VENT (not about FF)

[Blair138]

So this is not about FF but WARNING VENT!!!

My boss is OBSESSED with asking me when I will be engaged-I posted about it in another thread because I am a teacher and ''next in line'' so whenever there is a break and we come back-everyone wants to know if I''m engaged...

So today, we are talking at a work function and it comes up AGAIN...and I say some snide comment about how it better happen by July (really I am not bitter about it or bitchy to my BF because I KNOW it is coming, I just act like that at work because I am so TIRED of being constantly asked about it) and my boss says to me "WOW you really are a WITCH"-I know she wanted to call me a bitch but I think she censored herself. I just laughed it off and didn''t really acknowledge it much but the more I think about it-the more I am just really annoyed!! Tomorrow is the last day before summer so I won''t dwell on it-but I couldn''t believe her!!! I just wanted to vent because I know most of you ladies here can relate.

 

[purrfectpear]

The first few times she was out of line, but at this point don''t you think YOU have some responsibility here? Don''t make snide comments (in fact why comment at all about it) and then she won''t have an opening to respond with her snark. It''s not like you don''t know what sort of reaction she''ll give. You seriously need to nip those conversations in the bud

 

[M&MS]

I can totally relate! My parents are constantly asking me about it. His friends have even started approaching him about it and nagging him too...the one sent him an email and referred to me as his "ringless girlfriend". As much as they are trying to support me by pressuring him, it''s really not helping!! And as for those people who nag me...what exactly do they expect me to do about it?! Grrr.....

 

[choro72]

I found the best way to stop these conversations was to not talk about it at all. Those who keep pestering don''t need any answer other than "it will happen when it happens". Worked for my sanity too.

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 6/6/2008 1:09:36 AM
Author: M&MS
I can totally relate! My parents are constantly asking me about it. His friends have even started approaching him about it and nagging him too...the one sent him an email and referred to me as his ''ringless girlfriend''. As much as they are trying to support me by pressuring him, it''s really not helping!! And as for those people who nag me...what exactly do they expect me to do about it?! Grrr.....

Exactly! What am I supposed to do about it? My parents, his parents pretty much his whole family and a bunch of our friends have been pushing for about 6 months now and they are not helping...what do they think, I mean do they really think their comments are going to speed this process up. Very unlikely.

When people ask me when I try to say, "Well, that''s up to E." For the few that ask me if we will ever get married I try to say "Someday, but we''re not in a hurry." I say try b/c sometimes the moment gets to me, but hey I''m only human.

However, when other girls make comments like you did unless I know them really well it rubs me wrong. My SOs sister who is now engaged made comments like that all the time about 8 months before she got engaged and b/c I didn''t know her or her SO very well I though she was being snarky. Now that I know them both better I see that she wasn''t trying to be snarky at all she just had to get those thoughts out somewhere and she couldn''t do it with her SO around so her girlfriends heard it all. Plus she didn''t really mean any of it the way it came out. I''m sure I''m guilty of the same thing.

As purrfectpear said what she said was slightly out of line but you said yourself you aren''t too happy with what you said to her either. So chalk it up a mutual mistake and move on.

 

[Independent Gal]

Have you thought about being straightforward? Just say "It makes me uncomfortable that you keep asking. How about I just tell you once it''s happened."

Being straightforward is often underrated.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:22:20 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Have you thought about being straightforward? Just say ''It makes me uncomfortable that you keep asking. How about I just tell you once it''s happened.''

Being straightforward is often underrated.

Being straightforward is terribly underrated. I think it''s so ingrained in women to always put on a happy face, that we rarely ever ask for what we really want. It really is the easiest way to handle things.

I need to start being more straightforward! Ask and ye shall receive, right?

Nice little morning epiphany i had there. whew!

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 6/5/2008 8:49:42 PM
Author:Blair138
my boss says to me ''WOW you really are a WITCH''-I know she wanted to call me a bitch but I think she censored herself. I just laughed it off and didn''t really acknowledge it much but the more I think about it-the more I am just really annoyed!! Tomorrow is the last day before summer so I won''t dwell on it-but I couldn''t believe her!!! I just wanted to vent because I know most of you ladies here can relate.

