Wedding Timings

[Pandora II]

I went to look round my venue on Saturday with my mother and meet the coordinator, who is not the easiest of people to say the least but not much I can do about that.

I did my utmost to be tactful and nice, but there were a few areas of disagreement.

The main one was on the length of time I have for the cocktails.

My ceremony starts at 3.00pm and I reckon will be finished by 3.40ish by the time we''ve got everyone out.

The ceremony and reception are at the same place so there is no travelling involved.

For the cocktails, I''m doing drinks and afternoon tea style canapes.

I''m hiring a silhouette cutter to come and cut silhouettes of the guest - they cut 2 at the same time so I get one for my guestbook and the guest gets one to take home. I''m also providing 2 croquet sets as there are 2 decent size grass areas on the terrace that would be perfect. There are also ruins and quite large grounds to wander around in.

Now, I am planning on having this part from 3.45pm to 5.50pm, with the reception meal starting at 6pm.

The coordinator thinks this is far too long and that I should start the meal at 5.00pm. Then she wants me to serve a buffet at 9.30 pm (at another $20 a head).

I feel that if people have had lunch at 1pm, then had canapes, then a meal at 5.00pm and more food at 9.30 they will be stuffed silly.

I want to have the reception at 6.00 - 8.30pm and then serve cake at 10.00pm.

She says if I don''t have an evening buffet then it makes then look bad as a venue - now this isn''t a hotel. It''s a boarding school that has 8 dates a year available for weddings (and the coordinator is only available to look round on the second Saturday in the month and not even every month!

), add to that that all my guests are OOT and I really don''t see why it could possibly be a problem for them. Add to that - she has to get back to me on certain things and says she can''t reply for at least 3 weeks maybe longer

.

Am I being silly wanting a 2 hour cocktail hour or is she right?

 

[Independent Gal]

Honestly? I think that sounds like a loooooong day. For guests to socialize for 7 + hours might be asking a little much.

That said, I would absolutely not let the lady bully you into providing a 10pm buffet. Ridiculous! I mean, I can see providing cheese and baguette or something, but another meal? NUTTY!

Is there any way you can start your ceremony later? For example, could you have croquet and snacks and things early, then have the ceremony at 5:00, cocktails at 6 and serve dinner at 7:00 or something? I mean, that way, those of your guests who might find the idea of socializing for 7 hours a little exhausting could just turn up at 5, while those who are eager to see long lost friends and family could come for the afternoon fun at 3.

I think I reach my socializing fun max at 5 hours at a really FANTASTIC party, as I''m sure yours will be. Usually 3.5-4 hrs is my max for having actual fun. And I believe that cutting the cake is teh cue that people are allowed to leave right? So it just seems a little... long.

 

[Pandora II]

Ah, I think UK weddings are maybe quite long then, lots of my friends have expressed surprise that mine will be so short!

Mine ends at midnight starting at 3.00pm; most don't end till 2am, and lots are with an 11am ceremony going through till 2am.

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow! Actually, come to think of it, I recall from my England days (I lived there for a couple of years) that parties DID run quite a lot longer than I was used to! I just remembed an epic one at our house which became known for years to come as ''The All Day Breakfast''. As in almost 24 hours. We went through a lot of eggs (thank god for the ''Spar''). And a LOT of beer.

 

[Gwyn]

I think that 3- midnight is fine. Then again, I must just be used to long weddings. Im from the east coast of America and most weddings I have been to start in the afternoon and end things around midnight-2am as well.

Now that I have moved out to California, however, I find most places just give a 5 hour block (including ceremony). So maybe it is a geographical thing, mostly I just think it is because they want people to purchase extra hours. But who knows, maybe people out here are just into short events.

I think that if you are already serving a meal, a buffet is not needed. She is just trying to sell you something. Most people at weddings do not even eat dessert/cake. Not many people are going to be hungry for a buffet at 9:30pm! Especially after drinking and such, that is just crazy!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hi, Pandora, I was going to mention that it was a little long too, but it seems that it''s completely the norm in the U.K., so I think you should stick with what you want. Is this coordinator and independent coordinator or is it a coordinator that the venue provided? If the latter, she''s probably just trying to squeeze more money out of you. The second buffet seems a bit uneccessary to me. Again, maybe it''s common, but even the most formal weddings I''ve been to don''t have a second buffet. Usually the cocktail hour, dinner and cake (or a dessert bar) is PLENTY!

I''m actually doing something very similar to you: outdoor venue with ceremony and reception with outdoor games during the cocktail hour and after dinner (unless it''s dark by then). My ceremony starts at 4:30, cocktail hour starts at 5, dinner served at 5:45 or 6 at the latest, then we''ll just cut the cake whenever, nothing formal. I''m guessing we''ll cut it at 8 or so.

 

[zoebartlett]

I love your idea of having someone do silhouettes for you and your guests. What a creative (and original) idea!

Actually, to be very honest, I do think that 2 hours is a very long time, too long, to have cocktails. Generally here in the US, the cocktail hour is just that, one hour. After that, dinner (or lunch, typically dinner-type food though) is served. There might be some dancing or toasts done before the meal.

I''d suggest moving the ceremony up to 4:00ish. That way there''s still ample time for pictures, cocktails, and maybe a little dancing before dinner at 6:00. Or you could keep the ceremony at 3:00 and then move dinner down and eat a little earlier.

I''m confused -- why would you have a buffet so late at night, especially when you''ve already had dinner?

I''m sorry if this isn''t what you want to hear. I do think that asking guests (who have all travelled a good distance, perhaps) to wait 2+ hours before eating is too much.

 

[zoebartlett]

I just read the rest of the replies. I didn''t realize that weddings in the UK are actually longer than here in the US. I''m with Indy though, I tend to max out around the 4-5 hour mark at parties or weddings.

(As a total aside and to threadjack for a brief moment, I just realized that I''m considering having a 90 minute boat cruise after my reception, as our way of holding an after party (and in lieu of hosting brunch the next day). I may move that to the following morning, if I do it at all. As I said, I max out earlier than some, I suppose.)