Wedding rehearsal dinners...ARGH!

[DonaBella]

My husband and I are the parents of the groom and since this will be our first child getting married, we are quite new to who does what and so forth. When we got married, we did not have a wedding rehearsal dinner so my hubby is kind of reacting to all the items he is to pay for with more than a bit of resentment...to say the least.

First of all, our future DIL has NOT made another request about the rehearsal dinner except that it would be nice to have a seperate room from the rest of the restaurant, which I agree with. I personally want this to be a nice, memorable and hopefully not too pricey affair that sets the standards for what we might do for our other kids when they marry.

Husband and I both liked a restaurant that wasn''t too far from where the wedding is taking place...at Tivoli Terrace in Laguna Beach. A knowledgeable friend of my husband pointed out that he saw the concern--outside of not having a seperate room--would be the beach crowd that would wander in and become a part of our event simply by being in the restaurant. I thought this was a good point with merit.

My hubby saw the prices and liked the place, based more on that and vicinity to the wedding site. The food was really good. The other place I REALLY want is located a little farther away--Newport Beach--and has everything we want or need but costs about 1/3rd more.

I need some help here...What am I to do? Also, wouldn''t be best to include the BF/GF of the members of the wedding party have to come to the wedding rehearsal dinner too, or how does one handle that? My DH is really a serious pinch penny sort of guy and is getting really stressed out over this...now, I am!

HELP!

 

[selflove]

I see your dilemma but I think "keep it simple", as long as your son and FDIL will be happy with the restaurant choice. So if it were me, I''d keep it closer to the wedding site so people are inconvenienced the least amount.

As for bringing SO''s of the bridal party, I guess that depends on whether or not they plan to be at the actual rehearsal. If they are locals and don''t want to hang out at the church for the rehearsal, then I don''t think they should be included in the rehearsal dinner. If people came from out of town and therefore have their SO''s with them at the rehearsal, then by all means, let them come to the dinner.

Like my dad told me many months ago when we started planning the wedding: "If someone is travelling to your wedding, you darn well BETTER expect that we''re letting them bring a guest." And that is the philosophy I have tried to apply throughout the planning.

 

[chickflick]

Can the restaurant in Laguna Beach separate you all somehow, like move your table to a corner of the room or something? I know it all gets very expensive, but this dinner is kind of your family''s chance to make a great impression on everyone so which restaurant do you think would make the very best impression? I''ve been to Newport Beach on business and it seemed like there were so many great restaurants around that I''m sure there''s one that''s just right!!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/20/2006 7:39:30 PM
Author: selflove
I see your dilemma but I think ''keep it simple'', as long as your son and FDIL will be happy with the restaurant choice. So if it were me, I''d keep it closer to the wedding site so people are inconvenienced the least amount.

As for bringing SO''s of the bridal party, I guess that depends on whether or not they plan to be at the actual rehearsal. If they are locals and don''t want to hang out at the church for the rehearsal, then I don''t think they should be included in the rehearsal dinner. If people came from out of town and therefore have their SO''s with them at the rehearsal, then by all means, let them come to the dinner.

Like my dad told me many months ago when we started planning the wedding: ''If someone is travelling to your wedding, you darn well BETTER expect that we''re letting them bring a guest.'' And that is the philosophy I have tried to apply throughout the planning.

Thanks SO much Selflove...

I definitely feel that keeping everything simple is the best way. My husband about lost it when he found out about the necessity to stay in Laguna Beach overnight. Our FDIL explained to me that with all the before ceremony pictures that are being done on the beach and the hair/makeup prep alone, there really is no other way. The wedding is being held on May 29th, which is Memorial Day weekend, so there will be alot of traffic to and from any beachy area.

My thinking is yes, it is perhaps alot to prepare for...spending the night in LB and packing our clothes, yada, yada...but if something is forgotten at a hotel room rather than home in Riverside, we are more likely to be able to run and get it with less stress.

I guess his(my husband) take on all this is ''there has to be a better and cheaper way...'' He doesn''t hide his overwhelming desire to not spend very much $ on this or any wedding. I respect that---to a point. First of all, its NOT our wedding. For us--he and I--we can compromise costs because it only affects he and I...but this is a different kind of event and I feel it says alot about us, whether we are ''into'' that concern or not...am I wrong here?

