Wedding planning woes

[maddie80]

I need some help from you ladies....

My fiance and I are hot in the middle of wedding planning and we went ahead and put down a deposit to hold a date at a wedding site. I am starting to have major second thoughts about the cost and stress of planning a big wedding with all of our family and friends. We originally wanted to go elope and do a destination wedding, but somehow talked ourselves into a ''small'' wedding here. The more I work on our budget and think about how crazy it will be, I am regretting our choice!

Would it be horrible to change my mind again? We have already informed both of our parents of the date. I do not think any travel plans have been made yet. Our parents are supportive, and think we should do what makes us happy and keeps us out of debt, but I am worried that it would really hurt their feelings if we just decided to go somewhere else. (I do not think they would come if we went to Hawaii or some island.)

Any advice?

 

[Skylah]

Could you just be stressed out? Maybe if you and your fiance take a few days off, totally off, from wedding planning you guys will be able to make the decision that is right for you.

When you and your future husband think back to your wedding day many years from now, how do you want to remember it? I think that''s your answer.

 

[E B]

I completely agree with Skylah. Cool down and don't think about the wedding for a couple of days. And remember, it's just one day. It's just a party. It's a celebration of the two of you being married. What would your ideal party be like? Plan accordingly.

 

[Tybee]

Listen,
Even a destination wedding can be stressful, sometimes even more stressful! (Seriously, check out the destination wedding board on theknot.)
So planning stress is just par for the course. You need to think about what is best for you, your FI, and your families. If my family couldn''t make it to my destination wedding, I wouldn''t have one.

 

[Caribou]

I think you need to figure out what is best for you and your FI. Then you think about who are the most important people that you want to be at your wedding (i.e., parents, sibling, grandparents)...if they can make a destination wedding than go for it, it they can''t than I would rethink it.

I also agree with everyone. First take a couple days off planning...and just reminding yourself that it''s one day in an entire lifetime. A day where a year from now, you won''t remember the little details and maybe even the bigger details. So take some deep calming breathes when you feel stressed out and over whelmed.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

I''m also in agreement with everyone else. Take a break from the wedding planning, and go have some fun dates with your FI! THEN make up your mind. Whatever you do, don''t make any spur-of-the-moment decisions!

 

[selflove]

I think you could still keep it small. Just have immediate family and closest friends. Not too much about that should be stressful, right? Keep it to like 20-30 people and just have a small intimate dinner after the ceremony. You don''t have to have a destination wedding to keep it small.

Regardless of what you decide, it won''t be horrible.

 

[CareBear]

madeleine, have you set a budget for your wedding? I think that''s the first thing you need to do. For me at least, keeping out of debt is the most important. There are ways to have a great wedding without spending the big bucks.

As for destination wedding, if you are able to save a lot of money on the wedding itself, maybe you can use some of the money saved to fly your parents out to hawaii?

 

[maddie80]

Thanks for all the advice, sorry it''s taken me so long to get back. We are still debating! We are in a kind of unique situation with our planning. I am leaning away from doing anything with our families because my side of the family is majorly disfunctional! My father and I are not in contact and my mother has problems with major depression, and unfortunately does not always do well with large events. It may make the whole thing pretty miserable... On the other hand, I don''t want to offend my FI''s parents by excluding them. I also don''t want to have a wedding that I regret.... Help....

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/29/2006 1:28:14 PM
Author: madeleine
Thanks for all the advice, sorry it''s taken me so long to get back. We are still debating! We are in a kind of unique situation with our planning. I am leaning away from doing anything with our families because my side of the family is majorly disfunctional! My father and I are not in contact and my mother has problems with major depression, and unfortunately does not always do well with large events. It may make the whole thing pretty miserable... On the other hand, I don''t want to offend my FI''s parents by excluding them. I also don''t want to have a wedding that I regret.... Help....

That''s a tough situation to be in.

We are having a bigger wedding than we would like for our mom''s and my grandma. My mom really hurt my feelings the other day and I just really would like to say screw the big wedding....but it''s too late for us. So I think doing what will make you happiest should be top prioity than if you talked to his parents about your dilemma they could help. Maybe they will be okay with you have a DW....or maybe they will give you some suggestions to make everyone happy.

 

[sydneycasandra]

madeleine-

If it makes you feel any better, we changed our wedding location 4 (almost 5) times. From my parent''s house, to his sisters house (100 miles away) to Thailand to Antigua (but between Thailand and Antigua it was almost one of the Sandals @ St. Lucia... I think I''m really glad that didn''t happen!)

And pretty much everyone we know has lived through all four choices with us; they probably think we''re nuts but you have to do what works for you. Good luck!

 

[maddie80]

Thanks for all the advice, ladies. Antigua - it''s good to hear that I am not the only one who keeps "replanning" our wedding ! I''m definitely heartsick over the whole issue. I love my FI and I do not want for him to have to suffer through the stress of a family feud wedding that I do not even want. But on the other hand, I am worried that we might be in for even more trouble if we go off and get married by ourselves and then come back to angry parents.... But then at least we would have our wedding day for us! I''ve always dreamed of a quiet, intimate ceremony on the beach, but when I look at my mom I know it would make her sad to not be there.

 

[flutterby]

I feel you. We are in the middle of planning our August wedding in Vegas. Didnt want to even spend 10k, its almost double that now. The stress is causing so much stress. He keeps saying we should just run to Jamiaca, and at this point, it is almost worth losing all the deposits!

Yes, it probably is the stress, and I''m sure the wedding will be great. But no one tells you how hard it all will be.