Upgrade - How did you plant the seed...?

[Love Street]

Hi PS''ers!

It''s been years and many changes since I last posted here (though I''ve pointed many people toward ps for diamond education during that time). Way back when, during my engagement, I wrote that I ended up getting my 3-stone T & Co ring, which I do love. (Plus, "getting my ring cleaned" is my excuse to go to the mall and browse the Pucci boutique while I wait...).

However.... with our 4th wedding anniversary coming up (along with some milestone birthdays), the Upgrade bug has been nagging me. I try to suppress it, but... Anyway, I don''t forsee an upgrade for another 4 years. (We moved back to California two years ago, we just bought our first house, I just started law school and am only working part time. In 4 years, we''ll be more settled.)

SO, ladies - I''m curious to know: how have you planted the upgrade bug in DH''s ear? Gents - how do I get my DH to get excited about the prospect of upgrading?

Also curious - to those of you that have upgraded, was there a reciprocal gift as well (i.e. did you get him a BMW or a Rolex)?

If you have some finances separate, did you contribute to the upgrade? (I actually pd for part of my e-ring - it was too expensive a luxury for him to pay for all of it, plus he''s been the main breadwinner for the most part. I would probably plan to pay for part again).

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[KimberlyH]

Love,

I think sometimes the best we can hope for is that our husbands will be understanding of our desire to upgrade, but not necessarily excited about it. I''m a direct person (although there are times I wish I wasn''t) so I simply told my husband that I intended to upgrade my center stone some day. Then I turned it into a joke and said I would be a good wife for 10 years to "earn" my upgrade and now he expects that on our ten year anniversary (in 8 years and 7 months, not that I''m counting) I''ll be shopping for a new center stone. DH is a bit sentimental, so he doesn''t really understand why, but he''s okay with it because he knows it will make me happy and that''s what really matters.

Good luck to you!

~K

 

[diamondfan]

I also just started talking about it in general terms. Pretty soon I was showing him photos in magazines, showing him what I liked. I got my first upgrade and then did upgrade that one too. At first he rolled his eyes and said NO WAY, but I knew I had him when a few months later he noticed a large emerald cut ring on a lady at a party and said, Is that about the look that you want? I knew he was in my clutches then!!!

But, some men respond to hints or references, and some men do not. Some men get subtlety, some men need a two by four on the head. You have to know your guy and then work from there. GOOD LUCK!

 

[vslover]

DH honestly does get excited to buy me things. I''ve "upgraded" at every anniversary (without getting rid of old stones...they''re all in use in some way) and it really does make DH happy to do it. He likes getting me sparkly things. In the last year he surprised me with diamond earrings, an anniversary band and a 3 stone ring...along with a new, bigger solitaire. I wouldn''t ask for an upgrade at this point and I am glad that he likes buying me diamonds...but I think I''m content for now, unless he decides he''s not!
Oh and I''m a SAHM...so all our finances are joint.

 

[snlee]

I agree with K. I hope that my husband will be understanding of my desire to upgrade but not necessarily excited about it. Diamonds are a luxury and do cost a lot of money so I can understand men not wanting to spend that much on them. I just came right out and told my husband I wanted to upgrade. When the time came to upgrade, it was a mutual decision. He wanted me to have a larger diamond and was willing to pay. I bought him an HDTV in return. Contributing to the upgrade is up to you and your husband. Good luck!

 

[orbaya]

Hubby was fine with me saving up to get a new stone. The only thing he requested was that I keep my original stone and not trade that. That is fine because I''m attached to it anyway, and it''ll make a nice 1ct pendant!

I''ve since decided that I don''t want a solitaire (shocker, I know!

), so I''ve decided to make a 5 stone band instead. It''s more practical for me at this point anyway. Since I''m using ACA''s, I can always trade those in down the road if I choose.

 

[Love Street]

Thanks for your replies - it''s interesting to hear how the DHs respond to/react to/participate in the upgrade process. Mine has had 7 years to get accustomed to my major weakness - fashion - and has actually gone out and bought me some great Pucci pieces as gifts (Pucci is my real obsession - even above diamonds...). An Upgrade is a different league, but he has fun when we go shopping and likes pretending to be my sugar daddy at stores - I''ll pick out some items, play fashion model, then he''ll whip out the [joint account] credit card!

