Update since my decent into madness

[zilaras]

First I would like to thank everyone for their support. It means a lot to have all of you out there to listen.

An update on the SO situation:

Though, I am not quite ready to redeclare myself as a LIW

It has been about 2 weeks since a big confrontation with the SO, which resulting in some very intersting information. Up until this point he had insisted that he wasn''t ready to propose because of financial reasons and career happiness. However, it came out during our big talk ( my code word for hysterical crying on my side) that in his mind he has always wanting to date someone for atleast a year before he proposed to him. that is something I have absolutely no problem with! However, he hadn''t told me of his feelings on this before... He also said that in his mind that he truly thought he would date someone for 2 or 3 years before he wanted to propose...

That ...I am maybe ok with. I talked about my feelings on the matter...so maybe there will be a compromise.

It is nice to know more about his feelings...but I am still not in a place where I am 100% sure about the relationship do to the fact we may be in different places in our lives right now. I am still trying to work it all our for it me






so

 

[choro72]

I''m glad you''ve had the talk with your BF. Looking back at your topics, I think the trouble started when he started an unsolicited browsing for rings, and therefore caused your expectation to sky rocket. But now it sounds like he told you that he is still in the "let''s see how we go" stage.

I don''t know if you are looking for suggestions, but why don''t you let him know that it was his ring searching that started your excitement, and that he should not do it again unless he is certain that he wants to marry you. No talking about engagement or the future for that matter.
At the same time, since you are completely ready to get married, you might want to decide how long you are willing to wait for him to figure out if you are "the one".

I remember when my BF was still in the process in making up his mind, he kept saying things like "One day let''s travel to so and so...". I clearly told him that I don''t want to hear thing like that, because if he hadn''t made up his mind by a certain time I was leaving.

I know this sounds extreme, but I just wanted to give an example of what I did. I was very well ready to leave him too. I also made sure that when he came around, he wasn''t just saying it because I pressured him into it. He is really excited about our future (In his words, "Hell yeah!!"

), and he can''t wait for my ring to be done so that he can propose properly.

Out of curiosity, how old are you? And how long have you been together? Depending on these facts, especially the latter, my answer might be different.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

im curious how long youve been dating and how old you guys are too

 

[zilaras]

Date: 2/27/2008 10:05:03 PM
Author: choro72
I''m glad you''ve had the talk with your BF. Looking back at your topics, I think the trouble started when he started an unsolicited browsing for rings, and therefore caused your expectation to sky rocket. But now it sounds like he told you that he is still in the ''let''s see how we go'' stage.

I don''t know if you are looking for suggestions, but why don''t you let him know that it was his ring searching that started your excitement, and that he should not do it again unless he is certain that he wants to marry you. No talking about engagement or the future for that matter.
At the same time, since you are completely ready to get married, you might want to decide how long you are willing to wait for him to figure out if you are ''the one''.

I remember when my BF was still in the process in making up his mind, he kept saying things like ''One day let''s travel to so and so...''. I clearly told him that I don''t want to hear thing like that, because if he hadn''t made up his mind by a certain time I was leaving.

I know this sounds extreme, but I just wanted to give an example of what I did. I was very well ready to leave him too. I also made sure that when he came around, he wasn''t just saying it because I pressured him into it. He is really excited about our future (In his words, ''Hell yeah!!''

), and he can''t wait for my ring to be done so that he can propose properly.

Out of curiosity, how old are you? And how long have you been together? Depending on these facts, especially the latter, my answer might be different.

Thank you for the advice. I think that i probably would be a good idea to tell him to please stop talking about it until he is 100% certain. I do think that his talking about it every so often and the looking at the rings led to my excitement/ expectations.

I am 23 and my SO is 25. We are both finished with college ( graduated in 06) and are working. We have been dating for 8 months but have been friends for about 2 years. I do realize that 8 months of dating is a relatively short time. However, in the first month of dating he was talking about how he wanted to get married to me etc.

 

[bee*]

Glad to hear that you discussed it. I think that your bf is right to think about it seriously and it probably is best to wait until you''re dating a bit longer. Most people are still in the honeymoon period after 8 months and I know I would have married D if he had asked me after this period of time but I wouldn''t have been going into the engagement knowing all the things I should have before we made that commitment. I know it can be frustrating to wait, especially as it was him that brought up rings early on in the relationship, but enjoy the dating phase. I would say it to him not to mention it again though until he is ready.