Vent about waiting

[gracie007]

Well,my impatience finally led to a fight last night. A little background---my boyfriend has been saying we would get engaged in the spring -feb, march time. Well , I know he bought the diamond last Tuesday....He lets it out last night that he hasnt even talked to the jeweler since then ( he bought diamond elsewhere and is having the band made at a jeweler) A WEEK AGO TODAY.... this would , under normal circumstance might not be such a big deal...but we are moving this summer . ...and we wanted to get married this summer so we could go on and buy a house before I start my job. I am a teacher, so this means we have to be done with everything, house, wedding , honeymoon by the beginning of August. I blow up that he has done nothing for a week( he has called the guy twice- if it were me, I would of called everyday) and he sees it as "only a week" ..he does not seem to feel any of these time constraints...and i am just so disappointed..he knows how ready I am and h says he is as well....a week seems just wasted...ughghghghghg

 

[MissAva]

Gracie,
I am sorry you are feeling so stressed. Perhaps he is trying to plan that perfect and special moment to ask you. Proposing is just as stressful for your honey as it is for you to be waiting. *hugs*
PS You may ask to have this moved over to the Ladies in Waiting forum...tons of hugs and sympathy over there.

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

Well, he has the diamond and the ring is being made. I understand your frustration to some degree. But, the thing is, you know you are getting married. I mean, it is pretty certain that he has the ring. But what I don''t understand is why you can''t start making plans for a summer wedding without the ring? I mean, the ring is only a symbol of an engagement. Some women are not even proposed to with a ring. So, I guess what I am saying is: Don''t worry about it. Start making plans. Call around. Decide where and when you want to get married. Don''t let a symbol frustrate you because its not what it is about.

 

[gracie007]

Thanks for the responses...I dont know how to move the thread to the LIW...so if anyone one knows how I would appreciate
well, in response, I have been planning stuff even though we are not engaged...and it just feels weird...i told someone the other day I was getting married in Mexico this summer...and it was weird saying.."No, not engaged yet"...know what i mean??

 

[Blenheim]

I''m just to relate an exchange I had last summer with an engaged male coworker that really helped open my eyes:

Him: Are you and (BF) engaged?
(Already sick of this question, I just hold up my bare hand.)
Him: An engagement isn''t about the ring, it''s about you both knowing that you''re definitely getting married and spending your life together. Are you engaged?

It''s not really about the ring. It''s about you both making that commitment and that promise to each other. LaurenThePartier pretty much completely planned her wedding before the official proposal, which came three weeks before they''re getting married. Instead of telling friends that you''re not engaged, how would you feel about saying that he hasn''t formally proposed but the two of you are hoping to get married in July/August/whenever?

I know that this has to be very hard for you. Just try to hang in there, and just remember that you found a fabulous man that you''re going to marry. It sounds like the ring will come soon enough.

Hugs,
Blenheim

 

[firebirdgold]

Lack of a ring hasn't slowed some of us LIW's down when it comes to pre-planning.

It's a common theory here that males have a different perception of time then women, partic when it comes to getting engaged!
I've also discovered from the guys who float about the LIW and proposal forums, that men go into this secretive planning mode. Just because he says he hasn't done anything, doesn't mean that it isn't well in hand.
Just leave the guy alone for a bit, and go on your merry planning way. Although you may want to mention in another week the difficulties in booking a location, or family needing to make vacation plans. I don't think most guys inately grasp the logistical difficulties involved in a wedding, let alone how quickly stuff books up. TG, mine is coming to an awareness of the benifits of plenty of planning time due to both our sisters getting married this summer.

Personally, by the time my bf formally asks me to marry him, I'm going to have a budget and about 4-7 location options lined up for him to choose from. But I anticipate an unusual level of participation from my guy.

Oh, btw, Welcome to the LIW's, may your stay be short!

ETA: oh yes, planning for worst case always makes me feel better. So worst case, you have an easy destination wedding where you'll honeymoon, and a party for the family & friends sometime after you get back.

 

[AmberWaves]

Gracie, I know that it''s hard, especially when he has all the items needed for the proposal (or at least COULD have them), but I agree that you should just start the informal planning, like a lot of us have been doing. It''s what I''m doing, and I HATE getting the "You''re not really engaged yet" thing from people. In my case it''s the opposite, my family is already planning the wedding without there being a proposal! But I do get it from friends all the time, "Where''s the ring?" I really like what Blenheim said, it''s about the commitment, not the ring, right? So get started! Once you get immersed in planning, you won''t even notice you''re still waiting for the ring to be done! Good luck!

 

[blabla]

I am pretty much in the same boat. We plan on marrying in fall and we have not started planning. While I agree that the engagement is just a symbol, in our case, i cant plan until we are officially engaged. I know the ring is in the works but i am quite frustrated. He is very tight-lipped about the whole thing. I have promised myself that i wont ask him about it for 1 week. Its been a day....6 more to go!

 

[Skylah]

Oh Gracie! I swear we are engagment twins! Ugh, I feel your pain! I am starting law school in August (total change of career) and my sister is getting married in July so I, too, have real time constraints I know the ring is in his possesion NOW but it has been since November that this stuff has been going on - the looking, the research, etc.

The thing that bugs me about it is that I know I will be planning most, if not all, of the wedding (I do all the financials, etc. because in all honesty, he is not good at that sort of thing) so it really makes me mad when he says to take it easy. Uhm, buddy, YOU will be taking it easy for the months to come and somehow, miraculously, there wil be wedding.

AND, I totally understand about not wanting to plan before you are engaged, etc. I hate that I feel like that, but I do! I mean, honestly, it''s not about the ring - it''s about being engaged. Let''s do it already!!!

Oh, and yes, I absolutely love this man - just needed to vent, too!

 

[gracie007]

Thanks everyone It does make a person feel better to know that other people are going through the same thing Well, me getting too frustrated backfired a little...he asked if I wanted to not get married til the fall so I would have more time to plan!! no way ! I will just keep motoring on as if I am engaged....

 

[chickflick]

I know how you feel- we''ve practically set a date yet I don''t feel engaged because the minute you do say you''re engaged people ask to see your ring. It''s not me that''s so focused on the ring, it''s other people!!! Good luck; hope it all works out soon!!