well, its def not going to be for a while...

[larussel03]

So, I thought maybe the E ring would be coming sometime relatively soon...seeing as how bf has the stone and all....nope. I was out to dinner with him last night, and we were talking about people we know who got engaged and he mentioned that he hasnt dont anything yet...not even talked to my dad yet. I am a little dissapointed, although not so suprised. I really thought that maybe he had gotten his act together, but apparently he was too "busy" with his grad school applications. OK, I''d buy that if I didnt see that he was working on them for 1/2 hour a day for so long then rushing at crunch time, so he wasnt really working hard on them for months, more like for a week or two. I just was really hoping to enter into the new year engaged, but who knows when it''ll happen...I really dont want to wait until March or April (when he said he''d propose by).

 

[allycat0303]

Sweetpea, Is he trying to throw you off the trail? He already has the stone which is a huge step. Hang in there, it can''t be that much longer.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 12/30/2005 10:21:59 AM
Author: allycat0303
Sweetpea, Is he trying to throw you off the trail? He already has the stone which is a huge step. Hang in there, it can''t be that much longer.

I dont know....if he is he''s a good liar b/c it totally seems like he hasnt done anything at all. He''s not good at keeping secrets so I think he really hasn''t done anything.

 

[nytemist]

I''m so sorry... I thought you would be very soon. I truly hope he''s further along and playing with you (although it''s a game of torture)

This boat we''re in is getting crowded.

wow- 36 hours from now

 

[larussel03]

yeah, he''d set his own "deadline" as being 6 months away (from October) but it really seemed like it''d be sooner. So while it''s not like he''s not meeting his own deadline, but I was just looking forward to being able to celebrate the holidays engaged.

I''m keeping my fingers crossed for you Nym...what are you guys doing for New Years? Maybe he''ll pop the question then, that''d be such a perfect time!

 

[nytemist]

The past couple of years, we have just stayed at a hotel in the city so we don''t have to deal with driving when it''s crazy. We don''t anything big, just dinner and some bar-hopping.

 

[caligal]

Sweatpea- here''s my experience with men and mulit-tasking.... they don''t do it! And something like filling out aps takes over their WHOLE WORLD! Mine talks about how busy he is with school.... hmmmm not at all like I was when I went! I think if you don''t want to wait until March/April, which was the deadline, you have to negotiate with him. He''ll wait until then, and honestly I don''t think it is because he doesn''t love you with his whole heart. He might just be procrastinator like mine is and I know mine is going to wait until the last minute he can- even though he told me he knew he wanted to marry me when we moved in together (one year ago!). Talk to him girl if it will drive you crazy waiting until spring!

 

[Blue824]

Date: 12/30/2005 1:00:14 PM
Author: caligal
Sweatpea- here's my experience with men and mulit-tasking.... they don't do it! And something like filling out aps takes over their WHOLE WORLD! Mine talks about how busy he is with school.... hmmmm not at all like I was when I went! I think if you don't want to wait until March/April, which was the deadline, you have to negotiate with him. He'll wait until then, and honestly I don't think it is because he doesn't love you with his whole heart. He might just be procrastinator like mine is and I know mine is going to wait until the last minute he can- even though he told me he knew he wanted to marry me when we moved in together (one year ago!). Talk to him girl if it will drive you crazy waiting until spring!

OMG i full heartedly agree! Women are so much better at getting multiple things done at once, and then there is my bf who its like one thing at a time. And I'm like well, if you organized your time a little bit better!!!! it would ALL get done on MY schedule! I get so frustrated with that sometimes! So I can't imagine how frustrating it is now waiting for the ring and seeing him do that with the ring. I also agree that it isn't because he doesn't want to or that he's going to cram it into the last minute. Give him the benefit of the doubt for now...maybe he is going to pull on over on you, or maybe he really did need to get the grad school stuff out of the way before he could put his full attention into the engagement. I'd give him to his deadline before getting truly upset with him...but I am sorry that you have to wait longer than you thought

 

[fatafelice]

Hang in there, SweetPea! I completely agree that men (generally) are bad with time management and will put something off until the last possible moment!

