update

[always.waiting]

hi all, i''ve been MIA for awhile since i''m very busy with a new job, but here is a quick update. It''s not much of anything, but figured some might be curious. Hopefully I''ll have more to update soon..
So, i''ve been very good and haven''t pressured/brought up engagement and the future since the Labor Day debacle. I''ve touched on it a few times, but that''s it. And I''ve managed to keep my mood positive. The new job has been a big help in that it''s my immediate focus and distracting, although believe me, engagement/marriage thoughts are very much close to the surface--I''ve just put them away temporarily. Internally, I''ve set Nov 1 as a deadline (did so back on labor day). I "feel" like he is making progress, his mood seems positive, talking about the future a lot, saying his cr card bill is huge this month, so I think things might be moving, BUT, I''ve learned from experience to not really take any of these observations seriously, I''ve been proven wrong so many times before. Only a proposal will allow me to feel relief! So we''ll see and I''ll keep everyone posted. One other thing that has helped me to not be on top of my bf is the fact that I''m totally drained by it all. At this point I know he knows, and if he doesn''t take action, there is just nothing to talk about anyway.
So that''s it..glad to see a few have gotten engaged since I last checked in. I won''t be on this board much, but will check in from time to time!

 

[Cailet]

Hopefully he really is making progress. Did you decide what you were going to do if Nov 1 comes and goes and no proposal? Has he mentioned proposing/engagement/marriage at all? I don''t remember - does he know about your deadline, or is it just something you are holding to yourself?

Glad to hear you are keeping busy with the new job! I''m sure that helps to ease to waiting.

Good Luck!

 

[Efe]

always.waiting, glad you checked in. I was wondering how you were doing.

 

[always.waiting]

if nothing happens by nov 1st, i will tell him things aren't working and i will move out. i live in a giant city, it is really not hard at all to find a sublet/apt on very short notice.
no he has not specifically mentioned marriage/proposal/engagement, but you just have to trust me on this one when I say that doesn't mean much because it's not his style to talk about the details of anything he is planning or be mushy. He is the kind of person who will just get it done once a decision has been made. He has frequently discussed the short term future in the past few weeks: where/when we will move (likely within a year) and whether or not it'll be to the burbs. This obviously is moot if we aren't engaged shortly and he knows it. He has also taken some real aggressive steps to furnish our apt (we just moved there, and he dragged his feet on this for ages). Yes, it's possible he is doing absolutely nothing with regards to a propposal, but the whole point of giving him 2 months is to back off and let him do his thing and then take my own action after those 2 mo's are up. There's really no gain in me parsing what might/might not be happening.
The deadline is an internal one, because my previous experience is that giving an ultimatum doesn't work. It makes him feel pressured to the point it's not pleasant or doesn't feel like his own decision, and it really affected our relationship day to day. He knows he told me "a couple months" back on labor day, and I'm quite positive he senses this is on my mind even though I'm not discussing it. Probably the biggest sign I have is the fact that he says he has a huge credit card bill. We live together so I'm pretty much aware of his expenses, and can't for the life of me determine why it would be so large. I usually pay him a small amount each month to cover expenses/rent (since he owns the apartment) and he asked me to pay it straight to the cr card company. I could be wrong, but I'm being hyper aware of anything unusual, and that's the only thing so far. Anyway, it's not far so i'll sit tight for now, and let you all know..

 

[Becky P]

always.waiting - glad you checked in - I was wondering what was going on... I hope things work out for the best - whether that''s getting engaged or moving on and finding another, even better, man. Best of luck to you - sending sparkly vibes your way!

 

[Cailet]

Sounds like you have a pretty good plan in place -- and are pretty aware of your relationship. Glad that you seem to have investigated what you want and are willing to make it happen (or move on and try with someone new).


Hopefully we will be hearing back from you shortly that he proposed! Keep us updated - I''ll be thinking of you!

 

[firebirdgold]

Ooh, I''ll keep my fingers crossed!

The cc is how my fi let me know it was coming. A couple of times he made these comments about a large purchase on his credit card. I guess he just couldn''t quite keep it to himself!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Well at least you are sticking to your guns this time. Thats a godo thing. If he made a big purchase you could take his acct # and snoop but i am not sure you want to do this since it wouldn''t be a suprise, if he was planning something. I guess you will just have to trust him for now and see what the new few weeks bring. GOOD LUCK!

 

[larussel03]

Good luck always.waiting. It sounds like you know what you want/need to do, so hopefully everything will fall into place. I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Allisonfaye]

Sounds promising. I am glad you checked in too. I was just thinking about you so I stopped over to the LIW board to see if anything was going on.

 

[musey]

A couple of times I've thought I had been "tipped off" by the large credit card purchase "hints"... turned out to be his new iMac.

The second time it was his new big screen TV.