Treated like you''re engaged?

[misysu2]

My bf recently purchased both diamond and setting, so the wait has officially begun for me. However, my bf asked his mom for advice during e-ring shopping, so she knows what''s coming. I met with her and bf''s sister for dinner last night, and they bombarded me with wedding questions...dress? cake? location? time? I told them we still have to talk about all this because "I''m not even engaged yet," and they just scoffed at that comment. I''m wondering if I should tell my parents-- I was keeping our news quiet until something was official, but now feel like his parents know things that mine don''t.

Anyone been in this situation? I don''t want to get ahead of myself or get my hopes up by beginning any wedding planning, nor do I want to spread the news that I''m engaged when I''m not. Any advice?

 

[diamondfan]

I knew I was getting engaged so I did some preliminary checking into things, because the hotel where I wanted to get married books up a year in advance sometimes for spring and summer Sat and Sun nights. When I told my mom they only had one Sun open in months, I let it go, but she paid a deposit to them to hold it, and told my guy that!!! He cracked up and thought it was the funniest thing ever. I, of course, was humiliated! A bit of the cart before the horse to me, but he had the ring and was just waiting for the right moment so he really did not mind in the long run. My mom knew it was imminent and could not see losing the hotel so she just went ahead. (she also hired a band I hated and did not tell me, when I went to hear them I thought they stunk but she informed me she already gave them a deposit!!! I asked, then why have me listen to them at all? Luckily the night of, people seemed to like them. She also went to Neiman Marcus and picked a black cocktail dress for my bridesmaids, and though I wanted them in black cocktail dresses and had not seen anything in the bridal shops that I liked, it irked me that she and my sister went and chose without me!!! This was a theme at my wedding...I was just the bride after all, and young in her eyes, so she sort of took the reins and I had to tell her it was not HER wedding. Now I can look back and sort of laugh about it but then it was a PITA for sure!)

If you would rather wait til it is official, you could ask them to wait and refrain from talking about, but I am sure they are excited too. You could just say, Look, it is exciting, and we can talk about it more casually when it is just us, but until it is official I would rather not go overboard with things right now, I have not started the process in terms of picking things yet so bear with me. I think they are just so anxious, as you might be, to get into the nitty gritty of it all, but I can see that would get taxing after a while.

 

[musey]

Tell your bf to get a move on!! Then it will be a non-issue

Seriously, though, you just need to do what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to spread the news, perhaps ask his parents/sister to keep it quiet until the proposal. You wouldn't want your parents to hear it from anyone but you!

ETA: I wouldn't call any wedding planning you do "getting your hopes up." You boyfriend has every intention of proposing if he's already got the ring purchased, so barring any catastrophic event--you will be engaged soon. No danger in "getting your hopes up" for something thats barely short of a guarantee!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Who says you have to have the ring to be engaged? My SIL and her now husband started planning their wedding before the ring because they wanted to get it done. They dated for 6 years before getting married and she came thisclose to taking a job in another state before he finally asked what it would take to have her stay here - she wanted to set the date and start planning so that''s what they did. The ring came shortly thereafter.

Jess

 

[misysu2]

Thanks for the advice. I know my parents would be crushed if they found out his parents knew before them. I know that his mom and sister are excited, but I don''t know them well enough to know if they can keep it quiet-- I will always fear something will slip. And I have no idea how many people they''ve told thus far (they''ve obviously told bf''s sister) and how THEY can keep it quiet. Geez. I''m starting to think I''ll just tell my parents.

This may be easier anyways-- bf and I live in Texas but considered getting married in Iowa or Illiinois. My parents and friends live in Illinois and the rest of my family lives in Iowa--his family lives all over and would have to fly out no matter where the wedding is. If I tell them now, they can probably help with some brainstorming since they are in town!

We''ve been dating for 6 years and I''m sure my parents know it''s inevitable, although I think they are getting a little scared he doesn''t want to commit. However, the truth is that bf is finishing medical school and wanted to wait until we aren''t students. Even still, this is a hard (but great) thing to tell parents! Eek!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Tell them! Why not? But you could say something like "I think he''s going to propose any time now!"

 

[In the rough]

I''m in the EXACT same position. My BF has purchased the ring and told his parents. I am very close to his parents so they are always asking questions about when where what and etc...I finally told my mom that an engagement would be coming soon...but I also told her since I am not engaged as of yet, no actual planning has been done.