Truth about long distance relationships??

[rizz]

Ladies I need your advice!!!

So within the next 6 months or so it is looking like we will be going into a LD relationship (amazing work opportunity that cannot be turned down). It will be a 3 hour flight apart, but it might be for only 6 or 7 months, then we would be together or a 1 hour flight apart. I''m getting nervous about what this might mean for us and if we will be able to do it. I''m very excited about the opportunity, but I am in denial about being apart! lol

Since it seems like quite a few of you have done the long distance thing I need the low down!! what should I expect (good, bad and ugly)?, what are some recommendations? what should we do in the leading months to make it easier for us? Is this going to be a terrible mistake?? help!!

 

[Dani511]

Hey Rizz!

I understand where you are coming from!

I thought I could offer a little bit of support, since I had been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. My boyfriend had just moved to NY, where I live, from the Boston area (a 3-4 hour car or train ride) about 2 months ago. When my friends first set us up around that time, I thought I was completely crazy for even entertaining the idea of dating someone who lives over 200 miles away, right from the start, when we should be getting to know one another!
However, it really worked out for the best. We were able to see eachother every weekend most of the time. We were both still in college then ( actually, I was in the college for the first year and half, and then grad school for some of the remaining time), and it gave us the time needed to get our work done and focus on what we needed to do to further our careers. So, when we did see eachother on weekends, our time was our own, and it was special. We were able to focus on eachother and make the most of what we had.
Now that we have our degrees, our careers, and live in the same place (although he has still not changed his residency, etc., and won''t untill the job search is complete and we live together-but this should be soon, knock on wood, LOL!), it feels like a lot has been accomplished and a small weight has been lifted.
So, although I can see how it may seem extremely scary considering that you are used to being with one another all of the time, if your relationship is strong, then have faith in that. Everything should work out just fine, esp. because it seems as though the distance thing won''t last long. That time will fly by!

Talk on the phone a few time a day, always wish eachother a good night, each and every night, and visit when you can! You may find that this experience brings you closer, believe it or not, because it forces you to fully enjoy and appreciate the little things, along with the amount of time you do spend together!

I am sure you can do it, even if it feels daunting now! When you get through it, you''ll be an even stronger couple! Have faith! Best of luck to you!

 

[xapora]

When my husband was in the Army and I was in college, we did a long-distance relationship over 1,000 miles for 3 years. It was really (REALLY) hard at times and I missed him terribly, but the main thing that made it easier was good communication between us. We called each other every night, even if it was only for 5 minutes, and talked about the day, the highlights, etc. It made it feel like we weren't missing out on each other's lives. And if something happened during the day that I had to tell him about, I knew I could count on our nightly phone call and it didn't make it so hard that he wasn't there to experience things with me. Also, I can't stress enough how much better a webcam made everything (which I didn't even think about until the last 4 months we were apart)! It helped SO much to actually see his face when I was talking to him on the phone, or to get up and turn the webcam on and be able to say good morning. It felt more like he was actually with me and made the entire situation a billion times easier. I would also fly up every 3 months or so and see him, and I would make a little countdown on my computer. It made it a lot easier to have something to look forward to. At the same time, don't forget to live your own life and stay busy (friends, hobbies, work, etc.), which will make the time go SO much faster and the separation will be over before you know it.

LDRs do tend to take a lot more work and patience than an "in-person" relationship, but if you both work at it and communicate with each other regularly, you should be fine. Good luck.

 

[absolut_blonde]

SO and I have been doing the long distance thing for just under a year now. We were LD right from the start.

However, we are only about three hours away by car, which allows us to see each other nearly every other weekend. Being a plane ride away would be much harder for me to handle, personally. But you''ve already been together prior to going LD, so I think that might help make it a bit easier.

How often would you see each other? I''m assuming this is for work, will they fly you or him out occasionally?

That all said... to actually choose to make an existing relationship LD, I would need a LOT more certainty than what you''ve outlined. If it was someone I was serious about, I''d need an end date in site and I''d need to know that it was for sure. Even in my situation, we have an end date in sight and some days it''s the only thing that keeps me sane, LOL.