You have two options:

1. Wait and See -- you never know, he could be prepared to do it for New Years! Or Valentine''s Day!
2. Ask -- while it might ruin some of the surprise, letting him know how stressed you are might get his but into gear of it isn''t already.

Good Luck! Let us know how it turns out!

 

[larussel03]

yeah, I think you guys are right...I should just wait it out, I mean, I know he loves me and wants to marry me, but I just wish we could make it official already. He def is not into multitasking his personal life at all...which is wierd since he''s so good at doing it when it''s work or when it was school. I''ll give him till his deadline that he set, but I really hope it happens sooner.

As I''ve said before, I''m so glad I have all of you LIWs!! It makes the waiting so much more bearable to have ppl to go through it with!

 

[jennyt]

You know what? Take his words at face value. If you don''t have any reason to supsect he''s trying to "throw you off the trail," just assume the proposal is coming a little later than you thought. It''s best not to get your hopes up and then come crashing down when it turns out he was being truthful.

As an aside, I got enaged in late January last year and it was a REALLY fun time for it to happen. It was after all of the craziness of the holidays and felt much more low-key and fun. People were also available to get together to celebrate and no one was fatigued from Xmas and New Years. Anyway...just a thought.

Good luck!

 

[Rhapsody]

It seems most guys take the deadline to mean "I don''t have to have it done until X", especially those that procrastinate by nature (which it sounds like your boyfriend does). My boyfriend had a year and a half and he waited until 2 months before his self-set deadline. Although he knew he shouldn''t wait so long he would still get really annoyed when I''d bring it up, although now that we are having problems with the ring being made wrong he wishes he had listened to me when I told him to start in July. Men.

I''m sorry you were disappointed that it didn''t happen for the holidays, I completely sympathize with wanting to have that extra joy to share with friends and family at this time of year. It''ll happen, just try to enjoy the anticipation and not get too frustrated with the wait.

 

[appletini]

sweetpea: be patient..I know that is not what you want to hear, but the guy feels like he need to have have all his ducks in a row, I know my FI wanted to have done it a lot sooner, but he also wanted to be prepared to start our future financially and not be in debt. At least you know he wants to marry you, even though the propsosal and wedding aren''t going to be as soon as you''d like them to be.. *hugs*

 

[larussel03]

Oh no, I just wrote a ton and it went away...oh well, here''s the jist of what it was:

Thanks everyone for the kind words!!

And, yeah while the proposal timing doesnt really affect the wedding (we''re aiming for the first dec sat of either 2007 or 2008, depending on how long it takes us and our parents to save up for the wedding), we''ve had all these conversations about how we''re so ready to take this next step and commit to each other on a higher level.

Although, here''s an update!

Last night (and this morning at breakfast at this cute little bfast place) HE brought up different settings and discussing what I want. I guess that now that his class and applications are over, he''s ready to start investing time in getting our stone set (heirloom diamond from my mom and dad)--you guys are right, boys are not great at multitasking, not like us girls haha

. He''s more into the pave idea, and he''s been working holidays (which means he goes in for 2 or 3 hours on a holiday but they pay him 8 hours time plus time and a half, so he ends up getting paid for 20 hours for every holiday he goes in) to save money, but I think it''d be better for him to get me a plain setting, spend like 200ish rather than 600-900ish, and keep the rest of his money for himself to treat himself, or even just pay off more of his credit card, like he always wants to do. I''m no longer feeling like I need him to propose quickly anymore for a couple reasons. One, he''s shown that he IS really into it and IS going to start working on it, so that to me means almost as much as the proposal b/c it shows that we are committed. The 2nd reason is b/c he said it''ll most likely be within the next two months, latest though by april, in case anything comes up that makes him super busy and distracted. I guess I just needed to hear that it''s important to him as well, bc now I dont feel like I need it right now anymore.

It would have been nice to have it for the holidays, I would have loved to be able to share with all my family and friends that I''m engaged, but I know it''ll be great when it does happen.

 

[Blue824]

I''m glad you feel better about things now!

I know what you mean, when you see how he is also working toward the same goal it makes it a little easier to handle the wait.