Waiting in the Dark

[TheNextMrsB]

My boyfriend assures me that he wants to marry me and that he WILL ask me. However, he won''t talk about it. I''d like to know why he isn''t ready, and I would like to know if he''s thought about any sort of timeline. I just want to know where he stands and what''s going on in his mind. He just keeps telling me the same few phrases over and over again: he loves me, he wants to be with me, and we are going to get married someday. That''s all fine and well, and I''m thankful that he feels that way. I would just like some more details. I feel like this is something we should be able to discuss. I feel that I have a right to now how he feels about marriage and at what point he would feel marriage was appropiate. I''d also like to know how he views engagement. For some people, engagement is merely the time when you plan the wedding, but for others, it is a separate step in the relationship. I feel completely in the dark about my own relationship. Any advice?

 

[bubbly1126]

Tell him exactly what you just told us here. Tell him you're not trying to pressure him but rather that you would just like to know what is going on in his head. Hopefully he will see your sincerity and give you some clear answers. Communication is key.

Good luck! And be sure to let us know of any progress you make!!

 

[mimzy]

ask him. if you''re mature enough to get married or even consider engagement, then you''re certainly mature enough to have an adult conversation about the feelings and attitudes surrounding it

. if he''s not ready or willing to talk about it, then you at least have a partial answer (i.e. not soon)

 

[KCCutie]

I agree. You have to talk to him. I know he says he wants to marry you someday and that''s great, but I don''t think guys get that ladies need to have general idea of when. For them sometimes it''s black and white and they are happy with a yes or no answer and think you will be as well. Just let him know that you''d like to know a little more about what he''s thinking. There can be a big difference between a guys version of "someday" and a girls version and I don''t think it''s unreasonable for you to ask what his version of "someday" is.

 

[TheNextMrsB]

Thanks for your help! He wants to get engaged within a year, a year a half at the most. We also talked about the basic whats and whens of the wedding, and I''ve never seen him get so excited about it! He started hugging me and saying, "we''re gonna be together forever!" He''s never really been able to talk about it until now, and I''ve NEVER seen him get excited like that. Talking about our wedding, this huge smile spread across his face. I was like, "who are you?" (haha) We went away together a few days ago (it was our first time taking a trip alone), and I think that may be what sealed the deal for him.
As a side note, we were talking about his family, and all of a sudden he said something along the lines of, "you are coming to Oma''s (his grandma) Christmas Eve party this year." (I was supposed to go last year, but his mom got weird about it.) I just said, "yeah, wouldn''t it be great if we could announce our engagement at the party?" I said it in a teasing kind of tone, but he got all weirdly quiet and wouldn''t look at me. He knows I''d love to be proposed to around Christmas, so I think either he''s considering proposing this Christmas, he''s 100% NOT going to propose this Christmas and doesn''t want me to be upset, or his family wouldn''t be happy about us getting engaged.
Anyway, YAY!

 

[loveydovey]

That''s how I feel sometimes. Like I''m waiting in the dark.

He''s told me that this is the year he will propose.

However, I''m such a planner, a curious person, and have anxiety often so I almost want to just know like the month or something. But I''m trying hard not to spoil the surprise. I think the proposal is big for the guy too. It''s just as nerve wracking, happy, and anxious for them, but just in different ways. It sounds like you have your timeline right there---one to one and a half years from now. As far as how he views an engagement period, I would sit down and have a stress-free discussion about it. Communicating about this stuff is the best way to get the answers you need