I appreciate your comments, Selflove...thank you!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/20/2006 9:44:09 PM
Author: chickflick
Can the restaurant in Laguna Beach separate you all somehow, like move your table to a corner of the room or something? I know it all gets very expensive, but this dinner is kind of your family''s chance to make a great impression on everyone so which restaurant do you think would make the very best impression? I''ve been to Newport Beach on business and it seemed like there were so many great restaurants around that I''m sure there''s one that''s just right!!

The restaurant does not have any way to really lasso off just our area and we are subject to having other diners involuntarily be a part of our family event, which is very much a concern and uncomfortable for me.

And thank you for stating what I had been thinking, about how this IS our family''s one big shot at making a majorly important impression!

I am not really a person who is constantly thinking or seeking after other''s approval, but this is not an everyday thing for our family and it is our first child to marry. Like any mom, I want it to be so nice, so memorable and pleasant.

I told my DH on the phone today of how important I view this choice, but he seems to be more concerned that he hasn''t seen our FDIL''s wedding planner of what is happening next and what is expected of us, etc. I told him I that that if he really wants to know more, HE needs to ask more. I also cautioned him that while he is in this anxious, snappy state to NOT talk to our sweet FDIL, but rather, to our son. I further cautioned him to rephrase his inquiries so that would be more congenial, hopefully...I wasn''t trying to tell him what to say, but to be aware of his state and the way he might end up coming across.

The Villa Nova restaurant in Newport Beach says class all the way...and the drive is not that far from the wedding rehearsal site really. They are willing to work with us on an appeasing menu for the kiddies in our group and have an elevator for my husband''s elderly mother who will be in town for the wedding. Parking is by valet and is complimentary.The first restaurant has underground free parking, no elevator--but a few stairs to climb. The food we ate at this restaurant was very yummy and my midori margarita had my looped before I knew what hit me. They are also very nice and very family oriented...but no seperate room and since they are a strong walk not too far from the beach, I was warned about beachcombers coming in and involuntarily being included.

Ohhhh...Gosh, I don''t want to make my DH angry but the first restuarant is just not going to work, I feel, for this event...I did tell him on the phone(on the second or third call he placed to me today) that the more I think about it, the more I feel drawn to a seperate room for the significance of this special dinner, so he is plenty aware. He just doesn''t want any more surprises. First, it was 25 or so people, now its 32. He is way bent out of shape if we even try to include the 3 SO that belong to members of the wedding party...fine, whatever!

I love him, but this is SO embarrassing. I mean, I agree that we need to have a sit down with our son and get to the meat of everything that is going on, but if it''s not handled with the right inflection and attitude, its a bust! I KNOW my son and husband!

Part of me wants to just forget the whole damn thing and I told him(DH) so. I said that if we cannot come together on this very VERY soon, there will be NO options and it will be too uncomfortable to host! I mean, I still have the open house to arrange the food for and I can''t even think about that till this is settled...

Thank you for responding and saying what I was feeling and hearing in my head...it helps alot...

 

[firebirdgold]

I don''t suppose telling your DH that he should just be grateful it''s a son and not a daughter who''s marrying would help?

Just think of paying for all the rest of the wedding!

Yeah, ok. not very helpful.

I hope there''s some nice restaurant in Laguna Beach that will work for you. Some places have their dining areas broken up to give it a more intimate feel. With that many people you could probably just take over a section like that. Or one thing to consider is simply renting out a small restaurant.

 

[ky6]

I personally have not been through the rehearsal yet, but I do think being seperated from the rest of the diners is the way to go. Often there may be toasts at this event and being smack in the middle of an open restaurant would not be conducive to that. That is just my opinion.

 

[lovelylulu]

Good luck deanna!

I know that these sorts of things can get sticky, but seriously, though wren was joking, i do think she is making a good point -- about not having to pay for the actual wedding. if you think about it, it''s completely arbitrary now that we''ve moved beyond the days of requiring a dowry to make the bride''s family have to foot the bill -- i would softly let your husband know that his wallet isn''t going to be taking near the hit of FDIL''s family...

for us, we are making our guest travel to VT and most of them will be coming from NY. We want to acknowledge the fact that they are going out of their way to share in our celebration by trying to be over inclusive, particularly with the rehearsal dinner. we want as many people as possible who travel up on the friday night before the wedding to come to the dinner-- regardless of whether they''ll be at the church rehearsing -- therefore we''re opting not to have a fancy dinner, but instead more of a casual BBQ style event. we''re going to be having a formal wedding reception, so we want the night before to be more of a laid back party -- hamburgers, chicken, etc. it also saves our out of towners from having to figure out a meal...

i really wouldn''t worry about the "impression" i don''t think it''s so much the venue, but the group of people and the mood that is set. i would definately recommend having a seperate room, because i really think that will go a long way towards making it a special, memorable and personal evening!

enjoy your son''s wedding!!!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/21/2006 9:58:56 AM
Author: lovelylulu
Good luck deanna!

