BrilliantNikki
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2007
- Messages
- 45
First please let me say thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond to my previous post (Urg... can a girl get some advice). I REALLY appreciate all the advice and kind words you gave me.
I took absolut blonde''s advice and wrote everything in a letter. I cried my eyes out as I wrote the letter begging him to tell me why he isn''t "ready" and anticipating the worst of his possible responses. The letter was long and writing was actually quite therapeutic (in hindsight
) Long story short - the letter got deleted ... permanently.
It didn''t matter though because having written it all out sort of gave me a script to think of when I talked to him today. I am a total emotional wreck when i try to talk about things like this so I opted to have the conversation in a public place after we had a great day (putting me in a great mood). It went wonderfully - I asked him to tell me again why he isn''t ready and to give me some more details. I told him that I have felt very alone in my thoughts since he was shutting me out.
He confessed that the reason behind everything is funding. Duh - I mean I knew that. I was expecting a lot more than that! I poked and prodded a little more and it always came back to us not having enough money.
In the end we made a deal to start squirreling away a little money a little at a time ONLY to be used for a wedding in the future. We also promised to keep talking about our progress openly and frequently. we even talked about some of the things that we would want at the wedding! Do you know how big of a deal that is???? I couldn''t even get him to say wedding yesterday! This is a huge deal.
I think he was having a lot of anxiety about not being able to provide me with a huge extravagant celebration of our marriage. Talking to him today definitely cleared up a lot of that uncertainty, I think.
While I will not hold my breath while waiting for a formal proposal - I am feeling much better about the situation and am no longer doubting my relationship! i''ll tell you what - this waiting game is an emotional roller coaster!
I took absolut blonde''s advice and wrote everything in a letter. I cried my eyes out as I wrote the letter begging him to tell me why he isn''t "ready" and anticipating the worst of his possible responses. The letter was long and writing was actually quite therapeutic (in hindsight
It didn''t matter though because having written it all out sort of gave me a script to think of when I talked to him today. I am a total emotional wreck when i try to talk about things like this so I opted to have the conversation in a public place after we had a great day (putting me in a great mood). It went wonderfully - I asked him to tell me again why he isn''t ready and to give me some more details. I told him that I have felt very alone in my thoughts since he was shutting me out.
He confessed that the reason behind everything is funding. Duh - I mean I knew that. I was expecting a lot more than that! I poked and prodded a little more and it always came back to us not having enough money.
In the end we made a deal to start squirreling away a little money a little at a time ONLY to be used for a wedding in the future. We also promised to keep talking about our progress openly and frequently. we even talked about some of the things that we would want at the wedding! Do you know how big of a deal that is???? I couldn''t even get him to say wedding yesterday! This is a huge deal.
I think he was having a lot of anxiety about not being able to provide me with a huge extravagant celebration of our marriage. Talking to him today definitely cleared up a lot of that uncertainty, I think.
While I will not hold my breath while waiting for a formal proposal - I am feeling much better about the situation and am no longer doubting my relationship! i''ll tell you what - this waiting game is an emotional roller coaster!
300x240.png)