Waiting too long taking the excitement out of it?

[MissStepcut]

Especially if he has already bought the ring, anyone think you can wait long enough for it not to be exciting anymore? Anyone worry about preemptive DDS (diamond shrinkage syndrome)?

 

[MayFlowers]

I am starting to feel that way. I have been waiting for a while and so many things keep coming in the way and preventing us from getting engaged. Right now, we are waiting because of his brother's recent death and the enormous amount of drama that has engulfed the family following this death. So, we are just trying to let things settle a bit before we try to embark on a wedding.

I think at this point I'm not really "excited" anymore, because I don't really have a specific timeline. I have no idea when he will be ready or when things will settle with his family. So the anxiousness of waiting has begun to wear off for me. Plus it helps that BF will talk rings to me and he has officially set a budget, so I know what kind of ring I'm looking at (and can then appropriately browse and daydream ) I still want him to propose quickly and if he proposed tonight, of course I would be ecstatic.

 

[Seattle SC]

I'm 100% at this point. I know he's gone through the point of getting the ring ordered, but I don't know if it's here yet. I'm expecting a proposal sometime soon, but to be honest, I'm not excited about it anymore. It's not due to the lack of me loving the heck out of my bf, but there's a certain aspect of the wedding that I don't care about anymore. It used to be more about what I wanted and I'd look at wedding sites to get ideas, but both of us keep having family members that are sick and/or die and I'm to the point where I'm tired of waiting because life's too short. I've also kept myself occupied in other ways because I'm helping raise funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society while training for a triathlon and when you hear the stories about incredibly young people get so sick, I guess it makes things like grand weddings seem silly. Maybe I'll change my mind after it actually happens but who knows. I just feel like I couldn't even plan a certain date at this point of my life because things are so unstable.

 

[star sparkle]

Especially if he has already bought the ring, anyone think you can wait long enough for it not to be exciting anymore? Anyone worry about preemptive DDS (diamond shrinkage syndrome)?

Yup. This past summer when FF and I really discussed engagement/marriage, I said that I'd like to be engaged by July of next year and he was agreeable with that. In late September I ended up finding the PERFECT ring for me and I managed to successfully explain to him that this was The One for me and that if he didn't buy it right away, it'd be gone and I'd never find another like it that made my heart sing (being a vintage OEC ring at an antique jewelry store). So he bought it a week later in early October (whew, luckily it was still there!) and being an antique ring needed some TLC that I wanted done by my jeweler of choice, and we agreed that it should get all fixed up as soon as possible. Everything was done and completed by mid-November.

We talked again about engagement recently, and we talked again about being engaged by July. To me, "by July" means ANYTIME between now and then, and I'm afraid that to him it means June. I'm not upset about this or anything because that IS the timeline we agreed to, it's just pure torture for me that the ring is sitting around at his apartment when it could be on my finger instead. And even worse (or is it?) is that he hasn't even hidden it from me, I know exactly where it is!

He doesn't know that almost every time I'm at his place and he isn't home (which happens almost everyday), I take it out and try it on and play with it. I know I probably shouldn't do this, but my thought is that if he was really concerned about it and not wanting me to, he'd take the thing and make an effort at hiding it!

Re: DSS, I also think about that very frequently. My center stone has a pretty small carat weight, a lot smaller than I thought I originally wanted in my e-ring, but it faces up quite large for its weight and truly looks perfect on my finger. When I'm sneakily trying it on, I'm in love with it and think it's amazing. When I've gone a bit of time without seeing it, I start to doubt that it's too small or whatever.

So yeah. I'm excited, but I don't think I'm as excited as I was initially because the wait (and potential wait of another 6-7 months) weighs heavily on that. Part of me is afraid I might actually start to feel resentful.

Hah, I didn't mean to write a novel. Apparently I needed to get that off my chest!!