I know that these sorts of things can get sticky, but seriously, though wren was joking, i do think she is making a good point -- about not having to pay for the actual wedding. if you think about it, it''s completely arbitrary now that we''ve moved beyond the days of requiring a dowry to make the bride''s family have to foot the bill -- i would softly let your husband know that his wallet isn''t going to be taking near the hit of FDIL''s family...

for us, we are making our guest travel to VT and most of them will be coming from NY. We want to acknowledge the fact that they are going out of their way to share in our celebration by trying to be over inclusive, particularly with the rehearsal dinner. we want as many people as possible who travel up on the friday night before the wedding to come to the dinner-- regardless of whether they''ll be at the church rehearsing -- therefore we''re opting not to have a fancy dinner, but instead more of a casual BBQ style event. we''re going to be having a formal wedding reception, so we want the night before to be more of a laid back party -- hamburgers, chicken, etc. it also saves our out of towners from having to figure out a meal...

i really wouldn''t worry about the ''impression'' i don''t think it''s so much the venue, but the group of people and the mood that is set. i would definately recommend having a seperate room, because i really think that will go a long way towards making it a special, memorable and personal evening!

enjoy your son''s wedding!!!

Thanks lovely!

I did take the liberty to pull up on the web a section that states the financial responsibilities of both sides in a wedding. I wasn''t me saying it so it was better received by my DH. And yes, I made sure he saw and read the bride''s family''s contribution and how extensive it really is. DH soon came to the understanding that what he really wants---and I do agree--is for both us to sit down with our son and have it detailed out what events are coming up, what exactly is he or anyone expecting from us financially and whether or not we can say yes to those expectations.

I REALLY like the bbq idea and quite frankly, I would LOVE to do that with the kind of folks we all are, but we do not really have that option.

Upon our discussing things more, we didn''t get any closer to choosing a restaurant, but I feel my DH grew to understand a smidgen more that there is an expectation. I also agree about the whole impression thing to a degree. My husband honestly thought---until I exoanded a little on things---that he could go to the rehearsal in jeans, t shirt and comfort shoes or flip flops! I about screamed, but I didn''t. I tried to gently tell him that irregardless of where we go to dine, we would wear casual dressy attire. I even said that no suitcoat or tie would be needed, but more along the lines of what he currently was wearing...nice dress slacks, approp. shoes and belt, and nice shirt. He just looked at me kind of disillusioned, but imformed. He came to understand in our conversation that he really didn''t expect or need to look at our FDIL''s wedding planner, but just wanted no more surprises that he is automatically financially or otherwise obligated to. He gave an excellent example.

DH said if he took his car in to get the brake pads changed and he came back and found out that the garage also worked on the axles and other associated problems without clearing it with him, and expected payment for it, he''d be livid. THAT made sense to me and I told him so. He feels, and I agree once again, that our son the perspective groom, needs to get with us and clear up some of the fog.

Thanks again for helping!

 

[DonaBella]

Today, I plan on calling a couple more places to possibly consider for this dinner. I also plan to say something to our son since I see him or talk to him more during the day than my DH does. SInce it is more something that needs to be done with both of us, should I leave it alone or am I helping things along?

I honestly feel better now hearing from some of you...I was beginning to really freak out!

In fact, I arranged for a massage for myself to help de-stress me. It was worth every cent...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Don''t freak out about it. I really, really think it is important to include the dates of their wedding party. FI has been in two weddings and I was invited to both rehearsal dinners. Both were out of town weddings too so how akward would it have been for me to be alone in a strange city while FI went alone to the RD.