This will be fun - I look forward to coming on here more often for my study breaks. I already know he won''t want to trade in our ring at Tiffany''s - I don''t want to either. Since it''s a 3 stone I think I can get away with it as a RHR. This means I will FINALLY be heeding the advice of PSers and getting the most bang for my buck online (hopefully one of the places with lifetime upgrades....)

And snlee - an HDTV is great - I know mine would love [another] one of those! I would LOVE to get him a new BMW + European pick-up and tour, but that will have to wait until our 10th...

OK, time to stop salivating, start studying...

 

[Ellen]

I just said I wanted to upgrade my ring. No beating around the bush or begging. That''s because the ring was second choice on my big want list. I REALLY wanted an inground pool, yes, more than a diamond.

And I did beat around the bush for that, then ask, then beg, for like 3 years, lol. It was a definite no, but not for monetary reasons.

So, then I asked for the ring, it didn''t take much. However, I had been wearing a .30ish stone for 24 years, I think that helped my case.

 

[777_LDY]

Date: 2/4/2008 8:54:44 AM
Author: Ellen
I just said I wanted to upgrade my ring. No beating around the bush or begging. That''s because the ring was second choice on my big want list. I REALLY wanted an inground pool, yes, more than a diamond.

And I did beat around the bush for that, then ask, then beg, for like 3 years, lol. It was a definite no, but not for monetary reasons.

So, then I asked for the ring, it didn''t take much. However, I had been wearing a .30ish stone for 24 years, I think that helped my case.

A pool or a diamond! The answer should be obvious...I mean how much leisurely pleasure could you possibly get from enjoying beautiful sunny days with your family vs. looking at that beautiful sparkle you wear everyday!!!

Lol, honestly, Mr.7''s would be thrilled if were asking for anything like that!

I didn''t start thinking about an upgrade till I found a diamond I fell in LOVE with for an *amazing* price. I showed it to my husband and he said it wasn''t the right time. Thing is is that we (he) spend(s) so much $$$ on other things that aren''t justified, and he didn''t see the need for a new diamond, I had a hard time accepting that because it really wasn''t about the finances. Well the diamond sold and I was very disappointed so I figured I would buy something to help me get over it but still wouldn''t break the bank. That, however, did not work out and it got returned. That''s about the time I found PS

. DH has since told me he would like me to wait a couple of years to get the diamond of my dreams but I have mixed feelings now and have decided to update the set I have using my current stones. He''s not all that interested in being apart of the process but I think that it''s mostly because he feels it should be a surprise (which is very sweet IMO). Because I want to be involved he figures I''ll just get what I want and doesn''t need to worry about it but I do wish he was a bit more interested. He''s not upset that I want to upgrade either but it was something that took many conversations for him to understand my point of view!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/4/2008 9:50:57 AM
Author: 777_LDY

A pool or a diamond! The answer should be obvious...I mean how much leisurely pleasure could you possibly get from enjoying beautiful sunny days with your family vs. looking at that beautiful sparkle you wear everyday!!!

Lol, honestly, Mr.7''s would be thrilled if were asking for anything like that!

Insane, isn''t it??!

 

[Fly Girl]

Well, I hadn''t been able to wear my original e-ring (0.21 ct solitaire, we were poor college students at the time) for the past 15 years, because my knuckles had enlarged after bearing him two children. A new diamond ring was always on the wish list, but so many other things came first. We finally got a small windfall, and he suggested using the money for the new ring for our 25th wedding anniversary.

There was no reciprocal gift. I do our household finances and he had to convince me that it was o.k. to buy the diamond now, and other uses we had for the money could wait.

So, patience, good fortune, a loving husband, and a bare finger worked for me.

 

[vslover]

Aww...I love these stories of those of you who waited a long time for your upgrade. It''s so romantic to do it as an anniversary gift for the big milestones! I''m kind of wishing we''d waited.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

Before you decide to "plant the seed" (lol!), can you first determine how sentimental your husband is?

On a few occasions, I tried encouraging my husband to upgrade my stone, but he never took the bait. It didn''t take long for me to realize his would be offended if I did upgrade and slowly I came to realize I wasn''t truely wanting to upgrade, just wanting more sparklies.

