mimzy
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2007
- Messages
- 1,847
hi everyone!
i just wanted to give a little update as to what''s been going on since my last post. it''s been an incredibly difficult few months,but the past few days things have looked up. a few weeks ago FF and i had a talk, which i thought resolved a lot of things, but apparently it didn''t. i only felt better for a few days and then it was back to the same old depressive attitude that i haven''t been able to kick the past months. i found that i was really angry with him because i felt like he had let me down. i felt like i couldn''t trust him because he had said so many things regarding our engagement and none of them had held up. it got to a point where i couldn''t get over how disappointed i felt - crying every day whenever i had a minute alone, distrusting the things he was saying, etc and obviously this was really have a major effect on my everyday life. so, i told my sister i needed a drink.
let me preface this by saying that A) I don''t drink and B) my sister and i aren''t exactly BFF. she can be very judgmental, especially towards FF (or any bf for that matter). well FF''s sister was the bartender and two drinks later i was pretty "wasted". (it turns out you are supposed to eat more then two granola bars and a snack pack for the whole day if you plan on drinking....just fyi). anyways, in my drunken stupor i realized that i didn''t care. i didn''t care that we aren''t engaged yet and i don''t care that it''s taking him a long time and i don''t care that things haven''t panned out the way that i hoped and thought they would. when my sis would start criticizing him for not having done it yet him i defended him. and she said that if what i was saying was true, then i really did just need to chill out. now, "chill out" is not exactly constructive advice. regardless, it was coupled with the ''take it or leave it'' comment and it hit home. i realized that more than anything in the world i wanted to salvage what was left of this engagement (he''s feeling pressured, i''m disappointed, etc) and make it the best it can be. that was all that i cared about. making him happy and excited to get engaged.
that was last thursday, and so far i am still feeling good (well, i actually felt sick for awhile, then i threw up, then i still felt sick, but then i felt better). we had another talk and i reaffirmed that whenever and wherever is perfect and that there''s no pressure to do it asap. i think this made him feel better too, but i''m not sure. what i AM sure of however is that as i type this he is at my mom''s house asking for their blessing (or whatever!). He said the earliest he could see my dad is thursday, but that'' fine with me! he even asked if i wanted to see the ring!(after much debate i declined). he let me know that he''s had it for about a month and a half (which i pretty much already had guessed) and that he was just trying to tie up some ''loose ends'' whatever that means
we''re going to florida next with my family for thanksgiving and i''m sure he won''t do it then (it would be sort of awkward). BUT anytime between then and christmas (well, i guess new years) is fair game. and even though that is a month and a half away, that''s okay. it''s worth it.
this hasn''t been a "wow, i can''t believe i was acting like that, i''m such an idiot i wish i had seen the error of my ways earlier" post. i knew what was going on the whole time, and i just couldn''t deal. for whatever reason it took some fruity tasting girly drink to make me stop caring about all the things that were getting me down. if drunk = honest,i was more concerned about him and excited about what''s coming up than i was upset that it hasn''t happened yet when i was at my most ''honest''. you would think it would be the other way around...anyways, that''s all over with.
new mantra: be excited about tomorrow
i just wanted to give a little update as to what''s been going on since my last post. it''s been an incredibly difficult few months,but the past few days things have looked up. a few weeks ago FF and i had a talk, which i thought resolved a lot of things, but apparently it didn''t. i only felt better for a few days and then it was back to the same old depressive attitude that i haven''t been able to kick the past months. i found that i was really angry with him because i felt like he had let me down. i felt like i couldn''t trust him because he had said so many things regarding our engagement and none of them had held up. it got to a point where i couldn''t get over how disappointed i felt - crying every day whenever i had a minute alone, distrusting the things he was saying, etc and obviously this was really have a major effect on my everyday life. so, i told my sister i needed a drink.
let me preface this by saying that A) I don''t drink and B) my sister and i aren''t exactly BFF. she can be very judgmental, especially towards FF (or any bf for that matter). well FF''s sister was the bartender and two drinks later i was pretty "wasted". (it turns out you are supposed to eat more then two granola bars and a snack pack for the whole day if you plan on drinking....just fyi). anyways, in my drunken stupor i realized that i didn''t care. i didn''t care that we aren''t engaged yet and i don''t care that it''s taking him a long time and i don''t care that things haven''t panned out the way that i hoped and thought they would. when my sis would start criticizing him for not having done it yet him i defended him. and she said that if what i was saying was true, then i really did just need to chill out. now, "chill out" is not exactly constructive advice. regardless, it was coupled with the ''take it or leave it'' comment and it hit home. i realized that more than anything in the world i wanted to salvage what was left of this engagement (he''s feeling pressured, i''m disappointed, etc) and make it the best it can be. that was all that i cared about. making him happy and excited to get engaged.
that was last thursday, and so far i am still feeling good (well, i actually felt sick for awhile, then i threw up, then i still felt sick, but then i felt better). we had another talk and i reaffirmed that whenever and wherever is perfect and that there''s no pressure to do it asap. i think this made him feel better too, but i''m not sure. what i AM sure of however is that as i type this he is at my mom''s house asking for their blessing (or whatever!). He said the earliest he could see my dad is thursday, but that'' fine with me! he even asked if i wanted to see the ring!(after much debate i declined). he let me know that he''s had it for about a month and a half (which i pretty much already had guessed) and that he was just trying to tie up some ''loose ends'' whatever that means
we''re going to florida next with my family for thanksgiving and i''m sure he won''t do it then (it would be sort of awkward). BUT anytime between then and christmas (well, i guess new years) is fair game. and even though that is a month and a half away, that''s okay. it''s worth it.
this hasn''t been a "wow, i can''t believe i was acting like that, i''m such an idiot i wish i had seen the error of my ways earlier" post. i knew what was going on the whole time, and i just couldn''t deal. for whatever reason it took some fruity tasting girly drink to make me stop caring about all the things that were getting me down. if drunk = honest,i was more concerned about him and excited about what''s coming up than i was upset that it hasn''t happened yet when i was at my most ''honest''. you would think it would be the other way around...anyways, that''s all over with.
new mantra: be excited about tomorrow
300x240.png)