Update: possibly eloping, or not--new dress? ETC!

[luckystar112]

Well, after a week long vacation in Virginia, I am reminded of just how in the middle of nowhere our wedding location is. From the airport it was about 20 minutes on a freeway and then another 40 minutes of back roads that twist and turn everywhere and have no streetlights. There are no hotels surrounding the lake, which means our guests (98% of whom are OOT) would have to fend for themselves after the wedding and try to find their way back to the hotels. Planning didn't go as well as I'd hoped either, and let's just say FI's family isn't quite up to the challenge of helping us find a way to accomodate MY side of the family (

). So needless to say we did a whole lot more unraveling of plans than creating them.

That has led us to think that maybe we should get married closer to the airport in Richmond...but to tell you the truth, I am so turned off of the idea of getting married in Virginia now. If his family isn't up for the challenge of helping us plan at a location 5 minutes from their house, they surely won't be up to traveling an hour to Richmond for us. Sorry guys--I'm just sort of bummed because I feel like my Virginia trip was a disaster when it came to getting stuff done.

Then we thought about getting married in Maine, where I'm from, and I would absolutely LOVVVVVEEEE to do that. It is my top choice. However, now FI has gotten a dose of what I'VE been feeling for the last few months and is saddened by the thought that not many people from his side would travel there. I know how he feels, and I know I have to compromise, although we haven't ruled out Maine quite yet.

Houston isn't an option for either of us although we live here. lol. Shows you how much we love Houston.

Then my mom added another option to the mix: She had a weddingmoon, and said that if went that route she would pay for the whole thing. We would just have to pay for any upgrades that we might want. We can choose from any island in caribbean. She has sent us itineraries from Playa del carmen, Mexico and the Sandals Whitehouse Resort in Jamaica.
I gotta admit...it's tempting. All the money we would save....wouldn't have to worry about a honeymoon...wouldn't have to worry about anything!!! However, I'm afraid I might regret it. Or maybe I wouldn't once I've been there. Any elopers who read this....do you regret it? Does a little part of you wish that you had had a "normal" (for lack of a better word) wedding?

FI isn't sold on ANY idea yet, but has said that getting married on an island would probably spare our hurt feelings when people bail on coming to our wedding (which will happen no matter WHERE we choose to get married).
All I know is that when I told my MOH that we might elope on an island, she was VERY sad. Which made me sad.

And then what about my dress?!
It's the Casablanca 1827. Can I wear that on the island, or do I need a new one? I know that it is satin with a lace overlay.
I LOVE the dress. I would be so bummed if it was impractical to wear.
Here is the link to sweetpea in her dress, so you don't have to navigate through the threads.


So bummed....not sure what to do!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Lucky!

I''m so sorry that Virginia was a bit of a disappointment--I think many of us have had similar experiences and it stinks! The good news is that you made some headway even if the bottom line is "this isn''t going to work". It sounds like the weddingmoon is a good "neutral" option since it won''t be where he grew up or where you grew up.

Just because you guys get married on an island, though, certainly doesn''t mean you have to "elope". I would seriously suggest having close family members fly to the island for a long weekend, then you guys can stay and have your honeymoon! If both of your families are on the East Coast it will be a quick flight for them to the Caribbean.

Is that an option?

As for the dress, I think it''s fantastic. Maybe you would have cnosen something different if you''d known it was going to be on a beach, but it certainly is not inappropriate in the least. It''s very, very pretty and I think it will look great!

I''d just give yourselves a few more days (or weeks if you need it!) to think about your options and see what you start gravitating towards.

 

[sap483]

I was wondering where you were luckystar! I''m so sorry that your trip didn''t work out the way you had hoped. After all the drama you''ve had to endure with your mom, etc I was hoping everything would just fall together. I agree with NewEnglandLady, why not have a destination wedding? I think you''d be surprised at how many people would show up- it''s really an opportunity for many ppl to take a nice vacation. That was my dream, we even went to Bermuda to scope out a few places. We couldn''t make it work b/c FI''s grandparents have health issues that would prohibit them from travelling to Bermuda. We wouldn''t have let it stop us if it was anyone other than our immediate family. Anyway, the places we looked at were gorgeous, and so very affordable.

Bermuda might be a good option for you too, it''s about a 2 hour flight from most places on the East Coast- convenient for your family in ME and his in VI. If you have the wedding in the shoulder season (i.e. October-November) the weather is still really nice and warm, but much less humid than in the summer. It''s also not as expensive to fly there (Jet Blue often has deals for $79 round-trip during that time) or stay there. You do face a slight risk of a hurricane during that time, but from what I''ve read Bermuda rarely gets hit by hurricanes.

Keep us posted...

 

[mjso]

I''m so sorry to hear you''re having these problems, but I must admit, I''m a bit relieved that I''m not the only one! My FI''s family is pressuring us to have our wedding in Hawaii (where we met), but I want a wedding where people are actually going to show up other than just my parents and his. Plus, I feel like getting married in Hawaii is a bit cliche (no offense to anyone who got married there!) and I also sort of feel like they are trying to use our wedding as a vacation excuse (this could totally be my imagination though).

I think a thing to consider is that no matter where you have it, it will be a "destination" wedding for about half of the guests. Your family is going to have to travel from Maine, or his is going to have to travel from Virginia. How much more/less expensive would it be for guests who would be out of town to go to any of the three current options? Do you think that one of the options would allow for the highest number of guests (and is that what you want?).

My FI keeps trying to tell me that "the important" people will come no matter where it is, but I''m not so sure about that.

 

[Independent Gal]

Why not have the ''wedding moon'', then a casual party in Virginia and a casual party in Maine. That way, you get to celebrate with all your loved ones, no one has to travel, and you still save a tonne of dough and have a stress free wedding.