I agree that Groom''s parents (traditionally) get off light compared to the Bride''s family. I am really lucky that my future in-laws really increased their budget and are going above and beyond my expectations. We are doing our RD in a private room at a local restaurant (on the lake!!! So excited). FMIL really, really wanted a private room. Maybe you could look into local hotels. Lots of time hotels do different food stations which are much cheaper than sit-down meals. I think it is really nice to try to have either a private room or seperate area so you can have your privacy! I think doing it at your home would also be nice (your pool looks amazing). Maybe you could get it catered. 25-32 people is a pretty small amount so you should be fine. Good luck. Let us know what you decide.

 

[lovelylulu]

Glad your feeling more relaxed!

I definately agree that you and your husband should talk openly and honestly with your son about what he sees as your financial obligations towards this wedding!

our BBQ is actually being held at a restuarant. We''re going to have a private back room that opens out into a lovely patio/garden. so, the setting is actually really pretty and appropriate, it''s just the food that''s casual and inexpensive

 

[ky6]

Deanna-
It sounds to me like the wedding day is already packed pretty full, but I thought I''d throw out another cost-cutting suggestion. FI and I are doing a rehearsal breakfast/brunch. Our ceremony isn''t until 7 pm that night and my first getting ready appointment won''t be until about 2 or so. We are meeting at our ceremony location at 9 for a one-hour (hopefully not really that long) rehearsal, then we are heading to a nearby luxury boutique hotel where we have a downstairs dining room reserved for our breakfast. It is saving us a huge amount of money (especially considering alcohol is not needed at breakfast). It also is much more convenient for our out of town guests and allows us to include SO''s if needed. Just an option.

 

[selflove]

I agree with Lulu...the meeting of the people and the event itself is much more important than the "impression" you make. We are going casual as well, and I think FI and I are paying for the dinner since his parents are European and don''t go by the same payment-traditions as us, plus they are paying for our reception in Slovenia so we''re not asking them to pay for the rehearsal dinner in LA. We are just going to El Torito on the Redondo Beach Pier (which is actually over the water, on stilts, with fabulous views) and we chose that b/c it''s realistic for FI and I to pay for, b/c of the fab views of the ocean for most of the RD guests who will be from out of town, it''s very close to where everyone will already be staying in hotels. We won''t have a private room but we have asked them to put up some privacy screens and they said they''d see what they can do. I don''t know if a privacy screen(s) would be acceptable to you at LB restaurant but certainly that will keep out the beach riff-raff.

I feel for you having this battle with your DH. Is there any way YOU can just pay for this, like put it all on your credit card, tell him not to worry about it, that you are handling it all, and then have this battle later when the bill comes? (I think my parents would be having the same issues as you, if not for my mom having her own checking account!)

And you mentioned in a way previous post about getting a hotel room in LB the night before the wedding, I absolutely support that! There''s NO WAY on a holiday weekend you want to be driving from Riverside to LB. Oh my god, just thinking about that traffic stresses my brain!

 

[DonaBella]

I appreciate everyone''s help and suggestions! I am actually contacting a couple of more relaxed type restaurants, one which is seafood and steak type of place that caters to a more family style casual ambience. I saw it on the web and have a bit more time during the day to attend to finding out about that and one other italian family style place.

The plain fact is that all and all, what matters is not the place but more the feeling that is there. I want a seperate room irregardless of where we do this and pretty much that is my personal stipulation. The rest is no big deal to me. If one of these other two options work, than that will be just fine.

I think including the SO''s of the 3 people who have them is no big deal to me. It will especially not be a big deal if the price of the rest of this is low and everything else works. My husband just plain doesn''t "get it" on that one.

I had my regular therapist appt. today and even she said I was doing too much and I need to let what happens happen---to a certain extent. The part about including SO''s she didn''t have a view one way or the other.

Quite honestly, I considered another option. I realize my new option may not work but here it is...What about doing the rehearsal dinner on the following night, which is a Saturday, and have it at a place closer to home where I could for sure keep the costs low and people wouldn''t have to travel so far afterwards, especially if they drink, which I know several will...Is that not a good choice? What do you think? I realize it means everyone will need to reassemble for it, but is it worth considering?

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/21/2006 11:19:42 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Don''t freak out about it. I really, really think it is important to include the dates of their wedding party. FI has been in two weddings and I was invited to both rehearsal dinners. Both were out of town weddings too so how akward would it have been for me to be alone in a strange city while FI went alone to the RD.

