Uh Oh....What did I DO????

[Hoping&Waiting]

Soooo....My boyfriend and I email each other hourly when were at work. Usually just small talk about the day...or plans for the evening etc. Just our way of keeping in touch and making the day go by faster.

Today we were discussing what we could do for our "date night" that we have every couple weeks. Well at the same time I was writing to him I was also reading through the forum...specifically the thread about Pre-planning before the engagement.

So I included in one of the emails...after the discussion about date night..... "Hunny what if we started a wedding account?? I just got an idea from someone else that they have like a piggy bank type savings account and both chip in money. I feel like no progress is being made in that area...so maybe if we do it together I will feel better?? If I have it my way we will be married in two years....we NEED to start saving...and maybe...i dont know..... talking about it? If im not on the right page will you just tell me so i can stop thinking about it?" Deep down I was hoping maybe for "date night" we would go look at rings!!!!

Im not really sure where this came from...but all of a sudden I had an URGE to say something. HOPING his response would be..."well I am already saving"

NOT THE CASE....He said....sure we could start saving like that. and NEVER referenced my two year wedding thoughts.....

WHAT you havent already started saving??!?!?!?!?!?!?

We have had many discussions about saving and rings and when we want to get married. He always acts like hes got it handled. But NEVER wants to talk about details because he INSISTS i know NOTHING about the engagment so that it is a total surprise.

HES DRIVING ME CRAZY!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 8/14/2007 3:20:59 PM
Author:Hoping&Waiting
Soooo....My boyfriend and I email each other hourly when were at work. Usually just small talk about the day...or plans for the evening etc. Just our way of keeping in touch and making the day go by faster.

Today we were discussing what we could do for our ''date night'' that we have every couple weeks. Well at the same time I was writing to him I was also reading through the forum...specifically the thread about Pre-planning before the engagement.

So I included in one of the emails...after the discussion about date night..... ''Hunny what if we started a wedding account?? I just got an idea from someone else that they have like a piggy bank type savings account and both chip in money. I feel like no progress is being made in that area...so maybe if we do it together I will feel better?? If I have it my way we will be married in two years....we NEED to start saving...and maybe...i dont know..... talking about it? If im not on the right page will you just tell me so i can stop thinking about it?'' Deep down I was hoping maybe for ''date night'' we would go look at rings!!!!

Im not really sure where this came from...but all of a sudden I had an URGE to say something. HOPING his response would be...''well I am already saving''

NOT THE CASE....He said....sure we could start saving like that. and NEVER referenced my two year wedding thoughts.....

WHAT you havent already started saving??!?!?!?!?!?!?

We have had many discussions about saving and rings and when we want to get married. He always acts like hes got it handled. But NEVER wants to talk about details because he INSISTS i know NOTHING about the engagment so that it is a total surprise.

HES DRIVING ME CRAZY!

ummm, he''s a guy. nuff said. Things like this are generally not on the top of the priority list.

At least he was positive about starting a savings account.

 

[lsyama]

Hopefully his response was all part of his plan to keep the engagement a total surprise??

I can definitely relate to having an URGE to say something, and when I just couldn''t stop myself, I felt like I had shoved both feet in my mouth!

 

[mimzy]

i might have read it wrong, but it sounded like in your email to him you meant to start saving for a wedding...not necessarily a ring. It''s entirely possible that he has money saved for a ring, but hasn''t given much thought to saving for the actual wedding. don''t fret! i wouldn''t worry about him not mentioning your two year reference - there''s a good chance he just didn''t know exactly what to say or that he wanted to talk about it in person. i hope you guys can have a nice talk about it - and if two years is your ideal timeline to get married, then you''ve still got a while before you need to get worried about having enough time!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Well, in fairness to him, saving for a whole wedding is a lot more in-depth than saving for a ring, unless you''ve already talked about having a small, inexpensive wedding (which it doesn''t sound like you have). So he may have been like "sure, ok" about the idea of having a savings account specifically for the wedding and didn''t think of it as being part of the ring. And if he doesn''t want you to know anything at all about the engagement ring, then he surely wouldn''t say anything like, "Don''t worry, I''ve been saving" because that''d tip you off.

Now, this might be giving him a lot more credit than he deserves if he hasn''t put any money aside at all for anything even after you''ve discussed it, but for now I think I''d try to shake it off. If a few months have gone by and he still isn''t doing anything to save, then just kick his arse.

 

[Sha]

Yeah, did you mean saving for a wedding, or saving for the ring? I wouldn''t find it surprising if your boyfriend hasn''t started saving for the wedding, especially if you don''t have a firm wedding date as yet. I think two years would be enough time to accumulate for some funds. Maybe you need to see where he really stands on a wedding timeline, since he didn''t say anything about the 2 year plan..