 

[mercoledi]

I second IG, that''s essentially what we did.

We got married in Mass with 1 guest and had parties both where are parents live and where we live now so that no one felt cheated on the fun stuff. We really liked it because the wedding day was all wedding and the party day was all party without any extra oh-mygosh-I''m-getting-married stress.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/3/2008 4:20:44 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Why not have the ''wedding moon'', then a casual party in Virginia and a casual party in Maine. That way, you get to celebrate with all your loved ones, no one has to travel, and you still save a tonne of dough and have a stress free wedding.

This is what I was going to suggest too. You could also say it to immediate family members or close friends about getting married on whichever island you go to and if they want they could have the option of going too.

 

[luckystar112]

Thank you guys for your responses. After long talks with the FI and weighing all the pros and cons, it looks like we are probably going to have a destination wedding (98%). We just have to figure out which resort we want, and FI still has to break the news to his parents!

He''s not that worried, but I am! I''ll let you know how it goes.

 

[Mara]

lucky, my two cents having done the partial local planning then going destination is do what you guys want to. you will always have guests bail or people be unhappy with whatever you choose to do, whether it''s in jamaica or virginia. you can never please everyone.

our destination wedding was the best thing we could have done. we have absolutely amazing memories that go above and beyond just the regular 8 hours at a local hotel or whatever, and the experience was hopefully more rich for our guests as well.

the one thing i wanted to say is that i don''t know how safe jamaica is right now for tourists, so definitely check that out, i have heard a few things about people not being quite safe, YES on the resorts but you can''t really leave at all. doesn''t sound like my idea of fun!

we had some friends just get married in acapulco mexico and it was an amazing time...one of the best weddings we have been to, simple and yet extravagant at the same time with the scenery. and many times destinations are a little cheaper for you, and allow you to do more for your guests and include everyone who traveled. plus it''s a more intimate experience for everyone...because they traveled to see you.

anyway, good luck, but just remember, it''s about you guys! it''s fab your parents are on board with the destination, that makes it easier!

 

[luckystar112]

I think what I was having the most trouble with is the fact that I''ve literally spent months thumbing through bridal magazines, here, theknot, etc. and picking out things that I like, and now it seems all of that was a waste because I''m just going to go to a resort and pick out what I like from a catalog. lol! But after looking at more pictures online and reading personal stories from couples that have done it, I am feeling a lot better.
Thanks for the heads up about Jamaica! And to think the whole time I''ve ruled out Hawaii only because of the scary " massive spider in the bathroom" story that you told a while back! hahaha. We''re also looking at Mexico, where my mother got married.

 

[princesss]

Awww, Lucky, I was wondering how your trip to VA went. I''m sorry the planning aspects were so crummy. But at least you know what you''re dealing with now, which is something.

I''m glad you and your FI have an option you seem fairly excited about. I would definitely look at IG''s suggestion, I think it''s a great one.

 

[alisoncat]

i just got engaged last week, and i am definitely in the same boat as i reaaaaally want to elope. it just seems so much easier for us since we live in seattle, and our parents/families live in california, michigan, georgia, and ohio. having a wedding just seems like such hard work. unfortunately, i think his parents want to be there, whereas mine support the elopement idea. we''re paying for everything, so it really would be better just to do what is best for US. anyway, i think i''ll be hanging out on this board a lot in the next year or so. let me know if you need a shoulder.

 

[BriBee]

I just wanted to say that FI and I went to a destination wedding last summer and it was the BEST wedding we''ve been too! It was so fun, a wedding and vacation mixed into one trip! My only regret was that we didn''t stay longer. Our friends got married at the Moon Palace in Cancun. It''s an all inclusive resort which was a little pricier up front, but so nice once we got there and didn''t have to pay for a THING!

 

[IWantAMilkshake]

Lucky, I''m dying to know where in VA your wedding was going to/may be...I''m getting married in Central VA and have had to figure out all sorts of workarounds for being in the middle of nowhere! For the driving back afterward thing, I''m renting a local school bus to pick everyone up from their respective B&Bs and drop them off afterward....

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 1/5/2008 1:15:53 PM
Author: luckystar112
I think what I was having the most trouble with is the fact that I''ve literally spent months thumbing through bridal magazines, here, theknot, etc. and picking out things that I like, and now it seems all of that was a waste because I''m just going to go to a resort and pick out what I like from a catalog. lol! But after looking at more pictures online and reading personal stories from couples that have done it, I am feeling a lot better.
Thanks for the heads up about Jamaica! And to think the whole time I''ve ruled out Hawaii only because of the scary '' massive spider in the bathroom'' story that you told a while back! hahaha. We''re also looking at Mexico, where my mother got married.

I''d respectfully suggest that your time spent thumbing through bridal magazines was absolutely NOT a waste. It''s part of the fun bridal experience, and you got to have it. Picking something outside that doesn''t mean you ''wasted'' the time; it had value in helping you enjoy the "I''m ENGAGED!" excitement phase.

I think the destination idea is a great one, and if there are a few people close to you who are willing to go, even better! Let them come......people who really want to will find a way.

As far as the dress......if you''ve found the one you love, wear that one to your DW. There''s NO rules, my dear.....except please yourself. If you love that gown and you want to wear it, then wear it regardless of where you marry.

Let''s face it.....a wedding dress is the very definition of impractical to begin with! A dress you wear only once??!! Nothing practical about that!

The point of the wedding dress is to make YOU feel beautiful, and if that''s the dress that speaks to you then wear it......in a chapel, in a park, on the sand.....whatever.

 

[wnycrs]

We are thinking about eloping ourself. I do feel so sad about it, too, and my mom will be absolutely furious along with his family! It''s so hard to tell everyone else, too bad, we did it! Sigh! I don''t know if I have the courage to do that to everyone.