 

[swingirl]

You haven't said how hong you two will be apart? For 6-7 months you'll be 3 hours apart but then you said something about you may be a hour apart after that. When would you be free to live really close? And how long you have been together.

 

[edotf104]

I was in a long distance relationship for a couple years before my bf moved from CA to DC. It''s probably the hardest thing I''ve ever done... but one of the things I''m most proud of for being able to get through. Depending on how you work at it, it can make or break a relationship. Communication is key!! If you have a great foundation of trust, communication and understanding... you''ll be fine. Of course you''re going to miss each other like crazy-- but if you talk to each other enough (phone, texts, email, video chat, etc.) then you won''t feel like you''re skipping a beat! It might make things easier to come up with a plan to see each other once a month (if you can swing it).

Good luck with everything...
I''m sure it will be all right

 

[Dani511]

Date: 4/5/2008 11:52:44 AM
Author: Dani511
Hey Rizz!

I understand where you are coming from!

I thought I could offer a little bit of support, since I had been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. My boyfriend had just moved to NY, where I live, from the Boston area (a 3-4 hour car or train ride) about 2 months ago. When my friends first set us up around that time, I thought I was completely crazy for even entertaining the idea of dating someone who lives over 200 miles away, right from the start, when we should be getting to know one another!
However, it really worked out for the best. We were able to see eachother every weekend most of the time. We were both still in college then ( actually, I was in the college for the first year and half, and then grad school for some of the remaining time), and it gave us the time needed to get our work done and focus on what we needed to do to further our careers. So, when we did see eachother on weekends, our time was our own, and it was special. We were able to focus on eachother and make the most of what we had.
Now that we have our degrees, our careers, and live in the same place (although he has still not changed his residency, etc., and won''t untill the job search is complete and we live together-but this should be soon, knock on wood, LOL!), it feels like a lot has been accomplished and a small weight has been lifted.
So, although I can see how it may seem extremely scary considering that you are used to being with one another all of the time, if your relationship is strong, then have faith in that. Everything should work out just fine, esp. because it seems as though the distance thing won''t last long. That time will fly by!

Talk on the phone a few time a day, always wish eachother a good night, each and every night, and visit when you can! You may find that this experience brings you closer, believe it or not, because it forces you to fully enjoy and appreciate the little things, along with the amount of time you do spend together!

I am sure you can do it, even if it feels daunting now! When you get through it, you''ll be an even stronger couple! Have faith! Best of luck to you!

Haha... I am responding to myself, I know...

But I did want to add that, of course, it isn''t going to always be easy. Maybe I made it sound like it wasn''t a big deal- it was. It takes patience, compromise, good communication, and a lot of trust. You miss eachother tons. However, my point really was that it certainly CAN work, as you can see form many of the posts from all of these great PS''ers. And sometimes, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I always used to try to remember that my maternal grandmother had to wait while my grandfather was fighting in the Korean war- my paternal grandmother waited while my grandfather fought in WWII. Sometimes distance separates us from those we love, and many times it just all works out in the end. Work hard at it and it should be OK, even if it feels difficult at times. And again, good luck to you!

 

[rizz]

thanks for your advice guys!

I guess I was a little bit sketchy with the info...just its being kept very quiet right now until some final decisions are made. I doubt anyone we know is a PS''er but you never know so I have to keep specifics to a minimum!!

Ok more about us...we have been together for about 1 year, 7 months and have been living together for over a year now. Driving to see each other is not an option since one of us will be in bermuda...maybe we will have to take up swimming lol. I''m trying to think of how to explain this without giving away which one is leaving (if it were to be found out by current employers there would be serious work permit consequences!)