 

[atp223]

I don't know if I'm quite at the point where I'm not excited anymore, but I am definitely in a similar boat and getting there. My BF and I moved in together in June, and started ring shopping casually around then. We got kind of worried that prices were just going to keep rising, and I really wanted an ideal cut 2 carat stone, which seemed to be quickly spiraling out of what he felt comfortable spending - so we found one at Brian Gavin that seemed like a good deal and jumped on it. I knew we bought it before he was ready to propose (picked it out in July, bought it August, ring shipped in late Sept). But I was hoping he would propose before Christmas or when we are on vacation next week, as that seemed like plenty of time. I let him know that was the timeline I was thinking of (maybe more than once), and he would always respond with "just be patient." Then he finally told me on Saturday night (after a few drinks) that he has something super elaborate planned that he apparently invested time and money in, but it's not during the timeline he now realizes I was expecting/hoping for...there was actually some drama surrounding it, because during that talk it also came out that he was really upset/stressed because he couldn't decide if he should appease me and propose sooner, or if he should stick with his gut instinct and original plan. So I felt like I had to encourage him to go with his original plan, because I certainly don't want a pity proposal, or for him to do anything he isn't satisfied with...but now that we have had that talk, and I know it's not in the immediate future, I am definitely a little bummed out.

It's particularly frustrating because we HAVEN'T had any obstacles that might prevent it - everyone is (currently) healthy, we are both gainfully employed and the ring is paid for, he says he is 100% ready to take the plunge, I'm 27 and he is 28, which I feel are appropriate ages, and we have even started planning aspects of the wedding. To me, the huge commitment/event with special meaning was when he (1) moved in, and (2) promptly dropped a TON of money on this ring because I wanted it (he is very frugal generally). But he says he wants the proposal to be the special and meaningful part, and for me to have a "memory" in addition to ring. I know it's coming from a genuine place, so it is hard to argue with it, but I'm so excited to just be engaged that I'm really not picky at all about how he actually asks me!

Sorry that was such a long vent - I try not to discuss this with my friends in real life, as I don't want them to think I'm crazy (though I'm sure some have their suspicions). But I really wish he had just proposed soon after getting the ring, so that I would have been surprised and not completely expecting it. Because NOW, every time we do something special or out of the ordinary, it's always in the back of my mind that it's a possibility. I think I'll still be really excited because he hasn't let me see it yet, so I am quite anxious to try it on and play with it...but here's to hoping we are all successfully surprised and excited when the day finally comes!

 

[titian23]

Hi Ladies

I've been around a while now too and sometimes I feel like I have waited ages but if I am totally honest with myself I think I joined this list a little hastily! My bf and I were long distance for 3 years and now that we are finally living together and he is working full time I am think this is probably when I should have joined!

Anyway I'm actually feeling more excited now then in the past as the only thing standing in the way (I think) is him saving for a ring. Lets hope 2012 will be the year!

 

[MissStepcut]

No apologizing for long posts, ladies! That's what this is here for.

 

[MrsDrP]

But he says he wants the proposal to be the special and meaningful part, and for me to have a "memory" in addition to ring. I know it's coming from a genuine place, so it is hard to argue with it, but I'm so excited to just be engaged that I'm really not picky at all about how he actually asks me!

This is my exact issue right now

SO has had the ring since December 6...actually, it's been at the jeweler waiting to be picked up since December 6. He's holding out on me because he wants it to be "special." And I want it to be special too....but I think he's placing way too much emphasis on the proposal itself. It's more important to me that we get engaged and get to share it with our family at Christmas.....not that he gives me the surprise of a life time! At this point in the game it's going to be difficult to surprise me, I'm pretty much always on my toes and hoping for/expecting it! Everytime he leaves the room and comes back my heart jumps thinking that he may have gone to get something. Everytime we go to dinner or out of town for the weekend I think it's going to happen, but it doesn't.

I totally agree that waiting has taken the excitement out of it for me. I've actually been pretty bummed lately. I have the Christmas blues I guess. I have been hoping for a long time that he would propose during the Chritmas season but before or on Christmas day. But I'm starting to get the feeling that it's not going to happen. I know that I am going to be crushed if it doesn't happen by then....it's always been my dream for a Christmas engagement! I'm not even looking forward to Chrismtas this year right now and I hate this feeling!

Part of me wishes that he had not let me pick out my e-ring and that I knew NOTHING about it. I've never been this bummed at Christmas. I'm starting to resent my SO and I feel awful for doing so!

I wish men knew what all of this does to us! They just dont understand how we are programmed....oh well.

I will be hoping and wishing that all of us get what we want really soon!