I agree that Groom''s parents (traditionally) get off light compared to the Bride''s family. I am really lucky that my future in-laws really increased their budget and are going above and beyond my expectations. We are doing our RD in a private room at a local restaurant (on the lake!!! So excited). FMIL really, really wanted a private room. Maybe you could look into local hotels. Lots of time hotels do different food stations which are much cheaper than sit-down meals. I think it is really nice to try to have either a private room or seperate area so you can have your privacy! I think doing it at your home would also be nice (your pool looks amazing). Maybe you could get it catered. 25-32 people is a pretty small amount so you should be fine. Good luck. Let us know what you decide.

I like the option of using our pool and our backyard...

...but I definitely would want it to be a catered event...This could be done on the early evening of the following day(Saturday, the 27th of May). I realize that means people would need to reassemble but its worth a shot...right?

 

[flopkins]

Ok I didn''t really read all the responses but I just want to pipe in and say that I don''t think it''s absolutely necessary to have a separate room for the rehearsal dinner. In fact I don''t think I''ve ever been to one that has been. One was at a really casual local spot w/loads of pasta... we had a whole section in the back of the restaurant to ourselves, and it was totally fine. Yes, there were other customers, but it didn''t bother us in the least!

My own RD is going to be shared space also, although my mom got them to reserved the ''window'' tables in the upstairs - there will still be other guests there but there won''t be any traffic thru our area...

I don''t know the layouts of the places you''re thinking of, but depending on the space, if you can get an area to yourself it''s not such a big deal IMO.

And, I think casual places are fun too - gives a more relaxed feel and ppl don''t have to feel so ''on top of things'' for the whole weekend.

I would do the rehearsal dinner the same day as the rehearsal, whenever that is - not sure if that''s Fri or Sat, but you don''t really want to re-congregate folks... you''re likely to lose a bunch of them!

And, we are also inviting SO of all the bridal party... I was worried about that simply bc of space but it''s fine, we are planning to put them to work even though they''re not officially helping out... heheh...

 

[DonaBella]

UPDATE...After further discussion and checking out our options, my son and husband discussed the whole dilemma and came up with a great alternative. We are going to host the wedding rehearsal dinner at our home in our backyard. The event will be catered and more than likely I will need to rent some tables--two--and some chairs, but it will be fine.

What led to this decision was multifold. Our son and his FI are having their respective bachelor and bachelorette parties the night of the rehearsal so we wouldn''t be able to have the dinner that night anyways. That meant that we would need to move the dinner to the following night or early afternoon. This worked out so much better!

Late last night, I found out that my estranged parents are coming out to the wedding and will be here for the wedding rehearsal dinner so that means that we would need to add them to the quantity of people we already planned on...which is totally fine now without concern for cost!

This also means no reason to exclude SO''s of those in our wedding party. I am considering either a place that caters with bbq type foods or maybe catered mexican. I cannot tell you how much relief this is...

We may still have just a family dinner or brunch, but this is a great solution--I feel--to a extraordinary event in our family. Plus...now the focus and energies can be spent on the yard, flowers, the pool to ready it for this event as well as the open house we will also host on June 3rd for the young couple. There will be quite a few people that will not be able to make the wedding or reception due to the distance so they will be afforded the opportunity to come, join with us with food and congratulate the young couple...

Boy, will I ever sleep good when this is over! Also, my hairstylist has mentioned to me that she has a couple of fellow hairstylists to do the bridal hair and makeup! I was up against a fence with the wedding being held on a mjor holiday...

Just thought I would give everyone the latest on this...problem solved! YEAH!

 

[selflove]

Regarding having the rehearsal dinner the following night (Sat) close to your home, I think it really matters where a lot of the people are staying. If they are coming from out of town and staying in Laguna Beach area, then asking them to drive all the way to Riverside is a lot to ask, IMHO. Especially b/c they may have other things they''d like to do (go to Disneyland, for example) and if they have to shorten their plans to get to the dinner in Riverside that would be a little annoying. Annoying for the locals too, who probably don''t want to spend every evening of their Memorial Weekend involved in wedding events.

I say keep the rehearsal dinner immediately following the rehearsal on Friday night and keep it close to the church or wherever you''re doing the rehearsal. Then let everyone play and do their own thing on Saturday.

Just my $.02.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Yeah I am glad it all worked out!!!