ok so lets go with person A and person B lol

So A moves for job to NYC and B cannot leave job until new year. During this time B will look for a job in NYC. So this is scenario 1: and the best case scenario....B gets job and A and B are back together, with only being apart about 6 months! We figure we would be able to see each other about once a month this way Scenario 2: B does not get a job in NYC and gets job back in our hometown (Toronto, Ontario) at this point we would be about a 7 hr drive apart or just over an hour flight, we figure we might get to see each other every couple of weeks this way Scenario 3: B does not get a job either place and stays in bermuda....A would be ok with this because would still have a house in bermuda lol j/k this way we would probably see each other about once a month, while B still looks for a job in both places

absolut_blonde - you are right..for scenario 2 I would need an end date in sight to be able to last. I think at this point we are not going to be worried about scenario 2 until it happens.

good call on the webcams xapora...we will definitely invest in those!

sorry to be so confusing...we really just cant let this slip quite yet, we''re going "public" with it in 2 months or so.

maybe we should just stay in bermuda and have mediocre jobs, but be warm

 

[rizz]

oh geez just read that over and it sounds SO confusing! lol sorry!

like you all have mentioned we have talked about how our communication is going to have to improve (which we feel is good now) but will have to be better to survive, especially since BF is not a phone talker! I really do feel like it is going to be one of those things that will make or break our relationship, I just hope we are strong enough to make it! its going to be a drastic change from living on a small island with each other to living in NYC apaart.

I''m trying to stay positive and during NYC visits there will be so much to do and experience new things with each other that we haven''t done before (we met in bermuda and believe it or not we have never been to a mall together OR experienced each others driving...in a car anyways LOL)...also who am I to forget that the most important place is in NYC....the diamond district

and on the other hand quick weekend trips to an island will be a nice change of pace from NYC too

ahhh so many things to think about!!

 

[Sparkalicious]

Rizz - I''m here to offer support and encouragement and to let you know that it definitely can be done.

My fiance and I have been together for almost 14 years! This entire period has been LD!

He just proposed last weekend

and we look forward to a long and happy life together as a married couple. Has it been or will it be easy to overcome challenges inherent to this type of scenario ... a big fat resounding NO, however, have we gotten through it so far and are we committed to tackling any future challenges together and overcoming obstacles ... absolutely.

It''s not for everyone but we''ve made it work and we couldn''t be happier. If you two are truly for each other, I trust that the same will ensue for you as well.

Good luck, love hard and perservere!

 

[Jas12]

Rizz--i too have done the LD thing--for 4 years while dating (we are now married). We were a 5 hour drive apart and saw each other at the most one weekend a month during that time. As others have said, trust and communications are the most important things. We talked daily and b/c we trusted each other 100% we never once had an argument about what the other one was ''doing'', we just never worried about cheating or anything.
I look back on those years fondly actually--sure they were hard (esp after spending a w/e together and then having to say goodbye--i was always down for a day or two after) but i think it really strengthened our relationship--we learned how to be happy/cope/grow with communication alone. It strips your relationship down to the bones--ensures it can exisit happily without dates, sex, distractions etc. and if you have a good foundation you''ll be absolutely fine

and P.S.--the times you do get together during the LD time are really, really great if you get my drift

 

[stryeyes102]

I am in the same exact same spot as Xapora;except he is navy.

This November it will be 4 years for us and it has been ld the whole time. In fact little then a month after we started dating he was deployed for 4 months. And is again, right now, for 7 months. I use to see him every 2-3 months due to college..

Its definitely hard and it takes alot of commitment from both of you. I will however, agree with everyone else that by the end, your communication as a couple is excellent. You will learn to talk and deal with things on a whole new level. Plus, another nice thing, whenever you "re meet" it feels like you fell in love all over again. You will have good days and sometimes bad where you miss him like heck. Def look into a web cam as it makes him seem not so far away. Plus it helps when you can just simply "see" them on bad days.


"So, although I can see how it may seem extremely scary considering that you are used to being with one another all of the time, if your relationship is strong, then have faith in that. Everything should work out just fine, esp. because it seems as though the distance thing won''t last long. That time will fly by!
Talk on the phone a few time a day, always wish eachother a good night, each and every night, and visit when you can! You may find that this experience brings you closer, believe it or not, because it forces you to fully enjoy and appreciate the little things, along with the amount of time you do spend together!"

I TOTALLY AGREE with you on that all, Dani511!!!