So, last summer, I got new earrings and my husband got a $10K hot tub! lol He loves his hot tub and is content. Later I bought a few pendants.

I''m not as diamond obsessed as a I play here on PS, so in "real life" I''m content with what few diamonds I do have, BUT I think it''s great that women upgrade as long as their husbands are easily brought on board. I think it''s sad when the husband isn''t supportive and a woman pushes it without truely considering her husband''s feelings.

Kind of feel your husband''s views out a bit before hinting!

Good luck. (If he does say no, why not have a back up plan, like an eternity ring or a pendant lined up, so you won''t feel deprived?!)

 

[Love Street]

Aww, I love the stories!!

MC, my DH would thank you for being so thoughtful. He is somewhat sentimental - I don''t think he would want me to trade in the ring as if it were a car (plus T&Co has a mediocre upgrade policy), but he does seem open to upgrading - even though he jokes "isn''t the Diamond Anniversary the 50-year anniversary!" I think he likes the idea of me eventually getting a bigger diamond (we did T&Co partly because of their no interest financing and we were impatient) - it''s just getting him used to the idea that instead of getting a new [used] car in the next 7 years, I''d rather get a new diamond....

But I''m really enjoying hearing how The Topic comes up!

 

[diamondfan]

My second and third rings were from Tiffany''s. Without knowing other retail stores and their policies, I am not sure I think their policy is mediocre, but it certainly involves a considerable outlay of more cash. But at least they allow it at all, which some stores do not.

 

[Love Street]

That''s true, Diamondfan. And as you said in one of your other posts (I think), if faced with a potentially big sale they may ultimately make an exception for a second (or third or 4th) upgrade notwithstanding their "one lifetime upgrade" policy.

Still, I''m very tempted to take advantage of GOG or WF''s upgrade policies and design a semi-custom setting.... Well, I have plenty of time to lust over all your rings and get reeducated here

 

[diamondfan]

If you can keep your ring that you have and get another one, that is awesome! I would have loved to do so, but my first Tiffany ring was so expensive that I could not justify keeping it and getting a new ring. I am sure any of those sources will get you something amazing! I cannot wait to see it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Mine was for our 30th anniversary, much later than a lot of these ladies! But I originally just said I wanted new settings because the old ones were yellow gold and I wanted platinum. He said he hated to change the originals. So our "compromise" was just to get another set! (All our money is combined, which is a fairly good thing for me since he makes a lot more than I do!)

The new stone did come from Good Old Gold in case I ever decide I want another size, shape, color, etc,!

I would most definitely keep your original ring as a right hand ring and start over with one of the PS vendors. I''d start working on it now, and tell him that is your dream anniversary gift and you want to start a special savings account for it.

 

[LostSapphire]

The day my DH bought my engagement ring he turned to me and said "better get what you want now because that''s IT"....(my aunts had been redesigning their rings and he thought that was horrible!)....

So here I am 21 years later. Yes, getting an upgrade, but only because I''ve gone and lost the first one.

NO it wasn''t on purpose!

I ''think'' I can convince him that the replacement for the LOST SAPPHIRE is the same size as the original...he doesn''t pay too much attention to size (not like some of us that is!)

 

[NYCsparkle]

hey lovestreet..i think mara is the one to page because she is the MASTER at planting upgrade seeds in gregs head..lol

...good luck

 

[lyra]

It took a heck of a long time for my "seed(s)" to grow! Basically it boiled down to the repeated sentiment that went like this:

DH: I''d really like to get a (insert expensive item that he''d like, but is a pure luxury)
Me: Yeah, and I''d like a BIG DIAMOND RING!!!

We must have had this exact conversation thousands of times over the years. I was only ever half serious, but he felt guilty that my original stone was so small (.26 ct). Eventually, a co-worker of his said he was sweating over what to get his wife for their 25th anniversary, it had to be BIG! My husband said a diamond ring--that is the only answer. He''s very smart, he just bided his time.

So our 25th anniversary approached and he said, "Okay, we have to get you a big diamond ring!". WHEE!!

He gave me a budget.

I found an estate ring that fit the budget and the size (1.75+ct RB). Yay!

That''s how it went down for me. It would have happened a lot sooner, but along the way we had a spell of severe job insecurity, job loss, moving across the country, losing money on 2 houses, etc. YMMV.