 

[DonaBella]

Well, I jumped too quick to "I am happy that''s over with!" land...

I spoke to my son regarding the shift in plans my husband shared with me and found out it isn''t QUITE like hubby said. It turns out my son has alot of out of town buddies he wants to spend time with immediately after the rehearsal and so he is planning on spendiing time with his buddies that night...which appears lame and selfish to me.

I haven''t spoken to my FDIL so I have clue how this is sitting on her but I am now being told that the next day, the 27th of May, everyone will be included for the rehearsal dinner at my house, which I am fine with.

My take on this is that it is screwy...for the out of town guests, for us as a family, and I have no idea if this is going to hurt his grandmothers and his grandfather, not to mention my brother, his wife, their kids...I think my husband got his wires mixed up, my son is NOT thinking of how this is going to affect others and--hello--he IS having his bachelor party and its on April 15th---NOT the day of the rehearsal as my DH stated. I am fuming because it sounds messed up to me! m I wrong here?!

Since we have never had this whole entire experience, I wanted things to be smooth and not cause too many ruffled feelings. Hell, my folks just started talking to me--my dad in particular--THIS WEEK. After a misunderstanding last June, my dad stopped talking to me over the whole thing and it hurt so bad. Now this? And maybe risking another situation to happen???!!!

Help!!!

 

[DonaBella]

Is there no one out there who is willing to comment on this???!! Please?

 

[firebirdgold]

Ok, that's totally messed up! Rehearsal ---> Rehearsal dinner. Can't he hang out with his friends afterwards? It sounds like you're getting pulled in multiple directions. And I'm confused, are you now having the dinner after the wedding? I was kinda under the impression that the dinner was mainly to thank all the people who are in the rehersal, and a pre celebration.
Enlist your fdil's help. She's probably the only one at this point who can put her foot down with your son on this subject. Plus you're basically tossing the problem back in her lap, which is really where it belongs. It's her and your son's wedding, not yours.


ETA: Sorry for the delay, for some reason I haven't gotten any pricescope emails since yesterday.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/25/2006 9:11:56 PM
Author: Wren
Ok, that''s totally messed up! Rehearsal ---> Rehearsal dinner. Can''t he hang out with his friends afterwards? It sounds like you''re getting pulled in multiple directions. And I''m confused, are you now having the dinner after the wedding? I was kinda under the impression that the dinner was mainly to thank all the people who are in the rehersal, and a pre celebration.
Enlist your fdil''s help. She''s probably the only one at this point who can put her foot down with your son on this subject. Plus you''re basically tossing the problem back in her lap, which is really where it belongs. It''s her and your son''s wedding, not yours.


ETA: Sorry for the delay, for some reason I haven''t gotten any pricescope emails since yesterday.

Thanks Wren for chiming in...I was beginning to wonder if anyone had any sort of ideas!

Well...here is the latest. We met with my son and FDIL tonight and so far, here it is. Friday, the 26th of May, is the wedding rehearsal at 3:30pm. They--son and FDIL--are being told that rehearsal should be about an hour or so. Remember, this is Memorial day weekend when hordes of people head for the beach...any beach. The wedding rehearsal and wedding is being held in Laguna Beach at Tivoli Terrace. We have a HUGE wedding party of 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. Son wants just wedding people to go to this. Fine. Grandparents and others from out of town do not need to travel needlessly from Riverside to Laguna Beach to sweat in the assumed warm weather that will be here then.

When rehearsal is over, say around 4:45pm or 5pm, if traffic coming back to Riverside is nuts, we will hang in Laguna Beach, get some dinner and then get on the freeway. Son and FDIL will hang out with friends and bridal party members.Whatever. We come home and chill and get ready for the following day.

Saturday, 27th of May...We will either host a wedding rehearsal dinner in my backyard that is catered with rented tables and chairs or we will be going to a nice restaurant that will not break the bank cost-wise that will include the wedding party, their SO''s, out of town family and everyone will be happy.

Sunday, 28th of May...We will more than likely have a late brunch with family and skip church. I will be going down with my FDIL, her sister, there mom, and possibly my two daughters to stay in a hotel room to get ready for the following morning of hair and makeup from my friend and hairstylist and two of her fellow hairstylists. Husband will bring sons and come down to Laguna Beach hopefully before pictures have to start at the beach by 12noon to 12:30pm. Pics are at 1pm depending on how quick everyone can get in the shuttle and fight traffic to the beach. Yuck.

