Wedding on one continent-reception on another...Need serious advice!

[glueck]

Hello ladies! I am officially a LIW, but with my ring on the way, the official proposal in the next month, and complicated ideas, I really need some advice for the execution of these plans!

My FF and I live in Switzerland (FFe is German and I am American) and we want to marry at the Heidelberg castle in Summer 2009. We''ve visited, and its just perfect!

His family is all in Germany, and my parents and close friends will all gladly travel to this beautiful city! There is, however, a large extended community of people in my hometime in America with whom we want to celebrate.We want to have a big reception in America....sort of an old vintage theme with black and white photos from our castle wedding. The reception in American means that we have to plan most of it while we are there visiting over 4 week this summer.

Here begin the questions:
1. If you flew to Europe from America to see a wedding (close family or very close friend) and a fun weekend of events was planned (tours, boat trips, etc) if you were offered to have a seriously gourmet 4 or 5 course meal by a top chef in an authentic restaurant, would you be disappointed that there was not a typical "reception." (DJ, first dance, bouquet tosses, and the like)
OR
Would you want a buffet meal in a BEAUTIFUL authenic old room with maybe a pianist (or DJ).

The group will be 25-30

2. How should the invitations be done? (ack?) Should the European portion and the American portion be together in an invite with seperate RSVP cards, knowing that most americans won''t come to europe?

Should they be written seperately, stating that the wedding is for family only and that a reception for all family and friends will follow in the USA- more eloquently, of course!

3. ENGAGEMENT PARTY QUESTION
Can we have a party in Switzerland, knowing that we are having a destination wedding and that we cant invite anyone here. No gifts necessary, of course.
We want to have an engagement party this summer in America. Considering that we are having a small "destination wedding," is it okay to invite people to the engagement party who are invited to the American reception, but not the actual ceremony in Europe?


Sorry if this is confusing, and I greatly appreciate any input you can give. You ladies seem to always have good solutions! Thanks in advance!

 

[happy in love]

hi glueck,

I would not be dissapointed by a reception with dinner but no dancing etc. I think it sounds very appropriate to have a more traditional reception for those not attending the actuall wedding.

As far as invitations... I would only send invites separately for the events. Those only invited to the American reception should recieve an announcement of your marriage, along with the invitation to the reception.
Those invited to the euorpe part should receive their invitation for that event like any other wedding, but if they are also invited to the second reception I would send an additional invite.

I am in no way an expert on wedding ettiquette though, this is just what sounded right to me when I read your post. It sound like it will be a beautiful setting! Good luck!

 

[glueck]

Thanks so much for your response, Happy. You idea seems to make a lot of sense. It takes a lot of guessing out of the "head count as well. Thanks for your input!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi there,

First of all, keep in mind that there will be extensive paperwork, that there is a residency requirement in Germany before you can get married there (I have German friends, one from abroad, who ran off to Denmark instead as a result), and that, if I am not mistaken, you have to have a civil wedding before you can have a religious wedding. Leave plenty of time and budget plenty of money to deal with the paperwork side of things. Contact your embassy in Germany NOW to find out what's what.

Well, except for the countries involved, you could be describing me and FI and our wedding plans almost word for word. So, here is what we are doing, in case it helps you.

1) " a fun weekend of events was planned (tours, boat trips, etc)"
- be careful not to overschedule people or to make sure people know that things are OPTIONAL. People might want to explore on their own and you don't want them to feel too regimented. We are planning some activities and saying 'If you're at loose ends, feel free to join us for X! '


2) "if you were offered to have a seriously gourmet 4 or 5 course meal by a top chef in an authentic restaurant, ..."
- if it was an authentic German restaurant?!!?!? I'd run screaming.

Haha, kidding. I just hate central european food. But anyway. I would do the formal meal. It is a more local thing to do. Why go elsewhere in the world and be disappointed that things aren't exactly as they would be at home?