Best of luck, Rizz! Were all rooting for ya and we know you can do it! Plus, it always helps that now you have all of us to vent too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

me and SO had to do this while he went to work in alaska (alaska of ALL places!!!) for 5 months. the only thing we had problems with was we talked to each other on the phone everytime and i remember those days when i had nothing to talk about and i''d feel bad for being quiet on my end and he would say what''s wrong and i would say nothing, it''s just nothing exciting or interesting happened in my day so i have nothing to talk about and then he would say ok we''ll try again tomorrow lol the best part was the day he came back though he called me a week before he was due back he called and said guess where i am! and i said sarcastingly "driving down our street" and then he was like um yeah haha

 

[basil]

My fiance and I met 4 months before I started a new job in a different city, a 1.5 hour plane trip. That was 1 year and 9 months ago, and we still have 1 year and 3 months until he moves here to be with me. Last year, we were able to spend 3 months living together because our schedules were more flexible. This year, we''re limited to weekends and vacation time.

We see each other on average once a month or so. We''re 1.5 weeks into a 5.5 week separation now, which is our longest to date. We both have really busy schedules, so finding a weekend when we''re both off of work is challenging. Plus, direct flights have gotten very expensive lately, so we spend a lot of money on traveling.

Basically, we manage because we have to. I couldn''t imagine life without him, so I have chosen to endure this. We have webcams, which helps a little. We spend a lot of time on the phone. We have headsets for our cell phones and sometimes we spend a lot of time on the phone not talking. I think that makes it feel more like we are together the same way two people could be in a room together and not talking.

I keep a running countdown of the number of days left until we see each other again. We keep ourselves busy with work, our friends, and our lives separately, but there is no denying that everything is better when he is around!

Anyway, to answer your questions - I think 6 months is definitely doable. I think if the Bermuda-person had to move to Toronto instead of NYC, though, that part would be more difficult. I don''t know that there''s that much difference between being a 3-hour flight apart and a 1-hour flight apart. Because it''s still an expense and a hassle and everything needs to be planned out carefully. 7 hours still isn''t really driving distance for a weekend, in my experience.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/5/2008 2:10:40 PM
Author: rizz


its going to be a drastic change from living on a small island with each other to living in NYC apaart.

Manhattan''s a small island, too!!

I haven''t been in a long distance relationship (since college, anyway), so I can''t share with you the benefit of my experience. But of those I know who have been in LDRs, the ones who''d been living in the same city before the separation were more successful, because they''d already built up a strong relationship. Because that is the case for you, I think it''ll all work out great!

A and B might have to buy a sweater or two, however.

 

[rizz]

Thanks ladies! I was feeling pretty crappy about the whole situation yesterday but feel much better about it now. We can do it! I''m going to bookmark this thread so I can come back and read it when I feel like crap again. I''m sure the 6 months will fly by, lets just keep or fingers crossed that we both end up with jobs in NYC!

and yes...a whole new wardrobe will have to be bought by both of us! so excited about that part lol

 

[anchor31]

My FI and I were LD for about 16 months. Were were together for about the same amount of time before I left, and 3 months afte I came back, we were engaged. Being apart sucked and we would see each other once every 2 months or so, but it definitely made our relationship stronger. 6-7 months really isn''t that bad, I''m sure it can work out!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Just wanted to add a few things that have really helped SO & me thus far:
- A good long distance plan -- I have one on my cell, too. Initially we just tried to limit talking to land lines but I''m SO glad I got a plan on my cell. I can''t imagine going back now!
- Texts! We text each other every morning.
- Internet. We''re not big on emails but we do a fair amount of messaging via Facebook. We also play Scrabble using Facebook. That one''s a bit random, but it''s really fun.

Another thing I would do, if we had more similar interests, would be to pick a certain TV show and follow it together. Watch it separately and then talk after the show is over, etc. That doesn''t work so well with SO since our TV viewing interests are completely dissimilar, for the most part. But something like LOST would be fantastic for that since there''s so much to wonder about.