After pictures of those other than the bride and groom are taken, we exit into the shuttle to refresh in our hotel room and reapply antiperspirent. Makeup and hair will most likely have to be retouched as well for wedding at 6pm. We have to be at Tivoli Terrace at 5:30pm...no earlier due to policy restrictions. Ceremony MUST start on time cuz pastor has another wedding across the street at another venue. No pressure!

After wedding ceremony, reception will commence and go on till 12 midnight. Husband is insisting on driving home and sending kids to school---sure, like that''s gonna happen!

We will get home somewhere around 2am to 3am...if we are lucky and then there is the unloading of gifts. Please...no one is going to school or work without sleep. The wedding takes place on a Monday so this is going to mess things up just a bit for everyone. One day home to recoup is not a crime...

Now, this is where things are. My biggest concern is to find a restaurant for the meal so that I do not have to clean up at my house.

Whew! I am tired just reading it...

 

[firebirdgold]

Well, I''m not the best person to advise on rehearsal dinners since both my sister and I will be having DW''s.

But when has lack of actual knowledge ever prevented me from having an opinion!
But since the first time I read your post I thought that if I were to have a local wedding the rehearsal dinner would be at Maria''s. They have the perfect combo: inexpensive mexican food, a small private room, and the best margaritas in the world. Maybe there is someplace like that in your area?
Since your fdil isn''t dictating the rehearsal dinner environment, I''d concentrate on someplace with a relaxed and casual feel with a good drink they can serve en masse. It''s basically going to be a relaxed pre-party for the very closest friends and family giving them an opportunity to catch up before the wedding, so the two most important parts are conversation and alcohol! (er, as long as your family is ok with drinking)
Mexican or chinese might be a good way to go. Or even the Olive garden. They usually have their dining areas broken up a bit so with that size party you should be able to arrange in advance a section solely for your party. Have pitchers of margaritas or bottles of house wine on the table to start with, and it should help limit overall alcohol costs. (It prevents people from thinking of ordering alcohol on their own, also make sure the servers don''t ask for drink orders). Having the dinner at an earlier time will also help reduce cost. People will be less hungry, and more importantly, less inclined to drink heavily.
In the end, it''s all about family and friends having fun and talking. Not the food.

 

[Layne]

I''ve been a member of a wedding party that didn''t include SOs and I was very offended. My situation may have been different than what you are facing but I''m all for inviting the SOs.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/26/2006 4:07:51 AM
Author: Wren
Well, I''m not the best person to advise on rehearsal dinners since both my sister and I will be having DW''s.

But when has lack of actual knowledge ever prevented me from having an opinion!
But since the first time I read your post I thought that if I were to have a local wedding the rehearsal dinner would be at Maria''s. They have the perfect combo: inexpensive mexican food, a small private room, and the best margaritas in the world. Maybe there is someplace like that in your area?
Since your fdil isn''t dictating the rehearsal dinner environment, I''d concentrate on someplace with a relaxed and casual feel with a good drink they can serve en masse. It''s basically going to be a relaxed pre-party for the very closest friends and family giving them an opportunity to catch up before the wedding, so the two most important parts are conversation and alcohol! (er, as long as your family is ok with drinking)
Mexican or chinese might be a good way to go. Or even the Olive garden. They usually have their dining areas broken up a bit so with that size party you should be able to arrange in advance a section solely for your party. Have pitchers of margaritas or bottles of house wine on the table to start with, and it should help limit overall alcohol costs. (It prevents people from thinking of ordering alcohol on their own, also make sure the servers don''t ask for drink orders). Having the dinner at an earlier time will also help reduce cost. People will be less hungry, and more importantly, less inclined to drink heavily.
In the end, it''s all about family and friends having fun and talking. Not the food.

Super ideas, Wren!

I plan on acting on checking out a couple of haunts that just might fit the ticket...one of them is a mexican restaurant. Olive Garden, at least the restaurant in the area we first checked out, does NOT reserve rooms or take reservations and was not thrilled with anything close to a wedding rehearsal dinner...but it might of been only that particular Olive Garden too. I am going to check out the one closest to me. The idea of talking ahead to servers to NOT ask folks for drink orders is a good one if pitchers are already provided. I also thought that maybe saying in a little invite or just verbally that the soda pitchers would be included for our guests, which leaves the responsibility of those desiring to have alcohol(and hey, I will for sure...I will have earned a few rounds, don''t cha think?), will be paying for it themselves. It is simply a matter of how it is stated. If you aren''t careful, it comes out cheap, I feel. My DH is not good with conveying tact with issues like this so it will be you-know-who that will be either scripting it for him or just doing it myself.