 

[inflorescence]

I'm not excited anymore like how I was a year ago, when he was nonstop talking about marriage and our future... because I keep getting excited about the prospect with spending forever with him... but it just hasnt happened and he doesnt talk about it like he use to. Im worried, I feel like we're not on the same page and im doubting and now questioning myself, him and our future... it sucks to think you're at one point but the other thinks your at a completely different stage. You then start to question your core values and timelines... I want to spend forever with him and Im ready to start our loves together, but he doesnt show the same.. I feel like it has only been talk, we havent shopped for rings or even looked. I brought up ring commercials the other day and asked if they annoyed him, "nope, I think they just annoy you cause you want it so bad..." And then I say, "I don't need or necessarily want a ring... I just want to be with you and take our relationship to the next point because I want to have children with you in the next few years and want to be married a bit before we do that."... he agrees, but has not acted on it. I'm not getting any younger either. Bah. If he really loved me and cared about me he wouldnt make me feel like I am right now .

 

[CaprineSun]

I have just begun losing my excitement as well.

Not because of the waiting--- I want him to do it when he feels it's right since he wants to plan a special moment.

But, because of all the pressure we are getting now from both sides of our friends and family to "do it already." So, now, I feel kinda bummed in that when he finally proposes, it'll feel almost rushed and like he'll do it at the time he does to calm everyone.

I never wanted that, so now, the excitement is gone because it feels like the world is watching & waiting, tapping their fingers.
They will surely say "it about time!" when it happens like the other thread mentions.

 

[star sparkle]

I never wanted that, so now, the excitement is gone because it feels like the world is watching & waiting, tapping their fingers.
They will surely say "it about time!" when it happens like the other thread mentions.

I'm sorry you feel this way, it really stinks. I know where you're coming from, though, because I'm starting to feel the same way. We're not getting pressure from either of our families, but it's all coming from friends. Any time I get together with his coworkers' wives, they always ask me when he's going to propose (and I just want to punch them and be like "why are you asking ME??"...they don't even know he has a ring, so why do they keep asking???). Plus I have a female coworker friend who asks me pretty much everyday when I think he's going to propose, and she also doesn't know he has a ring. It's ridiculous, really. How about mind your own damn business?!

*HUGS!!!*

 

[AsschrFan]

My fiancee & I had been dating & living for 6+ years prior to our engagement... In that time, we had postponed engagement due to being fairly young when we met and finances, and our friends & family were no doubt confused. Finally, this year with grad school coming to an end & a 3-month overseas trip for me I decided I was ready to make it "official" - my fiancee would have gotten married 1 month after we met, no joke. But he was awesome about letting me do it on my time, me being the more reserved and cautious of the two of us. And he didn't take waiting as a sign that I wasn't serious about us.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of that is really relevant to any of the situations mentioned above BUT what I did want to say is that even though I knew about my diamond, the ring design, and when & where my fiancee would propose, I was still surprised and excited when the moment came. It surprised ME how excited I was &that I got teary, after 6+ years of living with this man. But, let's face it: when the man of your dreams takes the time to plan a day or an evening for you and then shows that gorgeous sparkler you've been craving, no matter how you may have been feeling the days, weeks, or years prior, you will get excited.

 

[tuffyluvr]

I feel like I did lose some excitement in the year I was waiting to get engaged. But, of course when the time came, it was really specially and getting to tell people and show off the ring was really exciting. But, yeah, I totally got to that point where I was like, "can you just do it already, GAWWWWD!!! just throw the ring at me and tell me to shut up, idontevencareanymoooorrrrrre"

hahaha... I'm crazy though... And my guy did try to surprise me (which he only partially did), but it was still very sweet and thoughtful and it means a lot to me.

 

[invictus]

I definitely know how you ladies feel... my bf bought my ring in October and has had it since then!

I knew when he got it that the proposal itself wouldn't be for a little while, but it's really starting to get to me. I feel terrible that the waiting is bothering me so much. Like many of you have said, I seem to be at the point of, "Just get it over with already!" I feel anxious about waiting and I keep having bad dreams about it. I'm trying to just focus on enjoying our time together and being thankful that we found each other, but it is really tough sometimes. I like to be very in control in my life, and giving up the control on such a big life moment is difficult.

To make matter worse, over Christmas my bf's sister, who is younger than we are, just got engaged to her bf. We knew her boyfriend had the ring (he bought it recently, long after my bf), but they told us that they were planning on waiting until their parents were more comfortable with the idea. They said the proposal would probably be next summer. Apparently they didn't feel like waiting! I can understand this, obviously, but I still feel bummed none the less. I know that now our engagements and rings will constantly be compared by the family since they are happening along a similar timeline. I almost want him to wait even longer now so it won't be close to theirs, but at the same time I don't!

Hope I don't sound like a huge jerk! Maybe some of you get how I'm feeling....