If SO were further away, I''d probably do the care package thing from time to time. As it stands, anything like cookies can be given to him when we see each other. But if we didn''t see each other as much, I''d probably mail things like that as a surprise occasionally.

 

[star sparkle]

FF and I were long-distance (over 5000 miles) for about 3.5 years before he moved to CA where I am. It was definitely hard, but when things started to get rough we would just remember that it was all going to be worth it. It wasn''t going to be that way forever, and we did a lot of looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

The time difference was hard for us to deal with because it was pretty substantial (he was 8 hours ahead). He was extremely accommodating of MY schedule and would ask me to call him before I went to bed because he wanted to say goodnight, even though it was the middle of the night for him. When I woke up in the morning he was usually still in class or doing something else, but more often than not I would have an email from him saying good morning and that he''d be thinking about me during the day and all that good stuff. I would write him a hand-written letter once a week and send it off to him, and he really enjoyed getting those from me.

Also, we had this diary thing. I would keep it for a few weeks and write in it everyday, talking about what I did and what I was thinking and how much I loved him. Then I would send it to him, and he would keep it and write in it for a few weeks. We would just take turns writing in it and sending it back and forth until it was all used up.

Good luck!

 

[bling addict]

I met my now husband, my first year of college (he was in second semester of his junior year), he is from the USA and was studying abroad here in Australia (where we both now live). Our relationship developed over years, in a most complicated manner. He was here for a semester, and didn't want to get into a serious relationship as he would be going home. After he returned to the US, he called me and we kept in touch via phone calls and emails, but although our feelings developed more, he was not interested in a being in a 'committed' relationship because he thought the LD thing would be too complicated. So over the next 3.5 years our relationship was bizarre we talked all the time (it evolved to every day after about the first 6 months). We say each other once a year, I went to the US 6 months after he left, a year later he came to Australia, and a year after that I went to the US, until finally a year after that he moved permanently to Australia (and we moved in together straight away as we needed to if he wanted to be able to stay for more than a year).

The most difficult parts were saying good bye at the airport, it was seriously the most heart wrenching thing ever, I think particularly because we never knew when we would see each other again (because we had never pre-planned next trips, and due to the distance, time and expense involved - we weren't in a position to know or plan)and adjusting to not having him around again. For me the other difficult part was his unwillingness to commit for such a long time --- but this obviously won't be an issue for you!

But the good news is despite the difficulties it can be done! Technology is wonderful, you can stay in touch with texts, emails and phone calls, and sending things from home. I think due to the long distance, we talked a lot, we came to know each other so well, and overall I think it strengthened our relationship. Often I thought I would never do it again, or if I could go back in time, I would not have bothered, but I don't really think that's true, it really is crazy the things you will do for love, and I'd say totally worth it. It will be challenging, but it is doable, and you will learn a lot about yourselves and your relationship. Also, I think absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. I wish you all the best

 

[gwendolyn]

It''s really hard. REALLY hard. J and I were 3000+ miles apart for the first 2 1/2 years seeing each other once every 6 months or so, and since September have been 200 miles apart and seeing each other every other week or so. I always thought the longer we''d do it, the easier it''d get--we''re used to saying goodbye, we''re getting closer to the time when we can live together, right? Although my brain would try screaming those things to me, my heart would always drown them out and I''d cry and feel like a part of me was getting ripped away. I *am* notoriously sensitive (to a fault, most of the time), so hopefully it won''t be as bad for you.

It really helps to know precisely when you''ll see each other again--even if it''s longer than you''d like, at least it''s not some vague notion, which drives me absolutely batty and makes me feel like it''ll be absolute ages. Talking on the phone daily helps, just to stay connected with the monotonous everyday things that you wouldn''t share with anyone else but want to share with your life partner. And, for me, sending and/or receiving things, even dumb little inexpensive things, made it easier. Sometimes I''d be out running errands and see something really silly that I thought J would laugh at if he had been with me, so I''d buy it and send it to him, and just knowing that we could laugh about it together, even if delayed a bit, really helped me feel like we were close to each other physically, even though we weren''t. Dumb, maybe, but it works for me!