I also love the idea of starting a tad earlier...say, around 4:45pm or 5pm then the whole thing unless there is dancing available, should wrap at around 8 or so I would think. With kiddies involved, those folks will leave sooner than others...oh, and the grandparents, I guess.

And...I totally agree...this is about family and dear close friends...NOT the food.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 3/26/2006 8:54:59 AM
Author: Layne
I''ve been a member of a wedding party that didn''t include SOs and I was very offended. My situation may have been different than what you are facing but I''m all for inviting the SOs.

Layne,

I SO appreicate you sharing this comment. It is SO hard to convey to both my son and DH on how this pebble they think they are tossing could be foreseen as a boulder. It''s, quite frankly, about cost. The wedding costs, let''s get real here, mount and if someone is not essentially a necessary part of the equation, it is easy to see it as a possible not needed incurred cost. I want our guests to feel welcome for sure, but the best man''s GF and he are on then they are off...back and forth and it is hard to say, "sure, let''s include paying for xxx even though we don''t know if they will be an item by the time of the wedding". To make matters worse on this particular couple, we have had them over--ALOT--at our home in a effort to get to know her better and there is ALWAYS a drama. It is a bit taxing and makes me personally impatient and not wanting to be around her. Nonetheless, since she matters to him, I was willing to bite my tongue and include her. No one...not even the bride and groom cared if she came or not...except her guy...sad.

The other two SO''s...the GF of my 19 year old...is a jewel and I wouldn''t have an issue at all. She is a personality that is super quiet but that blends in with any scenario pretty much. She even said she didn''t want to impose on the whole thing. Hubby has grown to like her, but was resistant to include her cuz of cost. Whatever. I sometimes want to just wring his neck...just...to...make...me...feel...better! No, I won''t hurt him, yet...

The other gal is GF to one of my son''s groomsmen and I have not met her. She really doesn''t care one way or another. She was going to come only cuz the friend was assuming it was all good.

See, the thing is...SO''s in this crowd can be included in the right situation without anybody feeling the sting too bad...THAT is what I am aiming for. But the thought that they should automatically be included is not considering those who are paying for the shindig. If $ is no object, sure, but still in my head...SO''s shouldn''t automatically presume that they are included UNLESS they are engaged or otherwise in a committed relationship, I feel. The flavor of the moment...erh...no.

When I was dating my now husband, I took him with me to my cousin''s wedding. We had not been dating that long and I just wanted to first, not go alone and second, show him off cuz he was fun, sweet and good looking. I immediately regretted taking him--and he regretted going--when almost as soon as we arrived, people started asking when it was going to be US! Yikes! I felt like running as fast as I could OUT...We stayed long enough to be cordial to the happy couple and to particular unavoidable family, but then we bailed. I apologized numerously and he saw I was embarrassed to the ultimate ends and of course, as the story goes, time passed and we eventually did get married...but that event sucked and I would NEVER do it again...ugh.

I am sorry you were insulted...but the people who really need to be at such a function is the actual players of the wedding party. How this is sensitively handled, I do not have the perfect answer. Even out of town guests are not always included. For me, they are, but I have had advice that has told me that even grandparents or an elderly aunt visiting was not necessarily included.

I guess that is why this is so important to me. I DO NOT want to offend anyone, so I am intensely in search of a restaurant or situation that will make that issue dissolve and not be an issue. I like what Wren said. I am a natural pleaser and I won''t feel good about this unless it meets the criterion that equates with me and my family.

Thanks for sharing, though...

 

[mymodog]

I know this is off the subject, but I wanted to thank Layne for posting a picture of my ring!!! I am so flattered. It is the yellow princess cut with two whites on either side! I had lost that picture so I am so happy you have it!!!
Thanks Mymodog

We are planning our rehersal dinner as well. We are only doing beer and wine and maybe one speacialty drink. I have heard that italian restaurants can do a rehersal dinner very reasonably. Also buffets are less expensive.