3) "How should the invitations be done? (ack?) Should the European portion and the American portion be together in an invite with seperate RSVP cards, knowing that most americans won't come to europe?"

Don't invite ANYONE to the party in Europe unless you actually want them to come. People might surprise you. It is totally fine to invite your 30 people to Heidlberg and then invite everyone else to a reception in the US with separate invitations. How we did invitations is this:

We DIY'ed, which gave us the flexibility to invite everyone in their native language (which they appreciated) as well as to tailor the invitation to the party. We used invitesite.com and ordered extra invitation cardstock. Then we printed up invites to Wedding Part 1 and invites to Wedding Part 2, and anyone who was invited to both parties had two invitation sheets included in their folder, one to each part. We only included 1 RSVP card, which said 'the favour a reply is requested'. Then people can indicate their plans for one or both.

For wording, with the American party, just say 'Lucky & Mister Swiss will be married in a private family ceremony in Germany on date X, please join us to celebrate this joyful event in Anytown, USA on date Y.' (Better check with the etiquette experts on that one).

4) ENGAGEMENT PARTY QUESTION
"Can we have a party in Switzerland, knowing that we are having a destination wedding and that we cant invite anyone here. No gifts necessary, of course."

Uhm, I wouldn't. Although I think it's OK to invite everyone over for drinks to celebrate your marriage. Insist on NO gifts. A local party.

"We want to have an engagement party this summer in America. Considering that we are having a small "destination wedding," is it okay to invite people to the engagement party who are invited to the American reception, but not the actual ceremony in Europe?"

Yes, I think this is OK. Basically, you plan to entertain them for your wedding, so that is like inviting.

Let me know if you have any other q's. We're just on the tail end of dealing with EXACTLY these issues.

 

[Julianna]

Date: 1/7/2008 2:10:57 PM
Author: Independent Gal

2) ''if you were offered to have a seriously gourmet 4 or 5 course meal by a top chef in an authentic restaurant, ...''
- if it was an authentic German restaurant?!!?!? I''d run screaming.

Haha, kidding. I just hate central european food. But anyway. I would do the formal meal. It is a more local thing to do. Why go elsewhere in the world and be disappointed that things aren''t exactly as they would be at home?

Really? No delicious Wienerschnitzel? No fantastic fried Kartoffeln? No Sauerkraut? No Pilsner? *weep*

German food is my very favorite (Weisswurst excluded!

)

Your plans sound great, gluek, I think if you follow Indy''s suggestions and happy''s invitation idea, you''ll do great! I''d gladly travel to Germany for a close friend or family member''s wedding. Congratulations!

 

[glueck]

IGal! Wow! Thank you so much. That is incredibly helpful. The whole idea of planning a wedding with so many parts that spans so may miles (or kilometers!) is a but daunting. I have a feeling I will have a lot of questions for you in the next months.

Good idea to offer events without making them seem mandatory.
We are taking a tour of X. If you care to join us, we will meet at Y and Z time.
How are you handling the food situation.... z.b. gathering for meals other than the reception?

Bottom line question- If it is on an optional events calendar, then each person pays for himself, yes?

As for German Documents, my FF is german. We are living in Switzerland now, but he is German citizen. Should the paperwork be so nightmarish?? I have to look into that!! Yikes!!!! Is you FI german, or are you having a destination wedding?

Your careful wording on the invitations is fantastic. I am taking dubious notes. Thank you so much!!!

 

[glueck]

Thanks Julianna!!

Its is an exciting idea, for sure..... I agree with you .... I can certainly do without the weisswusrt! Thats why I live in Switzerland.... Cheese and chocolate! Now THAT is a party! Thanks for your good wishes!

 

[Independent Gal]

The German guy I know who ran off to Denmark was marrying a non-EU citizen, and she would have had to be resident in Germany for a certain amount of time before they could have a marriage ceremony in Germany. There are rules like that in England too, if I recall correctly. Not sure how long it is, but several weeks I think. So you should check into it. I may be wrong, but that's not the sort of thing you want to catch you by surprise!

