thedreamer
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2007
- Messages
- 24
I just wanted to give an update on my situation from this: should i be upset?. I barely posted at all, and then fell back into lurkdom after last fall. . . but I'm back!
I let everything go for a while, but I think that after that first conversation everything went down hill. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, so to speak, other than us wanting different things in life. We came back to the topic of us, not marriage, a lot over the past 9 months and each time I think we were both left with a bad taste in our mouths. I decided about a month ago to move back to Pennsylvania because I felt trapped and I felt like I needed to do something for me. I wanted to see what me leaving would do to us, and I honestly wanted to get my self esteem back.
He came to visit me 2 weeks ago for my brother's wedding. My self proclaimed bachelor for life, no kids ever, brother's wedding. It hit me while I sat there watching him marry the love of his life, that A and I would never be there, together. My brother knew 3 months after meeting S that he would marry her. He called my mom and said, its just different, I know I want to marry her. (They waited 2 1/2 years after that to get married). It hit me, my relationship isn't forever, we aren't right for each other, and I'd been lying to myself for months.
Now, 2 weeks later, A and I broke up. As much as I saw it coming, and it was mutual, I have learned that its not easy. I always thought that mutual meant easy, but honestly, it doesn't! I do love him, very much, and I hate knowing that we aren't right for each other. I know I'll get over this, and I know that as my mom said, "the fall is hard, but I promise there's a soft feather bed waiting at the bottom for you to land on" but I really have to take it one day at a time.
I'm sorry for being a lurker, I think I just always felt like a fake, I knew in my heart I wasn't really a liw. . . I never joined the list. For some reason, saying this makes me feel real again. I'm not too shy to post because I control my future now, as scary as that is.
I let everything go for a while, but I think that after that first conversation everything went down hill. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, so to speak, other than us wanting different things in life. We came back to the topic of us, not marriage, a lot over the past 9 months and each time I think we were both left with a bad taste in our mouths. I decided about a month ago to move back to Pennsylvania because I felt trapped and I felt like I needed to do something for me. I wanted to see what me leaving would do to us, and I honestly wanted to get my self esteem back.
He came to visit me 2 weeks ago for my brother's wedding. My self proclaimed bachelor for life, no kids ever, brother's wedding. It hit me while I sat there watching him marry the love of his life, that A and I would never be there, together. My brother knew 3 months after meeting S that he would marry her. He called my mom and said, its just different, I know I want to marry her. (They waited 2 1/2 years after that to get married). It hit me, my relationship isn't forever, we aren't right for each other, and I'd been lying to myself for months.
Now, 2 weeks later, A and I broke up. As much as I saw it coming, and it was mutual, I have learned that its not easy. I always thought that mutual meant easy, but honestly, it doesn't! I do love him, very much, and I hate knowing that we aren't right for each other. I know I'll get over this, and I know that as my mom said, "the fall is hard, but I promise there's a soft feather bed waiting at the bottom for you to land on" but I really have to take it one day at a time.
I'm sorry for being a lurker, I think I just always felt like a fake, I knew in my heart I wasn't really a liw. . . I never joined the list. For some reason, saying this makes me feel real again. I'm not too shy to post because I control my future now, as scary as that is.
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