I wish you all the best with it, and remember, we''re here if and when you need support.

 

[Delster]

BF and I are 120 miles apart but in Ireland that''s a four, sometimes five hour drive. Even if it were on a motorway route it would still be three hours

We''ve been together five years and have only had one year together in the one place. We thought this Autumn we''d be together but it''s not looking like that''s going to work out. We''re facing into another year, maybe two, of being apart.

It is hard but you have to keep busy and make huge efforts to go out, socialise, take up new hobbies etc on your own. The times when I let myself get sucked into the loneliness of long distance are really horrible - too many miserable phone calls to count! Like Smurfysmiles said, if you feel like you have no news from the day you can easily get sucked into an ''is something wrong?'' conversation.

Jas''s advice about 1000% trust is hugely important I think. I never under any circumstances let it enter my head that BF might cheat or that anything inappropriate might happen while I''m not there. You just can''t get sucked into that mentality, it will destroy your relationship.

Other than that, the only other advice I have is SKYPE! Free phone calls!!! Wooo!!!

 

[Dani511]

Date: 4/5/2008 3:21:28 PM
Author: stryeyes102
I am in the same exact same spot as Xapora;except he is navy.

This November it will be 4 years for us and it has been ld the whole time. In fact little then a month after we started dating he was deployed for 4 months. And is again, right now, for 7 months. I use to see him every 2-3 months due to college..

Its definitely hard and it takes alot of commitment from both of you. I will however, agree with everyone else that by the end, your communication as a couple is excellent. You will learn to talk and deal with things on a whole new level. Plus, another nice thing, whenever you ''re meet'' it feels like you fell in love all over again. You will have good days and sometimes bad where you miss him like heck. Def look into a web cam as it makes him seem not so far away. Plus it helps when you can just simply ''see'' them on bad days.


''So, although I can see how it may seem extremely scary considering that you are used to being with one another all of the time, if your relationship is strong, then have faith in that. Everything should work out just fine, esp. because it seems as though the distance thing won''t last long. That time will fly by!
Talk on the phone a few time a day, always wish eachother a good night, each and every night, and visit when you can! You may find that this experience brings you closer, believe it or not, because it forces you to fully enjoy and appreciate the little things, along with the amount of time you do spend together!''

I TOTALLY AGREE with you on that all, Dani511!!!

Best of luck, Rizz! Were all rooting for ya and we know you can do it! Plus, it always helps that now you have all of us to vent too.

Hey Stryeyes102!

I just noticed this and I wanted to say thank you!

You had good points as well! Best of luck to you, also!

 

[cammy85]

I was in an LDR for about 2 years before finally getting to be together in the same city. They aren''t easy. That''s for sure. The require work and committment from both sides. I know that sometimes when I had a bad day (completely unrelated to the LDR) the fact that I had no one to hug or no one to vent to would irritate me even more. But on the good days (which, by far, should outnumber the bad days) I was able just to appreciate that there was someone as committed to me as I was to him, and I think in the long run it strengthened our bond. When you don''t see someone for months at a time, you learn to rely on the little things (we got webcams, and played card games over the internet). I hate admitting it, but there were times where he''d go out and I''d be jealous because I''d be sitting doing homework (I was still in school at the point, and he was out). But he never once made me feel like he didn''t think of me or that he wasn''t committed to making it work. That''s the key.

It''s ok to be unhappy sometimes. But if you are unhappy with the person, as opposed to the situation, that''s when you need to reevaluate where you stand.

Just my 0.02

Good luck!

 

[autumnlala]

Hi Rizz, I have done LDR twice and I can give you the good and bad of both of them.