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

You are all right! I didnt clarify...I did Say "saving for a wedding" so Im guessing that is what he responded to. I HOPE HOPE HOPE that he has already started saving for a ring...but its hard to tell.

The thing is...my parents have made a deal with my other sisters and I that they will HELP with wedding expenses...but WILL NOT pay for the whole thing. Our weddings are largely paid for by us. So with that said...2 years really isnt that long for us to save. I really do want a large wedding...so I feel like its only two years...were behind. You know what i mean???

I hope the few of you that mentioned it are right...I hope he has saved for the ring...isnt going to tell me yes or no...and probably hasnt thought about saving for the wedding. ALTHOUGH....we, together, have talked in depth about the fact that the wedding is essentially at our expense and its important that we save early.

So a normal male would never think of saving for the actual wedding on their own...but this is a discussion that has been in the works for quite some time.....

Im worried that we havent even gone to LOOOk at rings...he has asked me and has seen pictures of what ring is my "dream ring"...but we both have said we will go look to make sure that is what i want etc. I refuse to bring up ring shopping because I want it to be on his terms....so do i just wait for it to happen?

still hoping and waiting!

 

[gwendolyn]

Remember, he''s thinking in boy-time, so 2 years sounds like aaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

 

[mimzy]

hoping&waiting - if you are determined to wait until the ring shopping is on his terms then i hope you are prepared to be patient! not all guys, but most aren''t going to go out of their way to take their girlfriend ring shopping, especially if they think they have a lot of time (and if they are on the younger side). i''m not sure which category your guy falls into, but if it is the latter then you might want to give him a little nudge. that doesn''t mean that you have to drag him into the mall and into every store there ....it might look more like going to the mall or to a downtown area (depending on where you live i guess) for an unrelated errand and stopping to look in a case and shooting him a hopeful glance, or maybe wanting to stop in a jewelry store to get another ring cleaned or something and looking at them while you wait. i know it isn''t the perfect scenario, but if he is taking too long it might be a good way to go without feeling like you are dragging him to go.

i don''t know, i''m just rambling!

 

[bee*]

I agree with mimzy-if you aren''t going to bring it up with him, than patience had better be your friend! When D and I were going away last weekend, I was telling him about boy soon and girl soon. I graduate in 4 years time and we have already planned what type of car that I should buy. He told me that''s great, we''ll be getting it soon. I was just thinking how the hell is 4 years soon??!! Men have a totally difference sense of what "soon" is.
I know that you want to wait for him to bring it up, but it''s your future too, so I would really try and bring it up with him. Don''t keep bringing it up, but maybe if you have one frank discussion, find how if two years is a reasonable time for him to get married etc.

 

[havernell]

I''m just wondering why you are so set on getting married within two years? It seems to me like you would get married after both of you are fully ready, after you have saved enough for the wedding you want, and after you''ve had enough time to plan said wedding. I don''t really understand setting a time frame before the other variable are in place (i.e. you are engaged, have set a budget, know you have enough to meet your budget, see if your church/reception sites are free the day you want, etc...)

I guess what I''m saying is that I would just let things happen in their natural time and not try to force things into some arbitrary two year timeframe. I''m not saying you shouldn''t start saying now- I think that''s a great idea! But, give yourself a little flexiblity on the timing of everything, or else you''ll drive yourself mad.

Good luck with it all!

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

Havernell: I certainly understand what your saying...sometime the timeline can just make things that much more stressful. But this two year timeframe was set together, as a couple, several years ago. (back then of course it was 4 years etc.) But we have always had this idea of what year, time of year etc. we would be married by.

That same conversation has continued throughout the years. But both of us and our lives are much closer to being ready, and therefore, I have started to think about it more and more. Also, we have started to talk about that timeframe becoming a reality.

Life cannot have a timeline....no one writes the book on life. Sooo...if something were to change, and the two year timeframe went out the door...that would be ok. Life is life...no one can ever actually set a certain time for something because millions of things can get in the way. But our ideal timeframe is two years.

Does that help you understand where were at? I agree with you...going with the flow is the only way to do it. But as other LIW have said...boys sometimes need a nudge/conversation etc. to let them know that hey...its two years away. where are we at? Are we still on the same page...shooting for the same goal?

 

[janinegirly]

i think you should cut your bf some slack.have some faith in him that he''s doing what he needs to do. he''s not going to necessarily know what kind of answer you''re hoping for, or phrases you like to hear. don''t drive yourself crazy calculting how much needs to be saved in x years to achieve wedding by x-date ,etc., let some of it be spontaneous! once he proposes, then you can go into full speed on savings plans and timing.
in the meantime i think it''s great that he''s open to your suggestion on the wedding account and i''m sure he''s been saving for a ring..in the end it''s his area, so just trust him a little!