wedding stress..just need to vent

[glaucomflecken]

hi girls
well some of you may have read my ongoing engagement ring saga posted in "diamond hangout". utterly depressing.

its like every little thing is going wrong lately! my wedding dress came in and had snags on it. its been a month and they still havent fixed it. the bagpiper we booked for our ceremony is no where to be found, phone number disconnected, etc. We had a wedding officiant and then he too left our church without warning, so the church gave me the run around getting someone else to do it. after a month they finally got us in touch with someone. My bridesmaids do nothing but complain about the dresses, how fat they are, they dont want to do this or that, blah blah. Our familes are arguing about "how many people they get to invite" and why this side gets more peoploe blah blah. Only no one has volunteered to pay for any of these extra guests..

and my fiance is being a complete jerk lately! he moved to DC a month ago and I stayed here in Ohio to finish the wedding plans, and I will move out there with him afterwards. He is so unsupportive. I ask him to help with some of the plans and you''d think I asked him to give me his left kidney. And whenever I call him to complain about something or just need moral support, he gets mad about all my "negativity". Im the one though finishing the plans, having to work more to pay the bills we used to share here, and have to work on getting a new job and medical license in DC in the meantime. And I have no family or friends here to help or support me.

Im just so stressed and sad I could cry! I know everyone has wedding troubles so im not trying to pity myself but sometimes its just so frustrating! Sorry to be a downer, just needed to vent since no one else will listen to me! lol

 

[Libster]

I''m sorry you are having such a stressful time and here is a big ((((((hug)))))


Wedding planning itself is stressful and you have a lot more piled on top of that with an upcoming move and finding a new job. You need to stop and take a deep breath. If your FI is anything like my husband, they hate to hear about problems, they just think you should realize what the problem is and fix it...no discussing. Uggghhhh Men, can''t live with them and can''t live without them, well I can''t

Can you have at least one family member to unload some of the wedding follow-ups onto? That would help you some. Ignore the bridesmaids, or just tell them, hey your my friend, it''s my wedding, do it for me! As far as extra guests, you are right on. If either family wants more than their allotted number of guests, no problem, it will cost $$$ per person

Also, it sounds like you need a little R&R time just for you. Book a massage, a manicure, take a yoga class and I''ll be you will start to feel better! Hang in there

 

[Kaleigh]

PNP,
Big hugs from me too!!! I know how stressful everything is for you right now. Things just seem to be going wrong, but that is so part of the process. I know how hard it must be to be appart from your fiancee right now. With all that is going on he is not there and all he must be hearing is your worries. Men just want things solved and they don''t want to hear a whole lot of details. We women we are all about the deatils and want to vent. I am so sorry about your ring with Tacori, I really feel your jeweler needs to take a more aggressive role with them. And as far as the bridesmaids go that is just part of the package. I know that when I picked my bridesmaids dresses my SIL''s complained like crazzy. Just fit in some time for yourself to destress, get a massage, facial or whatever. You are not alone in this. Everyone has been there although for me it''s been a long time. Hang in there and I wish you all the best.

 

[glaucomflecken]

thanks ladies! OOOOH you have my fiance down to a T! I guess he doesnt want to hear the stressed out stuff because I know he loves me and he wants me to be happy and it hurts him when I am sad. I think too he feels guilty for moving and putting extra stress on me.

He DID give me a certificate for a massage before he left, so after this whole Tacori ordeal I think I need to go get it! LOL

I guess the problems I have are good problems to have (even the ring situation because, Im fighting them over diamonds

so I will just try to take a deep breath and one day at a time.

 

[Blue824]

Jeez, when it rains it pours huh?
I''m so sorry to hear about all the drama and stress!
I don''t think your fiance is intentionally being unsupportive. I don''t think a lot of guys really understand what goes into the wedding planning and how much that wears on the planner. I know he''s out of the city, but can he take over any of the tasks? Calling musicians or officiants....something??
A wedding is very time consuming...combine that with moving, job hunts, doing long distance for a little while, and the problems that have popped up, well, that''s just overwhelming! My best piece of advice is to take care of yourself - sleep enough, eat enough, exercise, etc. Take a weekend off and treat yourself to something...whether its just a day or two of lounging and no wedding talk, or going to visit your fiance, or a weekend with your girlfriends. I''m sure it is easier said than done, maybe even a night off will do the trick.

