Typical Annoyed With Parent Freak-Out

[PrincessDijon]

Random Vent:

I finally showed my mom pics of my BF's new e-ring and watch and all of the pics I have posted in the Proposal Ideas forum (as most of you know I am proposing to my BF). She didn't seem super thrilled. Later she goes on to tell me about this one 24 year old seater at her job that is married with a 2 year old and only has a GED ( I already have a bachelors). Then proceeds to tell me that she was crying because she feels stuck at her job and that she was upset because people look down on her for it.

Basically she is freaking out because she thinks I am just going to go and get married the week after we get engaged. I already discussed with her (and his parents) that we are doing a long engagement and that we won't be getting married for 2 or 3 years....(Last time my mom didn't even show up to my first wedding so I think she has a bit of a sore spot for engagements, weddings ect....She also has been married 5 times with zero success....she has been single for a good 10 years now). I understand that she may have some sensitivity towards this whole issue but I really just wish that she would be happy about it!

Grrrrrr, it takes the wind out of my sails on proposing because I just want it to be a happy time for everyone.

Also, I was showing my mom rings that we were looking at for me (one of which was a 2+ carat sapphire ring with two diamonds) You know what she said? "Well, isn't that a little small dear?" I nearly flipped....grrrrrrrr.....I don't care about size in the least bit...Yes, I know moms want the best for their daughters (and being the oldest is a pain in the butt...I have had to break her in on everything) but man the NERVE.....I feel like I don't want to talk to her about any of this stuff anymore....which defeats the purpose of my communication efforts....

Another thing that annoys me is that she refers to my BF as "Your Friend" not by his name or "boyfriend". "So how's "your friend" doing?" (He has lived with me since March) "Is "Your Friend" working tonight?" ect.....Oh well, sorry for my petty, annoying vent.....

I just had to tell someone since BF doesn't know about his special day yet...hehehe

 

[IloveAsschers13]

It sounds to me like your mom might not be the best person to seek approval/enthusiasm from. She has had a bad run with her own marriages (and her life lately it sounds like), and I although I totally agree she should be happy and excited for you and your special proposal, it might not be her first instinct.

Talk to her about it- your mom is going to be your mom and love you unconditionally. Tell her, HE IS MY BOYFRIEND! Even if it something that might create friction, what better person to be honest with?

I am the oldest too, and me and mom are close, but too close. She tells me too much and is pretty honest. It sucks.

This isn''t really petty if it is something that is really eating at you. What better place to post? It sounds like a lot of people on pricescope need to get together and need to do an intervention for all of these people who can''t just be happy!!

In a good way

Just talk and the best way is to be honest with your mom especially. Expressing your want for her to be involved with talks about it might make her feel better and more important. Good Luck!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

With things like that its just best if you let her comments go in one ear and right out the other. Its not worth the stress and the frustration to deal with her comments.

If she had something positive to say then I would say go for it and enjoy but it does not seem like the case of the happies just a case of the crush the moment.

Enjoy your time and make sure you have the time to see what really lies ahead...other than the negative.

 

[Blackhawk24]

The ''your friend'' thing struck a chord with me.

My grandma calls my girlfriend that, and all I can think when she says it is, "We''ve been dating for 5 years grandma she''s a bit more than a friend!" And before you ladies lynch me for taking too long, we started dating in High School, and are just now in a position to be able to be engaged (end of college!!!!) and I''m seriously working on that problem.

Sorry ladies I''ll take my Y chromosome and leave your forum alone now.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 8/29/2008 1:44:41 AM
Author: Blackhawk24
The ''your friend'' thing struck a chord with me.


My grandma calls my girlfriend that, and all I can think when she says it is, ''We''ve been dating for 5 years grandma she''s a bit more than a friend!'' And before you ladies lynch me for taking too long, we started dating in High School, and are just now in a position to be able to be engaged (end of college!!!!) and I''m seriously working on that problem.


Sorry ladies I''ll take my Y chromosome and leave your forum alone now.

Blackhawk24 - we need more men in the LIW forum!!! Don''t be shy!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

haha my dad has always referred to guys I have dated as "my friend". I think it is because I am the youngest and he doesn''t want to let me fly out of the nest

I''ve just learned to ignore it but when it really bothers me I refer to my mom as "his friend" and then he grins at me and I know I''ve gotten the point across haha

 

[Bia]

Your mom sounds very unhappy...

I would take her comments with a grain of salt. If she can''t muster enough enthusiasm for you during this (or future) happy time in your life, then keep the information to yourself. Maybe she''ll take a hint.

Sorry, it must be a real bummer to not be able to share all of your exciting news with your mom.

 

[dragonfly411]

I have family members who do the friend thing and it drives me crazy. I would explain to her that you want this to be an exciting time, and you plan to be with him for the rest of your life and you want her to be involved because she is your mother and you care about her, and you understand she wants the best for you but part of that is wanting you happy and THIS is what is going to make you happy.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think a lot of people in the older generations refer to SO's as "friends" because they don't have as many distinctions of the levels of a relationship in their minds. There's friend, engaged, married. They don't have all the steps or even know the lingo for the steps... I know my mother always laughed when I was way younger and said things like, "no, we're not going out. We're just talking." She would say things like, "Where are you going?" or "What do you talk about?" and I would roll my eyes which would make her laugh even more. Plus, I think lots of older people think a public boyfriend girlfriend type relationship is inappropriate or something.


So unless an older person is being mean or intending an insult when they call a boy my friend, I don't let it bother me.


ETA: I meant to add that it sounds like your mom is being snarky in this case though! sorry she's being unsupportive.

 

[PrincessDijon]

Thanks for all of the kind words everyone!

My mom and I have been battling this issue ever since I got together with the Ex Husband in the beginning of my college days....

We have even tried counselling together and it was just a disaster because she only wants to do things her way and doesn't understand why I don't see her infinite wisdom that she has gained from her failures....ugh.....Yeah, it kinda sucks, I am just afraid of this turning in to a hate fest like my last marriage did. She hated his family, hated him (eventhough he was a nice guy at the time), basically hated that I was growing up and coming in to my own....Now I am just trying to make sure that all family members are on the same page on both sides...

Heck, FF's family hasn't physically met me yet and they approve of everything...Maybe parents of sons vs. parents of daughters act differently!?!?

Oh well, I just gotta let it go....but I am just trying to make as many good faith attempts as I can.