Update: LIW-related & quarter-life crisis (kinda long)

[absolut_blonde]

Haven''t posted much lately so I thought I''d do an update. Nothing big has happened, mostly just checking in.

Things with SO have been great overall - we''ve been getting along extremely well and I love living with him. Plus, we''re still enjoying the fact that we see each other daily as opposed to 2-3 weekends a month. Even though it''s been over a year, we''re still kind of in the honeymoon period.

However, I find myself growing impatient. Living together and having it go well only makes me want to get engaged more. At this point, I don''t really care about the ring; I just want to make things official, to be each other''s family, etc. It''s basically money and life circumstances holding us back at this point. He wants to be better off financially and to be able to comfortably afford a nice ring & wedding (pride thing, I think). Basically, I know he''s got a few goals that he wants to accomplish first. Those should be sorted out within 6-9 months but the waiting is driving me crazy!

Still, I know it is coming because he talked about it with his mom and brother over Thanksgiving last weekend. He told me that much, but wouldn''t elaborate! He''s also been making comments like "So-and-so at work asked if I was married and I said not yet, but soon". Unfortunately, I am pretty sure he means "boy soon", not "girl soon".

It would help if I didn''t hate my job, also-- at least then work would serve as a positive distraction. The work environment is just dreadful and I cannot stand my manager (nobody can). To boot, the work is mind-numbingly easy and I''m not really learning anything. I''m extremely unhappy there and actively looking elsewhere. However, I''ve only been there for 3 months so that makes it a lot more difficult to find anything else - I''m aware that it could be a potential red flag for employers.

The pay is decent enough, so I am sticking it out for the time being. If nothing else, I''m basically getting paid to do nothing (literally, some days) while furthering my work experience on my resume. I was even considering going back to school next fall, but I''m not entirely sure. There''s such a high cost of living here that going back to school would entail racking up loans and being tight on cash for awhile. I guess that would worth it if I was 110% sure that school would make me happy but... I''m not.

So, I guess you could say I''m having a quarter-life crisis. Perpetually. I really do envy those who have a ''calling'' and have always known what they wanted to do. I still have no idea, other than knowing that a) I don''t want to stay where I am at indefinitely and b) I really dislike working for someone else in a structured office environment.

I''m also trying to work on my GAD/depression issues, which complicates the job thing greatly. I''ve struggled with depression for a long time, so I know how to cope at this point - often it''s more like dysthymia than severe depression. It''s just difficult to know what kind of career would make you happy when you can''t quite imagine being fully happy.

Sorry for the vent! Overall, things are NOT that bad. Especially considering the state of the economy, I could be a lot worse off. And SO and I get some quality time tonight - shopping and dinner together - so that''s a plus!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Hey Absolut!

I defintaely understand the quarter life crisis! Waiting really is hard, too.

I''m sorry to hear that your job is dead-end. It''s a tough call to make about leaving and putting a red flag on yourself. I know you want to be engaged and start planning a wedding- because you''re bored and you want something to focus on, but don''t rush things. Let him propose when he thinks the time is right.

Here''s my perspective on education: while true, it may not make you 110% happy, you''ll never regret it. (School is not my "happy place." I''m not elated to still be in school, b/c I''ve been in college since 2004, I''m really SICK of school right now, but... I''ll never regret having gone to school for 6 years and earning a doctorate!) The more education you have, the more opportunities you have, in general. Is there anything that you wished that you would have worked towards? You said you envy those that have a clear direction in their life. Why don''t you redirect your focus and come up with some short and long term life goals. That way, you can give yourself some sort of direction and something else to focus on, besides the fact that you''re not engaged yet. Do you have any hobbies? Do you enjoy volunteer work? There''s a multitude of things out there that you can find to be good at, and get something out of.

I''d be willing to bet that a lot of people out there hate their job because of their coworkers. It''s not uncommon, but it sure does make the situation harder. Try writing down all of the things that you LIKE about your job and focus on the positives instead of the negatives. For example: You''re not stressed out all of the time, you don''t have huge responsibilities, you''re not fighting deadlines, etc. etc.

There does come a time, though, when nothing MAKES you happy anymore. It''s then when you have to CHOOSE to be happy!

I assume that you''ve seen a professional about your depression issues. If you haven''t, then I highly suggest that you do!

I hope that helps! It''s hard to offer advice when I''m not in your shoes... but I hope that things turn around for you, and you''re able to get out of this slump!