow!

 

[Haven]

You are doing the right thing, Jas, by taking care of yourself. I know how difficult it is to put yourself first when you''re a teacher because we''re trained to put the students first. The truth is, though, that you won''t be able to be a good teacher if you continue to work with such a heavy load.

I teach high school English, and I know the feeling--I spend every evening grading, preparing, or revising something, and I don''t even want to get started on my weekends! If you''re in a school that doesn''t support your needs, and keeps on putting more work on your plate, you''re likely to BURN OUT. I used to teach college lit, and ever since I moved down to high school I have realized just how much work is required of K-12 teachers, it''s incredible, and often impossible.

Thank you for teaching; we need good teachers, and I''m sure you''ll find a new school that will allow you to focus on what really matters. (Of course, according to NCLB all students will be meeting or exceeding by 2011 so everything will be just peachy by then--ugh. I hear you, Jas, I feel your pain!)

Good luck, and keep us posted! And DO NOT feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

 

[jas]

Well, Lord love a duck! Two days without a job (or a job on the horizon) after 13 years, and I haven''t exploded or been dragged down the streets and had strangers pelt me with stones.

It''s kinda nice.

I had geared myself up for an emotional last day, but it turns out that, with some notable exceptions of close friends, most people kinda were like, "Yeah, don''t let the door hit ya on the way out." Which was surprising, on some levels. Fortunately, the great people I want to keep in touch with DIDN''T do that. And it wasn''t just to me, it was to the other teachers leaving as well. They''ve told us *jokingly* that we''re "rats leaving a sinking ship."

Well, this rat is alternating between panicking about finding work and breathing deeply and enjoying this rare opportunity to live a life examined! I actually have been able to exercise, eat well, sleep a healthy 8 hours a night (ok, 9

), clean house and write letters...actually pen-to-paper-letters to long distance friends. Tonight, DH and I will be going to Taste of Randolph and exploring the great restaurants set up there. (I should probably post more about that on the WWT!)

Irish -- I feel your pain...use your school''s placement services as much as possible in 6 months! DH is quite good, thanks. I have had to come to terms with the fact that, at this point in our lives, he is a bit of an emotional chameleon -- he will pick up my slightest mood and echo it back to me. So, as I have been down (not depressed, but po''ed about work) he has been wallowing in that. It takes a real effort to leave most of that at the door -- not all of it, because that''s not honest, but to blow off the initial steam. Mara actually commented some time earlier on a different thread of mine something that I''ve actually used as a weird mantra on tough days...we, in a weird way, have the luxury of having to deal with his toxic shame and mild depression issues. If indeed we were struggling to make ends meet, or coping with chronic illness, that would be pushed aside to fester.

Most days are very good. He''s a little worried about me being home for awhile -- he works from here, but I carve out a space for myself and so far we haven''t been bumping into each other too much. We "reunite" at dinner and share our day (but I will interrupt him to ask a critical laundry question.)

Peachster -- thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me!

Diamondseeker -- Ahh, do you remember the glorious by-gone days of ONE test a year? Our planning time was co-opted by meetings. And meetings about meetings. They were originally intended to give us common PLANNING time, but it never happened that way. Sometimes IEP reviews, sometimes gripe-fests, but usually some wonderful principal-initiated project for his doctorate.

Haven -- sometimes the expectations on teachers, especially English, makes me want to laugh. I have been approached to write about the experience. It is, as you know, a far cry from the glossy movie treatment where a teacher has a tough time and then POOF -- one magic, glorious lesson "captures" the kids and they are "yours" forever. As we know, we sometimes "capture" kids but don''t even know about it for years after.

Ok -- off to Taste! Best to everyone and thank you again!

 

[Lorelei]

Just wanted to wish you luck

 

[KimberlyH]

There''s nothing I can say that hasn''t already been said...but I want to wish you luck in your job search and peace, because you''ve made the best decision for you. Let us know when you find a new job!

 

[NYCsparkle]

hey jas...i''m in a similar position. i love TEACHING, but it has become something else over the past 7 years i''ve been doing it. i''m currently debating and weighing my options, but i really loved teaching when teaching WAS teaching. i teach 2nd grade and everything you said still goes on in the lower grades.

it''s a shame.

good luck with whichever career path you choose.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Here''s to you

and your new professional adventures

!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[jas]

Thank you Lorelei, I am happy to take all the luck tossed my way!

KimberlyH, thank you -- I have to tell you that your posts as you go through your beginning-teacher experiences give me strength. You remind me why I got into teaching in the first place -- I know I will recapture the spirit of adventure and learning and growth when the right school and I find each other. Thank you for sharing your joy of teaching with all of us -- and good luck with the lesson planning!

NYC Sparkle -- thank you and HOW SAD that 2nd graders are going through all this.

Ah yes, I remember the days where the school mantra was "Believe, Achieve, Succeed, it starts with you." Nowadays, it''s "Use a number two pencil and make your marks dark."

canuk-gal -- In the immortal words of my favorite commercial -- Hooray Beer! And thank you!

Oddly enough, the president of the school board (whose three children I had in class and who attended my wedding [the prez, not her kids] rang me up and wants to "chat" about things. Which actually makes me feel good. This won''t be a venting thing, but she is alarmed that so many good teachers left this year.

That should be a corker.

Again, I can''t say this enough, thanks to all of you for your well wishes...it gives me strength as I continue the search for my "school-mate"

 

[Ellen]

Date: 6/15/2007 4:59:51 PM
Author: jas
It''s kinda nice.


I actually have been able to exercise, eat well, sleep a healthy 8 hours a night (ok, 9

), clean house and write letters...actually pen-to-paper-letters to long distance friends. Tonight, DH and I will be going to Taste of Randolph and exploring the great restaurants set up there. (I should probably post more about that on the WWT!)



Ok -- off to Taste! Best to everyone and thank you again!