vent: stressed out family driving me crazy

[janinegirly]

you knew this post was coming! i have just over 2 wks to go, and i really want to start relaxing. i just want to enjoy our special day with my fiance and to be honest, i am really done with all the planning which frankly isn''t that fun!
unfortunately, my parents'' are in fulll stressed out mode (especiallly my mom) and i just WISH they would realize this is supposed to be a special day for us and to back off! i''ve been juggling everyone''s issues and personalities for 10 months now, and with 2 wks to go, I jsut don''t want to do it anymore, but instead things seem to be heightening.

example, my mom gets so obsessed about certain details and won''t let it go. she lectures me, tells me i should have done this or that, and it just stresses me. with 2 wks to go, can''t she just let it go? right now she is obsessed about gift card boxes. meanwhile to me, who cares, it''s just a box for people to put envelopes in--i''ll even just make it! instead my mom says that''s tacky. so fine, i look on ebay and find a whole selection. i find a nice simple box which isn''t too expensive, and mom critiques it top to bottom..it''s too small, to unnoticeable.
anyway, this goes on over every piece of the wedding and i''m just going grayer by the minute. it isn''t supposed to be like this! i''m supposed to be getting facials and massages and have everyone feign calmness.
sigh..ok thanks for listening..i really needed to get that out!

 

[musey]

Oh janine, I''m sorry! Could you tell them you''re ready to just let things be? I know that many brides find the last weeks leading up to the wedding very stressful.. but try telling them that the time to stress over details has passed, if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe if they know how frustrated it makes you feel, they''ll back off and let you relax!

 

[TravelingGal]

Janine, if you want them to leave you alone, you're going to have to say so instead of bending to their wishes.

Like with your mom. If she wants a particular box, you just tell her, fine, please go and find one and I will be happy with whatever you find (and actually be happy with it.)

I would tell everyone (however method you choose) "I have two weeks before my wedding. If you have any concerns, please address them by today, otherwise I don't want to hear about it after tomorrow. This is an important time for me and I've done everything I can and want to relax!"

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Oh my goodness, Janine, when I read your post I immediately thought "I couldn''t deal with that right now". The woman needs to keep her anxiety to herself!

Seriously, what I would do if I were you is tell her that the gift card box can be "her" thing. If she cares, she can take care of it and you don''t care what she chooses. Oy, this is the kind of stuff that just drives you crazy.

Relaxing at this point is nearly impossible--for me, the only thing that helps is getting things done. Do you have a plan for when everything will be done? I plan to finish everything that can possibly be done one week before my family gets in. My family gets in two weeks from today, so I have one week to get everything scratched off the list. I literally have 16 things on my to do list this weekend, but in a week, I''ll feel so much better. I don''t want to be putting together welcome bags, figuring out seating charts, or finalizing with vendors 3 days before the wedding, you know?

I know how crunched for time you feel right now so I think that adding things to your plate (like a gift card box) is so NOT what you need. At this point I''d just focus on finishing up the things you do have on your list and if your mom wants to add things, she can do it on her own!

 

[janinegirly]

i know! it's kind of complicated b/c it's my parents/mom, so i can't help but want to make them happy, and i also realize that they're stressed too and therefore acting kooky!

BUT, with a couple weeks to go..i reallllly need them to take themselves out of the equation except to be supportive and helpful and keep the stress away from me! some days i feel like it's turning into their party and i've lost control..but on the other hand, they're paying for the majority of it, so what can i do.

i'm trying very hard to get everything done (like you, nicole) so that i can have the last week be relaxed, but i don't see how that's going to happen. this week alone i've had 1hr long converations with the band and the photog! argh, next week i have a 2 day business trip (bad timing) so it's goign to be tough to have a cleared week. i need to somehow mentally get into a zen zone. i'm seriously thinking of leaving work early and getting a beer on my own just to relax solo for a bit!

but i am going to take some of your advice and TRY to get everything done this week/ wkend and then say I"M DONE everyone leave me alone unless it's non wedding related or an emergency.

venting here does help..thanks!

 

[labbielove]

Hey Janine,
I''m right there with you- we are getting married on 9/22 and family starts arriving in 1 week.

This doesn''t help the overall situation with your mom, but could be a solution to the card box thing-

My florist is doing one for us and built it into her price. I could care less what it is/looks like,etc. and I know she has good taste so really it will be fine-
Could you have yours do the same? then tell your mom- it''s included in the florist package so that she will drop it? If she doesn''t drop it then TGal''s advice is good- tell her to go get any one she wants.

Hang in there!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/12/2007 12:08:17 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Janine, if you want them to leave you alone, you''re going to have to say so instead of bending to their wishes.

Like with your mom. If she wants a particular box, you just tell her, fine, please go and find one and I will be happy with whatever you find (and actually be happy with it.)

I would tell everyone (however method you choose) ''I have two weeks before my wedding. If you have any concerns, please address them by today, otherwise I don''t want to hear about it after tomorrow. This is an important time for me and I''ve done everything I can and want to relax!''

Amen. Totally agree. Sometimes, the most effective approach is the most direct one.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 9/12/2007 2:55:45 PM
Author: janinegirly

i need to somehow mentally get into a zen zone. i''m seriously thinking of leaving work early and getting a beer on my own just to relax solo for a bit!

This actually is a great idea.

Sit for a few hours someplace where you can have a beer and roughly sketch what''s left to do. Perhaps you can knock out a plan to get it fast-tracked and relax in the week prior.