Views on Marriage.

[Sweet_Khelli]

After reading Always.Waiting''s posts and thinking about some of the conversations I''ve had with my BF. I''m wondering what are some of you ladies (and your SO) views on marriage. My BF states you can be married without the ring, wedding, license, etc. because it''s just a state of commitment. BUT he would do all of these things so that I would be happy and secure. However these views, regardless of his promise to do things traditionally, don''t make me feel too secure in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something like this? If so, how did you cope?

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Yeah we have had to conversation. Although he says things that are not always in line with how he acts. He things marriage is the whole thins, as do I. He thinks that people should also have a pre-nup though too. So I dunno. I don''t personally believe in them. I think if you are married you are married. Legally, morally and spiritually. Those are my thoughts. He seems to think that women should not propose so thats out of the deal. lol

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 9/5/2006 1:26:32 PM
Author:Sweet_Khelli
After reading Always.Waiting''s posts and thinking about some of the conversations I''ve had with my BF. I''m wondering what are some of you ladies (and your SO) views on marriage. My BF states you can be married without the ring, wedding, license, etc. because it''s just a state of commitment. BUT he would do all of these things so that I would be happy and secure. However these views, regardless of his promise to do things traditionally, don''t make me feel too secure in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something like this? If so, how did you cope?

I would ask BF: would pay to get a college degree but not pick up your diploma, becuase it''s just a piece of paper? a state of commitment?

would you buy a house, but say, skip the title and deed because they are just pieces of paper? i after all i committed to buy the house.

if you were on your deathbed and died without a will, because, after all, it was just a piece of paper? well, i committed the house, insurance benefits, and belongings to you. tell that to the state.

marriage is a serious emotional, legal, and spiritual commitment.

 

[Fancy605]

Marriage for our society''s purposes is very much a legal contract, which couples can potentially benifit from. Marriage is a state of commitment, but I think most women want their marriage recognized by the law, and that requires that piece of paper.

I know a lot of people here are like me in that they see marriage for it''s spiritual side just as much if not more than its legal side. For me personally marriage isn''t marriage without those vows and that commitment to eachother through God (whichever version of God that may be).

That being said, I see nothing wrong with people who view marriage as a social contract without any religious contexts. I mean, in our country, marriage comes with a lot of legal strings attatched to it.

 

[diamondfan]

I know a lot of people who felt the ceremony was just a formality etc, and then, once they went through it, felt totally differently. Being married is not an easy thing sometimes. It is a committment above all others, a choice to be together through whatever life throws at you. Going through a ceremony, be it in the judge''s office or in front of 500 people, I think it does make a difference...I would rather be married, just my feeling, and some may not agree, but that is what I prefer...

 

[Christa]

Date: 9/5/2006 8:17:30 PM
Author: ladykemma

I would ask BF: would you pay to get a college degree but not pick up your diploma, becuase it''s just a piece of paper? a state of commitment?

would you buy a house, but say, skip the title and deed because they are just pieces of paper? i after all i committed to buy the house.

if you were on your deathbed and died without a will, because, after all, it was just a piece of paper? well, i committed the house, insurance benefits, and belongings to you. tell that to the state.

marriage is a serious emotional, legal, and spiritual commitment.

Oooh LadyKemma, you stole my comment!

 

[Sweet_Khelli]

Thanks ladykemma!

Everytime he comes at me with the marriage is just a state of committment BS I just shutdown logically. I can''t even figure out what to say because it baffles me that someone could actually believe that. He uses the example of his mom and her current boyfriend. They are in a
committed relationship, live together and have no desire to get married. Yes it works for them but its not something I want for myself. Plus I have a hard time listening to any examples involving his mom since she has been married and divorced atleast 3 times, had several live in (some abusive) boyfriends during my BF''s impressionable stages of life.

Ugh...on a more positive note, he bought me a beautiful diamond bracelet!

 

[Christa]

The other side of the marriage-is-just-a-piece-of-paper thing is that if it's no big deal, why not do it to make your SO happy? Generally the truth is that they know it IS a big deal and that's why they're avoiding it.

Unfortunately, if a guy just isn't interested in marriage the chances aren't great that he's going to change his mind. It may come to the point where you have to decide whether you want him or you want to be married.

 

[Pandora II]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 113px">Date: 9/5/2006 8:17:30 PM
Author: ladykemma
I would ask BF: would pay to get a college degree but not pick up your diploma, becuase it's just a piece of paper? a state of commitment?

would you buy a house, but say, skip the title and deed because they are just pieces of paper? i after all i committed to buy the house.

if you were on your deathbed and died without a will, because, after all, it was just a piece of paper? well, i committed the house, insurance benefits, and belongings to you. tell that to the state.

marriage is a serious emotional, legal, and spiritual commitment.

Since my bf never bothered going to pick up his degree (MA from Oxford University) I won't try that particular argument on him.

I am working on getting him to sign a will.

Still not sure why he sold me half the house, as he didn't need to.

Men??????