FWIW, you''re a lot nicer than I would have been. If someone had called ME a "witch" (especially in that way where you just KNOW they want to call you the, um..."other thing") I would have put on a great big smile and asked her:

"My guy wants to surprise me, I guess...But when are you going to announce your pregnancy? I mean, that baby bump is getting bigger by the minute......you can''t hide that little angel forever...."


That''ll wipe the smug look right off her face (I''m assuming she''s not expecting)

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:30:12 AM
Author: Lauren8211

Date: 6/6/2008 11:22:20 AM

Author: Independent Gal

Have you thought about being straightforward? Just say ''It makes me uncomfortable that you keep asking. How about I just tell you once it''s happened.''


Being straightforward is often underrated.

Being straightforward is terribly underrated. I think it''s so ingrained in women to always put on a happy face, that we rarely ever ask for what we really want. It really is the easiest way to handle things.

Well, I don''t know if it''s ingrained in women to put on a happy face. Women are more often whiners than men are. They are also statistically more inclined toward being psychologically manipulative (by virtue of, on average, being more skilled at ''people''). Of course this doesn''t mean that every woman is like this. But especially with other women, I really don''t think ''we are taught to put on a happy face.'' Quite the opposite. Women start manipulating each other and being mean to each other as soon as they are old enough to have the psychological sophistication to do so (11 or 12). They jockey for position, abuse each other, insinuate, insult, gossip. Women are just as inclined toward competition for dominance as men are, they are just inclined toward more psychological means. The interaction OP described sounded much more like that sort of thing.

I do think that many women don''t assert themselves or speak their mind with their male partner because he holds more power within the relationship.

My solution? Have some self-worth and don''t be in a relationship where the power is unequal.

But since the OP was talking about dealing with other women, I''m less inclined to think that her reluctance to be straightforward has to do with trying to be sweet and passive with her male partner, and more to do with a desire to save face in the female rat-race.

You''re only in that rat-race if you decide to be! No one makes you play. Just choose not to. Surround yourself with others who think it''s childish and pathetic too. And when you deal with those who are not of that mind, simply assert your refusal to play.

In other words, have the self-worth to be straightforward. I''m not playing. Don''t ask me questions that make me uncomfortable. You crossed a boundary. In case you didn''t realize, I''m telling you where that line is. Now stay on your side.

 

[wishful]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:22:20 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Have you thought about being straightforward? Just say ''It makes me uncomfortable that you keep asking. How about I just tell you once it''s happened.''

Being straightforward is often underrated.

DITTO!
We have a nosy receptionist at work and this is basically the only type of response that will get her off my back.

 

[Bliss]

Where''s the kowtowing emoticon?

Independent Gal said it best. So wise. I swear, if we are blessed to have a daughter one day... I am sooooo going to teach her how NOT to feel guilty, how to speak up without feeling like she has to speak last and to be a gracious person without being a doormat. I was so sheltered and raised so Southern Belle it''s tough in the corporate world sometimes. The old "a lady puts others first" kicks in and I have to shake it off. I''m thoughtful by nature so this happens anyway, but in a more healthy way. The Southern Belle way is hard to maintain in 2009 because you''ll get eaten alive. Human nature is to sometimes take advantage of those who always give give give. Ya know?

There CAN be healthy give and take without being selfish. Sorry to take a tangent, but I feel like giving Independent Gal a standing ovation! LOL.

 

[Blair138]

Thanks for all your replies-Indy Gal-I would SO BE straightforward HOWEVER, I am only a third year teacher (non-tenured) and my boss is known for her grudges and picking out ONE employee and making their year HELL. So far, I am on her good side except for the engagement comments. IF I was tenured, I would speak my mind, but for the sake of my job, I will just have to ignore her until I am tenured.

I know it sounds like a cop-out, but if you knew my boss, you would do as I did, my friends in my department did warn me when I first started, because normally I DO speak my mind.

I want to clarify, my comments about engagement are not out of spite, or anger, I really am very excited and happy with the path our relationship has taken and I know it is coming. Yes, maybe I could have said it a different way, but we were not at work and comments were flowing freely and it just sort of came out. BUT I don''t feel like I need to defend myself because I was there and no one else here was. My boss is known for her cattiness and I should not really be surprised, but the fact that my boss basically called me a bitch was a little shocking...