First time: Had been dating the guy for 2 years, I moved to take a job of my dreams and planned to move back in 2 years when it was done, he was NOT happy about it. He was also not a great phone talker, which made it really hard. We''d email tons during the day, and often there was nothing left to say at night-- so I''d recommend saving up some things to tell him during your talks at night!! It''s more fun to tell him than to email him. Anyway, this BF and I had trust issues going back a while because he had kind of stepped over the line with some other girls (I wouldn''t say he cheated, but he definitely was friendlier than he should have been). This was a bad thing to have in an LDR. Also he was pretty controlling and jealous of my family and friends, also bad in an LDR. I drove back to see him pretty much every weekend, and didn''t develop a life of my own in my new city. All of this led to a bad situation, where he felt like he never got any time to himself on the weekends because I was always visiting, and I had no life outside of him and our friends in his city.... anyway, long story short, he did end up cheating on me in a very public manner, and it was the straw that broke the camel''s back. I think he was looking for a way out of the relationship and it opened my eyes to it not being a very good one. So, LDRs will focus whatever is going on in the background of your relationship, good or bad, it will come to the surface because there''s more stress and loneliness.

Second time: met a guy at a wedding and we started LDR from the get go, he was 2000 miles apart, we saw one another once a month or 6 weeks. I''ll skip to the end first-- he now lives with me and we ordered and engagement ring this past weekend! Anyway, it was definitely tough but it was kind of cool to get to know him long distance, he''s a great phone talker and I got to know lots of things about him I''m not sure I would have if we had been regular dating. It got harder the longer it went and the more sure we were of our feelings to one another. Saying good bye at the airport, as others have mentioned, was such a downer. But the time together was REALLY FUN. We dated LD about 8 months and then said to he*l with it, we wanted to be together, and he moved here (I''m a lawyer so moving for me meant taking another bar exam, and I wasn''t ready to make that much of a commitment). While we were LD, I had lots of friends, was involved in several community organizations and busy at work. I joked that I was glad he didn''t live here because I wasn''t sure when I would have time to see him The time difference (just 2 hours) was a bummer, as I was getting ready for bed he was just eating dinner or getting ready to go out with friends, so we would sometimes just leave messages for one another, "Hey, love you, miss you, going to bed, talk to you tomorrow!"

That said, it was a HUGE adjustment when he moved here (into his own apt.)-- basically he''d been a single guy most of the time, and then when I would come visit it was almost like we were on vacation. We never had just the normal, real life, Tuesday night get home late from work cranky and hungry and don''t really want to talk to each other! When the shine wore off and he realized it wasn''t just a vacation all the time, it took some time to get accustomed to that.

Anyway, I''m not trying to turn you off, I think if you already have a solid relationship, and it sounds like you do!!!, it will not break you. It will be hard and you will have lonely times so you definitely need to keep yourself busy with friends and family if they''re near by. But if you have an end date in sight, it''s definitely do-able!

 

[Dreamgirl]

rizz- My boyfriend and I spent our first year apart, it was almost a total of 14 months. We spoke every day online (Instant Messaging & Email) and once/twice a week on the phone. This was before either of us had cell phones so it was quite expensive at the time to talk on the phone.

One great thing we did, we went on "mock" dates with each other. I.E. On a Friday night, we would rent the same movie and talk on the phone. We would start the movie at the same time and then watch it together. We also found things to do online like playing games together to pass the time. Of course, it does get hard because we would have wanted to watch the movies together, and do things together in person...but we felt we were meant to be together so it was worth the wait.

It worked out for us because almost 9 years after he moved here, we are still very much in love. (going on 10 years total this summer) I think if you two were meant to be together, you will overcome the distance and be together once again! Good luck.

 

[rizz]

thanks guys for all of the reassurance and sharing your experiences!

BF is just so damn supportive of the situation and I''m the one who freaks out about....which I think will be a good balance: one who knows it will work and one who is scared for it not to work/willing to work damn hard to make it work. I guess it will have its sh*tty times and its good times (where I will disappear for a weekend lol

)

I love all your ideas about renting movies "together" and playing silly games online, I know we will both love that lol! We already email each other a lot during the day, but autumnlala, I will definitely take into consideration "saving" things to talk about until night time.

Thank god for Bermuda having the best long distance plan ever, $40/month unlimited long distance to North American and UK, so I''m definitely not concerned about those long distance bills!

again thanks for all of your support!! We are just making the most of these last months together here and not going to let the future possibilities get us down!