 

[ame]

Dang. Im familiar with the bridesmaid trouble, not from mine but from a friend''s wedding last year. Her sister and I had to tame one particular girl who couldn''t handle the bride not doing what she told her she wanted her to do. And not only this girl, but this girl''s mother. It was anightmare.

I think it sucks you are stuck in this spot and what I think bugs me the most is your fiance''s complete offput of the troubles as being your fault. The fact that he just moved without you and left you with all of this grunt work really bothers me about what could happen inthe future. He sounds like he left you in a lurch. And with the parent''s fighting and not putting up a dime for their fight...man.

You just can''t get a break.

Maybe you should cancel it all and elope?

 

[laughinggravy]

Oh oh Punch - I''m so sorry. All I can say is that it willl all come together, and also that you are being perfectly reasonable, your reactions are fair and it sounds like you are in a tricky spot.

Your bf should be more supportive: was a big wedding your idea/his/both?
Extra guests should be paid for by the parents: are there really quite a few or just one or two? If there are quite a few I would talk to your parents and to your bf. Explain that if it gets really expensive and debt crops up, you''ll both be responsible for paying it off so he should act now and talk the situation through with his parents.

I''d write a list of all the stuff he''s sorted out and done for the wedding and all the stuff you''ve done. Be very honest and then read the list over. Perhaps he has played more of a part that you give him credit for? I know when I panic and feel put upon and exploited, sometimes I under estimate what my dh has been doing too. If you are very sure he''s really been doing darn all, then show him the list and ask him to point ot anything that you have done that was not necessary. Show him that you''re carrying this and that your not getting worried about useless, unimportant stuff, but that a whole lot of important preparations have to be made.

This''ll only work if a big wedding was a mutual idea. If it was you that wanted the big wedding he could point that out to you.

Your bridesmaids: are they friends or were they ''forced'' on you? If they are friends then say to them... I really need you help because I feel like I''m in over my head. They should be contributing to your energy levels not depleting them.

Most importantly, don''t panic, be very sure that haven''t underestimate bf''s role, be scrupulously fair and if he''s not doing enough, you''ve got to tell him.MHO. Stay strong, you can always come and vent here, we''re here for you!

Abi

 

[LollyBear]

>

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. If it's any consolation, my FI is just as bad if not worse. Keep your chin up and think about the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon enough you'll be married, moved and all the stress will be behind you.

ETA: Feel free to vent any time. I have to do it more frequently than I care to admit; it keeps me sane!

 

[mightyred]

Oh, such great advice already.

PunchNPie75, .....anyone with Orlando Bloom as their avatar will immediately get my attention and support!

Weddings are stressful enough without all the other stuff you have on your plate. Take a deep breath.

When I read all you have to deal with my first thought was "Blimey! There is so much going on, it sounds frenetic but she is getting everything done, no matter how it gets done, and she kicks ass!"

When it comes to your bridesmaids and your families , remember, you can't please everyone. It really is your day. Your bridesmaids will get over their insecurities and you are within your rights to limit numbers with your families when you are paying for the wedding. Stand firm.

As for your fiance. I am not sure if you have had any conversation with him along the lines of "sometimes when I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed.....I just need to talk to get things off my chest and vent.....I don't need you to solve or fix anything.....just listen and give me a hug ". I swear it works for me with my other half. In your case, being apart, just let him know you appreciate him just listening. As for planning.Perhaps just treat the wedding like a business and delegate tasks to him with a deadline.....start off small to test the waters! Sometimes guys just need a specific task at a time and direction. That's why they are no good at multi tasking! he he!

If you only take one piece of advice from my input....it's that you are kicking ass right now in all you are trying to do ....and don't forget it!!!