Venting - RSVP''s and Gifts!

[snlee]

Our RSVP due date was today. 40% of the invited guests haven't RSVP'ed! I am a little peeved about it. I would say that 80% of those who haven't responded are my FI's relatives and in their culture (Chinese/Vietnamese) they are not used to our custom of RSVPing. I'm not so irritated by that. My FMIL will hopefully contact them via phone or in person to get an answer soon. What irritates me is that a lot of friends and close relatives of mine (who expect to stay at my parents house overnight!!!)

haven't RSVP'ed. Most of these people we have talked to but their answers are very iffy. Argh!!!!!!!!! So irritating.

And...80% of the guests who RSVP'ed with a NO didn't send a gift OR ask if we are registered anywhere. It's my understanding that IF you receive a wedding invite and cannot attend, you give a gift anyways. I'm not being gift greedy here, but I feel very disappointed with these people (especially those that were my family's guest). I don't expect a big gift either...anything would be nice...even a card...or a simple note or email. It's really the thought that counts!! However, it seems like they can't attend the wedding and don't even care one bit about us.

I'm just very frustrated from the lack of RVPS's and IMO rudeness of a lot of those who cannot attend.

Anyone experience anything similar? I know I just have to let this go and not bother me but I had to vent! Thanks for reading and sharing any similar experiences.

 

[diamondfan]

I cannot speak as to cultural issues, but do know in general that people today seem to be a bit, shall we say, rude? They let the day pass to send it, or forget etc...just not overly concerned with the planning, though they should know better. As for sending a gift even if you do not attend, that I have never heard of. I do not think if someone declines that there is any obligation as far as a gift. It is lovely for someone who cannot attend for whatever reason to send you something anyway, but certainly I am unaware of the need for a gift to be sent when someone RSVP''s no to the event. You will end up having to call people, it is sort of the standard now, unfortunately.

 

[flopkins]

weeelllllllll.... a lot of ppl dont'' realize how much work it is to track down all the RSVP slackers...


but as for the gift question, IMO an invitation does not mean that the invitee is required to give a gift. Of course, most of my guests did send something, whether they came or not. But if they''re family friends, sometimes they give gifts thru the parents, (I got a ton of cards thru my parents even though the return address on the RSVP was my home.) and besides they might not send anything til the wedding.

 

[snlee]

Date: 7/16/2006 1:49:17 AM
Author: flopkins
and besides they might not send anything til the wedding.

That''s a good point. There is still a lot of time before the wedding. I guess I got a little too worked up over that. Hehe.

 

[blodthecat]

Hi Snlee!

If you receive a wedding invitation it is ''GOOD MANNERS'' to reply and say thank you, we can come, or thank you we won''t be able to make it.

You''re under a lot of pressure trying to plan a wedding, and I think people should have the common courtessy to reply to your invitation.

But this isn''t just happening to you........it is very common. Ask anyone who is trying to plan a wedding!

Best wishes...Blod

 

[galeteia]

It certainly isn''t expected, but I think it would be nice if people included a ltitle congratulatory note along with their ''no''.

I will certainly do so if I find myself in a position where I need to decline. Just a little "We''re sorry we cannot be there, but congratulations on your wedding. May your life hold many such blessings. Love, Gala and FF."

 

[Mara]

i was just going to say that they may not send anything til the wedding or after it.

i typically send a gift even if we can''t go, i also really like just sending gifts!

i also don''t typically ask where someone is registered because you can typically find people''s registries online...i have only ever once not found a registry online at one of the top 10 stores aka target, macys, crate and barrel, pottery barn, williams sonoma, bed and bath, or similar.

we also got the cutest hand written notes on a lot of our RSVP''s for NO because of the hawaii wedding...so that was sweet. and about 1/2 of who did not attend sent gifts, the rest didn''t. of course you kinda wish everyone would send a gift if that is something YOU would do but unfortunately not everyone thinks like us. hehe.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Did you see my thread? I am still missing probably HALF the RSVPs and my wedding is in a month. It is so frusterating. I don''t know about the gift issue. I think it is too early to know who is going to give one and who isn''t. I always give a gift even when I can not attend the wedding but my sister never does when she doesn''t go

I guess everyone is different.

 

[WTNLVR]

According to the "rules" there is absolutely no requirement to send a gift if not attending. Most people will not give you a gift if they won''t be attending unless they are family. Getting people to rsvp to anything these days is a joke and I feel your frustration. If they haven''t rsvp''d by now they won''t. Then when you call they will likely say they haven''t decided yet or they have a conflict. Also, I couldn''t believe the people who attended the reception but skipped the ceremony. That is the most dissapointing part of everything and very common. Most people also leave the reception pretty early in my experience as a guest. Good luck and just have fun and try not to sweat the small stuff. The day will go by incredibly fast.

 

[FireGoddess]

Yeah, about the gifts....the people not coming don''t need to send anything to you before the wedding (or at all, actually, though it is proper manners). They usually don''t just send something by the RSVP date. More like the wedding date.

As for the people who haven''t RSVPed, it''s totally rude, and never ceases to amaze me. How hard is it to check off a YES or NO and put it in the PREPAID, ADDRESSED envelope?!?!!? That''s why I had no qualms calling those people up and saying, uh hello, are you coming or not???

 

[ladykemma]

i think everyone should be required to read miss manners and emily post in high school

this rudeness justs chaps my #ss.