Wait time between ceremony and reception

[Bambina]

Due to budget issues, we are needing to rethink our LA Cathedral ceremony site

scheduled for a 5:30 mass (in addition to some other cutbacks). I''ve secured a Noon ceremony at our local parish which is much cheaper (I wouldn''t even dream of changing the site but it''s significantly less expensive), but it totally throws off our plans for a festive, party-until-midnight reception. A dainty 2 to 7 reception was not quite what we envisioned.

If we start the garden reception at 4 or 5 pm, it''s still an early night, ending at 9 or 10 (5 hour DJ), but at least it''s little more of a party atmosphere. That leaves 2-3 hours wait time between the ceremony and reception. Is this asking to much from our guests? I''ve attend these types weddings and thought it was a nuance at first, but once there, having fun-- all was forgiven. I have complete empathy now for such a situation and a glimpse of why it happens.

Note: Most of the guest are in town. The out of towners are mostly my college/high school friends and in the wedding party or my side of the family. FH''s familiy and friends are all local.

And what are some thoughts for what they could do in the meantime? My famly''s house is in between the new ceremony site and the reception (a mile from each) and I''ve thought of having people over for light refreshments (no alcohol--I wouldn''t want them to go to sleep before the really party starts). I''m sure I can get a family friend or relative to host while the wedding party is taking pictures. We''ve got 100 guests not including the the wedding party. I''m not sure we could fit them all, but could reasonably assume that some locals would just go home for awhile and come back for the reception.

Help! What are your thoughts? Any similar situations?

 

[larussel03]

I would most likely just go with the earlier reception, just because people won't have anything to do in the meantime. Your guests will probably not want to go home, change and then get dressed up again to go back out, and you don't want to risk them going out to eat b/c they have nothing else to do and then not eating at your reception. Also, if you're not sure you can fit them all at the house, that may not be the best option. Maybe you can look into another church that has 5:30 available? Or have a minister come and do the ceremony onsite (if you're catholic this will not work though). Even if you decide to have the reception earlier, it'll be beautiful, I went to one that the ceremony ended at 1:30 and the reception started at 3:00 and it was great.

Good luck!!

 

[Bambina]

Thanks for your thoughts sweat pea. I know that''s probably the best thing to do, but I just don''t think it would be me or my fiance. Of course I''m still looking for another church that can accommodate a later time, but just in case I couldn''t... I was maybe hoping that people might give me some ideas that might make the wait more palateable. I''m I really the only one who''s wanting to do this?

I actually posed this to my bridesmaids. They were all very supportive, except the one who doesn''t like her dress didn''t even email me back!
My mom however was horrified that I was even thinking it. She are like vinegar and water at times, so while I would have liked her blessing, it would''t be the first time we disagreed on things and I did what I wanted. She even admitted that.

Well, I''m open more suggestions...

 

[FireGoddess]

2-3 hours is quite a long time to ask people to wait between the ceremony and reception. I know that most people are in town, but they''re also dressed up...I suppose they could go home or something and change or relax, but you might end up with people only coming to the reception and not the ceremony because of this.

In the end, it''s your wedding and you do what you need to do and what makes you happy. If it bothers people, they will find a solution that suits them.

 

[jcrow]

the scare for me would be the loss of excitement and oomph from the guests. they go to the wedding and are all pumped about the reception, only to have some down time instead. as a guest, i don''t think i''d like to wait and attend the later reception. i would want to go home and change and get comfy, not that i wouldn''t attend, but i wouldn''t want to stay all dressed up with no where to go... but maybe that''s just me.

 

[jcrow]

i should add: we are having a 1:30 cathedral wedding followed immediately by the reception. of course this isn't what i envisioned...i always saw a candlelit evening formal reception, but that just wasn't in the cards for us.

 

[flopkins]

we had a 2PM ceremony and our cocktail hour started at 5PM. so a big time gap... I hated it but the ceremony site only had specific time slots, and the 5PM slot was already taken. I wanted a dinner reception, not an afternoon affair...

we had about 150 ppl, maybe 80% were locals, but yes, they had to figure out what to do for 2 hours... I provided snack bags for them after the ceremony (bottle of water, some cheezits, a twix bar (DH and I''s fav snacks) and a paper showing the sights around the area (we were in SF, so there was a lot of stuff to see just around the wedding location) and called it a day. DH''s parents lived about 10 minutes away, a lot of their family went there to chill for a while, and just chat... My family hung out at a house nearby the wedding, that we had rented for the day for me and the girls to get ready - they had coffee, put up their feet and caught up w/each other - most of my family was OOT but many don''t see each other regularly, so it was nice.

Yes it''s inconvenient for the guests. It was not an ideal situation. I stressed about it a lot - but you know what - no one complained, and we still had a great time. Ppl started leaving around 9ish maybe, the whole thing ended at 10. so it was a longish day for everyone but we had a lot of folks on the dance floor until the very end.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/18/2006 12:17:23 PM
Author: jcrow
the scare for me would be the loss of excitement and oomph from the guests. they go to the wedding and are all pumped about the reception, only to have some down time instead. as a guest, i don''t think i''d like to wait and attend the later reception. i would want to go home and change and get comfy, not that i wouldn''t attend, but i wouldn''t want to stay all dressed up with no where to go... but maybe that''s just me.

I hate to say it, but I honestly have to agree with this.