Both you and your FI will have to gather a bunch of paperwork, mostly to prove that neither of you is married already. Your embassy should be able to tell you exactly what is required, but count on it being a full length birth certificate (which you'll have to get from the US...so you may want to think about doing that now?), your passport, and some forms. He should call his local registry-type office.

Neither me nor my FI is American, but we live in the US. We are getting legally married in my mom's country, which makes four countries to deal with. So be glad you only have 3!

ETA: Would you guys please stop saying Weisswurst?!?!?! Just the thought of it is making me want to puke.

EATA: I can't begin to count the number of brownie points I scored with FMIL and her friends for doing up the invitations in their native tongue... Just to take note

 

[bee*]

I agree with Indy on the invites and Julianna on the food-I love german food! mmmmm.....

That venue looks fab by the way!

 

[glueck]

HAHAH! I promise - no more disgusting talk of local- uhh- cuisine? do you call it cuisine? NAH...

Thank you for the heads up. We will look into that seriously. Thanks for reminding me about the birth certificate.... crisis averted.

Indy... you are my hero.

 

[glueck]

Thanks Bee! We are both Castle gals.... yours looks amazing too. The pictures are breathtaking!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 1/7/2008 1:50:30 PM
Author:glueck

Hello ladies! I am officially a LIW, but with my ring on the way, the official proposal in the next month, and complicated ideas, I really need some advice for the execution of these plans!

My FF and I live in Switzerland (FFe is German and I am American) and we want to marry at the Heidelberg castle in Summer 2009. We''ve visited, and its just perfect!

His family is all in Germany, and my parents and close friends will all gladly travel to this beautiful city! There is, however, a large extended community of people in my hometime in America with whom we want to celebrate.We want to have a big reception in America....sort of an old vintage theme with black and white photos from our castle wedding. The reception in American means that we have to plan most of it while we are there visiting over 4 week this summer.

Here begin the questions:
1. If you flew to Europe from America to see a wedding (close family or very close friend) and a fun weekend of events was planned (tours, boat trips, etc) if you were offered to have a seriously gourmet 4 or 5 course meal by a top chef in an authentic restaurant, would you be disappointed that there was not a typical ''reception.'' (DJ, first dance, bouquet tosses, and the like)
OR
Would you want a buffet meal in a BEAUTIFUL authenic old room with maybe a pianist (or DJ).

The group will be 25-30

2. How should the invitations be done? (ack?) Should the European portion and the American portion be together in an invite with seperate RSVP cards, knowing that most americans won''t come to europe?

Should they be written seperately, stating that the wedding is for family only and that a reception for all family and friends will follow in the USA- more eloquently, of course!

3. ENGAGEMENT PARTY QUESTION
Can we have a party in Switzerland, knowing that we are having a destination wedding and that we cant invite anyone here. No gifts necessary, of course.

We want to have an engagement party this summer in America. Considering that we are having a small ''destination wedding,'' is it okay to invite people to the engagement party who are invited to the American reception, but not the actual ceremony in Europe?


Sorry if this is confusing, and I greatly appreciate any input you can give. You ladies seem to always have good solutions! Thanks in advance!

1) I would probably go for the buffet in the beautiful room with music/dancing etc

2) Separate invitations - FI and I are having a wedding for close friends and family and then a party for other friends/colleagues etc a week later, we are sending 2 separate invitations.

3) I think it would depend on the timeline. eg. FI and I got engaged 24/12/06, our wedding is on 26/07/08 and we held our engagement party on 14/02/07, which was far enough in advance that it wasn''t a problem to invite people without them expecting an invitation to the wedding - they will all be invited to the drinks party though.

 

[glueck]

Thanks for your reply Pandora. It seems having 2 different guest lists for wedding and reception is not uncommon... WHEW! I am really loving the idea more and more

(and the whole idea of 2 dresses sets in....how great!)