I can SO understand wanting to have the cool "party" type reception. On the other hand, as a guest, my zeal for the party would likely wane after sitting around for a few hours. I''d, of course, still go to the reception, but I likely wouldn''t stay as long anyway. So, what you''re trying to gain (the hours between 7 and 9-10) would likely end up losing some folks anyway.

It''s just an incredibly long day (10 or so hours between arriving at church prior to wedding to end of reception). Also, those who might need to hire sitters have to pay them for a few extra hours as well.

 

[codex57]

Could you give more detailed location? How far apart are the sites? Where are they?

For example, I had a 2 hour gap. Not enough time actually in our case cuz we had a lot of guests and people wanted to take pics with us. However, on the invitation (I think), we mentioned a couple of places where they could walk to and hang out btw the ceremony and reception.

 

[Bambina]

The church and reception are in the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles--near downtown. I did think about having people go see some sight, though that would only be interesting to out of town guests.

The majority are from LA so they would probably congregate at somebody''s home near by. Like the Flokins'' example, I was hoping that it could be a nice time for the families to meet and others to chat and catch up. Luckily, I don''t think that anyone we have invited would not want to attend both given it''s about 60 close friends and family from each of our sides--no 3rd cousin twice removed. More reason not to put out your guests, right? Augh, what to do?

FH is not even contemplating the gap time option until he has scoured all of LA for a later ceremony start time. He is more adamant about the night time reception than me! I think in the end we''ll compromise else where (an hors d''oeuvres reception perhaps?) and keep the 5:30 Cathedral time. I was kinda excited to walk down that long long aisle in my cathedral length gown anyway.

Thanks for your opinions, it''s like I thought, "don''t do it unless you have no other choice." I''ll keep you posted.

 

[Gypsy]

A two till seven reception doesn''t have to be dainty. Of course it won''t be down and dirty either.

I''m having a luncheon reception (it''s turning into a brunch reception because the ceremony site is only available from 10-11. Argh!) and well... I really would have loved an evening reception but financially it just didn''t make any sense. So I am giving up dancing.. and I cut our guest list down to 60 (from 200) and well... cut a bunch of things. And it won''t be as much fun... but we''ll get married, it won''t cost a fortune, and we''ll get to celebrate with those nearest and dearest to us. My point is... if you have to compromise (if the other place can''t accomodate your schedule either) for your guest''s comfort it will be hard, but well... try to keep positive. You will still be marrying your love and a good time will still be had by all. Good luck!

 

[Munchkin]

I suspect I will be in the minority here.

As a catholic, there are a ton of restrictions on time of day for a ceremony. As we have to work around the preexisting mass and confession schedule, the absolute latest time we can get is 2pm. While some people will say "well, find another church," it''s not that simple for us. 1) If you do not marry in your parish, you need permission from your parish. Additionally, many catholic parishes require that you become a parishoner before they will allow you to wed in their church. Some parishes require that you be a parishoner for at least 6-9 mos before you can have your wedding there. 2) Beyond that, to us, the ceremony is the most important part. We genuinely care about having our wedding in a church that we have a history with. (I received all my prior sacrements there.) So we were pretty locked in with regard to time of the mass.

Maybe it''s regional or perhaps it''s because our families are so large and all catholic, we routinely attend weddings with a "gap" between ceremony and reception. When we are in town, we often wear a different outfit to church, go home and get ready for the ceremony. When we are out of town, we use the gap to check into our hotel. To us, it really is very commonplace.

I have made a point, however, of informing as many guests as possible (including a specific note on our website) about the gap. My general feeling is that as long as people are prepared, it isn''t that big of deal. I know some people will skip our ceremony and go straight to the reception. I will miss their prescence, but I understand that that is simply what works for them.

So, as a guest to your wedding, I would appreciate a warning but certainly would not horribly bothered.

Munchkin

 

[Bambina]

We definitely have the Catholic restrictions going on. My FH is not religious but respects my wishes to have it at a church. My FMIL was trying to be helpful and found a Catholic priest that would do a ceremony anywhere, but I had to explain to her that it does not make it "legal" for the Catholic church. Luckily, there are serveral parishes in the LA that allow outside members to get married there--many don''t. If I had done a better job with the budget (I just didnt'' realize how much everything would cost!), I might have been able to do a smaller wedding with it still being at the Cathedral. Unfortunately, the save the dates cards are all ready sent to have to work with that too.

Gypsy, thanks for helping my keep things in perspective. I guess I''m getting catch up in the drama that both my parents and his mom have a big problem with having a gap. If they would just be supportive of how ever it would work out, I''d be happier. But your right, I"M GETTING MARRIED to a wonderful man and that''s really what matters.

 

[NovemberBride]

I honestly do not think the time gap is a problem. Both FI and I went to Catholic schools, so most of our friends have had catholic weddings. As mentioned, very few Catholic churches allow masses past 2 or 3 pm because of the Saturday evening mass. Many of our friends have had these early ceremonies followed by an evening reception. Generally one of our friends that lives closest to the reception site offers to host people between the two events. I have never found it to put a damper on the reception at all. FI and I are doing the same thing, our ceremony is at 2:30 and our cocktail hour will start at 6:00. I always knew I would be married in a Catholic church and that I would have an evening reception. It''s your wedding, you shouldn''t have to compromise if you don''t have to. I think if you offer to host OOT guests at your house that is very generous.